New Digs
12:55, 15-Mar-2009
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
.. Link
The transition has been made: http://bebbet2k.efx3.com
Finally Watched the Watchmen
11:54, 8-Mar-2009
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
(best played while reading - 'tis long)
Much has been written and said already about Zac Snyder's adaptation of Watchmen, so I'll try to keep this brief.
Some have said it holds too close to the novel and what works in one medium doesn't work in another. Some have said they've changed too much and lost the essence of the novel. Some have said the casting is off. Some have said Snyder's style is too flashy and much of it is over the top. Some have said it's too baffling to those who haven't read the novel or misses too much to appease the long-term and passionate fans.
I agree.
To a degree...
Yes, a lot of the dialogue is patchy and brimming with exposition - better suited to a comic than a film - but then, it was no different with Sin City ("She smells how angels aughta smell...") and is forgivable if delivered right...which it wasn't always. Malin Akerman in particular struggled quite a bit, but I don't think that was entirely down to the script. She also features in one of the most comically out of place soft-core porno scenes ever committed to film. I realise the fetishistic appeal of putting on a costume to fight crime had to be highlighted, but it ran about a minute too long (which, in non-porn movie sex scenes, is a long time). Fortunately, the punch-line took some of the cringe-worthy edge off.
In terms of what they did change, the biggest question has hung over the absence of the ‘squid’ in the climax. I understood the reasoning behind this when I first heard about it - again, it goes back to the whole ‘what works in a comic might not work in a film’ thing - but it looked from the trailers that they’d gone for a straight up nuclear catastrophe, which worried me as it would completely undermine the point of Moore’s chosen disaster. Fortunately, this isn’t the case and the new idea works within in the context of the film, without missing the point from the book (though the aftermath is taken in a slightly different direction that isn’t quite as strong).
Along with Akerman, the only other questionable piece of casting was Matthew Goode as Ozymandias. The fact is, Ozymandias is a an imposing man in his 40s, with a perfect physique. Goode is a slim man barely out of his 20s whose costume is moulded to represent a perfect physique. However, physical shortcomings aside, Goode plays the part beautifully. He has wisdom beyond his years, is always cool and calculating and is absolutely believable as the world’s smartest man.
The rest of the casting is perfect, in particular Jackie Earl Haley as Rorschach. He’s the most enjoyable character to read in the book and Haley makes him the most enjoyable character to watch in the film.
(so much for keeping this brief)
Snyder’s direction is also pitch perfect, for the most part. The aforementioned sex scene may have been drawn out, but a certain precursor to it, that could have been equally as cringe-inducing, was handled with surprising subtlety. The action, though extreme (and ridiculous) at times, fits in with the context of the film, with only a fleeting reliance on wire-work. The gore may have been out of place, but helped to contrast against the heroes’ now quiet lives, most notably in a scene where Laurie (Silk Specter II) and Dan (Nite Owl II) are accosted by (beat living snot out of) a ten-strong gang. And kudos to him for mostly restraining his love of slow-motion.
As for the question of whether the film will baffle new-comers or disappoint fans, that’s really down to the individual. The introductory montage set to Dylan’s Desolation Row does a decent job of filling in some of the back-story, but the plot still plays out in quite a jumpy fashion. It also feels like it’s moving at a snail’s pace, at times, though that is fortunately made up for.
Personally, I loved it. A brilliant and complex story, told with love (if not always with skill), and an entertaining visual feast.
I’d also like to give a quick nod to My Chemical Romance at this point. Though I enjoyed their cover of Desolation Row, I failed to see the point of it - it’s a fast, heavy-ish scream-fest that could frankly have been a cover of anything - but when it explodes into the film's closing credits, it all makes sense.
**EDIT**
The film actualy opens with Dylan's The Times They Are a-Changing.
This Place Seems Oddly Familiar...
12:34, 7-Mar-2009
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
.. Link
Um...hullo...?
This thing on...?
Testing, 1, 2, testing...
*ahem*
My name's Bebbet, (aka Michael). I'm a 28 year-old Creative Writing student from Sunderland, UK, currently studying in Cheltenham.
I'm 5'10", 11st. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Slim build. Pasty complexion.
Intersts include writing, reading, films, music, Xbox, eating, Capoeira, coffee, whiskey and socialising.
I have a full driver's license (3 points), plenty of office experience and hope one day to make a living as a novellist.
Okay, now that reintroductions are out of the way; Hi! :)
Yes, it has been some time since I last posted here, beyond the occasional trailer or music vid. It's ironice really, seeing as I now have a social life. I posted more frequently when I was bereft.
So, yes. Here I am, still at university. Not only that, but I'm doing well!
Well, when I say well; I'm doing okay. My results range from a high of 75% to a low of 50% and I'm currently averaging just below a B grade, but I’m hoping my next few assignments will raise that. Annoyingly, my biggest struggle has been in the two modules I should’ve found the easiest. The problem isn’t so much the writing (though what I handed in last semester was far from my best work), it’s this thing called a Reflective Critical Understanding, whereby I must talk about the influences behind the piece (thin, seeing as I don’t read nearly as much as I should) and the processes and techniques I used when writing it (thinner, seeing as I tend to start writing and see what occurs). Fortunately, now that I’m settled, getting the hang of reviewing my own work and have a broader genre scope to work with, the next assignments for those modules should be far stronger.
Elsewhere, things are faring better. I’ve had to take two Literature modules to fill the yearly requirement, but I got through the first okay, and the second’s going well. I’m taking Screenwriting this semester, which is fun (according to our lecturer, the average mark for the last assignment was mid 50s - which, for a class doing its very first Screenwriting assignment, is a good average - and anyone in the 60s is doing excellently. I got 64% *smug* :) and continuing with Playwriting, which I only took because Screenwriting wasn’t available last semester, but which has turned out to be my strongest module (I apparently have a gift for dialogue).
In terms of personal life; I have one! w00t!! It has slowed a little this semester on account of money being scarce, but I’m still having fun.
The future holds more work and more fun and, hopefully, more posting than I’ve managed in the past few months.
At least I’ve gotten back on top of my post alerts (just because I haven’t commented, doesn’t mean I haven’t read :)
U2 - No Line on the Horizon
11:27, 4-Mar-2009
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
For any of my British chums who are interested, Tesco Digital are currently selling U2's new album for £3.97.
This be my favourite song from it (forgive the poor quality - it's the best I could find):
Long Lost Movie Moments of Yester-Year
01:19, 17-Feb-2009
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
One thing I've found since coming back to university and being surrounded by 18 year-olds is that a lot of the films I consider classics, that I cannot imagine my library being without, are unheard of to the majority of my peers. The Crow, for example.
Even the few that have been heard of, have never been seen. I was floored by the number of people who'd never seen Pulp Fiction. Many hadn't seen a single Tarantino film!
The upside is, it's fun to introduce people to my childhood, as I did tonight by watching the original Transformers: The Movie with a friend. Admitedly, I do cringe at some of the overboard 80s cheese, but for the most part, it still makes me giddy.
One thing I hadn't realised before was just how different the theme tune was. Obviously I knew they'd hair-metalled up the original, but only when listening to the two together did I realise what an impressive piece of musical adaptation it was:
It's even received a more modern update:
10 Years of Doctor Manhattan
12:43, 15-Feb-2009
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Does your school look this good?
01:54, 2-Feb-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
Click on the pics to see larger versions.
Tag Meme
08:37, 1-Feb-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
The blurb: "How this memetic works is that you leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. Then you write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on."
I commented on Twisty's post, and she did give me the letter W (and there was I thinking she was going to make it difficult...). So, in no particular order, these are my ten W things:
1. Writing
This used to say 'weekends', but a quick visit to Wixie's blog reminded me of this most important of Ws! I love writing. I love creating stories and characters to inhabit them. From shorts to novels, every project is a joyful new undertaking, even if that joy is sometimes difficult to grasp in the beginning.
2. Whiskey/Whisky
So good, they named it twice. Well, several times, in fact, but here we're only concerned with the above two names. I LOVE whiskey. I have done for many years. It's warm, it's comforting, it's tasty and it gets me a cosy sort of drunk where I still appear to be in full control of my faculties, despite feeling like I'm floating ever so slightly. The perfect end to any night (when your options are as limited as mine).
3. Wee Free Men
Terry Pratchett's introduction to some of the best characters he's created in a long time. Tiffany Aching and The Nac Mac Feegle are up there with any literary character you can name, and with her third sight, mature attitude, over-sized boots, army of little blue critters and stare that can even make Granny Weatherwax have to put some effort into it, Tiffany will make them curl up and cry.
4. Watchmen
Alan Moore's seminal work was not only a masterpiece in comic-book terms, but has been held aloft as one of the greatest works of literature in modern times. A stunning story of loss, betrayal, intrigue and the end of the world, it kicked the super-hero genre in the nuts, beat it over the head with a lead pipe and set its favourite shirts on fire while it lay bleeding. I cannot wait for the 6th of March!
5. Wikipedia
As well as some of the comical entries people have made when abusing its open editing system over the years, as a student, I've also found Wiki to be a handy source of research. Lecturers balk at the idea of us using it, given how inaccurate it can so often be, but it makes for a fantastic short-cut to research if you use it right. I even got a B for arguing such in an assignment last semester.
6. World of Warcraft
I miss it so...
7. With or Without You
8. Withnail & I
A prerequisite of any student’s DVD collection, it is hilarious, endlessly quotable and the perfect Sunday afternoon/hangover movie.
9. Winter
The season of Christmas, New Year, my birthday, hot-chocolate, whisky by a roaring fire, snow and all the joy it comes with.
10. Winstead, Mary Elizabeth
Of Die Hard 4 and Death Proof fame:
Yummy :)
Augie March
01:01, 1-Feb-2009
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
Till I was over on Gyspy's blog, catching up with posts, I'd never heard of them. A few YouTube vids later and I think I've got some shopping to do...
Since I haven't posted in a while...
09:46, 30-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
001. Real name – Michael Adam Brockbanks
002. Nickname(s) - Bebbet
003. Status – Seated
004. Zodiac sign – Capricorn
005. Male or female – Male
006. Religion - *snigger*
007. Elementary – ...my dear Watson...?
008. Middle School - The same disatnce from the top, bottom, back, front, left and right of school
009. High School – What my American friends call a secondary school
010. Hair color – dark brown
011. Eye color – blue
012. Loud or Quiet - depends on what I'm singing
013. Sweats or Jeans - Jeans
014. Phone or Camera - One and the same
015. Health freak - Hah!
016. Favorite Physical Quality – Eyes
017. Do you have a crush on someone? - Yes
019. Piercing – None
020. Tattoos - None
021. Water or Fire – depends on the occasion
022. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars - Given the value of the dollar, I'd say love (as if the pound is fairing any better)
023. First fear – Don't remember that far back
024. First best friend – As above
025. First award – Can a birthday cake be classed as an award?
026. First crush – How good do you people think my memory is?
027. First pet – Never had one
028. Car trip - Not right now. I have a seminar this afternoon
029. First big birthday – Yes, the first is pretty big
030. Siblings - Sister
033. Favorite Dessert - Cheesecake
034. Favorite toy in your house – 360 :)
035. Ring? - You'd have to give me your number first (who wrote this thing?!)
036. Favorite Season - Winter
037. Favorite Flower(s) – Self-raising
038. Favorite Spice - Sporty (at least she could kinda sing)
039. Pancakes or Waffles – Waffles
040. Left or Right-handed - Right
041. Virgin? - Depends: Can it reset if left too long?
042. How many relationships have you been in? - barely one
043. Silver or Gold? - Silver
044. Checkers or Chess? - Chess
045. Desktop or laptop? - Laptop
046. Ever been Out of the country? - Yes
047. Where? - Several places
048. Big City or Small town? - Big cities and small towns
049. Favorite Food type - Steak
050. Favorite Drink – Coffe/whiskey (if I ever find a place locally that does a good Irish Coffee, I shall be a happy man)
051. Dogs or Cats – Cats
052. I'm about to – ...what? If you're trying to build suspense, you'd first have to be interesting...
053. Listening to – The extractor fan in my bathroom
054. Plans for today – Buy swim-shorts, go to seminar, go swimming
055. Waiting for - final question
056. Your Height - about 5'10"
057. Contacts or Glasses - Shades
058. Want kids? - some day...perhaps...
059. Want to get married? - I'm flatered, but I already have a busy day ahead
060. Careers in mind – Nope, just the one
061. Rain or Snow - Snow!
062. Gloves or Mittens - Gloves
063. Favorite Girl's Name – Charlotte
064. Favorite Boy's Name – Happy with my own
065. Believe in Magic? - No
066. Soda, Pop, or Coke? - Coke
067. Brain or Brawn? - Brain
068. Prefer Lips or eyes – Eyes
069. Great body or great Personality? - Personality
070. Do you want to be Shorter or taller? - No
071. Do you want to initiate the relationship or him/her? - depends on how things develop
072. Romantic or spontaneous - You can't be spontaneously romantic?
073. Nice stomach or nice arms – stomach
074. Sensitive or loud – Sensitive
075. Hook-up or relationship – relationship
076. Should you be friends first or date first? - depends on how things develop
077. Troublemaker or hesitant – troublemaker
078. Chivalry or not? - Chivalry
079. Favorite Board Game – Trivial Pursuit
080. Lost glasses/contacts – Yes
081. Ran away from home – No
082. Held a gun/knife for defense? - No
083. Killed someone? - Not until I find whoever wrote these questions...
084. Heartbroken – Yes
085. Been arrested – No
086. Done anything illegal - Yes
087. Cried when someone died – yes
088. Cried by yourself – yes
089. Laughed till you cried? - yes
090. Believe in Miracles? – no
091. Believe in Love at first sight? - no
092. Heaven – The club? I've heard of it.
093. Santa Claus - The real one or the robot one?
094. Say 'I Love you' on the first date – Then you're a nutter
095. Sex on the first date - depends on how things develop...
096. Hold hands on the first date – What are we, twelve?
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now – Yes
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life – Kinda
099. Do you believe in God? - No
100. Is anybody going to take this from you? - Who knows...?
Randomest Cover I've Ever Seen
10:56, 22-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
For those who don't recognise him, that would be InMe's Dave McPherson.
Incidentally, InMe have a fourth album in the works. Joy :)
(no, I don't know what the teddy with pic stuck to it is all about either)
Lesbian Vampire Killers
05:36, 19-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
'nuff said:
Could This Work?
11:15, 16-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
A sci-fi alien-invasion movie set in the viking era?
It features John Hurt, so maybe...
Best Roll Ever!
12:36, 14-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
Ode to Joy
11:43, 13-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
YouTube's been acting a bit funny recently when it comes to trying to watch a playlist. It used to play the videos one after the other automatically, or at least bring up the next video on the list as the first of the related options. Tonight, I was thrown a handful of completely random vids with nothing at all to do with what I was watching.
Naturally, I clicked one, just to see what I'd get:
I shall be doing that more often :)
Ouch
07:21, 12-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
It takes a lot of coordination. They only threw four or five moves at us, but you have to do something called the 'jinga' the whole time, which is sweeping one leg back, with other bent beneath you for balance and your arms in the opposite position for defence. Every move flows from that and are relatively simple in themselves, but stringing them all together is hard work.
I also got blisters on both big toes, one of which burst.
Ouch.
Will definitely be back next week :)
Guess what I'm trying tonight...
09:52, 12-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
Here's a hint:
I Are Intrigued
05:41, 9-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Crack the Shutters
06:42, 2-Jan-2009
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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One of the best choruses I've heard in a long while:
Twocked from Elentari
03:18, 31-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
2008 IS ALMOST OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
Stayed single the whole year?
Not exactly
Kissed someone new?
Two someones
Done something you've regretted?
Yes
Lost someone?
Not that I recall
Cut class?
Um... :/
Were involved in something you'll never forget?
Yes. Not a staggering event, but eventful for me, anyway.
Visited a different country?
No
Cooked a gross meal?
I can't cook, so probably
Lost something important to you?
Yes, but the insurance money got me through it :)
Got a gift you adore?
My new lappy
Tripped over a coffee table?
Don't think so...
Dyed your hair?
Nope
Came close to losing your life?
Nope
Went to a party?
Yes
Read a great book?
A few
Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
No
Did you meet any new friends this year?
Plenty
Did you dislike anyone?
Yes, but he got over himself
Did you grow apart from anyone?
No
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
Yes, but they sustain, so it's not biggy.
2008: Your BIRTHDAY!
Did you have a cake?
Yes, but not a birthday cake
Did you have a party?
No
Did you get any presents?
Yes
Name some and who'd you get them from?
Lappy and cash from dad
Whiskey, smellies and chocs from Matt and Nina
2008: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year?
Yes
Did you change your style?
Style?
Were you in school?
Still am
Did you get good grades?
Surprisingly, yes
Did you drive?
Until my car was hit by a bus
Did you own a car?
See above
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. I don;t tend to hang around maternity wards
Did you move at all?
From Sunderland to Cheltenham :)
Did you go on any vacations?
No
Would you change anything about yourself now?
I'm thinking it's possibly about time to get a haircut
2008 WRAP UP:
Was 2008 a good year?
All-in-all, yes
Do you think 2009 will be better then 2008?
Don't you mean 'than'?
I hope so.
I confess that in 2008 I...
() kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
() had your heart broken
() went over the minutes on your cell phone
() someone questioned your sexual orientation
() came out of the closet
() gotten pregnant
() had an abortion
(x) done something you've regretted
OTHER
() painted a picture
() wrote a poem
() ran a mile
() shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
() posted a blog on MySpace
() visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
() partied to celebrate the new year
() cooked a disastrous meal
() lied about how old you were
() prank called someone
In 2008 I...
[] broke a promise
[] fell out of love
[x] told a little white lie
[x] lied
[] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[] slept under the stars
[] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed your life
[] met one of your idols
[] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[] pretended to be sick
[] left the country
[] almost died
[] given up on something/someone important to you
[] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up til sunrise
[] cried over the silliest thing
[] had friends who were drifting away from you
[] had a high cell phone bill
[x] spent most of your money on food
[] had a fist fight
[] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
[x] gotten sick
[x] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] became closer with a lot of people
Arise
03:13, 31-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
.. Link
From Discworld Monthly:
| On December 30th it was announced that Terry Pratchett has been
awarded a Knighthood in the New Year Honours list. We would like to pass on our huge congratulations to Sir Terry Pratchett (and his squire Rob Wilkins). |
*salutes*
Birthday (lack of) Shenanigans
08:06, 30-Dec-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
.. Link
And so another year has rolled by; this one - unlike many that have come before it - an eventful one, from completeing college, to starting university, and all of the random crap inbetween.
Alas, this birthday - unlike the previous few - is less than eventful. Last year I was in Surrey for a small birthday shindig, followed by a Bond-themed New Year's Eve party, with much drinking and fun on the Wii. The year before that we were in the Black Forest, partaking in some karaoke (which I haven't done since, but want to as it's fun).
This year, I'm at home, having a beer and preparing to watch some DVDs, bought with some of the money I got off my dad (the rest will likely go towards a night out when I'm back in Cheltenham). Though tempted by a few, I eventually settled on just four: The City of Lost Children (an old favourite), Police Squad: The Complete Series (an older favourite), Sweeney Todd (recent genius) and Iron Man (recent greatness (watch the vid - not just another trailer)).
I also got a fancy shower-gel assortment, a box of posh chocs and a whiskey gift-set off friends.
Speaking of friends; it's a pain in the arse being hundreds of miles away from any of them, again. Hence the quiet night in. But, hey-ho; plenty of time to make for it in the new year...
Friend of a Friend
08:29, 26-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
.. Link
Nicked from little-P (Pixie, that is):
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
For Whom The Bell Tolls (Metallica)
2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Atomic (Blondie)
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Coconut Skins (Damien Rice)
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Little Thoughts (Bloc Party)
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
R-Evolve (30 Seconds To Mars)
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Country House (Blur)
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Pencil Skirt (Pulp)
8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Cup of Coffee (Garbage) - eerie
9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Isobel (Dido)
10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
You're My Best Friend (Queen) - seriously, I did not cheat!
11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
If We Never Go Inside (Alkaline Trio)
12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Virgin State of Mind (K's Choice) - *ahem*
13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Delicate (Damien Rice)
14 WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
It Ends Tonight (The All American Rejects)
15 WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
It's Gonna Go Away (Korn)
16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Soul Finder (The Blues Brothers)
17 What will they play at your funeral?
Too Tough To Die (The Ramones)
18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
I Like Dirt (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
19 WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Guitar Flute and String (Moby)
20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Promised Land (Cast)
21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Guilty Conscience (Eminem)
22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Garden of Serenity (The Ramones)
23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET
White Shadows (Coldplay)
24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Long Way South (JJ72)
25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Circle (Ocean Colour Scene)
26 WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Plug In Baby (Muse) - again, *ahem*
27.DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Prison Song (System of a Down)
28 IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Messin With the Kid (The Blues Brothers) - some of these don't exactly show me in a good light...
29 WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Drain the Blood (The Distillers)
30 WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Friend of a Friend (Foo Fighters)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
10:35, 25-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
Though it's now immaterial...
01:33, 22-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
...it's still worth sharing:
Simon Cowell: Can't We Just Beat Him With Sticks?
01:51, 22-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
Okay, so number 2 in the Christmas chart isn't bad for a 14 year-old cover by a dead guy, but the fact that the world (well, this country) must be subjected to the atrocious, overblown, point-missing piece of dog excrement that is the X-Fuckter version is upsetting.
Very upsetting.
Interesting side-note: Guess what just missed out on the top-ten this year, coming in at number 12?
Go on, guess...
...
Oh, alright then, I'll give you a hint:
Lapse
10:45, 21-Dec-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
.. Link
My memory sucks. I think I've mentioned as much before (at least to some of you). Sometimes, however, the most bizarre things are retained: Random conversations; the specifics of long passed events; occasionally phone numbers; song lyrics that I haven't heard for years.
The only thing my memory's ever been consistently good for is birthdays.
Unfortunately, one managed to completely slip my mind this year, and it wasn't until I heard a TV link mention the shortest day of the year that I realised today is the winter solstice.
And, more importantly, a certain someone's birthday!
So, to those of you who’ve been as absentminded as me (said in the vain hope that I’m not the only one), join me in wishing a great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our very own Pixie.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEL!!
- xXx -
- xXx -
(sorry it’s a little late in coming)
As Promised
04:53, 16-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
A more positive post. Enjoy:
Another Throat Update (and more)
11:30, 14-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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Last night was a weird one. I think I must've been feverish because I had a string of odd dreams and random images running through my head - none of which I can quite remember - and had to change all of my bedding at 3am because it was saturated with sweat.
I woke at around 6:20 and had my first dose of penicillin for the day.
Incidentally, does it strike anyone else as poor planning that I have to take two of those, four times a day, at least 6 hours apart, which means if, in my fevered state, I actually manage to wake at 6 with enough mental competence to take my pills, I have to make it through to midnight before I can take my last batch?
Anyway, I slipped into more mental meanderings for the next two hours before semi-waking and trying to figure out if I really had taken my first ibuprofen of the day and second dose of penicillin as my mind was telling me. The fact that my mind was also convinced it well past midday, despite only being 9am assured me it couldn't be trusted, and a quick count of my pills reafirmed that it was painkiller time.
I've never gotten on well with painkillers. I've always found them to have little or no effect, whatever I was taking and whatever for. This has sadly been reiterated. The paracetamol I was initially taking for the first day and a half after diagnosis did absolutely nothing. I then opted for some extra-strength ibuprofen that I've found take an hour to work and only last two. That means I've got to wait at least an hour once the pain returns before I can take another, but since I can only have three a day, I'm having to space them out further in the hope of getting to sleep at a reasonable time.
These things are supposed to give you such a kicking you're too numb to feel much of anything.
If only.
I was depressed yesterday, partly because of my throat, but mostly because I had to cancel on seeing a friend before she heads off to Egypt for Christmas and New Year. I've seen her once since getting to Cheltenham, and was looking forward to us spending the day catching up, exchanging presents and showing her around the campus. We were supposed to do it weeks ago but, ironically enough, she was ill. To quote Rik Mayall: "Fate deals her cards at me like a capricious boat-whore!" (I love Bottom).
It also brought home how little I've done this semester. Being in closer proximity to my friends than I have been for quite some time, I'd hoped to get in a lot of visiting, but a combination of limited cash-flow and assingment deadlines put pay to that. I'd hoped to join a gym and take up a few sporting activities, but again the money got in the way. I wanted to party the end of the semester away with everyone in my halls and enjoy a big festive meal with the folks I share a kitchen with, but I was laid-up with illness. I looked forward to my first semester with hope and excitement, but have ended up looking back on it with frustration and disappointment.
It hasn't been all bad. I've enjoyed making new friends. I've enjoyed having a social-life. I've enjoyed throwing two of my assignments together in a last-minute panic and getting an A and high B for them respectively. I've enjoyed...certain stuff with...a certain someone :)
But even that ended on a slightly dour note.
At least I've finally caught up with post alerts! :)
Okay, that was a far more depressing post than I intended it to be. Sorry about that, folks. I shall endeavour to write something more festive and jolly before the big day!
Throat Update
09:02, 13-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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Having kept me up most of Thursday night, I went to the docs' as soon as they opened yesterday. Turns out I've got a viral infection :/ I've been perscribed penicillin and paracetamol, but so far, neither has had any effect.
More pain, discomfort and sleeplessness last night.
Wrecked this morning.
Want to sleep, but can't relax enough.
Feeling sorry for self.
And On...And On...
06:11, 11-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Sorry for once again falling behind on my post alerts. I will get around to reading them, but I've been kinda busy and kinda unwell. I had a cold last week that I thought I was over, but it came back with a vengence on Tuesday.
Now my throat is killing me! I've been up since about 3:30 because of it, killing time on Prince of Persia. Speaking of which, get it; 'tis greatness. There have been a lot of complaints from people because of the ease of the game and the inability to die. Yes, it's easy, if you're just running through it to get to the ending. The challenge is in seeing everything and collecting everything. The game itself might only be about 8 hours long, but there are so many 'light seeds' to find (1,001) and so much fun to be had figuring out how to get the more elaborately-placed little feckers that you can get a good few hours more out of it.
On the subject of gaming, I also recently played through the new Tomb Raider. It's not bad but, despite there being a host of new elements, the last two were better. I wrote a full review here.
They just had to go and spoil it
09:11, 8-Dec-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Anyone remember this?
Well, a year later, the cover has finally been given an official release, and has even entered the chart at number one. And, despite what I said before, it sucks.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still impressed every time I here the version she sang all those months ago on Radio1. The problem is, whoever produced the single version (probably under the direction of Simon Cowell, who may know what will sell to pre-pubescent girls, but hasn't got the first clue about music) was not and decided it needed work. The result is an over-produced mess with an unnecessary choir and far too many effects, which work to almost drown-out Lewis.
Still, better it retains the number one spot for Christmas than the soon-to-be-crowned X-Fuckter winner...
Direct and to the Point
Jon Stewart and John Oliver telling like it is:The End is the Beginning is the End is the Middle Bit but a bit further along...and left.
06:35, 29-Nov-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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So, just to recap, my laptop had a bit of a fit, then was fine(ish) for a while, then had a bigger fit. I had it checked out and was given the painful news that it was terminal :(
Today, its replacement arrived :)
It's good to be back!
Quick update
05:38, 23-Nov-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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Had my 'puter checked out. The monitor is officially buggered. I'm now wired up ot my TV, which is functional, but far from ideal, predominantly because, even with all settings tweaked to the nth degree, text is still just out of focus, which isn't easy on the eye. It also doesn't help that, because of my room's layout, the TV's behind me as I type, so II have to keep craning around to check what I'm doing.
In happier news, I got my result today from my first assignment; a five-minute scene for my playwriting class. I was already confident I'd done okay when the class was told on Friday morning that everyone had passed and the results averaged in the 60s:
| Realistic dialogue, Michael. Good characterization. Aaron has a commanding presence: very visual, theatrical. Relationship is interesting. Good use of silence – something playwrights don’t often consider enough. Good editing from the last draft. Well done.
Mark: 75 (A) |
:)
No, I'm Not Dead
11:25, 21-Nov-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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My laptop's monitor, however, is.
:)
Bugger...
(this entry coming to you from the uni library)
Hallo, folks!
09:25, 18-Nov-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Hi, y'all. I is here.
The past few weeks have a little busy. I've had a few assignments and a lot of reading to do, as well as a lot of boozing and even a burgeoning relationship.
I've managed to keep up with emails and chess, but my blogging has been notably flagging. I currently have 31 post alerts to catch up on.
That, however, shall have to wait (I'm in at 11:15 this morning). In the mean time:
Where'd Everybody Go...?
01:11, 8-Nov-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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My laptop's acting up :(
This morning it was working just fine; then the monitor randomly turned itself off. Figuring it had just gone into power-save mode, as it does, I jiggled the mouse a little.
Nothing happened.
I hit ctrl-alt-delet.
Nothing happened.
I hit alt-F4, in case it was trying to run a programme that for some reason didn't agree with it.
Nothing happened.
I did a forced reset, the loading screens came up, then it all went dark again. I gave it time...
Nothing happened.
I closed the 'puter to put it on stand-by in the hope it just needed to cool down.
Fifteen minutes later, it was back. Hurrah!
A minute after that, it went off again :/
Getting into a bit of a panic now (since it was looking like I wouldn't be able to access my work) I plugged in my memory stick and quickly copied over my Work file. The monitor went off again right before the transfer was complete, but I gave it a minute or two and stick's light ceased flashing to indicate the completed transfer. I then got it running again so I could safely detach my external hard-drive and disable the network, removed all the cables and closed it up for the day.
Tonight, I opened it again, just on the off-chance. It stayed on!
I thought, perhaps, there might be a corrupted file on my external HD that was sending things screwy, so I opted, to plug the rest back in and possibly see what was what.
I plugged in the power-pack first and, before I could even get the thing plugged into the wall, the monitor went off...
So I went to stand-by, unplugged the power pack and turned the 'puter back on. It has so far lasted through the latest episodes of Marvel/DC: Happy Hour, The Daily Show and Never Mind the Buzzcocks, as well as this post.
Though it's heartening to know there's life in this thing yet, the near-dead battery and the fact that I seemingly can't charge it and use my 'puter at the same time is troubling.
Hence, I may be quiet for a little while...
Oh yeah, and there's this one...
04:05, 5-Nov-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Wires Are For Wimps
03:46, 5-Nov-2008
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Now excuse me while I find a rag to clean the drool from my keyboard...
And Suddenly the World Feels Lighter
08:00, 5-Nov-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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It's official: Americans aren't quite as dumb as we all thought.
Good for you.
Underworld 3
01:19, 2-Nov-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Yet another franchise takes a swing at the difficult 3rd film. In this age of franchise trilogies, the format seems to go one of two ways. More often than not, the first film is a breath of fresh air; original, somewhat intelligent and successful enough to have studios and audiences hankering for more. Then things tend to get a little complicated. Either the second film will improve on everything set out in the first, only for the series to fall flat in the third (see Spider-Man and X-Men), or the second will try too hard to improve everything from the first, leaving the third the difficult task of picking up the pieces (see Pirates of the Caribbean and The Matrix).
Time certainly seems to be a factor in this. With the former examples, each film was evenly spaced out and treated as a stand-alone project, resulting in due care and attention being paid to the second, and ideas running sadly thin by the time they got around to the third. With the latter, the second and third films were made as one long project, meaning the focus got lost, the second is a mess, and there's barely enough time to right those mistakes in the third.
Underworld, however, is an odd one. The first film didn't enjoy the kind of critical and commercial success of the aforementioned films, but did just enough to warrant a sequel, which I personally thought was superior in every way to the first. When I read that it was infact planned as a trilogy from the start, with one of the films telling the back-story to the whole war, I struggled to see how that could work.
Nevertheless, this is promising...
JCVD
12:45, 29-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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...
...
More to Watch
09:31, 27-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Just Another Reason Why I Love New York
02:19, 25-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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New Yorkers showing solidarity for the bankers on Wall Street (as seen on last night's Have I Got News for You):
Resisting Temptation
12:41, 22-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Gaming Stuffs
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I'm broke.
Okay, that's not entirely true; I still have some savings and an overdraft to see me through to my next loan cheque in January, but with several weeks of food shopping, three months of Mastercard payments, two birthdays and Christmas between now and then, it's going to be tight.
So seeing stuff like this doesn't help matters:
Want.
Can't have.
Bugger.
Still Alive
06:23, 16-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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This be the main theme from the up-coming Mirror's Edge as sung by Lisa Miskovsky (who I've never heard of).
Kinda reminds me of Deep Forest.
How Fast Can You Run Backwards?
A (not very) quiet weekend, all on my Lonesome
03:44, 11-Oct-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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My house-mates...well, kitchen-mates (3 shared kitchens to each floor) have all buggered off home for the weekend, leaving things rather quiet around here, so I partook of some retail therapy and finally bought myself Metallica's Death Magnetic, marking my first full album download. Until now, I've been something of a CD purist, liking the feeling of having a hard-copy around, I suppose. Here, however, I don't really have room to start stocking CDs and, besides, downloading it was cheaper.
I'm impressed. Following the 90s, in which the band took a turn that attracted many new fans, but also turned many off, the band took some time out, went through some stuff, got drunk, shouted at each other, got therapy, went through some more stuff, got some more therapy and put it all out on St. Anger; the result being a lot closer to their thrash routes than before, but somewhat tentatively received given the often over-the-top rage of the album.
Death Magnetic isn't exactly a calmer affair, but it's a lot more balanced and vastly superior in every way. Hetfield has never sounded better, Hammet's fingers have evidently gotten more pliant with age, Ulrich still revels in beating the living excrement out of his drums and new boy Robert Trujilo is an absolute genius on bass.
Bizarrly, while in Primark, the guy at the counter asked me what I was listening to, I told him, and we ended up having a five-minute conversation about the virtues of Metallica in their 40s.
Random.
Anyway, my second iTunes purchase in as many days came with the news that Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog has finally been released in the UK.
I've just watched it again, and it is still genius!
Also, on a tenuously related note, I went 'round to another kitchen last night to drink, play cards and watch some horror movies: The Evil Dead and Slither (which also stars Nathan Fillion). I've never watched horror films with girls who genuinely scream in terror before. Even Metallica can't match the volume these two could produce. It was hilarious (especially when one darted under the table in sheer terror).
Sorry that's all a bit rush, but supposed to be going 'round to that kitchen now as we're all going to the pub to watch the England match.
Hope you're all having a good weekend!
Mark Steele on Darwin
In relation to my earlier posts about that old book with all the spelling, grammar and continuity errors in it, I thought I'd share a little something by a British comedian I doubt many of my American chums have ever heard. He's sort of the Billy Bragg of comedy:Breathe Me
05:21, 10-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Gaming Stuffs
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I'm beginning to admire the musical tastes of those peeps behind the new Prince of Persia game. First they went with a lesser-known Sigur Ros track for a trailer (which I thought I'd posted, but can't find it, so check it out here), and now a bit of Sia:
I first became aware of Sia when she sang for Zero-7. On hearing the below track, I bought her album:
I Demand to Know Why Nobody Told Me of This!
03:55, 10-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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...?!
08:00, 10-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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I'm not overly surprised that some backward freak could come up with something like the bible, but who, in their right mind, could possibly follow this horse-shit?
Everyone knows the story of Noah; commissioned by God to build an ark to take on every animal two-by-two (or by sevens, depending on which paragraph you're reading) so God can wipe out everything else He's created and start over.
What many of you might not know is the random little incident that took place right after the great flood. Receiving the blessing of The Lord, Noah settles down, plants a vineyard, gets rat-arsed and passes out naked in his tent, where he is happened upon by his son, Ham.
Ham tells his brothers, Shem and Japheth what happened and those two get a blanket and walk backwards into the tent, covering their father while being careful not catch a glimpse of daddy's tackle.
On waking, Noah 'knew what his younger son had done unto him' (that's right; it's Ham's fault dad got smashed and passed-out naked) and curses Ham's son, Canaan, to be 'a servant of servants...unto his brethren.'
So, let's just clarify: Noah - chosen by God to survive the great flood and carry on the species - got drunk, passed-out in the nip and curses his grandson because his son saw him.
People base there lives on this shit!
The Curse of Cain
12:04, 9-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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One of the optional modules I chose for my course is Myth, Epic and Folk Tale, in which we study various old texts that have endured down the centuries and, despite having been reworked and re-edited time and again, have remained influential to this day.
Presently, I'm reading the King James Bible.
I've attempted to read a version of the bible before (out of curiosity), but couldn't even get through the first few short chapters before my attention wandered. Whether it's the version I'm reading or the fact that I have some genuine motivation this time, I'm now making better headway and have just read chapter 4.
By now, many of you probably know my standing on religion. No one can say with absolute certainty whether or not there is a god - some almighty creator who started the whole thing - but what I can say with a great deal of confidence is organised religion is full of shit. Everyone single one of them has been built up by a handful of people with an agenda to control the masses, and nowhere is it more evident than in their own teachings.
"You can do this. You can't do that. This group of people (who I just happen to be a part of) are always right and never to be questioned, and anyone who disagrees will be judged and punished by our particular all-powerful ghost (though if wanna take a few shots yourself, it can't hurt your chances of getting into that big glowing cube in the sky)."
That said, if that's what you're happy with and makes you comfortable and you don't try to force any of rhetoric down anyone else's throat, fine. There's no harm in that.
However, there is a particular group within every religion for whom that isn't enough. These are, of course, the fundamentalists.
Fucktards; each and every one.
For example, female VP wannabe Sarah Palin believes of her own gender; "...in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Genesis 3:16) All of which seems particularly harsh when Adam's punishment for the same sin - eating of the tree of knowledge - was to eat from the tree of life and live forever, tilling soil and fucking his submissive wife.
Also, only 5 pages in and I'm already finding typos and continuity errors. When referring to God, the rule is to always use a capital - he is He; his is His; etc - so it's a little confusing when He's in conversation with Cain and the lower-case is used, especially when there's no paragraph break for a change in speaker and no quotation marks at all.
At this particular point, having just killed his brother, Abel, Cain is one of only three people in existence (himself and his mother and father, Adam and Eve), so he's talking about when he says, "...I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me"?
It's also worth noting the lower-case of 'earth'. Even if there were more than three people in existence - including himself - he's unlikely to meet any of them wandering around in the ground.
People take this stuff literally.
LITERALLY!!
If it wasn't for one of them being the leader of one of the most powerful nations on the planet, and another poised to potentially take his place, it would be hilarious...
This Really Does Look Exceedingly Cool
04:46, 6-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Let the Right One In
03:53, 2-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Ending the Night on a High
02:30, 2-Oct-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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So, as has become the norm since returning to studentdom, I was out clubbing last night. Come 3am when it was time to throw out the remaining punters, the traditional kick-out tune was played. Back when I was of an age of clubbing semi-regularly, that tended to be something along the lines of Sinatra's New Yor, New York, or some other swing classic.
Last night, it was thi (give it till at least the third verse):
The Fine Art of Debating
01:35, 28-Sep-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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In reference to Obama apparently threatening Pakistan, McCain says a president has to be more careful about what he says. Obama responds by repeating exactly what he’d said about Pakistan, which completely flattens McCain’s lazy interpretation, then points out two examples of McCain letting his mouth go - saying North Korea should be wiped off the map and singing Bomb-bomb-bomb, Bomb-bomb Iran. McCain’s response? To once again reiterate his record in the senate (stopping short of certain decisions made regarding Iraq) and telling some irrelevant story about a woman giving him a bracelet at a town-hall meeting commemorating her son who died in Iraq.
Less than two minutes after Obama has said the situation in Afghanistan can’t be solved by more troop deployment alone and needs some careful strategy, McCain accuses him of not understanding that it’ll take more than just increased troop-deployment to improve the situation and some careful strategy is needed.
That was pretty much the theme of the whole debate. McCain accuses Obama of something, which Obama casually discredits or puts in context before bringing up two or three examples of McCain doing exactly what he’s accusing Obama of, to which McCain has no reply, or Obama says something that McCain immediately forgets and accuses Obama of having the opposite view.
The only reasoning I can think of for why people can’t decide who won, or even think McCain won, is that McCain appeared to be on the offensive more, while Obama was willing to admit when he was in agreement with McCain, but the fact is McCain was stuck with rehashing his campaign ads, while Obama was responding intelligently and articulately to the questions being posed and the responses from the other side.
Judge for yourselves:
Fight! Fight! Fight!
11:41, 27-Sep-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Usually I would leave the politics to The Big E, but earlier I read a couple of overviews on last night’s presidential debate, which essentially came to the conclusion that both parties handled themselves well enough and it’s difficult to say who came out on top. I’m now halfway through watching said debate and, so far, McCain is having his ass handed to him.
Both sides are spewing a lot of rhetoric, avoiding direct questions and criticisms from the other and generally reiterating the agenda’s they’ve been pushing for the last couple of decades (or how ever long this campaign has been running), but the one thing that has become clear is that, while Republicans have commented a few times that a lot of Obama’s proposals are little more than broad-sweeping statements along the lines of ‘This is bad and should better,’ it is, in fact, McCain who’s been spouting words to that effect in the debate.
While McCain talks about keeping up spending in certain broad areas and completely freezing it in others as a result of the recent economic crisis, Obama talks about going through everything with a fine-toothed comb and holding off on the nonessential aspects of some things, while recognising the immediate importance of all of them.
For example, McCain proposes keeping up defence spending, while freezing spending on education, while Obama wants to look at what can be held back on both so he doesn’t have to sacrifice either.
| The problem with spending freeze is you’re using a hatchet where you need a scalpel. |
Obama
I’ve also noticed that, despite prompting from the moderator to do so, McCain is yet to directly challenge Obama on any point, while Obama (after a slow start) has done so a few times to McCain.
I’ll watch the second half tomorrow, but at half-time, McCain’s heading to the locker-room battered and bruised…
I have coffee, Kit-Kats and custard creams!
04:05, 27-Sep-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Mwahahahaha - bow down, fools!
*ahem*
I've been aheming a lot lately. 'Fresher's Flu' is in the air and everyone is either coughing, sneezing, sniffling or all of the above. My psychology tutor in college told me that there about 120 variants of the cold virus and once you've had one, you become immune to it. I think everyone's brought their own...
My first week of classes is over and what an interesting mix they are. Monday was Imaginary & Real Worlds in which we read a few creation myths, discussed recurring themes and how they tie in with superhero origin stories (i.e. all’s quiet, something triggers a metamorphoses, there’s a bit of conflict, some kind of resolution, but nothing’s the same again). We were also given a fifteen minute exercise in which to come up with our own creation myth or origin story.
No mean feat!
After that was our first Fiction Workshop, which is essentially the same as what I’ve done in previous creative writing groups, but with a little more specific work involved. That said, last week’s workshop consisted of sharing and discussing our favourite books, films and TV shows. The usual batch was on offer but we then had to think about how those things have influenced us as writers for next week (just a paragraph on each).
We also have to make five observations about anything, just to show that we’re being alert and keeping our eyes open for inspiration.
And we have to take something with us to read aloud and have critically analysed by the group. Fortunately I’ve got a whole portfolio of stuff to choose from :)
Tuesday was Myth, Epic & Folk Tale, which, it turns out, is actually an English Lit module. I left the class kinda daunted by the whole thing. We’ve got quite a long list of stuff that has to be read for the course, the first of which being Homer’s Odyssey for the 7th.
I don’t know if any of you have ever read Homer’s Odyssey. It’s loooong. And I am not a fast reader.
Also, it’s kinda baffling. The whole thing is laid out in a Shakespearean, poetic style and the language and structure make some of the idea hard to follow. All the same, I’m enjoying it so far.
The first assessment for the course is a deep, critical analysis of either that or The Grimm Fairy Tales, involving extensive reading and research. I’ve never been much for research…
Wednesday was something called Learning & Personal Development. Not a lecture, as such, more a way of helping us manage our time when it comes to assessments and seeing how we progress throughout the year.
It is an utter waste of time, which is ironic seeing as the main part of it is aimed at helping us manage what little time we have. They’ve chosen to do this by taking an hour off us every week (two on week three) and giving us an extra assignment to do.
Academics can be such morons.
I was hoping to get to my first mixed martial arts class on Wednesday evening, but GoogleMaps guided me around and around in the wrong direction before leading me to the back of the complex, which was all locked up. On reviewing the map and the satellite photo, I realised I could’ve just walked straight down the main road and found the entrance. GoogleMaps is far more detailed than other map sites (Mapquest didn’t recognise the address I was looking for), but its directions are pathetic)
Thursday’s are my day off. Yay! Every university student gets one, except a select few taking joint courses (that’s joint as in two conjoining courses, not joint as in the first thing that probably crossed a few of your minds on first seeing the word) who don’t plan their timetable well enough.
Thursday was the first Kendo session and I was really looking forward to going along and hitting people (well, being hit more likely) with big sticks, but I was too exhausted from coughing up chunks of lung to make it.
*ahem*
Finally, Friday was Playwriting Fundamentals. Again, this one was a little daunting because quite a few members of the class have done some form of playwriting, performance or drama as part of their A-Levels. I’m one of only two who have no experience in it whatsoever. However, I’m not too scared. As far as I could make out from the class, the trick is to be sparse with details and focus predominantly on dialogue.
I like dialogue :)
Incidentally, I’ve recently been reading R.A. Salvatore’s Vector Prime (the first of the Star Wars: New Jedi Order novels) and have realised that, as good as he is at putting together a good action scene, he sucks at dialogue. Otherwise it’s an enjoyable novel, so far. I hope to have a chance to get back to it at some within the next three years, though my reading lists are telling me it’s unlikely…
Anyway, there are two thing in particular that I find interesting about the playwriting module. First is the performance aspect. Unlike most writing classes where you would read out your own work to be assessed by the class and tutor, we’re essentially required to write scripts that will then be performed by other members of the class, and perform scripts written by other class members.
Secondly, we have no class on the 3rd and 17th of October. Instead we’re off to the theatre to take in a couple of performances. Beyond the odd pantomime when I was young, I’ve never experienced the theatre.
This Monday will be our first Prose Fundamentals lecture, which happens alternate weeks in place of Imaginary and Real Worlds. Hopefully that won’t bring with it it’s own reading list, though I hold out little hope…
In other news, I now have a full compliment of posters adorning my walls. Combined with the vast amount of drinking I did last week and already building stress over the workload, I’m feeling like a true student again!
Staying True to Source
07:41, 24-Sep-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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It's often difficult for game-to-film adaptations. Certain things have to be done to placate the fans and certain sacrifices have to be made to make a a good film.
We're still waiting for someone to strike the right balance, but some decent efforts have been seen. In Tomb Raider, it was casting the perfect actress for the job (it was just a shame the story was so iffy). In Doom, it was including a full action-sequence shot in first-person perspective (it was just a shame the story was so iffy). In Hitman, it was some beautifully constructed action set-pieces (it was just a shame the story was so iffy).
The apparent supernatural bent being put on Max Payne is looking a bit iffy, but in terms of nice touches, this one is nice:
I particularly like the line, "I knew the sun would come up tomorrow, and I knew I would be alone to see it."
Amazing
11:05, 21-Sep-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I've actually caught up with all of my alerts!
Please tell me this is a joke...?!
O...kay...As I mentioned earlier, I can't get a TV signal where I curently reside, so I'm reduced to using the BBC's 'iPlayer' to keep up with my favourite TV. While browsing said site this evening, I came across something that has left me bewildered.
From the network that brought us such greatness as Doctor Who, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and Life on Mars, we get d-list (and below) 'celebrities' dressed in silver lycra, trying to fit through a hole in a moving wall, all in the name of charity and entertainment.
Having browsed YouTube for the above - if only to clarify that I haven't fallen into some whiskey-induced hallucinogenic coma - I've found this exists as a Japanese show. No surprise there.
However, I've also found that there are both American and Australian versions of this incomprehensible shit.
I know our respective societies have been spiralling down the pughole for some time now, but I had, in my most fevered imaginings, never thought we'd fallen this far.
Excuse while I assume the foetal possition beneath my bed...
Fortunate Son
07:35, 20-Sep-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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It has been a long time since I had a social life, so it feels kinda strange having my first night off for a week.
As I said previously, last Saturday I was out with friends, Sunday I was driving into the night and Monday I was out with housemates, among others.
Monday was, by some distance, the most exercise I've done for about two years, so Tuesday was spent in some pain. In fact, my calves were sore for two whole days.
Tuesday, my housemates and I stayed in for drinking, chatting and 'getting to know you'.
Wednesday was back out to a club where I got to know one of my housemates particularly well. Before anyone gets any ideas, she has a boyfriend, but we certainly bonded.
Thursday was even more clubbing and bonding, this time involving a stripper-pole. I never knew I could hang upside down from one of those, but I suppose it's something to bare in mind should finances go south...
Returning home at around 2:30, said housemate and I were up for over an hour nattering, eating and nattering, all of which meant I didn't wake up till 8:58 on Friday morning, which, seeing as I was supposed to be at uni to read out the piece I'd written as a result of Wednesday's field-trip at 9:15, wasn't good.
Nevertheless, I somehow made it and all went well. There are some damned good writers on my course...
Eep.
The session fortunately finished early, so I had time to come home and revive myself with a shower before heading back in to take advantage of the free food and drink on offer. Usually these things consist of coke/lemonade and a few sandwiches and canapés. On offer at this one was a free bottle of soft-drink or booze and lasagne (beef or veggie), Chinese or Balti, all piping hot, fresh and beautifully prepared.
I had the lasagne with a bottle of Bud, and a box of popcorn for desert.
With two housemates going home for the weekend, I figured last night would be night off, so settled in with a bottle wine. That was until about 10 when I was invited to one of the kitchens upstairs (there are two on every floor) for a 'Mexican-themed' party (they had rice and and Doritos). The glass or two of wine I planned on relaxing with ended up becoming the whole bottle and it was about 1 when I finally got to bed.
I slept in this morning, did some shopping this afternoon and have just finished eating pizza, drinking coffee and watching Die Hard 4.0 (featuring the above-posted track from Creedence Clearwater Revival). I'm now going to pour myself something alcoholic and watch a DVD before turning in for the night.
No beer and no TV make Bebbet something something...
04:38, 20-Sep-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Fortunately, I have beer, so it ain't all bad.
I'm here!
The months of waiting are over and I am, at last, in Cheltenham, ready to start my new life as a student. The past week has been a blur of induction meetings, furniture arranging, quicky-meal 'cooking', getting lost, finding pubs, getting to know people, getting pissed and recovering from getting pissed.
Last Saturday I drove Surrey top stay overnight with friends, to limit the amount of driving I'd have to do on Sunday. Cheltenham is a four-and-a-half hour drive from Sunderland, but only an hour and a half from Surrey. Unfortunately, the overnight stay involved going out for a friend of a friend's birthday, so I wasn't exactly in the fittest of states on Sunday. In fact, I was nursing a splitting headache all day, compounded by not being able to find a petrol (gas) station when the fuel warning light came on, then getting lost in Cheltenham trying to find the campus.
I had hoped to get there early and get away as soon as possible, so I could take my dad's car home.
After moving all of my stuff in and going through a bunch of meetings about accomadation rules, regulations, dos and don'ts, it was 6pm. Stopping off for fuel and something to eat on the way home (I hadn't eaten or had a smidgen of caffeine all day) it was 11:30 when I got home. I had time for a cup of tea and some last second packing before going to bed.
Monday was mostly spent on a train, including a half-hour unscheduled stop thanks to a signal failure. As advised by my head of department, I stopped in at the university as soon as I arrived, which proved to be an unnecessary excursion, but the campus is only a three minute walk from my halls of residence, so it wasn't so bad.
The mess I returned to, however, was bad. I hadn't had a chance to unpack anything on Sunday, so my room was all bags, boxes and lacking floor-space. I made some vacant attempt at unpacking, but once my TV, 360 and 'puter were done, I gave up, made my bed and joined some housmates on a night out.
Several hours of bouncing around a dance-floor and several fewer hours of sleep later, it was time for my first induction session. It was very dull as, it tunrs out, the rest were for the whole week, though Wednesday did see a group trip to the Victoria Art Gallery in Bath to draw some inspiration for a sample project.
There wasn't a lot to see at the gallery, but at least a dozen pieces triggered some form of story in my head. That would have been a good thing if not for the fact we had to deliver the finished piece yesterday morning.
Eventually I settled on a painting called The Bride of Death by Thomas Jones Barker (I've scoured the web for a decent picture, but come up lacking) and wrote this.
It's also worth noting that Bath is, at first glance, a rather beautiful city. When you look a little deeper, that traditional building façades are spoiled somewhat by the over-abundance of corporate logos and construction work, but it's still a very pleasant place to stroll around.
So, here I am. My room's as I want it (though could do with a couple of more posters), I'm getting along well with my housemates (one we never see, but the other four of us have hit it off well), I've been mistaken for Irish three times and everyone thinks I look 22, which is nice.
It's a shame I can't get a TV signal but, with the help of Comedy Central and iPlayer, I'm not missing much, and it does save me having to buy a TV license.
Classes start on Monday. By then I'll have hopefully caught up with alerts...
The Best F**king News Team Ever
Giving a voice to the unheard victims of Gustav (WARNING: Contains image some may find upsetting):(I'm a little behind on my Daily Show watching)
Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur
09:20, 4-Sep-2008
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No, I can't pronnounce it either, but that's Icelandic for ya...
I wish there was an English-speaking band that could produce a sound like that. Anyone happen to know of one? I know The Polyphonic Spree come close, as do The Flaming Lips in their grander moments, but there's something majestic about Sigur Rós's sound that I don't think the rest can quite capture.
Last Shadow Puppets
09:11, 3-Sep-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I meant to post this ages ago, but kept forgetting its name :/
And It Was All Going So Well
04:21, 2-Sep-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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Today started brightly enough. I've been waiting over a week to take delivery of Warcraft III and it finally arrived this morning, along with my new Visa card and the train tickets for the final leg of my move on the 15th.
I played through the introduction to Warcraft III and had fun doing so.
Then it all started to go a bit wrong...
Enrolment day at university has always been a messy one. Queue after queue wrapping around a sports hall of tired and frustrated new students all waiting for hours on end to get the relevant forms checked and signed and their ID cards given.
This being the internet age, however, enrolment can now be done online. The first step is to arrange payment of the tuition fees, if it hasn’t already been handled by the LEA (Local Education Authority). Mine hadn’t been so I checked the documentation they sent me to see if it said when they would be.
It didn’t.
Instead it claimed that I hadn’t even applied for them!
Traumatised, I tried to call the student finance direct helpline to find out what was going on, while I checked my online application to see if I’d really been that stupid.
I hadn’t.
There it was, plain as day: Do you wish to apply for a loan to cover your tuition fee costs? - Yes
Trauma turned to confusion and I made sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me by reading it a few times over while I waited in the queue for an operator.
Twenty minutes went by.
Displeased, frustrated and increasingly anxious, I decided to head down to the council offices and speak with the LEA people face-to-face. The woman I talked to looked confused, took my forms, disappeared into an office for ten minutes and returned with the expression of someone about to deliver bad news.
It seems that the LEA will only provide a loan for tuition fees four times and, since I’ve already had it twice before, they’re not going to give it this time and will instead hold it for the second and third years of the course. The £3,145 required for the first year, I’ll have to drum up myself.
I’m pretty sure, if there weren’t people standing around waiting to be dealt with, I still wouldn’t have swung for her, but it did take a lot of restraint not to put my fist through the glass panel behind me.
I tried to get some kind of explanation out of her as to why this restriction would be in place, seeing as they’re loans and are paid back eventually anyway, and why I wasn’t told my application had been unsuccessful a month ago when the decision was made and I might've had some time to prepare, but the best she could do was look uncomfortable and mumble something about that being how their system works.
I spent a coupla more minutes pointing out the gaping flaws in that system, increasing her discomfort in front of the other people she’d soon have to deal withh, before storming off in a bit of rage, leaving, “Nice of the Local Education Authority to completely fuck-up my education,” as a parting shot.
I pondered a little retail therapy and perhaps a large cuppa joe, but was in too bad a mood and chose to come straight home.
After gathering myself for a few minutes, I looked into the fee payment process on the uni’s site. Two instalments are taken in November and January, so I at least have some time to work something out. The measly £500 in my savings isn’t going to cut it, but it’s a start. Regardless, I set up the payment plan and completed the enrolment process.
Wanting to turn my mind to something else, I set about sorting through my DVD collection to figure what’s going with me. Pixie gave me the idea of taking them in a CD carry-case to save room and I fortunately have two; a 33 slot and a 64 slot. Still, deciding what stays and what goes was not easy. Fortunately, series box-sets are more often than not in handy little display-type cases and take up less room, so the few of those I’ll be taking can go as they are. Hopefully there’ll be room for a few more when the boxes are packed.
I don’t think I can afford to buy another case…
I Somehow Missed This
10:47, 1-Sep-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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And I'm somewhat relieved:
Appealing to Old and New?
10:25, 30-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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With the release of Death Magnetic only a couple of weeks away, the first couple of new Metallica tracks have hit YouTube.
First, The Day That never Comes:
Seeing as this was the first track to be released to the press, it's probably going to make some people nervous, especially if they give up after the first chorus as, up until that point, it is very remniscent of their 'Black Album' and Load/Reload days, but as the track moves on, it becomes increasingly louder and thrashier and builds to a dizzying climax. I like it!
Secondly, My Apocalypse:
An IGN review of this is what first made me aware the tracks were now out there in the ethos. In it, the reviewer defended the criticism he laid upon The Day That Never Comes;
| But all the extra verbiage in there about not being able to go back again – yeah, that part is wrong. I was wrong. I am here to admit that. James, Kirk, Lars, Robert, and even Rick – if you are reading this, all I can say is: I AM SORRY. I am coming to you as a man humbled. |
He then goes on to claim that My Apocalypse is possibly the band's best song since Master of Puppets.
Now, this may be a result of my only coming into the band in the days of Load and Reload (I was an ignorant youth; what can I say?), but I personally prefer the former to the latter. It might have a very subdued opening, but the thrash-like ending puts me in mind of the band's progression from then to now, making me think the soft introduction was probably purposeful.
My first reaction to My Apocaplypse, however, was, Messy. Very messy. It kinda reminds me of first hearing Frantic on St. Anger; that almost desperate need to sound as thrash as possible in order to put the the '90s behind them.
That said, the track sounds a lot better on a second listen.
My Brain is Hanging Upside Down
11:46, 29-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Not only a great song, but quite possibly the best song title in the world, ever. This is The Ramones with My brain is hanging upside down (Bonzo goes to Bitburg).
Time To Sharpen Those Claws
12:09, 28-Aug-2008
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Yes, I know; the quality sucks and the cheering is annoying, but this looks no less cool:
Late Delivery
11:02, 28-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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Frustrating news in this month's edition of Discworld Monthly:
"The bad news is that it looks as if, for various reasons, Going
Postal The Movie will be delayed and shooting will not begin until
the start of next year."
The good and, to my mind, more important news is, they're making a movie of Going Postal!
Moist Von Lipwig is an absolutely brilliant character, but they're going to need someone of immense charisma - who can, in turn, play it down to a whisper - to pull it off.
Also, has anyone out there seen the adaptation of The Colour of Magic? I’d be particularly curious to know how Jeremy Irons measured up as Lord Vetinari, because the role is a significant one in Going Postal.
***EDIT***
A quick browse of Wiki has revealed a little more interesting news. With Nation due out next month, Pratchett has stated that his next novel is likely to be I Shall Wear Midnight; the fourth Tiffany Aching/Nac Mac Feegle novel. I love those books!
And: "Pratchett hinted when questioned during his Wintersmith tour that Esk, the female wizard featured in Equal Rites, may reappear for the first time in this book if it is written."
Baton Idol
09:21, 27-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Recently, to celebrate the Proms (big classical music event held annually by the BBC), yet another TV 'talent' show hit our screens, this time challenging a group of C-and-below-list celebrities to become orchestral conductors.
From the off, this struck me as an interesting prospect. Before watching this show, I knew absolutely nothing about the nutters with batons who stand in front of an orchestra and flail their arms around like they're being attacked by a hive of wasps, so I was intrigued to find out exactly what was going on.
Of course, it turned out to be far more complicated than I expected, which is why I actually find myself admiring the people taking part. As is ever the case, a couple of them struggled to get a handle on what was going on, or failed to take it seriously, and were soon eliminated. Others are making steady progress and two in particular (comedian Sue Perkins and Drum&Bass vet Glodie) are proving to be naturals at it.
Another appeal of the show is the music. They're all conducting very familiar pieces, but I'm learning the names of things I've known all my life, but could never put a name to, and also seeing just how complex a lot of these pieces are. Case in point:
The biggest surprise of the show, however, is Goldie. For my American chums, he was a henchman in The World is Not Enough and British soap fans might recognise him from Eastenders, but he's mainly known as a Drum & Bass producer: Not the sort you'd expect to have a natural gift for conducting classical music - especially as he has no idea how to read sheet music - but his sense of rhythm and ability to break down compositions into a manageable form for himself have him riding high and consistanly impressing:
Alas, the most entertaining of the group - former Blur bassist Alex James - is also a consistent low-scorer, so might not be around much longer:
My one complaint about the show so far is, yesterday's episode had the contestants doing choral music, yet none of them was given Beethoven's 9th. Talk about missing a trick.
Hair-Metal: The Revenge
11:01, 26-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Last week saw the return of the Kerrang awards, with the usual shocks, surprises, drunkenness and Metallica.
One of the biggest shocks and surprises of the night was the lack of a single nomination for Muse, but maybe the magazine decided someone else should have a go at dominating.
Bizarrely, considering the attitude of many of their contemporaries towards them, 30 Seconds to Mars technically dominated with an award haul of two - double their closest competition - including best single:
Awards were also picked up by the more familiar faces of:
Slipknot
and Avenged Sevenfold
New boys like:
Black Tides
And a couple of oldies in the form of:
Def Leppard
Rage Against the Machine
and, of course, Metallica
An honourable mention must also go to the band with the single stupidest name of the night and, possibly, all metal history.
“Errr…we need something stark and, like, depressing and hard…”
“Like cancer?”
“Yeah, like cancer…”
“How about cancer?”
“Perfect! Right, we also need something like dark and black and evil and that…”
“Bats?”
“Genius! Cancer Bats!”
Proof, if proof be needed:
Well, it looks better than prior sequels...
09:39, 26-Aug-2008
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...but then, that's not saying much:
Was Surprised to See This
05:37, 24-Aug-2008
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Who'd have thunk?
Death and All His Friends
11:47, 24-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Yesterday's little tipsy post from our beloved Cherry has reminded me of a latest song fixation. Here be Coldplay with Viva La Vida:
Major Disappointment
10:57, 23-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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For those who avoided my Disappointment post for it's warning of a spoiler, the crux was there is a major event in Philip Pullman's The Subtle Knife that was dealt with very poorly.
I've just read the following section of that chapter, only to find that it is, in fact, the end of the novel!
I'm all for a cliff-hanger ending, and there's no doubt that is exactly what Pullman was aiming for here, but he is so far of the mark I could weep. A cliff-hanger is supposed to make you think, Oh shit! What’s next? What’s next?!
My only thought at the end of The Subtle Knife is, That’s it?!
Don’t get me wrong, the events at the end of the novel should certainly add up to being a cliff-hanger, but they are down-played so much, it’s as if Pullman ran out of steam and decided to call it a day. Northern Lights/The Golden Compass has a brilliant ending, which not only rounds off the story perfectly, but leaves you gasping for more. In comparison, The Subtle Knife reads almost like a necessary evil that Pullman had to get through to bring up some plot-points and move the story on. It has its moments, but in the end I’m just grateful it’s only the middle of the story.
From Bad to Worse
Okay, it was understandable that the car chosen to represent KITT in the TV-Movie reboot of Knight Rider...
...was met with a frosty reception by the old-school fans, but what, in the name of all that is good and holy, possessed them to do this?!
I've seen more convincing vehicles on Power Rangers...
Disappointment
08:41, 22-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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For those who haven’t read Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy, and at some point intend to, look away now. A major spoiler follows (as well as a long rant).
I’m currently reading The Subtle Knife, and while it so far isn’t a patch on Northern Lights/The Golden Compass, I am enjoying the story as a whole.
However, I’ve just read the scene where Will finally meets his father, only to see him die after all those years of searching, and it is one of the most shoddily written scenes I have ever read. After building up the meeting throughout the first half of the novel, it comes and goes in the blink of an eye and in the coldest and least emotional way possible.
Feeling desperate, tired and utterly alone, Will wanders up a mountain on his own. A deep darkness descends and he’s suddenly accosted by some strange man, whom he fights and knocks the wind out of. Why this supposedly spiritual man would come across this kid on a mountain and decide to grab him and crack him across the back of the head when the kid tries to get free is beyond me.
When Will does free himself, does he call for help from the witches? Does he escape back to the camp to warn the others he’s just been attacked? No. He sits quite calmly and has a conversation with the man, going so far as to proffer him his wounded hand.
In darkness still too deep to see each other’s faces, the man applies a healing ointment to Will’s wounded hand, dresses it, then decides to light the lamp he’s carrying so he can see the boy’s face.
A brief flicker of recognition from them both, and the man’s shot and killed by the witch whose love he spurned many years previous (a plot point fleetingly referred to way back in the early part of the novel).
If it had been a cinematic scene, the moment between father and son, when the realisation dawns, would’ve been drawn out a little to show some kind of emotion between the two - confusion; relief; joy - and to allow the audience to connect with what’s happening. Obviously this is a bit trickier in a novel as simply stating, “The two experienced confusion; relief; joy,” is very dry and in no way conveys the intended emotions, but there are options. You could back-reference some of things each character has gone through to bring them to this moment; the trials they’ve overcome so they could finally find each other. You could delve into the characters’ memories of all the things they’d missed while they were apart. You could even have each character looking forward to all of the good things that will come now that they’re together again.
“But in that moment, as the lantern light flickered over John Parry’s face, something shot down from the turbid sky, and he fell back dead before he could say a word, an arrow in his failing heart.”
That’s it? They recognise each other, he’s shot with an arrow and dies?!
The confrontation between Will and the witch was well handled, but after she’s topped herself and Will has said an emotional farewell to his father, there immediately follows a bizarrely cold description of Will taking ‘the dead man’s’ things and spying his feather-trimmed cloak. “His father had no more use for it, and Will was shaking with cold.” I wonder if anyone could come up with anything more emotionally detached than ‘His father had no more use for it…’.
I know it’s only a small scene in the grand scheme of the trilogy, but that in itself is part of the problem. It should be one of the most emotionally powerful scenes in the novel and is instead dealt with as if it’s just another little obstacle along the way; as if Pullman wanted to get it out of the way so he could get to the ‘juicier’ stuff.
I such a huge and intricate story, crammed with such high quality writing, the whole scene is a massive let-down; a bizarre and confusing disappointment.
And How Do You Fight Your Demons?
12:32, 22-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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I like it 'cause it's silly :D
The Wearable Motorcycle
03:53, 20-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Want one!
Check out the details: http://uk.gear.ign.com/articles/900/...257p1.html
Bit of a Dull Week
03:21, 20-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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I got me new passport today. For the first time in the entire history of my photgraphic ID, I don't look like a complete tool.
The fact that this is one of the highlights of my week so far pretty much says it all.
It started on Saturday when I spent the whole day feeling frustrated, tired and boooored...
Sunday I visited my cousin and we put in a long spell of gaming (Crackdown on the 360; great fun), and watched some classic Family Guy.
Monday I finished Heavenly Sword on the PS3. I'd have probably appreciated the climax of the great story a lot more if the whole thing hadn't been such a pain in the arse, not because of the difficulty of bad-guys, but because of the crap camera and stupid design ideas.
Yesterday I watched the Olympics and played some World of Warcraft.
Today I've watched the Olympics and played some World of Warcraft.
Tomorrow I've got to sign on, after which I'll probably watch the Olympics and play some World of Warcraft.
Arrgh!!
There's another three and a half weeks to go before I can finally get out of here and get to university.
I think I need help...
Baldness, Beer-guts and Belting Riffs
01:56, 17-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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After two and half decades, it's understandable that Metallica would be getting a little thin on top and wide down below. In fact, it's kinda sad to see Kirk Hammett - who's always sported long, curly locks (except for his thick-mane period of the early 90s) - developing a bald spot, which just barely distracts from the girth of his gut being shown off by an ill-advised vest.
Then again, when have Metallica ever been admired for their aesthetic appeal?
I'm presently in the middle watching the fly-on-the-wall footage of the recording of their new album. It's interesting seeing how it all comes together. I've watched rockumentaries before, but they tend to mostly consist of interview footage, with only minimal recording footage. Mission Metallica features regularly-updated studio footage, which makes for an interesting watch for someone who's always been fascinated by the process.
Of course, it also gives a sample of what's to come on The Death Magnetic and, so far, I'm liking what I'm hearing: Loud, fast and heavy :D
Okay, So Now I'm Really Confused
How the fuck are these people not already rotting in a cell?!
Unforgiven
11:20, 11-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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This probably won't be big news to many of you (I know Twisty won't care one jot...whatever a jot is), but I've just heard that Metallica's new album is going to feature Unforgiven III, which I personally see as cause to post two of my favourite Metallica songs:
Believe
02:16, 9-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Gaming Stuffs
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This was perhaps the most haunting and original of the many Halo 3 trailers around just prior to its release:
With the coming of yet another epic to the 360, the idea has been somewhat borrowed to admirable affect:
Immortal
09:47, 8-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Earth, 2095. A pyramid appears above New York and, from it, emerges Horus, Egyptian god of the sky, released from an eternal slumber to walk the Earth for seven days; time aims to use to mate with a rare woman who can bare a god's child.
Where to begin...?
This film is weird. The setting reminds me a lot of The Fifth Element with a starker colour palette. Cars float around the city, or ride around on rails. The high-rise streets are populated with a mix of humans, aliens and mutants. A lot of the designs for both vehicles and buildings have an art-deco look. It's certainly a feast for the eyes.
As is the lead, Jill; a tall, slim, white-skinned, blue 'haired' woman who can read minds, shoot people with the palm of her hand and permanently dye human skin blue with her tears.
With the exception of Jill - played by French actress Linda Hardy adopting a very convincing non-European accent - and one or two others in elaborate costume, the whole non-human cast is rendered in CGI. It seems very strange at first, given these characters are all humanoid and look as close to human as it was possible to get with CGI four years ago, but it fits with the overall odd look of the film. Because everything is coloured so starkly, and the whole thing looks so surreal anyway, the CGI characters don't look as out of place as they might've done in a more straight-forward or colourful sci-fi.
Immortal is a strange film with a convoluted plot and bizarre aesthetic, but it's captivating, atmospheric and immensely original.
From the Heart
07:51, 6-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Over in the Inferno, Dante reminded me of a little something special from our dearly departed lord and saviour, Mr. Bill Hicks (you might want to turn your speakers down just a smidge):
Yet More Moozack!
03:00, 6-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Every now and then my randomised playlist lands on a forgotten gem that I love when I hear it, but immediately forget about when it's finished.
So I wrote today's on my hand with the specific intent on posting it right here for you all to enjoy:
Also, Shirley Manson really does it for me, and not just because of her antics with the blow-up doll...
Early Morning Pick-Me-Up
09:08, 6-Aug-2008
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Doing It With A Touch of Class
I hate perfume ads; they're so gut-wrenchingly pointless and stupid. A pair of ridiculous-looking, scrwany models in ripped jeans, whispering vapid little lines at each other that hold all the passion and romance of a cat-shit kebab, rendered in black & white in a desperate attempt to make the whole thing look artistic.Ironic, then, that the one time they get it right, the ad is banned. Thank god for the internet :D
Yes, she's talking bollocks, and yes, it's rendered in black & white to try to make it look more artistic and less pornographic, but let's face it, it's Eva Mendes.
Who Watches the Watchmen?
09:39, 2-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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On the strength of the novel, I'm going to hazard a guess at 'lots of people'.
Having finally finished the book, I can see from the trailer that many key scenes have been faithfully reconstructed, but I still wonder at how certain elements will be handled by Zak Snyder. For example, big chunks of back-story and characterisation are handled by long prose pieces - taking the form of official reports, newspaper columns, novel extracts and press interviews - interspersed throughout the novel. The story can probably be told without them, but if the writers and director are keen to remain faithful to source, then they will have to be at least alluded to in some way.
There is also something quite radical - dare I say, silly - about the maniacal scheme behind the main plot-arch. How that will translate on screen, and how audiences will react to it - especially those who haven’t read the novel - I don’t know.
Snyder and co. certainly have some tough decisions to make. However, he did bring us the excellent 300 so, whatever the result, I’ve no doubt it will be entertaining…
Ledger's Legacy
06:34, 1-Aug-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
Terrry Gilliam was on the news this morning talking about the film he was making with Heath Ledger.
He said he's had to recast the part with three actors.
And not just any three: Johnny Depp, Collin Farrel and Jude Law!
Why does the man have to die before we find out how good he really was?
The Night is Darkest Before the Dawn
01:35, 28-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
And it seems, when that dawn is 30 days away, the night is very dark!
Yes, another day, another comic-book adaptation; this time, 30 Days of Night. Josh Hartnet (who I've, till now, hated in everything he's been in except Black Hawk Down) is the sheriff of a sleepy little town in the far, frozen north that goes 30 days without sunshine. One dusk, a bunch of particularly vicious vampires roll into town and make a particularly big mess of the locals.
Continuing with Hollywood's new-found love of holding no barrs, the story-telling is kept very minimalist in favour of showing the gruesome vamps doing gruesome stuff and looking decidedly gruesome (black eyes, pale skin, long, sharp nails and a full set of very sharp teeth, covered in blood both fresh and stale throughout).
If anything, the story-telling is a little too minimalist. For example, we're never told how a nine year-old girl manages to survive almost a month in a frozen town all on her lonesome, with nothing but hungry monsters for company. Though I appreciate the idea of cutting through the crap and getting straight to fun stuff, the side-effect is certain scenes coming across as random and/or silly.
In fact, the plot movement is incredibly jumpy, with the first 20 or 30 minutes setting things up over the course of a single day, before jumping to a week into the ordeal then, without warning, 29 days.
It's also a shame the vampires aren't developed further. For all their brutality, the head of the pack is a fan of making speeches (in some undisclosed language) and everything he says and does seems to hint at some deeper story that is never told.
On the other hand, the story-telling mechanic does prevent a lot of the usual horror-movie clichés (or, at least, sweeps them aside before they wrench your gut too much) and it also helps keep the pace up, despite the number of quieter scenes, in place to crank up the tension.
All-in-all, despite its patchiness, it’s a lot of fun, with some great effects and set-pieces and masses of gore, as well as solid performances from the leads (Hartnet and the head vamp in particular).
Old Men on the Corner (creeping-out the kids)
01:01, 28-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
So, New Kids on the Block are back.
I'll just leave you to digest that for a moment...
...
Done?
Hollywood's current love of the reboot is understandable, given the success of the franchises that have done it, but the pop world has so far failed to repeat that success. Okay, so Take That managed a sell-out tour and chart-topping album of new stuff (which was shit), but everyone else who's tried recently has bombed. The Spice Girls, All Saints, Boyzone and the Backstreet Boys all returned to the scene with a minor blip of excitement from their now far post-pubescent fans, before quietly sinking back into the pit they'd dragged themselves from.
I get that has-beens must hanker after recapturing the old magic, and it isn't a huge surprise that four of the five would be keen on the idea of reforming, having done sweet fanny-adams in the past two decades. What baffles me is the return of Donnie Whalberg.
Shortly after splitting from the rest of the 'Kids', Whalberg became an actor with starring roles in a couple of films and a few successful series (including a fantastic turn in Band of Brothers). Whatever possessed him to agree to this god-awful heap of dog excrement…
…is beyond me.
I’ve little doubt that, on the evidence of the above, this will be another short-lived stumble back into the limelight before the world can return to being the happier place it was when they first split, but we must now live under the umbrella of fear that Donnie’s brother Marky-Mark might start reminiscing about the good ol’ days with the Funky Bunch.
Saints preserve us!
What it lacks in qualiy, it makes up for in content...
01:15, 27-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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This link will take you to an improved version of a particular bootleged trailer that has a lot of people excited.
My eyes shall be wide open for the official trailer release...
What's Not to Love?
11:40, 26-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Robert Rodriguez directing Rose McGowan in a chain-mail bikini, swinging a sword. Yes please...
See More Red Sonja Event Shot at IGN.com
Warning: This Review Contains Gushing
08:48, 25-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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How to sum up The Dark Knight...
I'll start with the negatives. Christian Bale's growling is a bit odd and Heath Ledger's performance makes the tragedy of his death all the more sour, as we'll never get to see it again.
I'm now out of negatives.
My heart pounded, my breath caught in my throat and at one point I even jumped! I never jump, which just goes to highlight the intensity of the film.
And it is intense. There's been a trend in Hollywood over the past year for film-makers to avoid pulling-punches, and Goyer and the Nolans (that’s Jonathan and Christopher, not the 70’s girl-group) are no exception.
Another Hollywood trend in recent years, when it comes to the big franchises, has been to make a hugely successful, entertaining and innovative first film, and then go nuts with the sequel, cramming as much in as possible and ending up with something convoluted and silly. With a new suit, new vehicle, new technology, two new major villains, a ton of grand set-pieces and even some globe-trotting, it would have been easy for The Dark Knight to go the same way, but the whole thing is put together masterfully.
In fact, the writing is some of the best I’ve seen in a very long time. There are plot and character developments handled better in these two and a half hours than I’ve seen in an entire franchise. Not a single character is wasted and the innovation surrounding The Joker’s motivations in particular is inspiring.
The cast, too, are all on top form. Of course, Bale doesn’t seem to have any level other than top form and the rest of the returning cast all have their roles expanded and are all more than up to the task. Indeed, it’s a good thing Katie Holmes bowed out of playing Rachel Dawes again, because there is no way she’d have been up for the type of performance required. Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Rachel was slyer, wittier, more intelligent, more intense and more passionate than Holmes could’ve managed.
As for the other newbies; I was very impressed with Aaron Eckhart. To date, the only thing I can remember seeing him in is The Core, in which he played the standard disaster movie hero, but he very much shows his acting chops as Harvey Dent who, on the surface, comes across as little more than an incorruptible do-gooder, but has layers to his personality ***POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT***even before the inevitable tragedy of his tranformation***POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT OVER***
But, let’s face it, it’s Heath Ledger who steals the show. It’s an understatement to say I was sceptical when I heard he’d been cast as The Joker. I knew him as the Antipodean, blond pretty-boy from Casanova and A Knight’s Tale. The Joker? And a Joker in a darker, grittier Batman universe? Are you mad?!
The perfect blend of twisted, crazy, savage and nutty. In the blink of an eye he can go from hilarious to horrific to unerringly calm and coherent. His physical, vocal and emotional performances perfectly tailored to the character.
Mad?
No.
Inspired.
It’s said that rumours of a posthumous Oscar nomination were a little hasty, but I struggle to see how anyone can possibly top that performance.
The bottom line is, believe the hype. This is the best ever Batman film, one of the best Batman stories ever told, the best film of the year so far and probably one of my favourite films of all time.
Pass? Pfft!
11:15, 24-Jul-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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I got the official results for my college course today. Gloucestershire required passes (40%) across the board to get onto the Creative Writing course:
Psychology - Merit (57%)
English Literature - Credit (67%)
English Language - Distinction (71%)
English Literature - Credit (67%)
English Language - Distinction (71%)
The latter two I already knew (at least, I knew them as preliminary results), but I wasn't so sure about Psychology. I was pretty sure I'd passed, and thought just maybe I might've edged a Merit, so it's good to see I actually got a very comfortable Merit. I've no idea how; I only completed half of the exam...
This afternoon I'm celebrating by going to see The Dark Knight, then possibly taking myself out for a drink.
While We Were Gone
06:55, 20-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Since we came back, I've been intending to copy over a few posts from blogger to keep everything up to date, but, as usual, procrastination got in the way, and so I've decided to make a highlights post...
The Rights of Men
Steven Moffat showing that he can do more than just great Doctor Who episodes:
More From Mirror's Edge
The new trailer from what looks to be a stunning game:
Incidentally, was anyone ele aware that Rhianna Pratchett - daughter of the great man himself - was an award-winning video-game writer? The above will add to her already impressive credits, which include Heavenly Sword and Overlord.
Max Payne
The latest game to get the Hollywood treatment:
I'm intrigued, but my hopes are low. I'm expecting more of the usual vapid sub-John Woo crap American movie makers tend to spit out.
Hell Ride
This, however, looks a lot more promising:
Terminator 4
Many thought a third film was a step too far, and this one isn't helped by the fact it's being made by McG, whose track record is less than glowing. However, the surprisingly wise decision has been made to approach the saga from a different angle, and it has a pretty strong cast list, so just maybe...
Watchmen
I've been uming and ahing over whether or not to buy the book. This made the decision for me:
It also reintroduced me to a stunning song (whatever Twisty might think of Billy Corgen's voice ;p ):
There were also pics of my weekends away to London and Birmingham, but they went straight up on blogger instead of my Flickr account, and efx doesn't seem to like urls, so links it is.
Doctor Horrible
02:04, 19-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Over at Vox, Sarai made a post about a new Joss Whedon project that she'd never heard of.
Neither had I.
Went to the link: http://www.drhorrible.com/
Loved every minute :D
I then read the letter written by Whedon about the poject and a particular detail caught my eye:
ONE WEEK ONLY! AN INTERNET MINISERIES EVENT!
"Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog" will be streamed, LIVE (that part’s not true), FREE (sadly, that part is) right on Drhorrible.com, in mid-July. Specifically:
ACT ONE (Wheee!) will go up Tuesday July 15th.
ACT TWO (OMG!) will go up Thursday July 17th.
ACT THREE (Denouement!) will go up Saturday July 19th.
All acts will stay up until midnight Sunday July 20th. Then they will vanish into the night, like a phantom (but not THE Phantom – that’s still playing. Like, everywhere.)
"Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog" will be streamed, LIVE (that part’s not true), FREE (sadly, that part is) right on Drhorrible.com, in mid-July. Specifically:
ACT ONE (Wheee!) will go up Tuesday July 15th.
ACT TWO (OMG!) will go up Thursday July 17th.
ACT THREE (Denouement!) will go up Saturday July 19th.
All acts will stay up until midnight Sunday July 20th. Then they will vanish into the night, like a phantom (but not THE Phantom – that’s still playing. Like, everywhere.)
That's right, people, the clock is ticking, so take 45 minutes out of your day and go watch the genius that is this: http://www.drhorrible.com/
This sentence is extraneous and I'm really disappointed in you for reading it when you should have already clicked the link and be enjoyng the show. GO!!
Cum on Feel the Noize
09:39, 5-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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The Triumph, the Tragedy and the Tears
And, with that, another brilliant series of Doctor Who comes to an end. And what an end! Shakespeare couldn't conjure tragedy like that lot can. I was on the verge of tears at the end.Oddly, it wasn't until watch Doctor Who Confidential that a tear was actually shed, when they replayed the ending, only this time backed by the heart rending Hoppipolla by Sigur Rós:
Brosandi (smiling)
Hendumst í hringi (spinning in circles)
Höldumst í hendur (holding hands)
Allur heimurinn óskýr (the world is a blur)
nema þú stendur (except when you're standing)
Rennblautur (dripping wet)
Allur rennvotur (completly soaked)
Engin gúmmístígvél (no rubberboots)
Hlaupandi í okkur (running inside of us)
Vill springa út úr skel (wants to burst out of the shell)
Vindur í (wind in)
og útilykt ? af hárinu þínu (and the smell of your hair)
Ég lamdi eins fast og ég get (i hit as hard as i can)
með nefinu mínu (with my nose)
Hoppa í poll (jumping into a puddle)
Í engum stígvélum (wearing no boots)
Allur rennvotur (rennblautur) (completely soaked (dripping wet))
Í engum stígvélum (wearing no boots)
Og ég fæ blóðnasir (and i get a nosebleed)
En ég stend alltaf upp (but i'll always stand up again)
Og ég fæ blóðnasir (and i get a nosebleed)
En ég stend alltaf upp (but i'll always stand up again)
I can't wait till Christmas!
Ooh, and I just came across this rather fine cover by We Are Scientists:
A Weekend in Brum
10:54, 3-Jul-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Today, Kylie Minogue was honoured with an OBE for ‘services to music’. If ever I do anything deemed worthy on an ‘honour’ I’m going to have to tell them to shove it up their arse. It has become a gesture as worthless as winning a TV talent show.
Anyway, it’s Thursday, so it’s about time I got around to posting about my weekend (I blame the weather for my procrastination - it has been far too hot).
Last Friday I went to Birmingham to visit an old friend. I only ever get to see my friends on all-too-rare occasions, so it was, as ever, a big deal for me. We spent the evening having a quiet drink, catching up and playing some pool. No better way to spend an evening :)
Saturday we went into the centre of Birmingham. Other than a brief visit to the Bull Ring (the city’s big shopping complex) on a previous visit, I’d never seen Birmingham. It has a reputation for being a little rundown and somewhat backward, but the only evidence of this I saw was some dip-shit having a rant at a group of Amnesty International people protesting against China’s civil rights violations. I couldn’t hear exactly what his problem was, but the fact that he was so enraged by their humble little protest for what is, to me (and I suspect many others), a very noble cause can only lead me to the conclusion that he was a fucking idiot.
Sole douche aside, the central part of the city was surprisingly beautiful; spacious and clean , with tree-lined streets, new buildings and a grand town-hall in the heart of it, sporting a large, elegant fountain where people could meet and chat and enjoy their take-out. The fact that it was a sunny day would usually mar things for me, but it wasn’t too hot and it helped make the place look all the more pleasant.
In the afternoon we went to the cinema to see The Incredible Hulk. Now, unlike many, I was a big fan of Ang Lee’s Hulk. A lot of people found it plot-heavy and weren’t convinced by his elegant approach to the story telling, but I enjoyed the contrast between Lee’s style of direction and the brutality of the character, which I thought was well represented in the action sequences. Hulk’s flight from the military was particularly impressive. Yes, it was silly in places and yes, the climactic fight was just plain stupid, but overall it was enjoyable.
With The Incredible Hulk, things don’t start well, with an attempt to retell the back-story in the space of the opening credits. Because the characters are being approached differently and are played by different actors, there needed to be some kind of build up where we got to know a little about them and could actually feel something for them in the course of the movie. Because this doesn’t happen, all of the stuff between the action is very thin. Edward Norton is given nothing to do, there is zero chemistry between him and Liv Tyler, and William Hurt’s portrayal of General Ross isn’t a patch on Sam Elliot’s. The only actor to really shine in the film is Tim Roth, though he’s not very convincing as a hard-bitten marine; not because of his performance, but because of his physique. He just looks…odd.
Of course, given everything that was said by producers in pre-production, I knew everything between the action was going to be an after-thought, even with the high-calibre cast. The action itself was spectacular. The Hulk looks better than ever, if still a little cartoony (but then, what can you expect when watching a CGI green giant). There’s an attention to detail that was previously lacking that brings the Hulk to life; at least, as close to it as has ever been.
Hulk’s nemesis, however, is another story. If anything, Abomination was over designed, with random protrudences and weird skeletal details that make the thing look less realistic the more you look at it. That said, the climactic fight between the two is one of the great action set-pieces to so far come out of Marvel Studios.
After the film, we discussed its pros and cons over a quick drink, then sought food. Rinita took me to burger place on the canal. I’ve never paid £7 for a cheeseburger before, but then I’ve never eaten a cheeseburger that was worth £7. YUM!
We then hit the bars. I’m not big on cocktails, but the first place we went to called for the drinking of one and I actually managed to find one - The New Yorker - that appealed. Tasty it was, too.
We tried a few more places, including one that we were turned away from for being ‘too casual’ (snobs), but ended up going back to the first for a final cocktail. This time I had a Rob Roy. Not bad, but I preferred the New Yorker.
Sunday, we went to see Wanted. Although this also a comic-book film, it couldn’t be further removed from The Incredible Hulk. For one thing, the basic set-up - average Joe Nobody lives a dull and pointless existence until the day he finds out his father was some great hero - is the only thing taken from the comic. In the comic version (as I understand it), a bunch of super-villains have all-but wiped out a bunch of super-heroes and are taking over the world, and only this nobody, who is actually the son of one of these heroes, can save the day. In the film, the band of super-heroes is replaced with a band of super-assassins, one of whom has gone rogue as bumping off his former comrades. Step up James McAvoy as the aforementioned nobody, who must learn the tricks of the trade and avenge his father, killed by the rogue. Cue a series of impressive, over-the-top gunfights and set-pieces that would have been laughably silly if they hadn’t been pulled off so well. There’s also enough character development and plot twists to add depth to what could’ve easily been an impressive, but shallow frag-fest.
A word of warning, however: The blood and gore is equally over-the-top. Personally I found much of it hilarious (an original take on the human shield I found particularly giggle-worthy), but Rinita had to cover her eyes once or twice, so it is not for the faint of heart. That said, she still enjoyed it so, if you can stomach it, give it a shot.
We finished the weekend with a quiet night in, watching TV over some take-out Chinese, mocking many of the selections on The Greatest Romantic Movies (whoever voted in 9½ Weeks watches too much soft porn).
Glasvegas
09:48, 1-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Ever heard of them? Until an hour ago, I certainly hadn't.
Now I'd like to hear more...
Something Familiar?
12:31, 1-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Go watch this vid over on strangecloud's blog and tell me if the guitarist reminds you of someone not a million miles away...
Or is it just me?
At the Grand Old Age of 22
10:42, 1-Jul-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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S'long
09:08, 27-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I'm away for the weekend!
Heading down to Birmingham to visit a friend, have a look around the city, chill, probably watch a movie or two (I's thinking Wanted : ) and whatever else we can think to do to kill the time.
I shall leave you with samples of two albums I picked up this week (2-for-£10 at HMV - I love HMV), starting with a band I've posted before. This be Reverend and the Makers:
(I originally posted Heavyweight Champion of the World, but cn't find the post)
Secondly, I finally got around to picking up The Killers' second album, featuring:
Till Monday, y'all!
Tony Jaa
11:45, 25-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Me and Piddy were talking about this dude (...maybe I do use that word a lot...) a few days ago, and I wanted to share for anyone who isn't aware:
Pork and Beans
09:25, 25-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Weezer! :D (along with some classic YouTube stars)
Also, the chorus of this reminds me a lot of a 90's classic:
Question
09:19, 24-Jun-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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I've just posted over something in my portfolio and I had a thought: When you subscribe a blog, do you subscribe to all of that user's blogs or just the one?
Could any of my subscribers let me know?
Be I White?
06:00, 23-Jun-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Given my pallor, if this comes out at anything bellow 90%, it is so wrong.
Put an X in all that apply. Then, take how many X's you put and multiply it by five. Then post saying, "I’m _% White."
[] You went to a private school
[] You were homeschooled for more than 4 years
[] You watch/watched the show Laguna Beach
[] You watch/watched the show American Idol
[] You watch/watched the show OC
[x] You know what a poncho is
[] You have listened to a band called Fuel
[] You've shopped at Aeropostale, Hollister,Rue 21, Abercrombie &Fitch, Krew, or Hot Topic
[] You have/had a dog that is NOT a pitbull
[] You bend the bill of your hat
[] You own a pair of dc's/converse/etnies/vans
[] You/Your parent(s) drive cars with leather seats
[x] Your main language is English
[] You say the word DUDE a lot
[] You say the word MAN a lot
[x] You think cops are awesome
[] You have absolutely no idea what Twista is saying when he raps
alot.
[x] You listen to some rock
[x] You know who Willie Nelson is
[x] Your parents give you money when you ask
[] Your parents just hand you money for no reason at all [on special occasions]
[]You wear flip flops with a lot of your clothes
[] You know what meatloaf tastes like
[] You have said awesome more than 100 times in a week
Apparently I am 30% white. Show the re-spec', homies 8)
The Greatest Cliffhanger Ending, Ever!
I done a few Greatest Such and Such, Ever posts recently, but this one simply couldn't be avoided.The first of the three-part Doctor Who series four finale has just finished and if the man himself doesn't turn up in the next five minutes to whisk me away to next Saturday evening, I'm going to be a jibbering wreck all week :/
I think my geekdom has hit a new peak...!
Quote of the Day
10:45, 20-Jun-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
P. J. O'Rourke
The "I haven't Done One of these in Ages" Meme
09:28, 19-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Rules:
1. Use no more, or less, than two words to answer each question.
2. Try not to copy any answers from the person you stole this meme from... in my case, le Twist
1. Where is your cell phone? ..................bedside table
2. Your significant other?.........................lacking one :(
3. Your hair? ...........................................messy curls
4. Your mother? ......................................the afterlife
5. Your father?.........................................living room
6. Your favorite thing?..............................great stories
7. Your dream last night?.........................don't remember
8. Your favorite drink? .............................Souther Comfort
9. Your dream/goal?.................................Successful Author
10. The room you're in?............................Front bedroom
11. Your ex?..............................................see '2'
12. Your fear?...........................................losing people
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?..not here
14. Where were you last night?.................at home
15. What you're not?.................................mentally sound
16. Muffins?...............................................yes please
17. One of your wish list items?.................Manhattan apartment
18. Where you grew up?...........................right here
19. The last thing you did?........................blog comment
20. What are you wearing?.......................khaki pants
21. Your TV?............................................portable LCD
22. Your pet(s)?........................................don't exist
23. Your computer? .................................ageing lappy
24. Your life?............................................getting there
25. Your mood?........................................nicely chilled
26. Missing someone?..............................alas, often
27. Your car?............................................written off
28. Something you're not wearing?...........cowboy hat
29. Favorite Store?...................................Grangier Games
30. Your summer?....................................too long
31. Like someone?...................................I do
32. Your favorite color?............................black, obviously
33. Last time you laughed........................this afternoon
34. Last time you cried?...........................can't remember
Straight-Talking Journalist
I know, I couldn't believe it either, but here she is:And she's rather hot. Who'd have guessed?!
Is This Supposed to be a Remake?
10:57, 18-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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From what I can tell from the trailer, this has nothing whatsoever to do with Death Race 2000, which it's supposed to be based on, but it does still look like a giggle :)
Elsewhere in the world of me: I got two shots of happiness in the post today; the first being a DVD box-set of Silence of the Lambs, The Usual Suspects and Fargo that I found online for £4.20. The second was a letter from Gloucestershire uni telling me I hadn't gotten a place in the on-campus halls of residence I applied for, but I had gotten a place in the halls of residence two streets away.
And the good news keeps on coming. I just got an email saying my copy of Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII has been posted. Hurrah!
Beth Rowley
10:25, 17-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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The woman's been doing the rounds for a while now, but has just recently gotten herself some notoriety. I had to listen to a few of her performances over and over before I could figure out what it is that bothers me about her voice:
I realised that there isn't anything wrong with it in particular - it's crisp, balanced, soulful and powerful - it's just...too clean...if that makes sense. I feel like her voice needs to age a couple of years; a touc of roughness to make it more...real...
The I've heard from her are a mixed bag. Her repertoire seems to be a mix of traditional blues, reworked classics of other genres and iffy pop. For me, the latter doesn't work at all, but the rest sounds very promising.
Blockbusters Galore
10:13, 16-Jun-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Seeing as I've been falling behind of late, I made not one, but two trips to the cinema today!
First: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In a word; flawed. No, not because Harrison Ford is now old enough to play Henry Jones Sr., and no, not because Ray Winstone was playing every sidekick cliché in the adventure movie genre, and no, not because there was no Sean Connery, and no, not because Shia LaBeouf looked ridiculous in his James Dean costume.
In fact, there was nothing wrong with the cast at all. Ford looked a little tired in places, but he was meant to, and the rest of the cast were fantastic, especially Cate Blanchett who proved she can play a mean badguy and even get stuck in with the action.
Indeed the action is where the film really shines. Ford might not be able to take the punches and falls like he used to, but he still gives it some. Spielberg also went old-school with the action; avoiding any CGI in favour of traditional blue-screen work, which wasn't particularly convincing, but far more entertaining than watching a bunch of shodily-animated pixels going at it (let's face it, Square Enix were doing better CG work with the Playstation 1's technology than Hollywood has so far managed with its multi-hundred-million-dollar budgets).
Sadly the film falls doing at the story, which is, I'm sorry to say, stupid. In all seriousness (and I know Dante will be preparing to stone me for this one, but hear me out), has George Lucas written anything decent since The Last Crusade? I'm sorry to say it, but in the last twenty years, he has written nothing of worth. Like everything he's written in the past two decades, the story of Crystal Skulls starts out promisingly enough, but then gets silly.
That said, it's still worth seeing, if only for the fun romp that it is.
Speaking of fun romps, the second film I saw today was Iron Man.
There's little that can be said about Iron Man, really. It's pretty much everything we've come to expect from the better Marvel adaptations of recent years: great action; great special effects; relatively faithful. As an origin story, it's a little slow in places as things are explained and developed, but it's almost as good as the first X-Men and Spider-Man films and, again, the cast is mostly great (Gwyneth Paltrow still doesn't convince as a leading lady (or even a damsel in distress)). Robert Downey Jr. is always fantastic, but the biggest surprise is Jeff Bridges, not least because I watched The Big Lebowski yesterday and his performance here couldn't be further removed. Besides which, he's barely recognisable with a shaved head and flase beard.
Next will most likely be The Incredible Hulk, then probably Wanted when I head off to Birmingham next week.
in the mean time, I've got The Bromeliad to read, the rest of Witches Abroad to listen to and Powerstone to play on my PSP :)
Speaking of Pratchett, between films I sat myself down in a café and attempted to get back into my writing groove. I think his influence rubbed off a little:
It was early autumn on the tundra and a lot of the indigenous species had already begun their southerly migration; prey and predators alike. Those that remained in the eastern region were mostly those small enough to survive on the meagre vegetation that remained (and could emerge safe in the knowledge their main predators had moved on) or the elder of the large animals who couldn’t make the journey and had chosen to see out their final winter.
And the Raeven.
It was difficult to explain the Raeven to newcomers to the region. Most who were told the story assumed they were listening to a local myth; an old-wives’ tale told to make the isolated town in its desolate surroundings seem somehow more significant. She was an elder of a pride of snow tigers, descended from the Ghost of the Tundra.
The story went that Raeven - a gentle woman from a gentle town beyond the tundra - had gotten lost on the journey to Arrunden. She was attacked and left for dead by a group of bandits, but was saved by a lonely tiger named Aegin. The two took revenge on the bandits, then chose to roam the tundra together, striking at other bands that would dare attack travellers from the south. After many years of protecting the region, the two died and their spirits joined to form the Ghost of the Tundra; an ethereal presence that could take the form of woman or tiger so that, together, they could go on protecting the region forever more.
Unto each generation since, the tigers descended from Aegin chose a female elder from the pride to take the name of Raeven and watch over the town.
The story wasn’t entirely untrue; just a rather mystical rendering of the truth. Rain wondered how his great grandmother would’ve reacted to the tale. But then, from what little he remembered of her, he wouldn’t be surprised if old Raeven en-Talath hadn’t been the one to first tell it.
*sings* Aaall byy myy seeeeeelf...
11:33, 15-Jun-2008
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I don't think I've ever been here all on my lonesome before.
Hello?! Hello?! Hello?! Hello?!
*looks around for things to steal/wreck/play with*
Rising from Obscurity
One of the best answers to a quiz-show question, ever.Strange Days
08:22, 12-Jun-2008
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I can't remember when or how I was first introduced to the film, but Strange Days has been a favourite of mine for a long time. An atmospheric semi-sci-fi noir thriller about a deeler of illegally recorded memories (played by RaLph Feinnes, sporting an American accent that had me convinced he was taking the piss when he went all posh for The Avengers) caught up in a nasty conspiracy that he fears will endanger his ex (a slutty Juliette Lewis showing off her vocal chords (among other things) long before she fronted The Licks).
Strangely, one the main things to stick with me from the film was the song that played over the end credits. It's difficult to describe, especially as it's performed in - I'm led to believe by Wiki - Bulgarian by English singer Peter Gabriel and French group Deep Forest. The song is very atmospheric and perfectly suited to the tone of the film, but odd. Think Enigma with a dab of acid:
Apparently that's someone burning a lump of solid alcohol. I know not why
The Quest
02:53, 12-Jun-2008
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No, this isn't some bloke miming to Amy Winehouse. This is, in fact, new guy Bryn Christopher:
And I love it :)
Singin' in da Rain
06:02, 11-Jun-2008
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Though it's not uncommon for songs from ads to top the charts here in the UK, it usually doesn't take two years. Nevertheless, Mint Royale's mix of Singing in the Rain, as used in a now relatively old VW ad, was this week's number 1 single.
Usually at this point I'd post the video to said track, but frankly, it's crap, so here's the ad, which isn't:
On a related note, my search for the above also brought up this; one of the greatest commercials of all time:
**EDIT**
Also found this one that I'd never seen before:
Yes Please
10:27, 11-Jun-2008
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Though I've been keeping up with alerts and posting the occasional vid, I realise I've been relatively quiet of late. College work hasn't really gotten on top of me and I haven't been particularly stressed by any of it, but it has been my main focus.
Now, however, it's over!
Yesterday was my English Lit exam, and I think it went quite well; the first half, anyway. The second was a little slap-dash, but I'm pretty sure I've done enough. At the very least, I know I've passed the course.
All of them, in fact. My Psyche exam was last week was a complete bust, but I was going into it with an overall pass already, so anything I do get out of that will be a bonus.
As mentioned a couple of days ago, I also got my last English Language grade, which I think leaves me with an overall distinction :) I might not be able to spell, but at least I can construct a good sentence, it seems.
So, what now?
I'm pondering changing my bank account in my hunt for better student benefits. I have to fill and send off my PN1 form (student loan application) by the 27th and I should have my official grades by the end of this month to send to Gloucestershire uni to secure my place. I could also do with a part-time job...
I need to get back into writing, too. I've barely written anything creative since I started college, with the exception of a couple of Language assignments (three of which were supposed to be researched, but I ended up making the whole thing up - god knows how I've landed a distinction...I guess I'm also good at bullshit). I'm especially eager to get back to some of my novel stuff. The stories and characters are forever swimming around in my head, growing and developing in some form or another, and I need to rein the ideas in and get them down on paper (well, in type) before they get out of hand.
Must also catch up on my cinema-going. I'm still yet to see Ironman or Indiana Jones, and with Hulk and The Happening out this weekend, and so many more coming this month and early next, I'm falling behind.
On the 27th, I'm headed down to Birmingham to visit a friend, and I know we'll get at least one cinema trip in, but there is s much I want to see!
One thing I have watched recently was Silent Hill on the insistance of Del. I've always been in two minds whether or not I wanted to see it. Yes, it's a video-game adaptation, which immediately sets alarm bells ringing, however, it is also a Christophe Gans film. Christophe Gans directed Brotherhood of the Wolf; one of my favourite films of all time and certainly one of the most visually stunning (there are moments when it makes Lord of the Rings look like it was shot in a nursery), so I was undeniably curious.
The first half of the film is brilliant, and captures the mood of the games fantastically. Dark, creepy and mysterious and not in the least bit afraid to shock (a particular scene with ashen children could've been lifted directly from the games). The cast is pretty strong too; most notably the little girl at the centre of the plot who starts out as the standard frightened child, but takes some rather mental turns as things progress. Sean Bean cannot do an American accent, but otherwise it was all good.
The creepy monster thingies were all done extremely well, too; especially if you've played the games. In some cases the film-makers actually succeeded in making them more nuts than they ever were.
Unfortunately, the film loses its way when the background story comes to light. It's quite harrowing, but not particularly inventive and the big climactic scene is a bit silly. That said, the ending was suitably haunting and very well played.
Overall, enjoyable piece of horror fare, which you'll likely get more of a kick out of if you've played the games.
Speaking of games, that's something else I need to catch up with. So far, the only thing I've completed on my shiny new 360 is Halo 3 and I've already got a decent collection to work through. I also need to either get back into World of Warcraft or cancel my subscription (at least for now).
It's good to be free :D
The Greatest Thing in the World, Ever
10:12, 10-Jun-2008
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For less than £2,000!
Calling Out From Scatland
03:12, 9-Jun-2008
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My mind wanders a lot, especially if I'm not doing anything or waiting for something. Sometimes this results in stories being fine-tuned, characters being created or plot-lines being worked out. Sometimes I talk to myself. Sometimes I start chuckling because I've remebered a funny bit from the previous night's Mock the Week. And sometimes I start singing random stuff that I haven't heard for years.
Today, the musical accompaniment to me waiting for the kettle to boil was an obscure and mostly forgotten piece of 90s bizarrness:
Believe it or not, that wasn't even his biggest hit. That would be his debut:
And you thought the 80s was weird...
Homecoming
10:47, 9-Jun-2008
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With my final exam coming tomorrow afternoon (and the whole place smelling of sweat thanks to this insufferably heat) I decided it was time for a spring-clean, so I strapped my iPod to my arm, put on some Green Day and got to work.
Then this little epic came on and I just had to post it:
Give it at least till the "rock'n'roll band" bit
In unrelated news, I got the result today for my god-awful literary review of Dracula that I did for English Language. I got 66%!
In Case of Emergency
12:45, 6-Jun-2008
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Following yesterday's breakdown, Pixie took this opportunity to bring her alt. blog to everyone's attention, should the unthinkable happen and efx goes the way of dodo. I think it's a good idea that we all do the same, so: http://bebbetmk2.blogspot.com/
We're Back!
11:27, 6-Jun-2008
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Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!
To celebrate, here's some classic Radiohead:
Bluesy Goodness
11:51, 5-Jun-2008
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Up until a few days ago, I'd never heard of Stevie Ray Vaughan. Tex and birdie fixed that:
Also, this is very cool:
**EDIT**
This damn cool, too:
You're Never Too Big for Karaoke
11:48, 31-May-2008
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These Guys Look Familiar
09:47, 31-May-2008
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This be Foxboro Hot Tubs with the brilliant Mother Mary
Covering All Bases
07:35, 29-May-2008
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Earlier today I made a post about Scarlett Johansson's somewhat interesting musical debut, and the subsequent conversation got me to thinking.
It's an old cliché to hear a model say she wants to be an actress. Many try, but few actually make a success of it (primarily because the vast majority of them can't act). The only exceptions to this I can think of are Cameron Diaz, Michelle Yeoh and on other.
Some say they love to sing, though it's impossible for anyone else to love them doing it as they tend to be either shrill or flat or some freakish amalgamation of the two.
How unlikely, then, is it that a model would come along who can't just act and can't just sing, but can do both, and pretty damned well?
More surprising still is that her voice is actually interesting. She has a unique accent and somehow manages to be at once delicate and husky.
She can even rock out if she wants to:
The Onion: THE MOVIE
10:41, 29-May-2008
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Somone on efx - I believe it is Ogre - has been know to reference The Onion on occassion. While watching last night's Daily Show, the first 10 seconds of this popped up, much to my surprise. Obviously, being a slave to curiosity, I immediately headed to YouTube and found the whole thing:
I agree with the kids :)
Falling Down
07:31, 29-May-2008
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I glimpsed an article on IGN a few days ago reviewing an album by Scarlett Johansson. I didn't actually read the review; just took in the 7.1/10 score, which isn't bad, especially considering Johansson isn't just an actress; she's a hot actress.
I've racked my brain, but can't think of a hot actress who can sing...
On first hearing the first single, I still couldn't think of one.
However, as the song progressed and I gradually got used to it, I grew to like the unusual alt-rock/folksy melody and the way her husky, lazy, near-flat voice (almost like a female Nick Cave...perhaps...) melts into the music.
Not being a Tom Waits fan, I of course wasn't aware that this was a Tom Waits cover. On hearing the original, the track makes a lot more sense:
The Writing's on the Wall
02:30, 29-May-2008
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It's 2:30 in the a.m., I've been staring at this monitor pretty-much all day and when I look away from the screen, I can still see lines of text. If the deadline for this essay hadn't passed two and a half hours ago, I'd go to bed...
Not Very Princely Behaviour
06:01, 28-May-2008
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Actually, I'm not too impressed by this trailer, but everything I've been reading about the game so far looks goooood...
Where Have All the Good Scares Gone?
02:42, 28-May-2008
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In a previous post, a conversation as kicked up about horror movies. I had a similar conversation on one of IGN's boards not so long ago following the release of the Hollywood remake of The Eye.
Why aren't horror movies scary any more? Look back at Night of the Living Dead, The Exorcist and The Omen. These films were terrifying at the time and, though dated and somewhat tame (occasionally hilarious) nowadays, still stand as great films.
Since then, however, we've had Nightmare on Elm Street (started off as mildly humorous, then gradually became camper than an all-male production of Mamma Mia), Friday the 13th (annoying American teens diced up by a pissed-off grieving mother - hurrah!), Halloween (zzzzzzzz) and now Saw and Hostel and their innumerable rip-offs, whose makers seem to think the way to scare people is to gross them out. Frankly there was more imaginative brutality in Tom & Jerry (better acting, too).
So desperate has western cinema become, film makers have had to look to the east for good ideas, but rather than take inspiration, they instead spew out ill-conceived remakes, which, compared to the originals, are truly pathetic. The first two Ring films, for example, were fantastic and very creepy (Ring 0 was tedious, tenuous and crap - they can't always get it right), while the American remakes were gut-wrenchingly dull.
Of course, there are some shining lights - The Evil Dead trilogy, The Descent, the Scream trilogy, Lost Boys, Dog Soldiers, 28 Days Later (yet to see Weeks); these are all great films - but in the last four decades, the only film produced by a western studio that was even remotely scary was Event Horizon.
I do understand that this might just be a matter of temperament. What one person finds scary, another may find ridiculous, so have any of you seen anything that has genuinely scared you or creeped you out, that you still find creepy to this day?
Yeah, that makes sense...
08:11, 27-May-2008
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Over the past couple of weeks local elections have taken place all over the country, and the Labour Party took an absolute pasting.
The party acknowledged that one of the reasons for this is the rising cost of living, which they blame on the state of the global economy and the rising cost of oil.
Today, truckers throughout the country are planning a mass protest in reaction to government plans to increase fuel and road tax.
So, to recap, the Labour Party have taken an election spanking, accept that it's partly because people are broke and have subsequently decided to increase the cost of living.
We're governed by morons. I know that doesn't come as a big shock or revelation to anyone, but every week that goes by just makes me despair further. These people are allowed to roam the streets, freely!
A century ago, such behaviour was treated with a tap to each temple and the forehead with a small hammer and chisel.
Artistic Littering
03:05, 26-May-2008
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Saw this on my way to college the other day, and it made me smile:
The Future's So Bright...
02:38, 26-May-2008
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Following a short conversation about fashion, Lil' pd asked - nay; demanded - to see pics of our favourite items of clothing, so here be mine:
I've got four pairs of shades: One similar to the above, but rounder; one rounder still and a little bigger (they make me look like a bug); one round, but narrower and smaller that I got off friends for my 26th birthday. Those I wear when I wanna be more dressy.
But the above is my favourite pair. They wrap around slightly to protect my eyes better, they're blue tinted, which I've always found works best for filtering glare and, or course, they look the best 8-)
In Other Music-Related News...
09:22, 24-May-2008
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I've chatted to a couple of people tonight who had no idea this existed...
Yes, that is Antonio Banderas.
The Greatest Eurovision Song Ever?
09:06, 24-May-2008
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"There's no Peter Pan, so what can you do?"
Genius!
On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness
11:22, 22-May-2008
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I know there are a few Penny Arcade fans kicking around on the blog, which is why it's surprising that I haven't seen anyone post this yet (it's very possible someone has and I've simply missed it):
For those among you who aren't aware, this has just hit Xbox Live. I'm downloading the trial version as I type...
They Rise Again
09:18, 22-May-2008
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I was very sceptical when this was first announced:
Now I'm less so.
The Mystery of Stonehenge, Solved!
Check out the rest: http://channel.nationalgeographic.co...e=05392_00
Whedon Does it Again
Today Weren't A Bad Day
06:46, 19-May-2008
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Despite having now completed my English Language course at college, I had to drag myself in today to rearrange something on the last assignment I handed in. It wasn't much and it gave an opportunity to get my results back for a half-arsed piece of work I handed in after a month of stressing over it (the work, not the result).
After a month of stressing, I threw something together that I thought was at least somewhere near presentable and settled for that in the hope that it was at least enough to get me a pass (40%). In fact, it was enough to get me a high credit (68%). More surprisingly, the presentation that went with it, which I threw together in 20 minutes during the lunch hour before I gave it, scored a distinction (75%).
Eegads, I thought...
Elated, I took myself shopping, picking up a couple of games for my 360 (Kameo and Colin McRae's Dirt) and a couple of DVDs. I did well with the DVDs. From Russia with Love for £3 and the Lethal Weapon collection for £5!
Arriving home, feeling somewhat pleased with my purchases, I was presented with an intriguing looking package of ample size (easy, girls). I wracked my brains trying to think of what I might have ordered over the past month that would fit the size and shape, but couldn't think of a thing, so cut my way into the box quite carefully.
I regularly frequent an internet store call, simply, Play. Play regularly run competitons generally consisting of a simple question and a rather interesting prize, ranging from signed t-shirts to trips to New York, and I regularly enter them, seeing as they're interesting and free and you never know.
I must've entered a coupla dozen of these comps and have forgotten practically everything I've tried for, which is why it was a surprise to receive a signed copy of Korn's latest album, along with signed t-shirt...
...and a signed exclusive canvas-print of the album artwork...
...which looks frelling fantastic!
Now, if only I had somewhere to hang it...
Cross-Eyed Morality
08:53, 19-May-2008
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There’s a debate currently going on in the House of Commons as to whether or not scientists should be allowed to splice human and animal embryos in a bid to find cures for illnesses such as Parkinson’s, and whether to allow parents to have so-called ‘donor babies’ if they have a child with a serious illness.
Critics say it’s wrong because it is tampering with nature. These critics are, of course, morons.
Other than in the case of physical injury, what medical treatment is not tampering with nature? As a species we’re living far longer than we are naturally designed to. Cancer patients are kept alive, even cured, by being battered with near-fatal levels of radiation. Antibiotics help fight infections. Lasers help cure blindness. Aspirin eases a headache. All of this is tampering with nature.
As for the ‘donor babies’ thing: this country has the highest teen-pregnancy rate in Europe; possibly the world. These children are not having children out of love, or to further advance our species. They’re doing it to get money out of the government, or because they’re too lazy/embarrassed to use birth control. Gods forbid someone should want to have a child in order to save the life of another!
I’m tired of these simpering, insipid, panicky, ignorant, witless fuck-wits and their knee-jerk freak-outs every time a new course for medical advancement is suggested. They’re more concerned with their cross-eyed morality than with easing people’s suffering and curing the sick.
Puppetry in Motion
Sticking with this week's theme of 'comics'...
I think I've made my stance on racism clear in past (basically, pluck out the eyes of all racists and the world is a simpler and happier place for all), but as to what racism is; I'd like to leave it to someone vastly more articulate:Marcus Brigstocke
07:30, 14-May-2008
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Over on the blog of Twist, our McSpanky has posted a link to the great Ross Noble, doing his thing on Jack Dee: Live at the Apollo. In the Related section, I noticed a vid from an old favourite of mine that saw a while back. I do wonder how much of this will make sense to my American cousins around the board, but bare with it; one of your compatriots will follow...
Yes, I'm aware there's a line in there pinched from Bill Hicks, but at least it's just a line
And, as promised:
"Things are getting strange; I'm starting to worry...
10:56, 12-May-2008
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...This could be a case for Mulder and Scully."
And, just in case you don't get reference (shame on you):
Get in the Swing
07:53, 12-May-2008
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Yet another song fixation: This be Pendulum with Propane Nihgtmares:
For some reason, the hook of this song reminded me of Apollo 440, so here's some old Apollo 440, too:
Incidentally, that film wasn't great, but it had some fantastic set-pieces.
Some Classic British Humour
08:31, 10-May-2008
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I don't know why this came to mind this morning; I haven't seen it for years. Regardless of the reason, here's Victoria Wood with Let's Do It. Enjoy:
And Just How Good Does This Look...?
11:11, 8-May-2008
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Arrgh!! Blue screen of death!!
I was just coming to the end of writing this post when it happened, too >:(
Fortunately I had the foresight to write it in Word, so I only lost the last paragraph :)
Alas, I did lose a chunk of my Psychology assingment *sob*
(and now efx is struggling... not a good day for technology)
Anyway...
In other game-related news; spurred on by the release of GTA IV and then having an extended go on it on my cousin's PS3, I've finally joined the current-gen market with the purchase of an Xbox 360 :)
In fact, I lucked out. Seeing as my financial situation isn't fantastic, but is far better than it has been for the past eight years, I decided to shop around for a pre-owned console. I know the 360's had its issues, but I couldn't argue with a price tag of £140 with a year's guarantee. Unfortunately, the store offering that oh so attractive deal had none in stock and, from the reaction of the staff, didn't look likely to in the near future, so I instead had to fork over an extra £20 at another store.
It wasn't till I got home and checked the memory that I found it didn't have the standard 20gig HD-Drive that usually comes with the system. No, it was kitted out with a 120gig, which, for those not in the know, costs upwards of £100.
I also picked up a play-and-charge kit for £10 and Gears of War and Halo 3 for £25 (for the pair).
I'm very much happy with my 360 and, in particular, the exclusive titles available for it, however, it is now clear to see why the PS3 is so much more expensive (almost £100 more). For starters it's a Blu-Ray player; pricey bits of kit on their own and made all the more valuable with the death of HD-DVD (though the advantage of this is the HD-DVD player for the 360 is now dirt cheap, and the films themselves will soon be less expensive than regular old DVDs).
Also, online play on the PS3 is free. Okay, £35 for a whole year isn’t bad, but that’s not really the point.
Then there’s the little things. The PS3 has an in-built wireless modem. On the 360 it costs and extra £60. The PS3 controller has an in-built battery pack which can be charged from the system while you play through a standard USB cable. On the 360 that costs an extra £13 (though I went with a non-official pack to save cash - it works just as well (in fact, if the manual’s to be believed, the battery actually lasts longer than the official one)). On the plus side for the 360’s controller, it can turn the system on and off and the trigger buttons are far better then the PS3’s L2 and R2 (which have been changed from the old to be more like triggers, but are too slippery). Finally there’s the system interface, which is frankly a lot neater on the PS3.
But there are two significant advantages the 360 has over the PS3. Firstly, unless you bagged the now discontinued 60gig model, the European PS3 has no backwards compatibility; not even through software emulation. The 360’s is limited, but it is there and it is expanding. Secondly there’s the exclusive titles. Of course, these come down to your own opinion, but I lean more towards the 360 than the PS3 in this respect. Yes, the PS3 has Motorstorm, Heavenly Sword (which I’d like to experience, despite its underwhelming reviews) and the upcoming Killzone 2 and Resistance 2, but the 360 has Halo 3 and Gears of War, and the upcoming Halo Wars, Gears of War 2, Fable 2 and a handful of others that I had in mind, but presently escape me. I know the PS3 has Metal Gear Solid 4, Gran Turismo 5 and Final Fantasy XIII on their way, but, as stunning as they all look, I never really got into the MGSs beyond the first, I’m more of a Burnout fan than Gran Turismo (Paradise is an absolute riot) and FF VII and IX are the only ones I’ve ever managed to stick with without getting bored (with such RPGs, it all comes down to the strength of the plot and characters for me). Besides which, my PS3-owning cousin is a fan of all three, so I can always try them out when he inevitably gets hold of them.
The majority of other great titles on their way - including the above - are all cross-console games and it feels good to finally be able to properly look forward to them.
All that aside, at the end of the day it came down to the price. Through a little shopping around I got my 360 with a 120gig HD-Drive, a play-and-charge kit, Halo 3 and Gears of War for a grand total of £195. Colour me chuffed!
At some point over the next couple of days, when I'm finally done with this damned Psychology assignment, I'm going to seek out GTA IV and trade in my old Xbox and games that don't work on the newbie.
*Edit*
Re: the 120gig HD-Drive thing. I must've been looking at it through tired eyes. It didn't say 114gig remaining, it said 11.4 *rolls tired eyes* I've been staring at my monitor too long...
Flyleaf
03:40, 7-May-2008
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Elsewhere, on a somewhat geekier forum full of fellow World of Warcrafters, someone posted a fan vid for a song I'd never heard by a band I'd never heard of.
I liked.
I bought their album.
I like.
Flyleaf:
Also, interesting to see such a frail-looking waif of a girl shrieking so convincingly.
Yet ANOTHER Batman Trailer
01:38, 6-May-2008
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A bit of Metallica Even Twisty Might Enjoy
09:27, 5-May-2008
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From the great Rodrigo y Gabriela:
For those of us who also appreciate the original:
I have been majorly stressed over the past month or two, but I'm getting on top of things now. Still have a lot of work to do before the end of the week, but I'm getting there.
The main thing is, I'm caught up with my alerts :)
For Those Who Can't Wait for Sin City 2
10:34, 24-Apr-2008
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Yet Another Batman Trailer (though not what you might think)
05:44, 21-Apr-2008
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And You Thought Zelda Looked Good
08:50, 18-Apr-2008
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Pushing Their Luck
07:53, 15-Apr-2008
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ITV is a rubbish TV network. Over the past ten years, their schedule has been rammed with repetitive soaps, cheap quizzes and gut-wrenching reality shows. They often get some good movies, but can't help showing a half-hour news program half-way through.
As mentioned in my last post, it seemed that the network had woken up to how far behind the other networks they were falling when they bought up two big US shows to be shown on their flagship channel: Dexter and Pushing Daisies.
Today it was announced that the second episode of Pushing Daisies is being dropped because nine were made and ITV had only scheduled for eight.
They're idiots.
Shoop-shoop-shooby-do-wah
10:52, 13-Apr-2008
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Over on pd's blog, I was just reminded of this:
(I've never heard the uncensored version before)
Then, on listening to this, I was reminded of this:
In other news, several weeks (possibly months) ago, Sarai mentioned a little program on her blog called Pushing Daisies, in which a guy brings people back from the dead for a minute so he can find out what happened to them and collect the reward money. I shrugged it off for baring a striking resemblance to the pilot episode of Torchwood (in which an alien glove is used to bring the dead back to life for two minutes to find out what happened to them).
However, that one parallel aside, the shows couldn't be more different. I'd best describe Pushing Daisies as Amelie meets Six-Feet Under as seen through the eyes of Roald Dahl (and possibly a touch of Tim Burton, though it stars neither Johnny Depp or Helena Bonham-Carter). Witty, whimsical and hugely inventive, it plays out like nothing else on TV at the moment, and kudos to ITV for snapping it up. Over the past five years they've been sticking to the same old format of showing only tried and tested home-grown shows that were getting more dull and more monotonous as time went on. If ever they did buy up anything new from across the pond, it tended to be relegated to ITV2 (their half-arsed digital channel) and bounced around the schedule so no-one could keep track of it.
However, now that they have both Dexter and Pushing Daisies, and are showing them in regular prime-time (well, late-prime in the case of Dexter, but that's to be expected) slots on their flag-ship channel, it seems they're putting some effort into making themselves interesting.
Bionic Woman was also something of a coup for them, though I can see why it failed in the states. The scatter-shot writing and clumsy and repetitive action sequences make the semi-intriguing premise difficult to follow, and the only thing that made it stand out from all the other reluctant-hero shows around was the lead character's attitude and her interaction with the organisation she's compelled to work for (for example, at the start of one episode, while out with her sister, she's ordered by her boss to keep tabs on somebody and make sure they stay where they are for at least five minutes till they can be picked up. Torn between her sister and her job, she asks the man out-right if he wouldn't mind staying-put until he's arrested. Of course he tries to drive away, so she sighs and casually smacks his head off his stearing wheel, knocking him out cold, and returns to her sister).
Former Eastender Michelle Ryan and Battlestar's Katee Sarkhoff are both pleasing eye-candy, but overall the show was simply too amateurish to last.
While on the subject of State-side failures; as many of you will know from Twist's blog, Grindhouse finally got a limited release over here, and on Thursday I finally got to see. I'm very pleased I never got around to buying the individual films on DVD, not because they're not worth owning, but because it made the double-feature all the more special. Planet Terror is, by far, the superior of the two. Every single character is a joy in their own right, the plot is wonderfully ridiculous and the action, with its excessive gore, random explosions and guns with blatantly limitless ammo, is superb.
Death Proof is very different. I got the impression that Tarantino took his film to heart and was more reluctant than Rodriguez to go all out and make something patently ridiculous, then mess around with it in the editing room. The result is very unbalanced. The first act is full of choppy scenes and scratched celluloid. The majority of it is taken up with some very tedious character development aimed at increasing the impact of the final scene, but is so dull, the end of the act is more of a relief than a shock (that said, it is grin-inducingly gruesome).
The second act, though grainy, is otherwise cleanly shot. Again it starts out with some character development, but the second bunch are far more interesting than the first (except for Mary-Elisabeth Winstead, who's purely there as a tasty-looking plot-device). A ten-minute diner scene, which could have been nerve-shreddingly boring, is made entertaining by the performances, the script and the fact that the whole thing is done in a single shot, and a bunch of other Tarantino-esque techniques come into play throughout. The act then ends with about half-an-hour straight of brilliant edge-of-the seat action, the end of which is particularly superb (and hilarious).
Mention also must be made of the spoof trailers. Between the two features, there are trailers made by Eli Roth (Hostel), Rob Zombie and Edgar Wright (Spaced,Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) all truly inspired and all featuring some surprising and big cameos (I wept when I saw Fu Manchu). However, the best of them all comes right at the beginning from Rodriguez and Tarantino. Machete could potentially be the greatest film of all time.
Hmm... Over the past week I've also watched Shaolin Soccer and Futurama: Bender's Big Score, but seeing as how it's past midday, I'm still in my jammies and I only intended on posting the Afroman vid before ranting on about other stuffs, I'll leave them for later (I imagine the majority of you have already seen Shaolin Soccer anyway).
This Looks...Original
08:38, 10-Apr-2008
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It'll be worth it, if only to see Robert Downey Jr. blacked up.
My Thoughts Exactly
11:46, 9-Apr-2008
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I'd just like to say, Oooooh...
09:04, 7-Apr-2008
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Thanks, Deej!
09:54, 7-Apr-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Woke to this this morning:
Hurrah! :D
Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
09:25, 7-Apr-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Spin-off series and remakes of old shows are always a risk. Sometimes they work (Battlestar Gallactica; Angel), sometimes they're iffy (Bionic Woman) and sometimes they bomb, hugely (Flash Gordon).
To do a spin-off by way of a remake seems even riskier, but, this morning, while browsing YouTube for something else, I was reminded of one that worked (as well as being reminded of a song that's genius):
Istanbul Lyrics
It Brings Tears to the Eyes
Tuuuuuunes
02:46, 4-Apr-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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First off, Make Mistakes by Infadels:
Never heard of them before today, but caught the end of this while channel hopping and liked the sound of it.
Secondly, Cops and Robbers by Hoosiers. So far, three singles and three great videos. This is my favourite of them:
Hollywood Has Found Its Balls
06:17, 3-Apr-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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It would seem 2008 is the year of Hollywood shrugging its policy of toning down its action-movie content and playing it safe, and getting back to good old bullets, blood and bad language. Rambo got things going a couple of months ago and Righteous Kill is set to continue the trend later this year. In the mean time there's this:
Cracking the Whip
04:03, 2-Apr-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I know I've mentioned InMe (I still get a kick out of that video) a few times on this blog, but last week I took delivery of their latest album, Daydream Anonymous and had to share a piece of it.
Firstly, a vid of them performing my favourite song from the album (I recommend only watching the first minute and a half):
Alas the sound quality is crap (though this is the best of the bunch of recordings of this song on YouTube), but I was impressed by Dave McPherson's showyness with his guitar.
This is how the song's supposed to sound:
Cracking The Whip Lyrics
I know I've been quite for the past few weeks. I've been stressing over assignments and am now very far behind with one in particular. If I don't get it in before the end of this week, I'm screwed. How royally screwed remains to be seen.
On the plus side, I received one back today that I'd grown tired of and bodged together as best I could to hand in. I got 68% :D
Didn't See this One Coming
07:42, 1-Apr-2008
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I Vant to Suck Your Bluuurrrrrd
04:14, 31-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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After a long fascination with vampires and the surrounding mythos, I’ve finally gotten around to reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and I must say, so far, I’m unimpressed (sorry Nicola).
It opens with the diary of Jonathan Harker, travelling to Transylvania for some dealings with one Count Dracula and, my god the man is dull! From his tedious observations of the places he sees and the people he encounters on his way to the castle, to the laborious description of his growing unease in the company of the Count, I couldn’t help thinking, Please, bite this doofus, already! It was a relief when the juicy stuff about the Count’s strange behaviour and supernatural abilities finally started, but then it ends and we’re whisked away to jolly old England for the even greater tedium of Mina Murray’s journal. To Stoker’s credit, the betrothed Jonathan and Mina are perfect for each other; witless, dull and freakishly obsessed with their respective dreeries...um, diaries. Jonathan goes so far as to sit down in the middle of an attempted escape from the castle to detail his plight.
The only convincing thing about the novel so far is the diary of Dr. Seward; the shrink taking care of a nutter named Renfield.
It doesn’t help that the timeline is all over the place. It’s forgivable when Stoker tells Jonathan’s tale, then back-tracks to tell Mina’s side of things (but I think it was a mistake to cut the action dead just when it’s getting going to revert to the simpering boredom of the brooding missus), but he can’t even keep on track when only focusing on one character. At one point, Mina’s journal jumps two weeks between July and August, then later jumps back to July to run further into August. I can kinda see why, but that doesn’t stop it feeling clumsy and totally unnecessary.
The ghost ship has just crashed on the beach, which, in every film adaptation I've seen, signals ghoulish craziness. I can only hope (though the newspaper correspondence that accompanies that part of the tale was as unconvincing as the rest).
Pratchett on Alzheimer's
09:15, 27-Mar-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/new...=1&bbcws=1
An 'Unfortunate' Write-Off
05:28, 21-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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A few weeks ago I posted a classic from Ocean Colour Scene. As much as I love The Day We Caught the Train, I was disappointed not to find my favourite track on YouTube. Then, of course, I discovered imeem:
News on my poor little car that, a week ago, was given a funky new paintjob by a bus: It's a write-off! A little surprising considering the only visible damage was a few scrapes and a missing tail-light, but the isurance company called yesterday to say the whole panel would need replacing at a cost of just over £300. Alas the car's re-sale value currently stands at only £250, so repair is not a viable option. The insurance company will, therefore, be sending me a cheque for the car's list-price, which is somewhere in the region of £1,000.
To say I was upset by the news would be, let's face it, a lie. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss my car. I enjoy driving and I hate public transport, but, looking at it from a studen't point of view, I'm saving £50 a month on insurance, £40 a month on petrol and I'll actually have money in the bank before I go to uni (assuming I don't do something stupid, like go out and buy a PS3...hmmm... No! Naughty imagination! Not happening!).
Actually, I'll probably stick half of it in my savings account and let it build a little interest.
Another track I always wanted to post, but could never find, is an old Bowie cover. It's kinda scary to think it's now 40 years since he recorded this:
In other news, it's Friday and, dear god, I'm bored! I really should have been doing some work today, but I've been too bored to get myself motivated, Instead I've played some Spider-Man 2, read some Dracula and channel-hopped through the shit Good Friday TV. Argh!!
Finally, this being Friday, I couldn't go without posting something noisy >:)
(There are two videos for this on YouTube, but one doesn't embed and the other is of crap audio quality)
Going to have some dinner now and try to waste some time till The Now Show comes on.
'Righteous' Somehow Doesn't Quite Cover It...
04:34, 19-Mar-2008
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(my posting numbers are going to start catching up to pd's)
I Feel the Earth Move
04:05, 19-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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This is why all singers should take up smoking and/or whisky drinking:
A Song I Love from a Band I Hate
11:43, 19-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I hate The Feeling. From their so-so first single, to every boring, twee, soulless and feeble subsequent release from their debut album, I found them dull and not-a-little annoying.
I was therefore surprised *pauses to wonder if that would also be considered a split infinitive...probably not, since therefore isn't adverbial...* to find myself loving the first release from their second album:
Kids' Rock
03:47, 18-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Yes, the video sucks, but the music is genius!
Music Embed Test
03:20, 18-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Hurrah - it works!
Want to embed tracks from your 'puter (pd, I'm looking at you), then go here: http://www.imeem.com/
From Schoolboy Scamp to Spartan King
11:30, 18-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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I wonder how many of my compatriots remember Sean McGuire.
Many years ago, Sean McGuire kicked off his acting career in kiddies’ soap-opera Grange Hill, before moving on to grown-ups’ soap-opera Eastenders. As is the way with the more fresh-faced soap stars with limited talent, he then went on to have a (thankfully) short-lived cheesy pop career, before disappearing into obscurity.
A few years ago he randomly popped up in an American sitcom, which didn’t run for long and was never seen over here (at least, not as far as I remember), then went quiet again.
So, why am I rambling about this former Brit child, soap and *ahem* ‘pop’ star?
I saw this trailer aaaaages ago, but have only just found out he’s the one in the beard; a leap as random as Michelle Ryan - another ex-Eastender - landing the role of the Bionic Woman…
I Wants!
10:23, 16-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Escape the Nest
09:54, 16-Mar-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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A bit of an odd one from Editors, but I love the chorus (give it till about 1:30):
Currently I am procrastinating...
More Friday Evening Loudness
05:47, 14-Mar-2008
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InMe: Look like Busted...
...Sound like the musical equivalent of a V12 >:)
Hear Me ROAR!!
03:06, 13-Mar-2008
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Blissed Off My Chonk
05:50, 11-Mar-2008
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Someone just used this phrase on the radio and I felt the need to share :)
Read This
10:43, 10-Mar-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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From the pen of Strange Cloud: http://qy82.easyjournal.com/entry.as...id=3587620
Pricey Petrol, Cheap CDs & GobbledyGoogle Maps
11:52, 9-Mar-2008
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I've spent £100 on petrol over the past week. It should've been less, but Google Maps steered me wrong four times. Public transport would've been less stressful, but twice as expensive.
Wednesday morning I visited Gloucestershire university in Cheltenham. Located in the heart of what appears to be a student-housing estate (grotty terraces and many side streets), hope wasn't high for the place when driving in. The campus itself, however, is in stark contrast to its surroundings, made up of half-a-dozen buildings that wouldn't look out of place in Cambridge. It has its own chapel, brand new facilities and on-site accommodation (if I took my time, it would take five minutes to walk to a lecture).
The course itself is ideal, with a focus very much on the craft (as opposed to many Creative Writing courses that focus heavily on literature study), building from the basics in the first year to novel writing in the third. It also branches into vocational writing (journalism; editing; critique).
In the evening I went with friends to see National Treasure: Book of Secrets. Like the first one, it isn't nearly as intelligent as it would like to believe itself to be, but, like the first one, it's a lot of fun, if you can ignore the silliness (of which there is much). And Nicholas Cage's bleached teeth look very strange.
Thursday I drove across the country from Gloucester to Chertsey where I found a second-hand music store tucked away in a little side street. Such places are few and far between in this country, so I took advantage, buying Cast's All Change...
Walkaway
...David Bowie's "Heroes"...
"Heroes"
...Skunk Anansie's Paranoid & Sunburnt...
Weak
...and Muse's Hullabaloo...
Citizen Erased (I always wondered if he could really make those changes in the chorus)
...for £3 each :)
Unable to resist, I went back the next day and picked up Athlete's Tourist...
Half Light
...and Bloc Party's The Silent Alarm...
Two More Years
...too (both of which were two-disc limited editions - hurrah).
Yesterday I visited Bedfordshire university in Luton. The university has apparently gone through a multi-million pound refurbishment recently. Little of that was in evidence. The course was presented quite well, but my over-all impression is one of underwhelm-ment.
Despite having only visited two of my five choices, it's now decision time. My last offer came through (London Met require passes) and I've now got till the 6th of May to choose one firm choice and one insurance. I would've liked to have visited them all before choosing, but it's been impossible to find out when Brunel's open days are, and East London and London Met don't run them till June, which is, frankly, stupid and not a good advertisement for them. Besides which, London Met's reads more like a literature review course.
Much as I’d have liked to have re-located to the capital, Gloucestershire is going to be my firm choice. I like the campus, the course is ideal and the location is cheaper and far more practical (I won’t have to give up my car). As for my insurance choice…
I’ve also been reading a lot this week. I just finished Dan Abnett’s Horus Rising (epic space opera full of intrigue, philosophy, larger-than-life characters and huge, crowd-pleasing battles) and am now reading Terry Pratchett’s Wintersmith (the last of his stupendous Tiffany Aching Trilogy) and NYX23 (dark and somewhat harrowing, but thrilling and violent Marvel compilation).
I’ve now got nearly 40 post alerts to trawl through. Let’s see if you can guess who’s fault that is… ;p
Back Soon...
03:26, 4-Mar-2008
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I'm outa here! Tonight I'm heading south for the rest of the week to do some uni visiting. I'm staying with friends in Gloucester to visit Gloucestershire uni tomorrow, then I'm bolting over to Surrey on Thursday to stay with other friends and go see Bedfordshire uni on Saturday.
On Friday I'm also planning a jaunt into London to possibly check out East London and London Metropolitan, though it seems these things have to be organised and pre-booked these days (meaning I might have to do it all again in June).
In related news, I've had conditional offers from all but one of the universities I've applied to, with requirements ranging from mere passes to credits in both Englishes. I sent my work away to London Met on Sunday, so it might be a week or three before I hear back from them.
No messing up the place while I'm gone, you crazy kids ;)
Be Wise
02:07, 1-Mar-2008
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Get Smart :)
Music to set the Tone
09:04, 29-Feb-2008
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In other news, I've made a start oncatching up with post alerts. For the past week, they've been jumping several each day. I've just got it down from 32 to 25 (though pd is likely to bolster that number again before I get home tonight).
*EDIT*
Didn't even think to add this till I saw Sarai's comment:
Who's F@cking Who?
07:27, 26-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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While stick for all those long hours in traffic today, this was mentioned on the radio and really made me smile (N.B. these videos have had millionsof views, so it's likely my trans-Atlantic cousins, at least, have alrady seen them):
High Winds and Higher Blood Pressure
06:41, 26-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Grumblings
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My journey from college in Newcastle to my home in Sunderland usually takes between twenty and thirty minutes, depending on traffic.
At lunch time today, the high winds that have wrapped this region for the past few days, overturned a truck on one of the roads leading out of Newcastle.
This afternoon I left college at around 3:20.
I got home five minutes ago.
It is now 6:45!!
I spent over two hours stuck in traffic, negotiating one-way systems, bus lanes and a five-way junction being directed by a policeman with seemingly no sense of direction. In the end I thought, Fuck it, drove back to college, left my car in the car park and got the train home.
As I said to Pixie during one of the longer periods of total stillness, Arrrg!!
In other news, I had five post alerts this morning. I now have thirteen...
MY New Song Fixation!
11:40, 22-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Everyone else is doing it (well, Pixie and Twist are), so I figured I might as well...
Getting older, yet kicking just as much ass!
12:25, 22-Feb-2008
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Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!
I'll Be Back
Don’t fret, Deej, this isn’t a ‘goodbye’ either ;)Today, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles reached our shores, and there was geek-like joy across the land.
Lena Heady - she of 300 fame - steps into the heavy-duty, doubtlessly steel-toe-capped boots of Linda Hamilton as the eponymous (started using that word a couple of days ago and now can’t stop) heroine, pumping shotgun shells into indestructible robots from the future who want to kill her son. And a damn fine job she does, too, especially considering the act she has to follow.
Speaking of damn fine, Summer Glau - she of Firefly/Serenity fame - plays one of said indestructible robots, leading to a rather kick-ass confrontation between her and the twice-her-size bad-guy of the first episode
However, two leading hotties, a bunch of big explosions, a few gun fights, lots of speeding around in 4x4s and make-up effects to rival the movies count for nothing (well, little...well, quite a bit, actually...but that's besides the point...) if the premise fails. Bearing in mind that in the film mythology, Sarah Conner dies of leukaemia somewhere between two and three and the film ends…
***SPOILER ALERT***with Judgment Day taking place…***SPOILER ALERT***
…it was difficult to see how they’d get around it. Surprisingly, they have. The logistics of it are…thin, but nevertheless imaginative and, since it’s out of the way at the end of the first episode, it isn’t really worth worrying about and we can safely sit back and enjoy the arse-kicking hotties and numerous big bangs.
Speaking of big bangs, another series to recently hit our shores is The Big Bang Theory; yet another States-born sitcom, this time about a dizzy blonde cutie (Kaley Cuoco *drools*) who moves into an apartment across the hall from a small gang of über-geeks. I quite like a lot of American sitcoms; they usually make me smile (some make me retch and inspire me to pour bleach in my eyes, but they tend not to last (except Hope & Faith - sweet Jesus, that was shit, yet somehow carried on…and on….and on….)), but it has been a long time since one made me laugh out loud. The Big Bang Theory made me laugh out loud….lots!
Yes, the set-up is quite clichéd. Yes, the five central characters scream Stereotype, but the performances and the dialogue are of a level that makes those things fleeting quibbles at worst.
Now I think I shall watch an episode of Futurama (Bender’s Big Score is on its way!) and finish this tasty glass of wine before bed. ‘night y’all!
jj72 - Oxygen
12:06, 20-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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This song always reminds me of my time in Sheffield. I loved Sheffield.
I always thought it would be good to have this played at my funeral...
Wave Goodbye
11:02, 20-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Showing Off
11:19, 19-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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This morning I received a letter from London Metropolitan University regarding my application. They're after two pieces of writing covering any two of prose fiction (no more than 500 words), poetry or drama (no more than 5 sides of A4) by the 4th of March. I'm thinking of sending them Brotherly Love and Styx, but if anyone out there thinks there's anything better or more appropriate in my Portfolio I should send, do let me know.
I also have to write a paragraph (no more than half a page) about the kind of writing I do... *ponders*
The Sky At Twilight
05:58, 17-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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The buildings look almost like the night sky; black and dotted with small pools of light; their rooftops breaking the hazy horizon along with the skeletal silhouettes of sparse winter trees. A dull mist rises from the black, softening to a silver-grey and sepia tones where the land meets the sky beyond the veil. The sky above is the palest of blues, like the thinning skin on an old man’s brow, caught somewhere between light and dark. And in the centre of it all, the sun sets the horizon ablaze; a rich orange glow clinging desperately to the day, that will soon inevitably lose out to the night.
That’s a pretty hackneyed interpretation of the view outside our landing window this evening. I opened the blinds thinking a nearby building must have been on fire, but there’s mist outside, thick enough to mostly block the setting sun, but just thin enough so that there’s the richest, most brilliant orange glow on the horizon.
Unfortunately, the only camera I have to hand is the 2.0meg one of my phone, which doesn't come close to capture the brilliance of the scene:
I Caught Up! Yay!!
03:31, 17-Feb-2008
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...and in less than 24 hours :D
I love this video, and had almost forgotten about till it cropped up on my playlist just now:
Arthur
11:18, 17-Feb-2008
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Chapter 11 of Terry Pratchett’s A Hat Full of Sky, in which he describes what a human is and its relative place in the universe, is one of the greatest pieces of writing I have ever read.
I am sooo far behind with my alerts it isn't even funny. Last week I jumped from 3 post alerts to 11 in less than hour, thought Sod it; I'll wait till tomorrow, and logged in the next day to find I had 22 :/ Damn you, procrastination!
Also, I suck at chess. I'm currently involved in a pitched battle with Dante over on RedHotPawn and he's kicking my ass 13 games to 4 (and two of those were through him making silly mistakes with his Queen)!
Okay, not so much a pitched battle as a shameful drubbing...
Made a few purchases last week that I'm rather pleased with. Two weeks ago I got the first volume of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and it was fantastic! 10 minutes of dialogue; 55 minutes of mental action >:) Last week I picked up the second volume. There's a lot more story in it - tying in directly with Episode III - and the action is, again, fantastic and massively over the top, but it's simply not as fun as the first. I'm looking forward to the CGI movie/series that's on its way...
After over a year of waiting, I finally got hold of the live-action version of Terry Pratchett's Hogfather. Book adaptations are tricky things. The director and screenwriter (more often than not, it seems, one and the same person) are always walking that fine line of staying true to the story while still making a fluid, well paced film. Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings is an example of someone getting it very right. Yes, the ending floundered and I know at least one person who was pissed at the omission of Tom Bombadil (personally I always found that particular scene in the novel a bit dull), but it was otherwise a very faithful adaptation and a truly brilliant trilogy. At the other end of the scale, Chris Weitz's The Golden Compass was pathetic. Not only did he mess around far too much with story, but the film itself was jumpy, inconsistent and managed to be both far too short and extremely dull.
The problem with Hogfather (as with the animated adaptations of Witches Abroad and Soul Music) is director and screenwriter Vadim Jean (you see the pattern?) has stayed absolutely faithful to the novel without understanding what would and wouldn't work on film. The timing for many of gags is way off, interspersed scenes jump around far too much and the pace is often flat. Given that the story is also the fourth in a series (Mort, Reaper Man, Soul Music, Hogfather, Thief of Time - all of which I highly recomend reading) there are also a lot of in-gags that could go right over the head of anyone who hasn't read the prior three novels.
However, that's not to say the film isn't any good. Despite it's flaws, it's still funny, inventive, well shot, well played and enjoyable. Michelle Dockery plays Susan (and, strangely, Death of Rats) - one of my favourite Pratchett characters - perfectly (though she might come across as a bit wooden and/or flat to anyone not familiar witht the character (not that she's a flat or wooden character; just very deadpan (no pun intended))) and Marc Warren, who I've never really rated as an actor, is brilliant as Teatime. My one problem with cast was the late Ian Richardson (to whom the film is dedicated) as Death. There's nothing really wrong with him other than, in the animations, Death is played by Christopher Lee, and there really is no bettering that.
Finally there's Bloc Party's A Weekend in the City. It's kinda difficult to place Bloc Party, genre-wise. They're a blend of indie, rock and techno, using some unusual timings, rythms and ideas without being so experimental as to be inaccessible...kinda Radiohead with a lot less melancholy, or perhaps even a modern-day The Cure.
This is their most recent track, which finally pushed my into buying the album (gotta love those dancing monsters):
(incidentally, if you are going to buy the album, make sure it's the most recent version, as the original doesn't contain Flux)
...but this is my favourite:
"I thought archaeologists were all stuffy old men looking for their mommies."
10:17, 14-Feb-2008
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The Circle is Now Complete
07:32, 11-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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At some point between the releases of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, two series of Star Wars cartoons were released called The Clone Wars. As a Star Wars fan I, of course, was curious to see them, but I was loathe to pay £15 each for two hour-long cartoons.
Today, I found a copy of volume 1 in a store for £3 :)
As if by some turn of fate, I also received a package in the post today from Lil' Miss Pixie Chick containing these fellas:
Gotta love the expression on youngest Obi-Wan's mug
...which, needless to say, but a rather large grin on my face :D
Thank you, Del -x-
Portfolio
11:11, 10-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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According to my tutor at college, a couple of the universities I've applied for might require an interview and/or a gander at my portfolio before offering me a place, and so I've thrown one together covering (I hope) the range of my writing.
Subsequently, I've also decided to put it together on line. Some of you might have read some (or all) of this stuff already, but, if you haven't, and you're curious, go check it out and let me know what you think... ;)
I'll get around to polishing the place up a bit another day. 'tis bed time.
"Walking Like Groucho, Sucking on a Number 10"
10:15, 10-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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A friend got me into Ocean Colour Scene back when I was first at university. Alas, with the occasional singular track exception, they very much slipped after the album One From the Modern, but at least their old stuff is still around to enjoy.
Potter Puppet Pals
10:06, 7-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Any regular peruser of the interweb is bound to have heard of these, but my English Lit tutor felt the need to play this vid in class yesterday to celebrate figuring out how to turn on the speakers on her smart-board, and it's been stuck in my head since:
Wundebar!
08:44, 7-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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This got a rather positive response when I linked it over on pd's blog, so thought it only right to share:
Train of Thought
12:05, 7-Feb-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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I can't remember if I've written such a post... I've been blogging long enough that I'd be surprised if I hadn't, but just in case...
I can hear Alicia Keys's No One playing in the other room: Not only a great soul ballad, but sung by a talented hottie. Always good.
Not so good is the gaping hole in the back of my pjs. I don't have any others and they're still comfortable, so I'm sticking with them for now. We'll have to see how long I can put up with the cold morning air whistling through my under-crackers before I bother to get new ones.
Today in English Lit our lecturer arranged a night out at the end of the month for the class. Should be a giggle. We all reckon she'll be a fun drunk...
I was going to write an extensive review of the first two Halo books, but I really can't be bothered this late in the evening, so here's a brief alternative:
The Fall of Reach: Serving as the origin story for both the Master Chief and the Covenant war, this acts more of a set-up for the series than anything else. However, it's fast-paced, thrilling, has some epic battles - on land and space - and Eric Nylund has a fantastic style (though his editor sucks).
The Flood: Despite being based on the first Halo game, it's surprising how much this book doesn't focus on the Master Chief. Instead, this is predominantly the story of the marines who also landed on Halo, and their struggle against both the Covenant and the Flood. At the heart of the marines is lieutenant McKay; a hard-bitten platoon commander who becomes the real heroine of the story. Given his military background, William C. Dietz's styke is a lot more clinical than Nylund's - especially when it comes to the battle scenarios (of which there are many) - and he occassionally gets confused as to whether a character is male or female, but it was an admirably brave move to focus the story away from the Master Chief for so much of the book, and fleshes out the mythology a great deal. Plus it's pretty cool reading the parts you'll recognise from the game; the opening chapter especially.
That said, like the game, it can get bogged down in repetition.
I'm now starting on Terry Pratchett's A Hat Full of Sky.
As I close, this is now playing in the other room:
Another great song (though I know some of you won't agree).
Muse's Wembley gig is coming out on a CD & DVD boxset next month. Shall start saving...
Tonight's Torchwood was a good one. I like Torchwood.
'tis time for bed now. Shall be getting a hair cut tomorrow. Yet to decide which one...
*EDIT* I came up with a Crow story a while back, kinda in response to the pretty shit sequels that were made. Inspired by reading the novel, I've made a start on writing it.
Take That have just started singing in the other. Must now go and kill them (by which I mean turn over the TV).
G'night, y'all ;)
Pre-Emptive (review) Strike
10:53, 5-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
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I read James O'Barr's The Crow yesterday; something I've been wanting - but never had the opportunity - to do since first seeing the film back in the early '90s. I've just spent the past half-an-hour trying to review it, but not really getting very far. I want to put the novel into some context, but the story behind the writing of it is quite long and tragic, so I'll simply say the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone happened to James O'Barr. The Crow was his attempt at catharsis.
As such, it's difficult to comment on the story, suffice to say it's quite different from that of the film. It's not that the film was a bad adaptation; simply that the story of the novel wouldn't have worked as it was on film. The main thing was to maintain the essence of the novel, and in that they most certainly succeeded.
What is easy to review about the novel is the art work... IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!
*ahem*
I've read a number of comics and graphic novels with varying degrees of artistry - some great; some not so much - and not one has even come close. Yukito Kishiro's Battle Angel Alita has some truly stunning art-work, but O'Barr makes Kishiro look like a five year-old with crayons.
Today I finally finished The Flood; the second of the Halo novels (thank's again, Nicola ;), but that I'll review later (along with The Fall of Reach, which I forgot to do on finishing that). 'tis bed time...
60 Today
03:11, 4-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALICE!!!
O-oh Say Can You See...?
02:47, 4-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Random Stuffs
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Before I Play Catch-Up With Post Alerts...
07:00, 1-Feb-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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This week has been something of a full one for me. Monday I finally took myself to see I Am Legend. Tuesday I got the final marks for unit 1 of my college course (I came out with two credits and a distinction overall :) and nattered to Twisty online for the first time in what seems like aaages. Wednesday I went to see Sweeney Todd and nattered on the phone to a friend for two hours. Yesterday I did very little and today I received my first university offer. All I need is to pass my course and Gloucestershire will have me. Easy...
I was very surprised by I Am Legend. Big budget + Will Smith usually = over-the-top epic action romp ala Independence Day. Yes, this has its big set-pieces and Smith spends the majority of the film brandishing a gun, but that's not what this film is about. Instead it's about tension, intensity and emotion, with a few frights and a viral apocalypse set in a dead Manhattan.
I did have two issues with the film. Firstly there's the fact that Smith's character is revealed to be 52 at the end (don't worry, that isn't really a plot point). He might look a little haggared, given his situation, but he looks nowhere near 52. Secondly there's his enemy: a bunch of super-human bald albinos. The enemy themselves are a nice idea and well-woven into the plot, but they're all portrayed via CGI, and aren't particularly realistic, lessening their effect.
What really makes this film work is Smith's performance, most especially in an early scene when searching a building for his lost dog. As he steps cautiously through the darkness, breathing heavily and sweating profusely, shivering with nerves as he approaches every corner and blind-spot, I was utterly convinced by - and, subsequently, utterly felt - his dread. Similarly, during the more poignant moments, you share his heartache and frustration.
That's not to say there isn't any action, just don't be expecting too much BANG for your buck/quid. This is more 28 Days Later by way of Castaway than, for example, Dawn of the Dead.
Sweeney Todd is the absolute antithesis of I Am Legend. I was prepared for the singing (it's a musical, afterall), I was prepared for the oddness (it's Tim Burton, afterall) and I was prepared for the violence (It's Sweeney Todd, afterall). What I wasn't prepared for was the all-out sensory and emotional assault.
Loud, brazen, sumptuously monochromatic, yet vibrantly colourful. Horrifying, hilarious and heart-wrenching in equal measure. Inspired songs, very rarely drifting into the realms of cheese (there's a pretty-boy in the cast whose throat I wanted to remove every time he opened his mouth, but he had to be there for plot-movement (sadly)).
The cast are brilliant (even the kid playing 'pretty-boy' is well suited). Depp proves there truly is no genre he can't sit comfortably in. It's difficult to gauge him as a singer as he's constantly in cockney mode, but he can certainly hold a note and his voice is perfect for the role. I was nervous Alan Rickman was going to completely destroy his unwavering cool-rating by breaking into song, but he, too, pulls it off without any trouble. Even Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali-G/Borat) carries a tune with aplomb!
But it's Helena Bonham Carter who steals the show. Her kooky, flamboyant, eccentric performance of Mrs. Lovett put a constant smile on my face, but she gives her just enough pathos to make her believable and sympathetic.
Bear in mind, this is not The Sound of Music. If there were any raindrops on roses, they'd be acidic and melting the petals, and the only kittens' whiskers to be found would be sticking out the top of a meat pie.
It's gruesome, it's fun, it's shocking and it's absolutely fantastic!
Badgering the Smurfy Goddess
10:12, 29-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Our very own McSpanky directed me here: http://walkingdead.net/perl/euphemis.../euphemism
'tis my new favourite site!
Earplugs at the Ready
09:06, 27-Jan-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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It's 9pm on a quiet and dull Sunday night, and I felt the need for something loud:
Yes, I know I've posted this before (a version of it, at least), but it seemed somehow fitting.
Cheers!
A Time For Reminiscing
07:13, 25-Jan-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Being 4 at the time of everything Bowling for Soup are referring to, I don't have a great deal to reminisce about, but I do love this video (and, thanks to such shows as I Love the 1980s, I get the references).
There Can Be Only One
07:58, 23-Jan-2008
.. Posted in Gaming Stuffs
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(2,000 years of roaming the world and he hasn't lost his accent?)
And...Relax...
03:02, 23-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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It's short, it sucks and it shouldn't fail to disappoint, but my final essay, closing out unit 1 of my college course, has finally been finished and sent. This thing's been looming over me for so long, today almost feels like Christmas!
I know I could have improved both my English Lit and Pychology essays if they hadn't been written in a mad panic, but as long as each is enough to get me a pass grade for the unit as a whole (I need at least 10% for my Psychology essay - I think I've already passed Lit...), then I don't care!
At least, right now I don't care. I'm sure there'll be a strong pang of disappoinment when I levie my grades against those of my fellow, more focused students.
I now have a report for English Language to prepare for and an experiment write up for Psychology to think about, but those can wait till tomorrow...
A Sad Day for Clowns
12:23, 23-Jan-2008
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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"Actor Heath Ledger was found dead in his Manhattan apartment on Tuesday, possibly of a drug overdose, New York City police said."
The full article.
The great pity is, however well established he was after A Knight's Tale and Brokeback, we was about to become an absolute icon as The Joker.
Oh Yes
10:02, 21-Jan-2008
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Currently in the middle of both a Psychology and an English Lit essay, but this popped up on my playlist and I just had to post a version:
Okay, so one looks smacked off his tits and the other sings like a girl, but neither of these facts make the song any less brilliant!
I Are Shadow Worm
01:49, 19-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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|
Your Monster Profile |
 Shadow Worm You Feast On: M&Ms You Lurk Around In: Shopping Malls You Especially Like to Torment: Emo Kids |
(I are supposed to be working!)
Come for the Pics. Stay for the Classic
04:52, 17-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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As mentioned in a previous post, I was taken for a 'flight' on the London Eye for my birthday. As well as the bunch of pics I managed to get on my phone, I also an official group shot of my friends and I (everyone else in the pod seemed a bit camera shy at that precise moment):
From left to right: Ben; Matt (with the strange light shining out of his crotch); Nina; me (strangely cast in shadow and not quite ready for the pic)
Nina - pic-addict that she is - also took a few dozen over the course of the weekend (most of which I managed to avoid :)
Evening meal laid out on arrival
Dressed to the nines for New Year's Eve
On a completely unrelated note, this little classic popped into my head just before writing this post. I don't know why it did, but it deserves mentioning nontheless:
I Suck
07:52, 16-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Whether it be at college (I have two 2,000 word essays due for next Wednesday and I haven't started either (I've had over almost 2 months), and the last two assignments I did weren't great), at home (been trying an failing to get back into an exercise routine and waisting far too much time taking advantage of my cousin's PS3 while he recovers from surgery) or here on the blogs (did my best to catch up with all the posts in my alerts box, but had to give up after a dozen or so (I am such a slow reader!) and can only hope not to let the numbers get out of hand again).
I haven't written anything that wasn't an assignment or a blog post for what feels like (and probably is) months!
Some of my friends' lives are moving on quickly. Others aren't having the best of times recently (PhD friend was supposed to be coming up from Gloucestershire for the weekend, but uni stuff has gotten in the way, and Twisty isn't at her happiest), making my distance from them increasingly frustrating.
It's far too long till I can get out of this godforsaken region and head off to university!
And I've got a stinking cold, that I thought I was over, but has come back to settle on my chest and make me cough lots >:(
On the brightside, Torchwood returns tonight :)
(a very belated) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
12:37, 11-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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I’m back! Not that I’ve been anywhere, but I’ve got a lot of work to do for college, so been on a bit of a (sadly unproductive) hiatus. Slowly but surely I will catch up on blog reading.
Our tree :)
CHRISTMAS! I love Christmas. Even after 27 years, I still love Christmas. It might not hold the magic it once did, and my presents pile is considerably smaller these days, but I find the whole time of year incredibly comforting (I’m a child of winter).
My birthday and New Year were particularly special last/this year. I drove down to Surrey to see friends and, as a surprise, they took me on the London Eye for a night-time ‘flight’ (the thing’s owned and operated by British Airways). I still maintain the thing’s nothing more than a big Ferris wheel, but that doesn’t change the fact that the view over London at night is spectacular! Unfortunately I only had a phone with which to gather evidence:
The very top of the pic is only halfway up the wheel
The funky looking building just right of centre is a train station. I can't remember which one...
Where's Guy Fawkes when you need him?
The blue things are trees.
(I've also got a group shot of me and my friends in the pod, but I need to scan it...)
We then went to a steak-house for dinner. Service was slow (it was very busy). Steak was beautiful; big, juicy, succulent and cooked to medium-rare perfection!
The next day was New Year’s Eve and we went to a ‘James Bond’ night at a local restaurant. The event kinda smacked of desperation. It was a nice place, but not nearly as swanky as the drinks prices suggested and the DJ sucked, but met a lot of friendly people (most of whom neighbours of my friends) and enjoyed a fine cigar after the ball dropped. We then ventured to a neighbour’s apartment for more drinks and Wii Bowling into the early hours. Much fun and certainly a change from staying in and watching Jools Holland’s Annual Hootenanny (which I do love, but it’s nice to actually party over the party season).
New Year’s Day we spent in another neighbour’s apartment, drinking and watching football, having a mini pub-quiz and drinking some more, before going to a pub, drinking more and playing a lot of pool.
I got home on the 2nd, full of good intentions to finish the two essays due for college on the 7th and 8th respectively, but had a bizarre night. Despite the festivities of the prior few days, I couldn’t sleep. I must have spent nearly 3 hours staring at my ceiling, desperately trying to clear my mind and feel sleepy, but it wasn’t happening, so I watched the extended version of Peter Jackson’s King Kong. For the fist hour I was wondering if this actually was the extended version as there seemed to be no difference, but as soon as they hit the island, it becomes clear. Almost all of the extended stuff is action, including extended fights and new and big confrontations, adding to the spectacle, which can only be a good thing :)
Somewhere between breakfast and getting in the shower that morning, I caught a cold :/ Oddly specific timing, I know - and the symptoms might have been building over-night and I hadn’t noticed, being a little spaced from not being able to sleep - but that was certainly how it seemed. Unfortunately that had me wrecked and very unmotivated for the few days in which I’d planned to do my work, so got nothing done.
Fortunately, I was okay by Sunday and managed to do my English Language essay, with an aim to getting my Psychology one done on Monday night.
Fortunately, again, our psychology teacher strangely quit and the new one gave us an extra two weeks for the essay. There were a lot of relieved people in class that day (as well some pissed-off ones who hadn’t heard the news and had stayed up very late Monday night getting finished).
*phew* I think that’s all for now.
Shall leave you with this:
*sigh*
07:31, 2-Jan-2008
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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I go away for a few days and my alerts are flooded. Give me a little while and I will get around to them...
Of Shopping Triumphs and Miserable Disasters
10:17, 27-Dec-2007
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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A little late, I know, but I finally finished my Christmas shopping today! Now, before you all gasp in horror, then cock your eyebrows in confusion, I'm driving down south on Saturday to see friends and thought, rather than spend the week leading up to Christmas fretting unnecessarily, I'd save theirs till this week, when I could take more time and put more thought in. As it turns out, I still found myself clueless, but managed.
I also nabbed myself a few bargains. With a gift card from a friend, I bought myself the 2-disc, 'ultimate action' edition of Die Hard 4.0 (or Live Free and Die Hard) and the stupendous stroke of French cinematic genius that is Belleville Rendez-vous (or The Triplets of Belleville). In a sale I grabbed Crush for my PSP for £5, and I then happened across the 3-disc deluxe extended edition of King Kong (which I didn't even know you could get anymore) in another sale for (and I had to do a tripple take on this one) £4!
On a high from bargain hunting, I took myself to the cinema to finally see The Golden Compass...
I can imagine the meeting now:
"Okay, we will let you make the film, but I'm afraid we can only give you four minutes for each chapter: five if you chop the last one completely."
"No problem! We'll just cover all of the mythology in a few minutes of conversation, cut a main character, or two (reduce a few of others down to basic plot-devices*) and fill in the gaps with a couple of flashy set-pieces. Who'll notice?"
My god, what a truly awful film! I understand perfectly that changes and sacrifices must be made when adapting such a grand novel for the screen - the Lord of the Rings (or Goody, the Acadamy hasn't got much work to do this year) trilogy is a perfect example - but I've seen more convincing botch jobs on Scrapheap Challenge (or Junkyard Wars). Even the makers of the Harry Potter (or We still have to put up with this specky little twat?) series understand you can't cram such grand stories into under two hours! What the hell were New Line thinking? Bugger, we're out of fantasy epics! Quick, grab a book and cobble something together for Christmas... It's no wonder they went crawling back to Peter Jackson and begged him to come back on board with The Hobbit (or *ahem* Of course we weren't serious about Michael Bay doing it...).
And...relax...
Join me again next week when I'll be ranting about I Am Legend (or Sod it, I've milked this gagged enough, and it wasn't particularly funny in the first place).
---------------------
* Their handling of the gyptians - Farder Coram in particular - was painful!
Ladies and Gentlemen
11:50, 23-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Please be upstanding for the Christmas anthem:
MERRY CHRISTMASS EVERYONE!
Pitiful Hypocrisy
01:04, 22-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Grumblings
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A few months back, when Gordon Brown was handed rule of the country by his peers, he pledged that imigrant criminals - making specific mention of drug dealers - would be deported as there is no place for them in our country.
Last week it came out that prison officials had been told criminals that didn't pose an immediate threat - including drug dealers - were not to be deported.
Yes, the British Home Office, who don't have enough data to even hazard an educated guess as to how many illegal imigrants there are in the country (even when they've got a bunch of them cleaning their offices), are proving, yet again, what an ineffectual pack of brain-dead numpties they truly are.
And now to the point of this rant...
Alhassan Bangura, midfielder for Watford footbal club, fled Sierra Leone at the age of 15 because he didn't want to become the head of his late father's cult, and would likely be killed for refusing. In only four years he's risen through the Watford ranks to become a much-admired member of the first team and a young player of the year winner.
In their shockingly finite wisdom, the Home Office has recently over-turned a court decision to allow him to stay in the country and want him deported.
So, if you're a drug-dealer, you're welcome, but if you're a law-abiding young football player, it's back to your own country to be murdered by fanatics.
Of course, the team's owners are taking the case to the High Court and the team, the fans and a great many rival fans are showing their support. Personally I'd never heard of him before today, and I'm hoping with my entire soul the courts tell the Home Office to shove their heads back up their arses, suck dry their own intestines and stay well away from anything that could be interpreted as official.
The Return of the Daily Show
Hurrah!! http://uk.tv.ign.com/articles/842/84...903p1.html"We would like to return to work with our writers. If we cannot, we would like to express our ambivalence, but without our writers we are unable to express something as nuanced as ambivalence."
-- Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
"Wait till they get a load of me...Oop..."
12:03, 21-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Yes, 'tis yet another trailer, but me thinks you might just like this one:
Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!
The Boy is Back in Town
09:30, 20-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Keep Your Friends Close...
04:38, 20-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Appearances can be Deceptive
11:10, 19-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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It's unfortunate that something that looks potentially very cool is doomed to be a gut-wrenching pile of steaming, fly-riddled, shoe-smearing dog poo:
'Why?' some of you may ask.
And I answer simply, it is directed by the infamous Uwe Boll.
Brace Yourselves, Fantasy Fans
07:20, 19-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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In semi-related news: http://uk.movies.ign.com/articles/84...098p1.html
Defying Expectation
04:36, 18-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I love the hook in this song.
Not what I'd have expected from the band that brought us this.
In unrelated news, I finished Northern Lights/The Golden Compass today and must say I'm mightily impressed, as well as somewhat surprised. I'm pretty sure the version I've got is not the adult version, but that seemingly didn't stop Pullman injecting a high level of gruesome violence and some pretty stark tragedy.
Going to see the film on Friday...
A bit of lipstick and a dash of wax-paint and everyone labels you ‘a psycho’.
10:08, 16-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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As many of you now know, the latest iteration of The Joker has foregone the extreme chemical peal and settled for a little makeup to achieve his trademark look. Fitting though it is with Christopher Nolan's more 'realistic' approach to the Batman mythos, I always thought it looked a bit cheap and crap compared to the original acid-soaked bleaching.
However...
...I have been wrong before (and carving a perma-grin into his own face is nice touch).
Perspective
Do watch if you're easily offended ;)My Dæmon Has Been Chosen
09:54, 15-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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Wait, That's Not a Pontiac...!
03:57, 13-Dec-2007
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As you may or may not know, the great Knight Rider is returning to TV, and the new KITT has been revealed:
For more info: http://uk.tv.ign.com/articles/841/84...121p1.html
Reviews, Rants and Ruminations
02:14, 13-Dec-2007
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
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Hey folks!
Been a while since I last made a proper post. Where to start...?
Heroes: As previously mentioned, I loved this series. At the time of posting this pre-emptive review, I was giddy having just watched the best episode thus far. Series one has now come to a close in the UK, and I must say, meh.
That's right, after all that raving of its genius, the series ended very much underwhelmingly, with jumpy editing, patchy story-telling, blatant continuity errors and a less-than-riveting final conflict. The ending of the story was actually quite interesting and well done, and it did lead on to an intriguing opening for series...sorry, volume 2, but after the 5 Years Later episode - by some way the best of the series - it was disappointing that the climax was so...anti-climactic.
All the same, I look forward to seeing where it goes, should ever they get the 2nd series finished.
Secondly, Sin City: Recut & Extended: This has to be one of the best double-disc DVD sets I’ve seen. Unlike most, which tend to have the film and commentaries on one disc and a shed-load of mostly-tedious documentaries on the second, this features 2 rather different versions of the film. On disc one is the original cinematic version, as brilliant as ever, and with the usual collection of commentaries and documentaries (including some that weren’t on the original DVD release). Disc two features the four stories from the film, presented separately and each with added footage - making the whole thing even more true to source than ever before - along with even more documentaries and commentaries. The Customer is Always Right - the original intro and out-tro to the film - doesn’t really work on its own, but that’s a minor quibble. The rest is great stuff, with more violence, more humour and a little more insight into each of the characters.
Thirdly, Northern Lights/The Golden Compass: Okay, I can’t really review this yet, as I’m still not finished reading it, but I’m powering through in the hope of getting it done before the film is taken off the cinema, and so far I’m loving it! Yes, it’s a kids’ tale about a child of legend on a mystical journey, but, unlike Harry Potter, said child is not an annoying, specky little nerc you’d rather see captured and flayed by the bad-guys.
Finally, Band of Brothers: I missed this on its TV outing and, to be honest, wasn’t particularly interested; at least, not enough to fork out the £20+ for the box-set. However, while shopping one day, I came across the limited edition tin-box-set the series was presented in on its original release, for…wait for it…£6 (€8.35/$12.23). For a ten-hour series of such esteem, that’s an attractive price by anyone’s standards, so I decided to give it a shot.
Following the true exploits of a company of US air-born infantry during the Second World War, and executively produced by Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks (the latter of which co-wrote and directed a couple of episodes), Band of Brothers comes across pretty much as Saving Private Ryan: the series. The production values - as you’d expect from the two putting together the money for the whole thing - are outstanding, with some beautiful cinematography and truly epic battle scenes throughout. The performances from the entire cast - half of which are British (Simon Pegg even pops up briefly) - are also fantastic, most especially from Damien Lewis and Donnie Walberg (former New Kid on the Block and brother of Marky Mark, of Funky Bunch fame (as well as a number of Hollywood movies, but I think we all know what his crowning achievement really was…
…Vanilla Ice, eat your heart out)).
Outside of the escapist world of TV, films and books, I’m currently on short-term loan to the Royal Mail until Wednesday, which is excruciatingly dull, but at least I’ll have some money for Christmas. I haven’t started my shopping yet, but shall this weekend.
Less dull right now is college. Lit and Psychology are both going well (though I struggle with the essays for the former - I am not an academic writer), but things have taken an interesting turn in English Language. I believe I’ve mentioned previously about my lack of faith in the teacher. Well, things came to a head on Monday. Our last assignment was to write a profile of someone. On receiving back the first draft, said teacher told me it was fine and only needed a few minor things doing to it. These things were grammatical changes she’d noted on the work, two of which were wrong (first she said I needed to indent the first paragraph, which you never do, and secondly that I needed to replace a couple of dashes with brackets, which didn’t really fit the sentence and she admitted that was a personal choice).
On Monday I received back the final draft (2 weeks after it had been handed in) with a mark of 69% - 1% shy of a distinction. This in itself was frustrating, but what really bothered me was the comment on the front of the assignment that stated it lacked context. Confused as to why she didn’t bring this up with the first draft, I waited till the end of the lesson to ask her.
Her fist defence was that she was quite sure she would have. I assured her she hadn’t.
Her frustration already rising, she then said that even if I had put the context in, I still wouldn’t have gotten the distinction, so I asked what else was missing: “I’ll have to know for future essays.” She hesitated, stammered her uncertainty for a moment while she searched through the course handbook, then came to the conclusion that, actually no, the context was the only thing and it was a pretty big deal. So again I asked why she’d tell me the first draft was fine, when clearly it wasn’t, and again, she said she was pretty sure had.
By now her frustration had reached a peak and she said she’d ‘bent over backwards’ to give us the best grades possible and she expected some appreciation for that.
I said, “Right,” and walked out.
I’ve briefed my personal tutor on the situation and he’s talked with the other Language tutor at the college to discuss a transfer, and all’s looking positive. I’ve got an appointment with the department head on Monday morning. Should be interesting…
Double Blast From the past
11:53, 7-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
Tonight's Later...with Jools Holland features David Gray and The Coral; both of whom were making it big about five years ago; neither of whom have had a great deal of success since. Odd to see them both on the same show on the same night. Still, gives me a chance to post a pair of great songs:
Coming Soon to a Small Screen Near You
Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!
Slowly But Surely, It's Coming...
11:29, 6-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Gaming Stuffs
.. Link
Modern Classical
05:56, 1-Dec-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Over at The Inferno, Dante just posted a piece of music recognisable to most from Kill Bill: vol.1. This reminded me of a personal favourite of the movie theme world, composed by Quentin Tarantino's good friend, Robert Rodriguez, for the stupendous Sin City:
Love Bug
11:30, 29-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Writing Suffs
.. Link
In last week's creative writing group we were set an exercise to write something based on a promt. Mine was, "A story about a man who wakes up in the form of an animal, and falls in love with something." This is what came to mind:
My brother warned me Geordie girls were weird, but this is taking the piss. All I said was, “You look cold,” and five minutes later I’m staring into a puddle, seeing a bemused frog staring back at me.
Okay, so I might’ve said, “Smuggling peanuts tonight, darling?” but it’s not like I meant anything by it!
Just wait till I catch up with her, I’ll…I’ll…do what, exactly? Get slime in her ear? Poke her in the eye with my tongue? Ribbit at her in a derogatory tone? She’ll probably tern me into a sodding newt!
I suppose I could always… What is that noise? It sounds like a giant fly.
Bloody hell, it is a giant fly!
A huge, disgusting…hairy…juicy…fly, swooping majestically through the air… Its crunchy, segmented body twisting this way and that as it pirouettes in a mid-air ballet… Its four elegant, gossamer wings fluttering playfully… The moon sparkling like a galaxy of stars in its big, red, hexagonal eyes…
That’s it, my little friend, come closer. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to say hello…and give you a quick…gentle…kiss!
I know it's wrong...
...but I can't help but find this...hot :/
Blair Witch meets Godzilla?
10:51, 28-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
It's looking that way to me...
Mixed News for Doctor Who Fans
http://uk.tv.ign.com/articles/837/83...942p1.html(I will get back to proper posting soon - still getting used to working)
For Dante
10:01, 22-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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As promised, a little hardcore rock'n'roll to make him feel more manly:
This is...Surprising
07:27, 22-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I love Snow Patrol's Run. I have done since the second time I heard it. The first was its debut play on Zane Lowe's evening show on Radio1. It was playing in the background while I was in the middle of a heavy writing session, so was listening just enough to know I liked it. When 10pm rolled around and I finally closed up my laptop, cutting off the only light in the kitchen at the time, the song was played again. I layed my head on the table and listened intently. When the rise in the instrumental break hit, I actually shed a tear.
No song has ever made me shed a tear!
The point is, given my love for the song, I'd have been pretty miffed to hear anyone attempt to cover it, let-alone some warbling bint from a TV talent show!
However:
The fact that she repeated the first chorus rather than include the second is a shame, but let's face it, it's a minor quibble.
Still, nothing beats the original:
(had to use a fan vid because the official one is of the cut-down single version of the song - plus, any excuse to show off the marvelousness that is Doctor Who)
Another Dose of Friday Night Rock 'n' Roll
09:23, 16-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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The blogger is playin' some forgotten song
11:41, 15-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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Much like those old buildings that will never crumble, they just don't make 'em like this anymore:
And, more than 3 decades on...
Luck of the Irish?
11:16, 15-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
Over on pd's blog, the DCoE directed me to a Muppets vid. While viewing, I came across this heart-warming work of genius:
A Quick Precursor
In three weeks' time, I'm going to post a full review of the first series of Heroes.However, having just watched episode 20/23, I feel I must pre-empt that review with a modest hint at the context I'll most likely be adopting...
HEORES IS SO FUCKING BRILLIANT I WEEP!!
*ahem*
To be continued...
Underwhelming, apparently :(
06:32, 14-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Gaming Stuffs
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A couple of months back, Heavenly Sword - the big hope for the PS3 and first big poster-child for the current-gen systems - fell someway short of expectations. An impressive feat of production it may have been, but as a game, it was short, repetitive and ultimately disappointing.
And so to the next big hope: Assassin's Creed. Alas...
Playing Catch-Up
05:00, 14-Nov-2007
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
.. Link
It seems like a while since I last made an update-type post (October 30th!) so...where to begin...
College is still going well. My confidence is growing in English lit (I struggled at first with the analytical stuff, but as we venture into poetry, I think I'm getting the hang of it), English language is a piece of piss (which, for those unfamiliar with that particular colloquialism, means it's easy) and psychology remains interesting. The one problem I have with the latter is the tutor has piled the pressure on. I gave her a copy of the refelctive piece I wrote, which impressed her to the point that she now expects a distinction (70%+) from my next assignment.
I told her I'd do my best.
Seeing as university applications have to be completed soon, I've also been looking into where I want to be in a year's time. I've decided I want to study Creative Writing, which I always assumed to only be available as a joint course with English. However, Brunel University in Uxbridge (near London) runs a stand-alone course, so that will be my first choice, but I still have to come up with alternatives.
Outside of academic stuffs, I've got a job! It's only for four weeks, doing data-entry for the Royal Mail, but it will provide Christmas money :D The work itself is easy. During the assessment last week, I averaged over 930 items per hour, with 99% accuracy. The pass mark was 300 items with 80% accuracy. I start on the 26th.
Ideally I'd like to get something that runs a bit longer as I've not just Christmas to think about. I've a friend's birthday on the 27th (though the present buying for that is done), our very own Pixie's on the 21st of December, I'm possibly going to Edinburgh at New Year to celebrate Hogmanay (in a kilt) and same friend who's birthday it is on the 27th is paying a visit at the end of January.
*sigh*
Ooh, and I saw Stardust on Monday. On the surface, this looks very much like a typical fairy tale: Boy travels to mystic kingdom, finds true-love and high-adventure and becomes a man. Which, in many respects, is exactly what it is.
However, this is from the pen of Neil Gaimen (Neverwhere, Sandman, Mirrormask, shed-loads more), so typical, it ain't. There's a man who was a goat, a goat who was a man, a rapidly aging witch, princes dropping left, right and centre, flying pirates (not all of whom live up to the stereotype) and more cameos than you'd find in an average series of the Simpsons (some of which are difficult to spot - took me ages to realize a certain ghost was being played by David Walliams). It’s even narrated by Gandalf!
The cast are also a treat, most especially Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert De Niro who are clearly loving every minute of their respective roles. In fact, I’d go so far as to say De Niro gives the performance of his career! I was even impressed by Clair Danes's English accent.
Of course, it’s not perfect. There are glaring continuity errors and some very dodgy editing in parts, it often treads dangerously close to sappiness and a little more swashbuckling would have been appreciated, but these are small things. The special effects are a mix of superb and suitably cheesy, it mostly moves at a tireless pace and there are a couple of great (if somewhat bizarre) swordfights thrown in.
Plus, they make the very intelligent move of getting the ‘I love you’s out of the way before the big climactic stuff, to avoid people leaving early or retching during the ending.
All in all, it’s very much in the same vein as The Princess Bride, only bigger and without the dodgy set-up of the old-man telling the story to his sick grandkid.
Southland Tales
04:42, 13-Nov-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
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This one looks weird, but really rather good:
The 'I Wish I Could Count to TEN' Meme
09:02, 11-Nov-2007
.. Posted in General Word Stuffs
.. Link
TEN THINGS
1. Are you single?
Sadly, yes
2. Are you happy?
I will be when my latest assingment's finished
3. Are you bored?
Nope, busying myself with a meme
4. Are you sad?
Not really
5. Are you Italian?
Not at all
6. Are you German?
Not that I'm aware of
7. Are you Asian?
Not likely
8. Are you cool?
Comfortably warm
9. Are you Irish?
I have been accused once or twice, but I honestly don't know
10. Are your parents still married?
My dad's a widower
EIGHT FACTS
1. Birth Place:
England's north-east
2. Hair Color:
Dark brown with bits of grey
3. Hair style:
Bit of a curly mess
4. Eye colour:
Blue
5. Birthday:
December 30th
6. Mood:
Early morning haziness
7. Where do you live?
Sunderland
8. Lefty/righty:
Righty.
EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No
2. Why did your last relationship fail?
Alas, never been in invloved in one
3. Have you ever been hurt?
Yes
4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Not that I'm aware of
5. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Yes
6. Are you afraid of commitment?
No
7. Have you hugged someone within the last week?
No
8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Stupid bloody question
NINE THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust?
Love
2. Hard liquor or beer?
Whiskey
3. Cats or dogs?
Cats
4. A few best friends or many regular friends?
Best friends are bestest
5. Television or Internet?
Me likes my TV
6. Pepsi or coke?
Drink neither
7. Wild night out or romantic night in?
Chance of either would be a fine thing
8. Night or day?
Night
9.IM or phone?
I gets tongue-tied on the phone, or just start spouting garbage
NINE HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out?
No
2. Been skinny dipping?
No
3. Done something you regret?
Yes - anyone who says they haven't is a fool
4. Bungee jumped?
So want to. Sky dived (sky dove?) once
5. Finished an entire jaw breaker?
Finished a GIANT jaw-breaker once!
6. Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?
Yes
7. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?
Never had an ex to want back
8. Cried because you lost a pet?
Never had a pet to cry over
9. Wanted to disappear?
Yes
NINE PREFERENCES
1. Smile or eyes:
A true smile is in the eyes
2. Light or dark hair:
Preferably dark
3. Hugs or kisses:
Right now, either would be nice
4. Shorter or taller:
I ain't that fussy, though it's nice being able to lift someone into a hug
5. Intelligence or attraction:
What Twisty said: Intelligence is attraction.
6. Romantic or spontaneous:
I didn't know they were mutually exclusive
7. Hook-up or relationship:
See '3'
8. Smelly feet or smelly breath:
Feet - they can be avoided
9. Play the guitar or into sports:
Guitar, always
TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made:
Rinita
2. Last phone call you received:
From Reed Recruitment concerning a job
3. Last person you hung out with:
Leo, guy from college
4. Last person you hugged:
Nicola
5. Last person you tackled:
Can't remember having ever tackled anyone... Shall have to try it some day.
6. Last person you IMed:
Twisty McSpanky
7. Last text message you received:
As above
8. Last person(s) you liked:
Tricky...
9. Last person you missed:
Miss my friends constantly
10.Last person you kissed:
Friendly peck: Nina
With more fervour: Hmm...probably Del. I really need to get out more!
Review Double-Whammy
09:43, 26-Oct-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
First, Renaissance: In Paris in 2054, a young researcher for a big name company is kidnapped and a hard-bitten cop is set on her trail. Cue mystery, intrigue, heaps of atmosphere, gunfights and car chases.
The word 'noir' doesn't really begin to cover Renaissance. Yes, it's black and white, but not in the sense of the noir thrillers of old (shot in varying shades of grey); this is literally black and white (with a fleeting dash of colour towards the end). More important to the style than the colour-palette, however, is that the film is French, which means the settings are rich, the action is graceful, the characters are varied and colourful, the melodrama is toned just right and everyone smokes.
Also worth mentioning is the cast. Daniel Craig, Ian Holm and Jonathan Pryce all have leading roles and the rest of the cast may not be recognisable names, but they're certainly recognisable voices.
Second, Best in Show: Another mockumentary from the creators of Spinal Tap, this follows an eclectic bunch dog fanatics as they prepare for a big dog show.
Improvised around a skeleton script, this film is hilarious. The simple set-ups are all played out to perfection by a cast of genii who embody a fantastic group of obsessive freaks, my favourites being the sex-starved couple who hold their dog in such higher regard than themselves they constantly fly into fits of panic and rage with each other and anyone within range over any minor pooch-related problem.
I aim to avoid any more movie watching today as I really should be getting on with some psychology revision, like I planned to yesterday (damn you, DVDs!).
Oh, the Disappointment...
08:48, 8-Oct-2007
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
A couple of years back, and much to the surprise of a great many people, Russia stepped forward as yet another unlikely country to show Hollywood how it should be done by releasing Night Watch; an elaborate, weird, inventive and original fantasy horror, and first in an epic trilogy.
Two years later and the second film in said trilogy - Day Watch - has been released and, oh my, does it suck >:(
Like Night Watch, Day Watch is brimming with inventive ideas and impressive set-pieces (including a pretty damned funky scene with a car driving along the side of a building (think the bike race in Ultraviolet, but far less cartoony)), but their all lost in slew of scatter-shot story-telling and unfunny, out-of-place comic set-ups.
Fortunately, Day Watch ends in such a way that the trilogy's finale, Twilight Watch, could literally be anything. My tired mind waits in hope...
This Is Impressive
05:17, 4-Sep-2007
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...among other things ;)
A Warning Not to Tread on Me
07:32, 2-Sep-2007
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|
Michael Adam Brockbanks -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a banana peel 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
A Quick Physics Lesson
12:11, 2-Sep-2007
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Some time ago, I had an idea for a sci-fi novel set around someone breaking one of the fundermental rules of physics; i.e. faster-than-light travel (see it here). I've always heard it's impossible, but assumed the problem was creating a propulsion device capable of such acceleration. Near-light speed has been proposed through the use of a solar sail (basically a flexible solar-panel that catches a beam of light like a boat's sail cathces the wind) and I loosely based my idea around that, but then I read Stephen Hawkings's A brief History of Time, which completely scuppered the idea.
The problem is this: As an obeject accelerates, its mass increases. Eventually its mass becomes infinite and so the energy required to accelerate it further is also infinite. Even if it were possible to create some kind of perpetual or self-replicating energy source, there's a slightly bigger problem. As an object's mass increases, so to does its gravitational pull. Infinite mass = infinite gravity. Therefore, accelerating an object to the speed of light will effectively make that object the centre of the univers, into which all be drawn. In other words, you create a blackhole that will literally eat everything.
Which pretty much puts pay to that novel idea. Though it does, perhaps, inspire another one...
White & Nerdy (take #1)
05:50, 31-Aug-2007
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I'm sure most of you out there have, by now, seen the video for Weird Al's White & Nerdy, but, just in case, watch this:
Now, on first seeing that video, it took a moment to realise the bloke doing the ingenius dance in the background of some of the shots was, in fact, Donny Osmond, which just made the whole thing ten times funnier.
Then I saw this:
I hope I have that much stamina when I'm his age!
Could Someone Please Stop the Room Spinning?
07:45, 30-Aug-2007
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The Bourne Supremacy was a great film - plot, performances, locales, action, all good - with only one real downfall; director Paul Greengrass seemed to have never heard of a steady-cam, leading to some very iffy camera work, especially during the fight sequences.
Three years on and Greengrass is still ignorant to that simple advancement in movie-making technology :rolleyes: Worse still, his camera-men seemed to constantly be in a state of abject terror, unable as they were to keep the camera still for more than three seconds. Worse still, every single over-the-shoulder shot drifted behind an actor's head so that half of the screen was obscured during conversations. It's as if, over the intervening period between Supremacy and Ultimatum, Greengrass has managed to forget what little he used to know about filming.
However, The Bourne Ultimatum is a good film. The story is again weaker than Identity, but satisfying and intriguing nonetheless, Matt Damon's performance is rock solid, as are those of the rest of the cast, and the action seemed fantastic (what could be made of it, that is).
It isn't worthy of the mass praise that's been heeped upon it and I would have liked to have seen Doug Liman stay on for the whole trilogy, but it's still a good end to a good trilogy. Just be wary if you suffer from epilepsy or motion sickness...
The Greatest Ad in the World, Ever!
08:01, 30-Aug-2007
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DEATH FROM ABOVE!!
06:19, 29-Aug-2007
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A cartoon about a doggy and an ickle wabbit (type thing). Sounds cute, don't it...
Tory Twit
07:37, 28-Aug-2007
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Yes, I know, it could be anyone, but today it's their esteemed (soon to be ex) leader. From IGN:
In the ongoing battle between politics and video games, UK Conservative Party leader David Cameron has said that developers have a responsibility not to "promote casual violence, the gang culture and the degradation of women".
While outlining the Tories' plans to combat anti-social behaviour in UK, Cameron said that individuals who make films, games and music have a social responsibility not to negatively influence adolescents.
He explained: "We are never going to deal with crime unless we look at the broader context and say, 'Yes, tough laws, strong action on the police, but also action to strengthen our society'. And that includes, I think, video games and things like that where we do need to think of the context in which people are growing up."
While outlining the Tories' plans to combat anti-social behaviour in UK, Cameron said that individuals who make films, games and music have a social responsibility not to negatively influence adolescents.
He explained: "We are never going to deal with crime unless we look at the broader context and say, 'Yes, tough laws, strong action on the police, but also action to strengthen our society'. And that includes, I think, video games and things like that where we do need to think of the context in which people are growing up."
I'd be shocked an amazed if he has any actual experience of what he's talking so unauthoritatively about.
IT'S ESCAPISM, you twonk! And children seem to be far more aware of this than the dim-witted numpties who want to blame pop-culture for all of life's woes.
Note also the prize puritanical pillock says nothing about the ignorant parents who gleefully expose their kiddies to these kinds of films, games and music despite innumerable warnings as to their content :rolleyes:
"Yay - improve society by stripping away civil liberties! That's the way to go!!"
*grr*arg*rant*
A Superior Sequel?
01:23, 25-Aug-2007
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A couple of years ago, Aliens vs. Predetor was released to much anticipation and subsequetn disappointment. Two great horror franchises with a string of interlacing novels, comics and games, released as a throw-away action flick that sccumbed far too easily to cheese and cliché. It was, hence, a surprise to find out a sequel had been commissioned.
However, the writers were quick to point out the failings of the first film and pledged something darker, more brutal and more in-keeping with the source material.
And, by gum, they might just have cracked it (to a degree):
With Friends Like Wees
04:10, 23-Aug-2007
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So, last week Twist got me started on making Wees. Having made my own...
I got bored and started making more. The various celeb ones are posted here, but I also did a few friends:
Yes, it has been a very slow week...
...and Wild
06:16, 22-Aug-2007
.. Link
This looks like it could be the greatest game ever!
I Ran Over a Llama Because That's How I Roll
07:20, 21-Aug-2007
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I posted this some time ago and I thought, since a few more people read me now, I'd try for a few more responses...
Pick the month you were born:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbour
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a Ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy
Pick the colour of shirt you are wearing:
White----------because I'm cool like that
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Pink------------because I'm a homosexual.
Red------------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I hate myself.
Purple---------because I'm myself
Grey----------because I was drunk
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other-------because I'm a ninja.
None--------because I cant control myself
A Non-Stolen Meme (A-Z)
09:34, 21-Aug-2007
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1. A is for age: 26
2. B is for beer of choice: Many of my compatriots will scorn, but, Budweiser
3. C is for career right now: Unemployed, but heading for college
4. D is for your dog's name? Don't have one
5. E is for essential item you use everyday: Coffee
6. F is for favorite TV show: Futurama (though Heroes has become a close 2nd)
7. G is for favorite game: Board: Trivial Pursuit Video: Final Fantasy VII
8. H is for Home town: Sunderland
9. I is for instruments you play: Alas, none :(
10. J is for favorite juice: Good old fashion Orange
11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: Many, many people's
12. L is for last place you ate: My bedroom (waffles for breakfast)
13. M is for marriage: Maybe one day
14. N is for your name: Michael Adam Brockbanks
15. O is for overnight hospital stays: 2: First when I fell off a climbing frame headfirst when I was a kid and fractured my jaw. Second the night my mam died.
16. P is for people you were with today: Dad at home
17. Q is for quote: "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx
18. R is for Biggest Rant: Politicians are scum (which is sadly not a generalisation)
19. S is for status: Single
20. T is for time you woke up today: About 7ish, but didn't get out of bed 'til about 8:30
21. U is for underwear you have on now: Blue boxers
22. V is for vegetable you love: Potatos (only veg I'll eat)
23. W is for worst habit: Picking my nose :rolleyes:
24. X is for x-rays you've had: Left arm. Right cheek. Skull. Teeth a few times.
25. Y is for yummy food you ate today: Waffles
26. Z is for the zodiac sign: Capricorn
My Chemical Weemance
05:44, 20-Aug-2007
.. Link
Today has been a dull one and, to fill the time, I've been wasting it on WeeWorld:
I've done a few friends, too, and now I'm trying to think of others to do. Any suggestions?
Yet Another Stolen Meme
09:14, 19-Aug-2007
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1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No. by some accounts, I'm missing out...
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I used to be terrified of rollercoasters when I was a kid. Nowadays, I'm lucky if my heartrate increases, though there are a few I want to try that I think would change that.
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
I can't remember the last time I was sledding. We don't get much snow around here, and we didn't take the opportunity while in Iceland (which, in retrospect, was foolish).
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Someone else. It's a very warm feeling.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I agree with Chica: I would believe in them more if I were to actually see one.
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Overly so. My mind seems to be coming up with stories and/or characters every waking moment. It's fun, but does nothing for my focus :rolleyes:
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I'm too aware of media influence to judge one way or the other
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Angelina Jolie, by a great distance.
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
Yes. I watch the Daily Show and listen to the Now Show.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yes.
12. What's your favorite commercial?
This one:
13. Who was your first love?
The same as my only love.
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
No. You never know.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Yes, but it ain't a very big one.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I hate Baseball.
17. Have you ever been ice skating?
Used to go quite a bit in my youth.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Quite often, though not for long.
19. What's the one thing on your mind lately?
There are always a great many things on my mind.
20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes. You never know.
21. What talent do you wish you had?
Playing the piano.
22. Do you like sushi?
Yes.
23. What do you wear to bed?
Pants (or 'shorts' if you're on the other side of the Atlantic)
24. Do you truly hate anyone?
Oh yes.
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Jessica Alba...oh yes...
26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Not that I'm aware of.
27. What food do you find disgusting?
Vegitables, in general (though I like spuds)
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Anyone who says they haven't is lying.
29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes, but not very hard.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
No, but I'm not one to fully discount anything.
It's All Me, Baby!
01:27, 18-Aug-2007
.. Link
Inspired by Twisty's Avatars, I thought I'd have a go myself (though I don't have the patience to do as many):
Simpsonized:
Muggin:
WeeMee (my favourite):
Dick Cheney Talking Sense
05:56, 17-Aug-2007
.. Link
No, I haven't gone insane...just yet... :D
Following this astonishing revelation, Jon Stewart talked to Cheney's biographer, and proved why his forum should be sooo much bigger than Comedy Central:
Another Swiped Q&A
03:38, 17-Aug-2007
.. Link
Swiped from Nysak:
Summer of 2007
be honest now...
1. Better than last summer?
No. I was working and more financially secure last summer. Been kinda insecure this summer.
2. Told someone I love you?
No
3. Cried?
No
4. Wanted someone you couldn't have?
Yes
5. Been to the beach?
No. Not a big beach fan
6. been to a park to swing?
No
7. How many parks have you been to this summer?
0, I think. Haven't gotten out much this summer
8. Stayed up all night?
No, but I have woken up ridiculously early a few times
9. Went shopping?
Sparingly (broke :()
10. went swimming?
Haven't been swimming for years
11. Been asked out?
No
12. What was the best picture you took or were in this summer?
Haven't seen many photo ops, but I did take a sort of decent one of myself
13. Got in a car with a stranger?
No. I can drive
14. Lost someone close?
Fortunately not
15. Slept in someone else's bed?
Yes
16. Had someone sleep in your bed?
Nope
17. Been to a club?
Alas no. No one to go with right now
18. Been grounded?
Never
19. Ran?
Yes. Was at the pub with my dad and someone said our house alarm was going off. It's a 10/15 minute walk to the pub. I was back at our house in just over 2.
20. Regret something?
Yes, but I'll be starting to fix it come September
21. cleaned your room?
A couple of times
22. Done anything against the law?
*ahem* Every time I'm in my car...
23. Ate Coldstone?
Ate what?
24. Got in a fight?
No
25. Stayed in a hotel?
Not since spring
26. Flirted with someone?
On-line, yes
27. Biked?
Not for a very long time
28. Gone to a concert?
No
29. Streaked?
No
30. skinny dipped?
No (ain't I an exciting ol' soul?)
31. Did you kiss more than 2 people?
Haven't kissed 1 :(
32. How many swimsuits did you wear this summer?
0
33. Have you kissed somebody in the last 3 weeks?
See 31 (wait, what happened to the numbers...?)
34. Miss someone?
Yes
35. How's your ex doing?
Don't have one
36. Is there someone you want to fight?
Oh yes
37. Do you like someone right now?
Yes
38. How many summer weddings did you attend this summer?
None, but going to one next month...or is it October...?
39. What are you doing tomorrow?
No plans
40. Did you resemble a lobster at any time of the summer?
I burnt very easily as a kid, but not any more
41. Where did you view the fireworks this summer?
We don't have any big fireworks celebration during the summer in this country
42. Do you want to go back to middle school?
No, but I am going back to college :D
43. Have you ever watched the Britney Spears movie?
No. Nor will I. Ever. And if anyone should try to make me, their life insurance had better be paid up.
44. What did you do yesterday?
Straightened out a little confusion at the jobcentre, grumbled at the copy of King Kong I'd just gotten not working, played Driver: Parallel Lines on Xbox, laughed heartily at some good Thursday night TV and did some stuff on Facebook.
45. Who did you ride in a car with last night?
No one, 'less you count the guy I gave a taxi ride to in above-mentioned game
46. Are you tired?
Nope, though I do fancy more coffee...
47. Did you hydrate yourself enough this summer? *plenty of water
There's water in coffee, right? Does that count?
48. What color socks do you have on?
I tend not to wear socks when I'm home. No point
49. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Black t-shirt
50. Pants?
Grey. Oh wait, this American ain't it. Khaki trousers
51. What is the farthest distance you traveled this summer?
Diagnolly down the country to Gloucestershire
52. What is the shortest distance you traveled?
I've turned over in bed a few times
53. Does your family own any boats?
?!
54. Have you ever kissed your cat?
Chance would be a fine thing. Oh wait, you said cat...
55. Where were you when 7/7/07 happened?
Which one was that?
56. Summer movie?
Yes, I've seen a couple (next time, try to be a bit more vague, why don't you)
57. if you had the summer to do all over again what is one thing you would do differently?
Save more money
58. The last text you received on your mobile was from?
Nicola
59. Where is the weirdest place you have slept this summer?
My bed. I know it don't sound like much, but you don't know my bed
60. Where was your default picture taken?
Ironforge
61. One best memory from the summer?
Talking to a friend on the phone
Vanessa Carlton - Twilight
03:54, 16-Aug-2007
.. Link
I just came across this song purely by accident, while looking for something else (I can't remember what):
(Plus, it shows the Wii in a much better light than I've seen so far)
Varin - Ch.2
07:57, 14-Aug-2007
.. Link
I posted the first chapter of this a little while ago and, today, I've been looking back through it and quite liking what I've got so far. Here's chapter 2 (I know I've got half a dozen other things going right now, but focus has always been a failing, so you'll just have to bear with me - the rest will come).
Warning - this is a lengthy one...
A thousand miles away, Shalandra Morrena Calnarive-Velcine was awakened by the sun streaming into her bedroom. She groaned and turned away, throwing a pillow at her nanny as she did so.
“Come now, mistress,” said the nanny. “You know how cranky you get if you miss breakfast.”
“Darla, if I wake at noon I can still start my day with bacon and eggs.”
“It’s a school day, mistress. If you wake at noon you will miss your lunch as well. You know how your father is when it comes to your studies.”
Shalandra rolled onto her back and smiled at her nanny. “You know my father is too soft with me, Darla. You say so yourself often enough. He would never deny me lunch.”
Of course, she was right. Darla knew from experience that Shalandra’s father could forgive his daughter anything. It was very sweet, but it often made her job difficult.
Still, the nanny gave the young girl a wry smile. “That may well be true, mistress, but he has left me in charge while he is away, and if I feel it necessary, you will go the day with naught but water.”
Before Shalandra could respond, her pillow was thrown back in her face. “Now, up,” the nanny said sternly.
*
Marcus could barely remember the last time he’d come up against a lock he couldn’t pick, but the one he now faced was beyond him. It wasn’t that it was particularly complicated, but it was so old and so rusted, it would have done him no good even if he had the key.
Though he was outwardly very still, his mind raced with possibilities: I could chip away at it ‘til there’s enough to get some leverage on… No, that could take hours. I could work on the hinges… No, they’re almost as rusted as the lock. I could try to simply break the door down… No, that would also take hours, as well making a lot of noise…
Suddenly there was a whoosh of air past Marcus’s ear and a shard of glass lodged between the door and its frame, piercing the lock.
“I was just thinking along those lines,” Marcus said.
“If we always waited around for your thinking, we’d have been in jail since we were seven.”
Varin strolled straight past his friend and pulled at the door. Despite the lock being broken, the hinges still held fast.
Marcus scoffed. “Maybe we should’ve brought a battering ram.”
Varin planted both feet on the doorframe and yanked at the door as hard he could. The rusted hinges screeched like nails on a chalkboard as the door slowly opened. Marcus tried not to look impressed, but Varin’s expression told him he was failing.
“Keep those ideas coming,” Varin said with a cocky smile.
Marcus rolled his eyes and strolled through the door. The room was in near-complete darkness, the only light coming from a plinth at the far end from the door.
“That’s it?” Marcus said, disappointed.
“I can’t see any more cracked, luminous emeralds in here,” Varin replied. “It must be.”
Marcus’s frown turned to a smile. “That’s why I love working for aristocracy; they’ll fork out ridiculous coinage for the tattiest of tat, just as long as it’s old enough.”
Varin wasn’t listening. His attention was towards the door. “Can we get on?” he said, his sensitive ears picking up on the murmurings of the palace guard. “Our entrance hasn’t exactly been subtle.”
Marcus turned to Varin, the forming of a plan making his eyes sparkle.
Varin sighed. “Let’s hear it.”
“Who are the guards looking for?” Marcus asked.
Varin looked a little confused. “Us, of course.” Marcus raised an eyebrow. “Well, me,” Varin corrected. He picked up the discarded shard of glass and slipped it back into his pocket. “Fine. You have five minutes, then I’m leaving.”
Varin swept out of the room, silent but for some whispered grumbling.
“Plenty of time,” Marcus said to himself as he cracked his fingers.
He turned back to the shard with a hungry look in his eye. “Now then, my tacky little beauty…”
*
Trayal Peak stood at the centre of the Carviann mountain range. Not the most expansive range in the world, but possibly the most foreboding. Peakview was a haven; a relative oasis in an otherwise lethal landscape of jagged ridges, rockslides, bottomless crevasses and violent winds throwing up shards of ice like the giant spears of a mythical army. In fact, so impossible was the terrain, almost every city of the world had its own legend of how the small town at the foot of the great peak had come to be where it was. One legend told of giants who’d take human slaves and built the town as some form of prison. Another claimed it was originally a part of a small island out at sea and that a great wave, that wiped out many of the mythical creatures of old, had washed it up into the mountains.
Only the townspeople themselves knew the truth. There was no real reason for them to keep the secret, but it was fun to listen to the innumerable and increasingly elaborate theories, especially as the actual origins of the town were more incredible than anything thought up by man.
However, not even the citizens of Peakview knew the origin of the palace, half built upon the seemingly inaccessible mountain, half carved from the very rock itself. The only thing they could be sure of was it was a feat of architectural wonder beyond human hands.
But there was one man who knew. One who had been told the story by the very creatures that had built the palace centuries ago.
Lord Talund Talsettie gazed out at the range from the large window of his thrown room. He felt ill-at-ease with having a throne room - he’d always thought of it as making him sound far more regal than he was - but the magnificent view eased his embarrassment.
Talund’s eyes were fixed upon one of the smaller peaks, almost a hundred miles away, to the east. It was there that his life had so drastically changed, long before he was even aware of the town at the heart of the range. There where he had been told the truth behind the legends. There where he had been made responsible, in essence, for the entire world. Even after all these years, he still had sleepless nights.
“My lord?”
Talund turned to the guard with a smooth, almost languid movement. “What is it, Bethany?” he asked, his voice calm in tone, but rich and deep.
“Someone has broken into the palace.”
There was a moment’s silence as the news sunk in and Talund formulated a response.
“You’re wrong,” he said, uncertainly.
“I’m afraid not, my lord.”
“…You’re wrong,” Talund said again.
“He is an elf, my lord. We are having difficulty keeping up with him.”
“Someone has actually managed to break into this palace?”
The guard paused, knowing how unlikely it was, but unable to deny what she’d seen with her own eyes. “He somehow got in through a window of the eastern spire.”
“Through a window?”
“Yes, my lord.”
“Someone has broken into this palace…through a window?”
“Um, yes, my lord.”
“Ha.” Talund suddenly smiled as the idea finally took hold. “Well done, that man.”
“Boy,” Bethany corrected.
The lord’s eyes widened. “Boy?” His smile grew to an astonished grin. “Okay, if you can’t catch him, just keep track of him. I don’t want him hurt, but make sure he doesn’t steal anything.”
“Yes, my lord,” Bethany said with a bow and left to continue the pursuit.
Talund was still smiling when he turned back to the window. “A boy?” he said with a chuckle.
*
“Errahxa-Vantúl-Firmalta-Talvaínn!”
The words hung in the air like heavy fog and irradiated a tangible energy. A spark seemed to come from nowhere and blinked out of existence as abruptly as it had appeared.
Then another…
And another…
Faster and faster. Not one the same colour as the last.
Soon the sparks erupted from the soil like an elaborate firework, arching into the air and returning to the spot from where they came, colliding and exploding like a living kaleidoscope until eventually forming into a small flame, which gradually grew into a cosy fire.
“You know, a match and some kindling would have the same effect,” Shalandra said, entirely unimpressed.
“Yes, but it wouldn’t be as pretty,” replied the mage, warming his hands. “Besides, what if you don’t have a match and some kindling?”
“And I find myself lost in the northlands?”
“It could happen.”
“Three-thousand miles from home.”
“You never know.”
“My father is paying you too much, Morriale.”
The mage smiled broadly. “I agree. But who am I to complain?”
Shalandra’s attention drifted. “Is it lunch time yet?”
“You had breakfast twenty minutes ago. Now, repeat after me. Errahxa…”
*
The palace guard were getting irate. They were tired, confused and anxious that the illusive elf was planning to do more than just give them the run around. If his motives went beyond frustrating a regiment of soldiers who hadn’t seen any kind of action for far too long, then there wasn’t much they could do about it.
But Varin was also tiring. Three guards had stopped in a storeroom to catch their breath and there was only so long the elf could suspend himself out of sight in the rafters. He tried to distract himself with the conversation going on below, but his arms were starting to shake.
“We don’t get paid enough for this,” one of the guards moaned. “This is supposed to be a quiet post.”
“We signed up to be guards,” another argued. “Personally I’m glad to finally be seeing some action.”
“You’re crazy,” said the first guard. “I’m exhausted, and you don’t exactly look to be in your prime.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s calling you fat.” The third guard spoke up for the first time. Bethany seemed slightly less breathless than her male companions, but Varin could sense her heart pounding just as hard. She just hid it better.
“Fat am I, Ballmer?!”
Ballmer - guard number one - scowled at the third guard. The third guard turned her eyes up, innocently.
Varin groaned.
*
“Eureka,” Marcus whispered as the transparent case housing the shard pealed open. It hadn’t been as easy as he thought it would be. For all the case looked basic, it was sturdy with an intricate locking mechanism that went as far as sealing the hinges when the main lock was picked.
But then, however intricate, it was still just a lock, and Marcus had an intimate understanding of locks. In fact, he had a love for anything even vaguely mechanical. While other children at the orphanage were playing with hand-stitched animals and carved wooden dolls, Marcus was building his first mechanical mouse. It was made up of nothing more than string and wood, but it was the care and imagination with which he’d put it together that made other children jealous of his toy, and the monks jealous of his skill.
Marcus’s fingers tingled as he reached for the emerald shard. It was a strange sensation. It was nothing more impressive than a broken stone, but for some reason Marcus felt like he should be in awe. There was a deeper essence to the stone that made his palms sweat and the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
“Go ahead. See how it feels.”
Marcus span ‘round to find a tall man with long greying hair smiling at him.
“Oh,” said the man, “you’re not him, are you?”
“Not who?” Marcus said, not particularly interested in the answer. His mind was already busy working on an escape plan.
“You’re not the one causing my guards so much trouble. He’s just a distraction isn’t he? Clever.”
“People don’t hire us for our brawn.”
Talund’s smile grew and there was a genuine twinkle in his eye. No, Marcus thought. Not a twinkle. That’s a spark!
“You are certainly an intelligent young man,” Talund said, his voice suddenly an octave lower and with a deep resonance to it, “but you are also a fool. You have no concept of what it is you’re stealing.”
“As far as we’re concerned it’s food and board.”
“It’s power, boy. Immense and uncontrollable power.”
“A lot of food and board then.”
Talund couldn’t decide if the young thief was being ironic, or if he really believed he could escape with the shard and earn his fortune. Whatever he believed, the lord of Peakview wasn’t about to let it happen.
“That gem is nothing but trouble, boy, for you and the rest of the world. And I cannot let you leave with it.”
Yelling and sounds of clattering furniture and bodies suddenly spewed from the corridors. One of the palace’s guards hit the floor messily and Varin bounced over the top of him, followed by three more, led by Bethany; red, sweaty and flustered.
Marcus made a grab for the shard, but Talund caught him by the hood of his cloak.
Varin sprinted for the door. He jumped and swung inside on the handle, dragging the door shut behind him. There was a thud as at least two of the guards ran headlong into the ancient wood.
Talund was distracted. Marcus slipped from his cloak and grabbed the shard. Talund reached for him, but Varin grabbed his arm. He tried to shake him off while simultaneously catching the chest that had held the shard as it was thrown at him.
“Good hands,” Marcus commented.
“Strong too,” Varin said, still struggling.
He released Talund who again reached for Marcus. Marcus slid the shard along the floor to Varin. Talund almost got there first, but the elf darted between his legs, scooped it up and ran back through the door just as the guards managed to pry it open. There were more shouts and curses as the pursuit picked up again.
Marcus was grinning when Talund turned back to him. To Marcus’s surprise, the spark in Talund’s eye brightened and suddenly flared.
*
Being an elf, Varin had relatively no weight to carry. His supple limbs and small, tightly-packed muscles made him as quick and nimble as a cat, while his youth gave him unrivalled vigour.
All the same, the endless running was becoming tiresome. The pursuing guards had long-since come to a breathless halt; their muscles burning, their energy drained, their exhaustion crippling.
Varin turned into yet another corridor, this one a dead-end. He felt like he’d covered the entire palace, but something told him he’d only seen a fraction of its labyrinthine interior. He stopped and leaned against a wall. For the first time, he looked at the emerald shard. There seemed to be nothing particularly special about the broken gem. It still maintained some of its emerald sheen, but it was faded and dull.
And yet…
“Stunning, isn’t it?”
Varin looked up in surprise and saw Talund standing at the far end of the corridor. Other than the way he’d came, Varin knew there was no other way into the corridor. His keen elfish sense would have told him of any hidden doors or secret passages. The walls were solid and there was nothing but sky beyond the one at Talund’s back.
“It might not look like much,” Talund went on, “but you can sense that there is more to it than its exterior.”
“I could say the same thing about you,” Varin replied. His ears twitched at the sound of the approaching guard.
“There is a reason I was chosen to protect that shard,” Talund said, more as a warning than a boast.
Out of the corner of his eye, Varin saw a small window high up on the outer wall. He really didn’t want to, but he was out of options. He casually took his now faithful piece of broken glass from his pocket.
“And there is a reason we were chosen to steal it,” he said before running up the wall and diving through the window.
*
Shalandra stared morosely at the smouldering leaf on the floor in front of her. After eight attempts, it was the best she could do.
“I don’t understand it,” said Morriale. “Even my slowest students managed at least a candle by their fifth attempt.”
“Maybe I just don’t have the gift.”
“Impossible! Don’t you know whose daughter you are?”
“I always preferred fencing anyway,” Shalandra said as if she hadn’t heard the question. “At least I can feel the sword.”
“You should be able to feel the words. They are in your blood.”
The young girl looked her tutor dead in the eye, only partly hesitant over what she was about to say. “Maybe it’s my mother’s blood that runs through me.”
Shalandra expected a rise from Morriale - an angered command never to utter those words again, just like the first time - but the mage merely sighed. “Shalandra, please, we have been over this. What your mother did…”
“Makes her no less a part of me,” Shalandra interrupted.
“No. But I know you, child. I have known you since birth. You are nothing like your mother. You would never betray your father, or our people, as she did.”
Shalandra looked back to the smouldering leaf. “What if you’re wrong?”
Morriale smiled and wrapped his arms around his would-be protégé. “Then I shall smite you myself.”
Shalandra laughed. “Not if I run you through first.”
*
A small slither of light gave Marcus a large feeling of relief. The dark, dank passage wasn’t nearly as long as he’d expected it to be, but it was long enough. He’d almost lost his footing five times on the steep steps carved out of the cave floor. The strange scraping sound that seemed to echo from within the very walls of the cave was the last straw.
As the blinding light from Lord Talsetti’s eyes faded, Marcus had found himself alone in the dark room that had housed the shard. In the distance he could hear the commotion of the chase rising in pitch. There was no sign of Talund.
After a little searching, Marcus found a spiral staircase that seemed to wind from the very top of the palace to the basement. He followed it all the way down and found himself in a store room full of wheat, rice, seeds and fruit. A small corner of his brain wondered at the logistics of getting so much food up here and how often the task would have to be undertaken. The rest of his mind was focused on finding a way out.
Five doors led out of the storeroom. Two of the doors were signed; one leading to the kitchen, the other to the main dining hall. The other three doors seemed to lead into the mountain. Knowing how unlikely it was he’d be allowed to simply stroll through the front door, Marcus sniffed out the tunnel with the crispest air, offered a quick prayer to the goddess of good fortune and headed into the darkness.
It wasn’t long before Marcus emerged on the mountainside. His heart sank when he looked over the edge to see another part of the palace a few hundred metres below, but he was quickly distracted by the scraping sound coming from inside the cave. It seemed to be getting quickly louder.
Suddenly there was cry from above. “I can’t stop!”
Marcus looked up to see Varin hurtling down the mountain, a trail of stone and ice falling behind him, carved away by the small shard of glass in his hand. Marcus quickly lodged the grappling hook into the ground and threw the rope straight up. Varin managed to catch the end of it, despite the speed of his decent, and threw himself out into the air, narrowly avoiding the ledge. He seemed to fall forever before the rope finally went taught and he was swung harshly into the rock face.
Marcus winced at the impact. “That sounded like his shoulder again.”
*
Although the facts were blurred, the story was famous throughout the region. Shalandra’s father was on the verge of becoming the chief mage of his school - many suggested High Sorcerer - when his wife, jealous of her husband’s power and afraid he would turn his back on her if he achieved his new rank, conspired with one of his superiors to have him held back and his power stripped away. A bitter struggle ensued and the then-chief was cast down following a bitter defeat. Shalandra’s mother disappeared into the wilds.
And so began the rule of High Sorcerer Jarn Cal’Unne Velcine in the region of Serritt-Pryde.
Jarn gazed out over the crystal ocean stretching beyond the horizon. A thousand miles away lay the eastern continent, from its culturally rich coastlines to its primitive, landlocked regions. And somewhere between the continents, the Mouth of World, the legendary gathering place of the ancient dragon lords; themselves now little more than legend.
“You’re back.”
Jarn turned from the view and smiled at his daughter. “Yes. Just now.”
Shalandra embraced her father and Jarn leaned down to give her a gentle kiss on the head.
“How was your business?” the young girl asked.
“On going. I must leave again in a few days. And your studies?” Shalandra hesitated. “That well?” Jarn said, dryly.
“I just can’t grasp the words.”
“Yes. Morriale tells me you’re happier with a sword in your hand.”
“You’ve spoken to him already?”
“He told me before I left.” Shalandra pulled away from her father in surprise. Jarn was on the verge of laughter.
“He already knew?!”
“He has known for some time. That is why we agreed to your concentrating on the sword. Not everyone has the gift.”
Shalandra’s eyes blazed. “Then why the lessons?”
“I just wanted you out of trouble while I was away.”
Shalandra hit her father in the leg as hard as she could. Jarn laughed and held the girl close.
*
The two thieves skidded to halt just above the lower section of the palace. Varin had only just stopped complaining about his shoulder and promising bitter revenge.
“What do you hear?” Marcus whispered.
“The warning has already reached them. They’re preparing for us and sending men into the town, just in case.”
“So all exits are covered?”
“… There’s the mountainside.”
“We can make it down there?”
“I can.”
“So what do I do?”
Varin shrugged. “Turn yourself in?”
“Something else.”
“I don’t have anything else. You’re the planner, remember?”
“Fine. Just give me a minute.”
---
As the sun descended over the Carvianns, the atmosphere in town built steadily for the night’s carnival. In the lower palace, the excitement was tinged with angst. The thieves were still at large and the palace guard were all too aware, if the shard was not found, a great many of them would be sent out into the range, where missing the party would be the least of their worries.
The lower palace was very much like a self-contained village. Within the high, strong walls sat a number of small houses for the guards, caterers and other staff that maintained the palace, along with three food stores and a barn.
The layout proved ideal for Marcus and Varin. The fading light and stretching shadows of the buildings offered them ample cover to evade the guards and remain out of sight. And Varin’s keen elfish senses let him know when to stay hidden and when the way was clear. It wasn’t long before they made it to the outer wall.
“I thought you said the gate would be on the north side?!”
Marcus shrugged. “North. East. South. How was I supposed to know? Logically it should be, but I’m no architect.”
Varin groaned, grabbed his friend by the lapels and pressed him against the wall, doing his best to ignore the ache in his shoulder. “Your guess work is beginning to annoy me. Of the two of us, you are supposed to be the one who knows what he is doing!”
“I do know what I’m doing,” Marcus replied confidently. “It’s just that what I’m doing requires some guess work.”
Varin let go, roughly. “Fine, then guess us a way out of here.”
“Well, it’s obvious now. If it’s not north, then it must be east, clearly.”
Varin watched Marcus stride away as self assuredly as if he had a map. “Clearly,” he muttered. “And remind me, how are we getting off the range? We can’t exactly leave the way we came.”
“There must be supply routes, Varin. It isn’t like much can be cultivated in this environment. But let’s wait until we’ve made it through the town before we start worrying about that.”
*
From atop the town’s eastern gate, Bethany Woodstock looked out over Peakview as she rolled herself a cigarette. She felt exhausted. They’d been chasing the thieves all day and now the entire palace guard were weary and aching. Bethany promised herself the allusive thieves would get a hiding, children or not.
Below her, the town was abuzz. The sun had set, the moon was high and all of the constellations had come out to oversee the festivities. Trayal and his children, Triani and Tyramol. The warlord Karak and his son Kraise, with whom Tyramol had struggled against on this very range. Nartúl, the lord of the western continent, and his mate, Larnotell, who had taken in Trayal’s children after his fall. All would be celebrated this night in song and story, dance and play, and a fireworks display so grand as to be visible beyond the borders of the Carviann range.
As Bethany took her first soothing draw on her cigarette, she allowed herself a moment to get lost in the opening song. The rocket that signalled the start of the festival shot into the air, trailing luminous green flame behind it, and exploded in myriad colours of breathtaking brilliance.
As the light faded, Bethany looked down at the astonished faces of the crowd; joy and wonder in everyone’s eyes. But something else caught her eye, a few feet from the edge of the crowd, darting between two buildings while attention was elsewhere.
Bethany grabbed her sword and darted down the steps to street level. She fought through the crowd, scanning the shadows for the thieves, but her heart sank when she realised she’d lost them again.
Then she heard a whistle. She turned and found the elf, crouched at the top of the outer wall, his partner already at the top of the climbing rope, waving at her. She opened her mouth to scream an alert to the rest of the guard, but the sound was drowned out by the whoosh of another firework. In the light of the explosion she just caught sight of a cloak disappearing over the wall.
God, the Devil and Bob
05:45, 13-Aug-2007
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I don't know what it was that put me in mind of this today, but in mind it came, and so followed a trip to YouTube to find some:
Crimes Against Music
09:13, 11-Aug-2007
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The Now Show - a satirical look at the week's news - is broadcast on Radio4 on a Friday night and features a bloke called Mitch Benn:
How to Advertise a Video Game
10:10, 9-Aug-2007
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The Gift That Keeps on Giving
07:38, 9-Aug-2007
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I've just watched last night's Daily Show, featuring an interview with a Saturday Night Live contributer, that reminded me of this:
For those who don't know, the one in the blonde wig is who you think it is.
Belonging to Night - Ch.2
05:55, 9-Aug-2007
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Continued (from this) by popular demand:
December 20th
An art lover he wasn’t. In fact, if Sergeant Jerry Malone was entirely honest with himself, the Guggenheim gave him the creeps. The major exhibition being held had had something or other to do with religious extremism down the ages, and all of the psychotic indulgences that came with it. The demolition of the exhibit had done little to improve its charm.
The bizarre circumstances of the case didn’t help either. Two security guards and one civilian dead and an officer a step shy of the loony bin. From what Jerry could garner from the security footage, two men had somehow broken into the museum (none of the footage showed exactly how), had an almighty brawl and left quite violently via the main entrance. The two security guards had of course stepped in to try to stop the fight, each receiving a broken neck with alarming ease.
A young tour guide, dressed like an airline stewardess - right down to the one-too-many layers of makeup - was filling Jerry in on some of the museum’s history, the inspirations for the wrecked exhibit and a mini biog of the artist responsible. Jerry had stopped listening shortly after, “Here at the Guggenheim…” His attention was instead drawn to a woman, crouched by one of the fallen works, sniffing at it intently.
“Excuse me, ma’am,” Jerry said to no response. “Ma’am…? Hey, lady!”
Finally the woman turned around, and Jerry felt like he’d been punched in the chest. She was beautiful! About 5’9”, 5’10”; long, sleek, black hair; brown eyes; slim, but not without curves. If not for her deathly pale complexion, Jerry would have called her perfect.
“I apologise, detective,” the woman said with a voice that made him feel like he was lying on a bed of cotton wool, “I was distracted.”
“Err, yeah…” Jerry said as if he was struggling to remember why he’d dragged this woman away from her clearly important work. “Well… This is a…um…crime-scene. Are you supposed to be here?”
The woman smiled serenely, feigning mild embarrassment, and Jerry could feel a wave euphoria building in the pit of his stomach. “No, not really. I was just curious.”
“Oh…” Jerry whispered. “Okay…”
A museum rep suddenly cut in on the conversation and Jerry felt himself fall from his inexplicable high. “Excuse me. Miss Callaghan?”
“Yes?” the woman said.
“A message just arrived for you.” The rep handed Miss Callaghan a yellow post-it note.
“Thank you,” she said, and her serene smile broadened as she read:
Jo, I know what you’re up to.
Please stop sticking your nose in and let the police do their job.
M
Please stop sticking your nose in and let the police do their job.
M
“I am sorry, Sergeant Malone,” Josephine said. “I’ll intrude no further. Goodbye.”
Despite himself, Jerry tipped his hat to the strange woman and heard himself say, “Not at all. Anything I can do to help.”
“Well there was one thing. Do you have a name for the victim?”
The victim? Who does this woman think she is? Jerry thought, but said, “We believe his name was ‘Carver’,” much to his own confusion.
“I thank you, sergeant,” Josephine said.
“Ah-ha,” Jerry replied absently.
---
Josephine left the museum troubled. It had been a very long time since she’d heard of two of her kind fighting in this way. The last time had been a brutal power struggle that cost many lives.
She walked straight out into the road, ignoring the early morning traffic. There was some squealing of brakes and some puzzled looks from drivers, but not a horn was honked or raised word uttered.
Josephine sniffed the air as she walked and stopped abruptly in the middle of the road. She crouched down and laid her hand on the asphalt. A few hours earlier, this patch of the road had been examined; in particular the ash that had been found right on the spot where Sergeant Powell said the victim had been killed. Other than the ash and the few spots of blood, the snow was fresh and clean. The forensics unit gathered what little they could and gave the area the all clear and the city’s street cleaners immediately set about clearing the road for the morning’s rush-hour.
“Who was it who took your life, Mr. Carver?” Josephine asked as if expecting a response. She was quiet and very still for some time before she eventually stood and returned to the sidewalk. “In that case, I will just have to ask Mr. Powell.”
*
Sean Powell awoke with the kind of hangover that turns students teetotal. He’d never been a big drinker, but it had taken a significant amount of alcohol to put him to sleep after his experience at the Guggenheim. The buzzer in his apartment was like a power drill in his ear.
It was 9am. Sean pealed himself from his sweat-soaked bed sheet and felt his brain pounding against the back of his skull as if desperately trying to escape. He padded slowly across his cold floor, rubbing his tired eyes, almost kicking his cat the length of the apartment.
“Not now, Minnie,” he moaned as the cat pawed at the bare feet she’d skilfully dodged.
Sean had found Minnie a few Christmases ago while out on patrol. The small, grey kitten looked cold and hungry so he put her in his pocket and took her back to the station.
Steph had cooed maternally. “Aw, who’s your friend?”
“Dunno. Found her loitering outside of Macey’s.”
“She’s adorable! What are you going call her?”
“Hmm…” Sean thought for a moment. “How about Minnie?”
“Why Minnie?”
“My grandma had a Chihuahua called Minnie. Irritating little bastard, but cute.”
Minnie was still snuggling Sean’s feet as he pushed the button on his intercom. “Yeah?”
“Oh! Sean dear, it’s Mrs. Abigail.”
“Ok, Maggie. Give me a minute and I’ll be right down.”
Sean looked down at his cat with bloodshot eyes and a tired smile. “That’s what happens when someone thanks you for a favor and you say ‘anytime’.”
Margaret Abigail had lived in Sean’s building since the ‘30s when the place was first built. Sean had always seen her as a bit of a kook, but admirably spry for a woman her age. She had to be too, living on the second floor of a building with an elevator that seemed to work for only two days out of the entire year. This wasn’t one of those days and so Maggie would need help with her shopping.
She greeted Sean in the lobby with a toothy grin and a truck-load of groceries.
“Jesus, Maggie, how’d you drag all that back here?”
“Oh, it’s just a few odds and ends,” Maggie said dismissively.
Sean was about to argue the difference between ‘odds and ends’ and enough food to feed the precinct, but thought better of it. It was too early in the day to get into a semantic argument over groceries.
Sean gathered up as many bags as he could, leaving the lightest two for his aged neighbour, and headed up the stairs while Maggie cursed the building’s superintendent for neglecting his responsibilities.
It was another thirty minutes before Sean finally left Maggie’s apartment after somehow finding room for her year’s worth of shopping in her tiny kitchen. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and promised himself another hour’s sleep.
A hand suddenly wrapped around Sean’s mouth with an iron grip and he was yanked ‘round, face-to-face with the killer he’d seen the night before.
“Aren’t you a pet,” the killer snarled.
*
Sunrise lit up the Hamptons, magnified by its reflection off the snow. Zara had been eager to stay up with her mother and Gabriel, but her young body had given in to tiredness soon after four. Josephine had left for Manhattan a short time later.
Gabriel stood on the balcony outside of his grandfather’s bedroom, drinking coffee and looking out over the picturesque landscape through pitch-black sunglasses. He was keen to get back to his apartment in the city and curl up in bed with any trace of the sunlight blocked out by his thick drapes. But he had a place to go, and a person to see.
---
A short time later, Gabriel pulled up outside of the palatial home of Cameron Grayson; the sun, now high over the ocean view, weighing heavily upon him.
The intercom outside the main gate buzzed before Gabriel had the chance to push the button. “Mr. Grayson does not like being kept waiting,” a high-class voice rang clearly from the speaker.
“Do convey my sincerest apologies,” Gabriel said with a distinct lack of sincerity.
Some distance from the speaker within the mansion another voice, cracked with age, said, “Just let him in, Wilbur.”
There was a brief silence, then the whir of heavy motors as the large gate opened up. Gabriel smiled just a little as he drove through.
The long, gravel driveway led to a grand, white mansion. It wasn’t much larger than Gabriel’s grandfather’s home, but it was big enough to draw an impressed whistle.
A man stood in the open doorway, hands clasped behind his back, posture solid, uniform pressed to perfection. You must be Wilbur, Gabriel thought.
As he stepped out of the car and headed up towards the front door, the butler looked Gabriel up and down, looked towards the car and then back again. The young man must barely have been in his mid-twenties. His neck-length hair hung down over his pale face. He wore a long, black coat that fell almost to his ankles, a plain, white sweater, dark jeans and trainers. Gabriel raised an inquisitive eyebrow from behind his sunglasses.
“Mr…Callaghan?” Wilbur sounded unsure.
“You were expecting something else?”
“Yes,” came the flat reply.
“Sorry to disappoint.”
There was then a pause before Gabriel asked, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
The butler was a little surprised by the young man’s unexpected show of manners but said, “Yes, of course.”
Gabriel remained still as the butler stood aside and issued him forth. Another pause. The butler stared at him, desperately trying to think of what it was he was missing.
Gabriel sighed. “You have to say the words.”
“Oh, of course. Please, come in.”
“Thank you,” Gabriel said as he entered, the roll of his eyes hidden behind his dark glasses.
The exterior of the mansion was humbled by its grandiose interior. The entire décor was gold, marble and oak. Rich, red carpeting swept up a huge, curved staircase and large, gilded-framed portraits hung from every wall.
Gabriel got a strange feeling from the floor above. “A bit much, isn’t it?” he said.
“It took a long time for Mr. Grayson to amass his fortune. Only right he should enjoy it,” Wilber replied. “This way.”
The butler led Gabriel down a corridor to a suitably large dining room. At the far end of a long, oak table an old man sat in a wheelchair, eating a puréed breakfast. At his side stood possibly the second biggest man Gabriel had ever seen; almost 7 ft tall and at least as wide as the mansion’s front door.
“You’re late, Mr. Callaghan,” Cameron Grayson said between sips of his food. “When you work for me, Mr Callaghan, I expect you to make the effort and arrive on time.”
“It’s morning, Mr. Grayson,” Gabriel said in similar tone. “And besides, I do not work for you, Mr Grayson. We do business, nothing more.”
Cameron stopped eating and looked directly at the young man daring to address him so impertinently. The man-mountain at his side shifted expectantly and Gabriel felt Wilber step back.
“Then perhaps you’ll join me for a nightcap?” Cameron said with a humoured smile. His employees visibly relaxed and Gabriel nodded in appreciation. “Wilber, a whiskey, neat, for our guest. And I shall take my brandy now.” Wilber had to forcibly stop himself from pointing out it wasn’t yet ten-thirty.
“Please take a seat, Mr. Callaghan.”
As he moved to sit down, Gabriel eyed the bodyguard. “How do you do?” he said cheerfully. There was no response. “Good to know,” Gabriel said, patting the man on his rock-solid tricep. “Maybe you should cut down on his caffeine,” he said to his host as he sat.
Wilber served the drinks, bowed to his master and took his leave. “Maxwell, you may also go,” Cameron said, and the towering bodyguard did as he was told, though not before glancing down at Gabriel with just the hint of a sneer.
“Really fills you with a sense joy, doesn’t he,” Gabriel quipped.
Grayson ignored the comment and eyed his brandy regretfully. “In my state of health I’m afraid this must be a rare delicacy.”
“You can live happy or you can live long,” Gabriel said philosophically.
Grayson smiled again. “I guess that is a decision we humans must all make at some time in our lives.”
“So,” Gabriel said, taking his glass from the table and leaning back in the chair, “what is it I can do for you?”
“Ah yes, to business. I need you to find someone for me.”
“Any specific someone?”
“My son.”
Gabriel sipped his drink then said simply, “No.”
Cameron blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“The answer is no. I don’t get involved in family affairs.”
“As simple as that? You’re not even curious as to why I need him found.”
Gabriel finished off his drink with a second sip. “I would’ve thought you’d want him found because you’re a parent worried about his son. If that’s not the case, I’m even less interested.”
Gabriel stood and turned to leave, only to be confronted by Grayson’s bodyguard, like a brick wall in a t-shirt.
“People do not simply refuse me, Mr. Callaghan,” Grayson said triumphantly.
Gabriel wasn’t listening. “Move,” he said, looking the big man in the eye.
The bodyguard leaned down ‘til he was at Gabriel’s height and replied, “Make me.”
Gabriel sighed, placed two fingers in the centre of the bodyguard’s chest and furrowed his brow apologetically.
---
Wilber stood outside the dining room, using a tea-tray as a mirror while he tried to pick a porridge oat from between his teeth. He hadn’t noticed it before, but suddenly it was bugging him.
Who does that boy think he is? Wilber thought as he checked his teeth for remnants of the oat. Coming into someone else’s home and behaving like that. He should be taught some manners.
Wilber’s train of thought was abruptly derailed as Maxwell, the household’s mountainous bodyguard, burst through the dining room’s doors, flew a few feet and hit the floor hard, starring up at the ceiling in disbelief.
“You look beautiful.”
The words came so unexpectedly, the butler very nearly joined Maxwell on the floor. He turned and found Gabriel at his side, wearing the slightest of smiles.
“Could you direct me to the lady of the house?” he asked.
“Um, Lady Marie died some time ago.”
“I’m well aware of that, Wilber. I was in fact referring to Miss Grayson.”
“Oh, I see.” Wilber regained some of his well-practised composure. “She is in her room, entertaining guests.”
“Thanks.”
Gabriel began to walk away, then stopped. “Sorry pal,” he said to the still bemused Maxwell.
*
Josephine had a bad feeling the moment she arrived at Sean Powell’s apartment building. Someone had been there before her. Someone she hadn’t met, but who was already familiar. She walked up to the front door and knew before trying it that it was locked. She closed her eyes and laid her hand over the lock. A few seconds later, the door opened.
The scent hit her before she’d even stepped inside. She took a deep breath through her nose and released it slowly. Sean Powell had been carried up to his apartment. There, he and whoever else had stayed for no more than half an hour before coming back down and heading for the basement…
Then someone else had arrived, not ten minutes ago. They’d followed the same route, first to the apartment, then to the basement.
Josephine decided to do the same, but first she had to make a call.
“Yeah?”
Josephine sighed. “Gabriel, how many times have I told you the correct term is ‘hello’?”
“Enough that you should’ve given up by now?”
Josephine knew better than to rise to the bait. “How was your meeting?” she asked.
“Brief. I don’t think Cameron Grayson likes me much.”
“Gabriel, I do wish you would at least try to be more patient with people.”
“Even the rich?”
“Yes, even them.
“Where are you now?” she said before Gabriel could argue.
“I’m going to check on the daughter. I get a strange feeling from her.”
“What kind of feeling?”
“Not sure. I’ll tell you when I’ve checked it out.”
“Okay, but Gabriel…”
“Yes?”
“Do try not to cause any trouble.”
A little late for that, Gabriel thought, but just said, “I’ll try, Aunt Jo.”
“Thank you.”
They said their goodbyes and hung-up. Josephine stared at her phone for a moment and sighed. Gabriel had always done his best keep hidden exactly what it was he did for a living, but Josephine had been around far too long for him to keep her in the dark. She knew. He knew she knew. But she pretended not to know and in turn he pretended not to know she knew. It made perfect sense to both of them.
Besides which, she trusted him implicitly, despite his reluctance to tell her what it was he’d done to upset Cameron Grayson. He was young, but he was wise beyond his years. He’d been through far too much in his short life not to be.
Josephine made her way up to Sean Powell’s apartment. She sensed his anxiety growing with each step, as well as the anticipation of his captor. By the time she reached his door, the emotions were so strong as to block out all else. She had to steady herself before opening the door.
Then the apartment exploded.
*
Gabriel slipped his phone into a coat pocket and headed for the double-doors at the end of the landing. He stopped before opening them, his hand hovering over the handle. Something wasn’t right and he found his other hand instinctively reaching for the back of his belt.
Best not, he thought. First impression, and all.
He opened the door and the music flooded out. The atmosphere inside the huge room was dense and electric. The forty-something people inside bounced and swayed to the band’s performance. The voice of the singer had a resonance that held them all, and Gabriel felt it drawing him in. Short, slim, blond and cute; there was nothing exceptional about the singer at all, but Gabriel could see what was beneath the surface. Her emerald-green eyes held a strength her slender frame belied.
Their eyes locked across the room and her lips curled in an almost imperceptible smile.
---
“I must admit you’re not exactly what I was expecting.”
Gabriel put down his drink. “I get that a lot,” he said with a sigh.
Catherine Grayson smiled. “You’re very…young.” Her voice danced through his head as warmly when she spoke as when she sang.
“You weren‘t exactly expected either. I was under the impression you were once human.”
“Well, I was under the impression that you were a mere child.”
“I am a mere child, Miss Grayson.”
Catherine seemed uncertain. Perhaps he was as he said, but there was definitely something else to him. She stared at him for a long moment, trying to put her finger on just what it was about him that was different, but whatever it was, he kept it well out of reach.
“So,” she said suddenly, as if breaking an uncomfortable silence, “just what is it my father wants you for?”
V for Vendetta
05:31, 9-Aug-2007
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When this first came out at the cinema, I avoided it, not because it didn't look good and not because of the negative reviews it received, but because it was a Joel Silver production, in conjunction with the Wachowski brothers, and Alan Moore - the original's author - vehemently distanced himself from the production, all of which led me to think it would just be another example of an iconic story being turned into a vapid, overblown, Hollywood cartoon. In fact, there is no mention of Moore at all during the credits, which merely state "Based on the graphic novel illustrated by David Lloyd."
But, at £3 for the DVD, it seemed a small price to pay to satisfy my curiosity, especially as there have been as many positive reviews as negative ones.
With the exception of one or two scenes that were clearly wedged in to satisfy cheep-action junkie Silver and secure his bank account, I was pleasantly surprised by the film. It pulls few punches, Natalie Portman isn't nearly as cliched and annoying as the trailer would suggest, the action is sparse, increasing its impact, and the performances are all fantastic, most especially from Hugo Weaving who wraps his tongue around more syllables in a single sentence than were in his entire Matrix script.
Of course, I'm now curious to read Moore's novel and see exactly how different the Wachowskis' script is. According to Moore, the story was, "...turned into a Bush-era parable by people too timid to set a political satire in their own country.... It's a thwarted and frustrated and largely impotent American liberal fantasy of someone with American liberal values standing up against a state run by neoconservatives—which is not what the comic V for Vendetta was about. It was about fascism, it was about anarchy, it was about England."
I don't really buy that description. Fair enough, if they'd relocated the story to America, but they didn't. The government in the movie control every branch of media and ban books, music, satire, homosexuality and freedom of speech. They impose curfews, have a morally bereft security force and people disappear off the streets, all in the name of security. How exactly is that not fascism?
Also, V is perfectly willing to kill people, blow shit up and create country-wide chaos. How is that not anarchy?
Although, as I said, I need to read the graphic novel to be sure, I get the feeling that Moore's biggest problem with the film is that they cut stuff out.
David Lloyd himself said, "...If you happen to be one of those people who admires the original so much that changes to it will automatically turn you off, then you may dislike the film — but if you enjoyed the original and can accept an adaptation that is different to its source material but equally as powerful, then you'll be as impressed as I was with it."
Differing Perspectives
09:10, 8-Aug-2007
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Ok, so as I said below, I'm taking a different approach to my first novel, Belonging to Night. First up is the first chapter as it currently stands:
A single tear stroked his cheek and quickly froze in the winter air. Grief wasn’t usually a part of his emotional repertoire, but he figured he had to give the old man something.
It was a bitter night over Southampton. Snow fell heavily from the blackened skies. It was all he could do not to smile as the mourners arrived, stepping out of their flash cars and into the drift; not a shoe on the foot of any of them worth less than a thousand dollars. The women sank to their ankles; the men’s slip-ons would constantly slip off. All huddled as tightly as they could beneath a sea of black umbrellas, encircling the shivering priest giving his sermon by a large, black-marble plaque.
GABRIEL CALLAGHAN III
The numeral sent a shiver down his spine. The old man had always liked it; said it gave him a sense of peerage. Unlike his grandfather, however, Gabriel Callaghan IV was not one for tradition. It made him feel like the next item on a production line.
“What’s with the priest?” Gabriel asked under his breath.
By his side stood a tall, slender woman; long black hair flowing all the way down to her waist. A black, silken dress hugged every curve to her hips before it billowed ever so slightly. “You know your grandfather,” she said, stroking the large urn in her pale, delicate hands. “He would have wanted all of the pomp and ceremony.”
“If you say so, Josephine, but he’d better get on with it. He’s making me hungry.”
“Behave yourself, Gabriel.”
“…Earth to earth. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.” The priest drew his sermon to a close and many of the mourners whispered an ‘Amen’.
Josephine stepped forwards; her heeled boots seeming to somehow glide over the sodden ground as she strode to the stone. She reached into the urn and removed a fistful of ash, uttered a few words - illegible to most in attendance - and opened her hand, allowing the ash to be carried off by the breeze and scattered into the sea.
“Weren’t you going to put that on the plaque?” a voice said by Gabriel’s side.
Gabriel tuned to Josephine’s daughter, looking up at him with bright, brown eyes. “Something like that,” replied.
Other than the long, black hair, Zara looked nothing like her mother. While Josephine’s features were soft and subtle, Zara had full lips and large eyes. Josephine’s hair was straight and sleek, while her daughter’s fell in waves. Josephine was tall, slender, almost fragile looking. Zara was average in height and with all the curves of a rapidly developing teenager.
“So what happened?”
“Your mother said it wasn’t appropriate. I suppose she was right.”
He then turned to a lawyer who’d had the audacity to shush them and said, “Bite me,” with just the slightest hint of a growl. The lawyer turned his attention to the ground like a scolded puppy.
“Decided on the speech you’re going to give at the wake?” Zara asked, ignoring the confrontation.
“Not sure,” Gabriel said, his voice calm and soft once more. “Probably the same thing I was going to put on the plaque.”
*
December 19th
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…
...and the whole of New York City was daubed in the usual festive regalia. Every building, from the humblest drug store to the tallest skyscraper, was covered in enough tinsel to decorate a national park and enough flashing lights to confuse commercial aircraft. The streets were buried beneath two feet of snow. Excited children dragged their weary parents through the deep, white blanket in the hope of finding yet another Santa’s Grotto. Pimps and prostitutes were gleefully counting their Christmas bonuses from their regular clients. Drunks and bums were huddled around burning oil barrels, hastily swigging their ‘seasonal scotch’. “The Boys of the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay, and the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day.”
Though Sergeant Sean Powell definitely did not feel like singing. He’d been careful about banking his vacation time, holding back two whole weeks in which to enjoy the holiday season. This was to be his last shift and he’d envisaged spending it in the warmth of the precinct, staring at the clock and counting down the seconds, like a kid at the end of the school year.
Manhattan’s 19th precinct encompassed over two hundred thousand people. Statistically more than 1% of those was a criminal. With only an hour left on his shift, Sean had convinced himself three thousand crooks had taken the night off. Then the call came in about a disturbance at 1071 Fifth Avenue.
“The Guggenheim?” Sean said, disbelieving.
The desk sergeant shrugged. “That’s what the lady said. ‘Two guys beating the hell out of each other outside’. I’m trying to raise the guard now.”
Sean sighed and put on his hat. “Alright, I’ll go look. But if this is another pair of drunks waltzing in the street, I’m leaving them to it and heading home!”
---
Five minutes later, Sean was across the street from the museum, lazily glancing out of the frosted windows of his squad car for any signs of the fight. Other than a young couple buying coffee from a vendor, the street was dead.
“Copy that, Sean,” the desk sergeant’s voice said through the radio. “But I still can’t get security. Check in with them first, then get yourself home.
“And happy holidays!”
“Yeah,” Sean replied, “you too, Steph.”
He clipped the radio to his belt and looked back out at the dark, snow-covered, cold-looking street. “I think I’ll talk to that vendor first.”
The vendor’s name was Larry. Sean garnered that and a “Nah, ain’t seen nothing tonight, officer,” before heading quickly for the museum’s entrance.
The doors were locked and the lights were off inside. Sean unclipped his radio and was about to report as much to Steph when a body suddenly burst through the doors and barrelled into him, knocking the air from his lungs and all sense from his head.
*
The clouds were parting over the Hamptons and moonlight shone through a huge window, setting aglow a grand piano. Zara was sprawled over it like some ‘20s lounge singer while Gabriel played; Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata drifting through the manor’s music room. A glass of whiskey on the piano and a cigarette hanging from Gabriel’s mouth topped the scene off nicely.
“What are they talking about down there?” Zara asked, not really sounding interested.
“Half of them are arguing over how much of grandfather’s assets are rightfully theirs, the rest are complimenting the booze,” Gabriel said, the cigarette flicking up and down between his lips as he spoke.
“And what’s my mom doing?”
“She was people watching. Now she’s about to walk through the doors.”
On cue, the doors to the music room opened and Josephine glided across the floor to the window.
Zara rolled over on the piano and faced her mother. “Done with people watching?”
“They bore me,” Josephine said, her silken voice embracing the music. “Not one of them is worth watching.”
“Grandpa’s kind of people,” Gabriel said, sardonically.
“I never did understand that man’s choice in friends.”
“He was your brother, Jo.”
Josephine’s demeanour suddenly changed. Her head fell and she appeared to visibly shrink. “Yes, he was.”
Gabriel’s fingers stilled. In an instant he was by Josephine’s side with a hand on her shoulder. Josephine placed her hand on his and smiled. “I am okay, Gabriel. It had to be done.”
“I know,” Gabriel said gently, “but did it have to be done by you?”
“Who else was there?”
Suddenly Josephine’s head snapped up and she looked directly at the moon.
“What is it?” Zara asked.
Josephine’s voice came as whisper. “The city will taste blood tonight…”
*
“Sean…? Come in, Sean… Sean…?”
Sean Powell took a handful of snow and rubbed it into his face to clear the haze. It didn’t do much good. Steph’s voice still sounded broken and distant, like it was coming through a radio. Given a few moments, Sean realised her voice was coming through a radio. The fuzzy memory of why he was lying on the ground came into sudden, sharp focus and Sean sat bolt up right.
He grabbed the radio. “Yeah! Um…backup! Sorry Steph. Get someone ‘round here now!”
“There you are. You okay, Sean?”
Sean looked to the middle of the street where two men were now fighting, savagely laying into each other; both covered in blood that soaked into the snow around their feet. They snarled and growled, bit and clawed at each other. Ferocious blows landing like sledgehammers against concrete.
“Just send the backup…” Sean said weakly.
The two men seemed to pause; each slow, deep breath accented by a rough snarl. They circled each other, their eyes locked. Sean was still having trouble focusing, but he was sure they were talking to each other. Whatever they were saying, it didn’t sound like English.
Suddenly one of the men darted forwards. The other lowered his head, turned and somehow slit his attacker’s throat. The attacker fell to his knees, clutching his neck, while the other stood behind him, grinning.
“I told you you’d make a mistake, Carver.”
‘Carver’ slumped forward, but was grabbed by the hair before he fell. His victorious opponent opened his mouth wide and sank long fangs into Carver’s neck.
The new perspective:
Southampton, NY - December 19th
Gabriel Callaghan
I allow the old man a single tear and feel it freeze on my cheek. Grief isn’t exactly a part of my emotional repertoire, but I suppose I owe him something.
The skies are black over my grandfather’s Southampton estate, spilling snow on the small gathering of mourners. It was all I could do not to smile as they stepped out of their plush cars into the deep drift. Not a shoe on the foot of any of them will be worth less than a thousand dollars. They all shudder beneath a roof of black umbrellas, encircling a shivering priest, delivering his service by a large, marble plaque.
Gabriel Callaghan III
The numeral sends a shiver down my spine. The old man said it gave him a sense of peerage, as if he was honouring the Gabriel Callaghans that had come before him. Personally, it makes me feel like the next item on a production line. I’ve never been much for tradition.
“What’s with the priest?” I ask aloud. I can feel Josephine’s eyes bore into the side of my head, but I also sense the smile she’s struggling to keep from her lips.
“You know your grandfather,” she says under her breath. “He loved the pomp and ceremony.”
For Josephine’s benefit, I lower my voice to her level. “Well, he’d better hurry up. He’s making me hungry.”
“Behave yourself, Gabriel.”
“…ashes to ashes; dust to dust.” The priest closes his sermon and there’s a hushed ‘Amen’ from some of the mourners.
Josephine steps forward with the urn containing my grandfather’s ashes. She glides effortlessly over the snow until she reaches the edge of the grounds overlooking the sea. She utters a few words, unheard by most in attendance, and casts the ashes to the breeze.
“Weren’t you gonna put that on the plaque?”
Josephine’s daughter, Zara, is looking up at me, beaming. “Something like that.”
“So, what happened?”
“Your mother thought it wasn’t appropriate.”
I turn sharply to one of the lawyers in attendance who has the audacity to shush us and growl, “Bite me.” Suddenly he’s very interested in his own shoes.
“Decided what you’re gonna say at the wake yet?” Zara asks, ignoring the little confrontation.
I shrug. “Probably the same thing I was going to put on the plaque.”
*
New York, NY
Sgt. Sean Powell
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…and the entire city is daubed in the usual festive regalia. Every single building is covered with enough tinsel and flashing lights to decorate a national park. Countless kids are dragging their weary parents up and down Madison Avenue, desperate for a Santa’s Grotto without a mile-long line. Business-suited men and women are pouring in and out of bars, pimps and prostitutes are counting their holiday tips, there’s a pair of bums on the corner of East 67th and Madison sharing a seasonal bottle of turpentine, The boys of the NYPD choir are still singing ‘Galway Bay’ and the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day.
Though, I could frankly do without hearing that song again ‘til next year. I don’t care if it is a classic; three times a day for two weeks straight does nothing for my appreciation of it.
5th Avenue is eerily quiet. It’s only seven-thirty and this part of town would usually be overflowing with people. Right now, it’s dead. Okay, so the fact that the snow hasn’t let up all day might have put some people off, but I’d still expect to see more than a young couple and a street vendor.
I was driving home when the call came in from a guard at the Guggenheim. Apparently a fight broke out in one of the exhibits. Everyone’s a critic.
“Powell to dispatch; you still awake Steph?”
“Dispatch to eight-tango-seven; what have you been told about informality over the police-band?”
“Come on, Steph, when have you ever known me to be formal?”
The dispatcher makes sure I hear her sigh at the other end of the radio. “How’s it looking, Sean?”
I reach the building’s entrance and peer inside. “I just got here, but it’s looking pretty quiet. No sign of anyone in the main atrium.”
“Copy that, Sean. You got Nichols and Armstrong en route.”
“Copy that, Steph. I’m going to see what I can see. Eight-tango-seven, out.”
As I walk through the deserted atrium, a cold feeling creeps up my spine. It is way too quiet. No signs of a fight, a guard or even a museum goer. It’s only been a few minutes since the call came in and it’s very unlikely the guards would cleared the building in that time.
My heart stops and I instinctively draw my gun at the sound of a crash overhead.
*
Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata drifts through my grandfather’s grand mansion. I’m in the mood to play some swing, but it wouldn’t really suit the atmosphere of the wake.
Down in one of the dining halls, I can here the guests arguing over how much of the house is rightfully theirs and asking where the boy with the drinks is. Already I can’t wait to get back to my apartment in the city.
Zara lounges over the piano like some lounge singer from the 1920s; the glass of whiskey on the lid and the cigarette dangling out of my mouth finishing the scene off nicely. I half expect her to start singing when she rolls over and asks what her mom’s doing.
“People watching,” I tell her. “At least, she was. Now she’s about to walk through the door.”
On cue, Josephine enters the music room and glides across the floor to bathe in the moonlight coming through the large window.
“Watched enough people?” Zara asks.
“Those people bore me,” Josephine says.
“Grandfather’s people,” I ad.
Josephine visibly shrinks at the mention of her brother. I go to her and lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“I’m okay, Gabriel. It had to be done.”
“I know. But you shouldn’t have been the one to do it.”
“Who else could have?”
It’s a rhetorical question and I simply nod in agreement.
Suddenly her head snaps and her eyes glaze over.
“What is it?” I ask.
“…Blood.”
*
Sean, what the hell are you doing?! I’m already halfway up the rotunda when the thought hits me. There’s loud crashing and grunts and growls and snarls coming from overhead, as if a pair of wild animals in some sort of death struggle. Otherwise, the building is dead. I know Nichols and Armstrong will be here any minute and yet here I am, wandering towards the sound, my gun rattling in my shaking hand.
I slip on something and just manage to catch the handrail, saving me from a clumsy fall into whatever it is coating the floor.
Blood.
I move up against the wall and slowly make my way around the bend. There are three bodies lying on the walkway; two women with their throats slit and a guard with a broken neck. I don’t need to check for a pulse to see they’re already dead.
I’m about to call it in when a man bursts from one of the exhibition rooms, slams hard into the side of the rotunda and immediately springs to his feet and dashes back the way he came.
Very cautiously I peek around the corner. More bodies litter the floor, amidst torn paintings and smashed statues. In the centre of the room, two men are tearing each other apart. One is tall and lean and dressed in a shredded business suit. The other is shorter and stockier and dressed in dark pants and a black shirt, ripped open to reveal his cut-up torso.
Both men are spilling blood, but neither looks to be letting up their assault on the other.
The taller man lashes out with a vicious elbow that drops his opponent to his knees. The shorter man is back up quickly, clawing at the other’s face. There’s a cry of pain and spurt of blood and the taller man is down, clutching his eye.
The shorter man snarls triumphantly, snaps the other’s neck and sinks his teeth into his throat.
All I can do is stand and stare. My eyes are taking in everything that’s going on, but mind is believing none of it.
Armstrong’s voice breaks on my radio. “Hey, Powel, you around?”
I clamp my hand over the radio, but the winner of the fight is already staring at me, grinning; his teeth coated in blood…his eyes…his eyes black as oil.
A Day of Doing Stuff
08:17, 8-Aug-2007
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Yes, it happened at last. I actually dragged myself out of the house today and did stuff. Not much stuff. Not particularly productive stuff. But outside of the house stuff, so it still counts.
First off, I had to go to the Jobcentre to let them know I'm going back to college. They seemed confused and genuinely asked if I'd be willing to give up the course if they found me a job.
I laughed.
Unsurprisingly, I have to sign off when I start in September.
I then took myself shopping. I know, I know; I'm broke, but every now and then, even us blokes need some retail therapy. I bought myself 2 DVDs - V for Vendetta (still haven't seen it) and Slither (brilliant comic-horror starring the ever fantastic Nathan Fillion) - the Icewind Dale boxset (I, II and Heart of Winter) for my PC and the album 9 by Damien Rice, featuring this:
which blew me away the first time I heard it (10 minutes ago). Not a bad haul for £16 :D
I also went into Starbucks and did a bit of writing. The Ballad of Raeven Underwing is nearly done, but currently on hold as I'm struggling with the final part. I'm instead taking another swing at the rewrite of my first novel. This is something I've been wrestling with for some time, but I had an idea the other day for an entirely different approach. I'll have to get a bit further with it before I know whether or not it works (it could get very baffling later on), but, for now, I like how things are developing in my head. I'll post an opening chapter comparison shortly...
OH! and I bought my friend a birthday card. Unfortunately his birthday's Friday and I forgot to get a stamp, so I'll have to send it first thing in the morning and hope the posties haven't decided to take another long weekend.
Making Learning Fun
09:10, 6-Aug-2007
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Back on the subject of beloved kids' shows of the '90s, this evening I remembered another one! So, come join the Warner Brothers (and the Warner sister, Dot) and do your damnedest to sing along (deep breaths...):
First, a little geography:
Followed by a spot of history:
And, finally, Shakespeare:
Newton Faulkner - Dream Catch Me
06:21, 6-Aug-2007
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Yes, I know, he's a white guy with dreds and has a weird name, but the bloke can sing and I like this song:
Who's Line is it Anyway?
02:32, 6-Aug-2007
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Back in the '90s, Who's Line is it Anyway?, hosted by Clive Anderson, was one of my favourite shows on TV.
Then it went to the US and Drew Carey took over and it turned very very shit :(
Hail to the King
01:45, 5-Aug-2007
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Knowing there are one or two WoWers out there, you might be interested to see this:
On a related note, it's been announced that there are plans for a WoW movie, due out in 2009...
Swat Kats
12:43, 3-Aug-2007
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A few days ago I posted the trailer for the live-action movie of Alvin and the Chipmunks and the subsiquent comments got me thinking about those forgotten shows I watched as a kid. One in particular sprung to mind - Swat Kats - about a pair of cats, fired from their city's SWAT team (the 'Enforces') after crashing a plain into their HQ, and forced to work in a junk yard 'til they pay for the damage. Using a lot of the stuff they find lying around, they build themselves a modified fighter-jet and fly around the city blowing up aliens and monsters and big, bad robots.
Lo and behold, it's even on YouTube!
A True Grower
12:02, 3-Aug-2007
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On the first listen, your thought will probably be the same as mine: Nice, but dull. However, wait 'til your 2nd or 3rd time...
W...T...F...?!
08:57, 2-Aug-2007
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Back In Business
04:55, 1-Aug-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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*relieved sigh* I thought it was never coming back!
Yeah, I know, it always comes back in the end, but it doesn't stop that thought creeping in of, What if, this time, it doesn't...? :eek:
I enroled at college today. Hurrah!! Come September, I'll be studying English Language, English Literature and Psychology. Eventually I want to go on to Study English in one form or another at university. It took far too long for me to realise it was the only subject I was really ever any good at at school (well, maths too, but I've no intention of becoming a mathematician).
Seeing as I'm unemployed, my one concern was how I was going to pay for the courses (each unit is over £100 each). Fortunately, seeing as I'm unemployed, they're free! :D
I'm still working on my Raeven story. The last part ain't going so well. The plot seems to have run away with itself and I'm struggling to reign it in again. Might have to go back and rewrite some of the earlier stuff...
In other news, I'm loving this song right now:
Toy Story, it Ain't
05:28, 28-Jul-2007
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Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!
Dark Knight Trailer
09:39, 28-Jul-2007
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Yes, you read correctly - Dark Knight Trailer:
Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!
I know it ain't much, but still, it's a Dark Knight Trailer!
Diddy's P.A.
09:24, 27-Jul-2007
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Piddly Diddly Puff Daddy P is taking auditions for his new p.a. Radio 1 DJ Scott Mill's assistant is one of thousands to apply:
Something Special from Robot Chicken
04:49, 26-Jul-2007
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The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.8
04:15, 26-Jul-2007
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Yes, it's here. Part 8 has finally arrived. And yes, this is indeed the final part...bar one... :rolleyes:
Raeven awoke surrounded by three men. She reacted immediately, kicking one in the face as she sprung to her feet, swatting a second aside with the back of her hand and using the third to charge through the carriage door. They hit the snow and she rolled to her feet, taking in a quick view of her surroundings.
She was in the middle of a camp, surrounded by eight or nine other carriages and two-dozen startled faces. At the centre of the camp was a large fire, by which lay Raeven’s tiger companion, grooming himself, sporting a heavy bandage.
Slowly, the night's events filtered back into her memory: The dead family; the goblins; the slaughter.
“Please, my lady, you must rest.” Raeven turned to the man she’d kicked, holding his bruised jaw, but looking back at her with nothing but concern. “You’re injured.”
She stared at him a moment longer, then looked down at herself. She was dressed only in a long, white robe, stained with blood from seeping wounds. Her flesh was cut quite badly and there were deep wounds in her back and left shoulder.
Out of the corner of her eye, Raeven saw a man walk towards her, cautiously. She wanted to raise her arms in defence, but was simply too weak. The man was tall and broad, but his eyes were wrapped in a bandage and he walked with a long cane. His voice was deep, heavy, but somehow calming.
“You saved our lives, my lady. Please let them help you.”
The blind man’s words drifted off into the distance. Raeven fought a wave of dizziness. Her hands tingled and her vision blurred. She fell weakly to her knees, and struggled to raise her head. The tiger shuffled his head under her arm and rested it on her lap. She stroked him lovingly until unconsciousness took her.
---
“You don’t remember me, do you?” Raeven heard the voice before she was even aware she was awake. Her eyes focused on a youthful, elvish face with a bandage around his head. He was the one she’d thrown through the door. “We met a long time ago, you and I. You joined our caravan out of Breshi. The girl with no voice. Mettaryn told me we’d meet again.
“My name is Elros Silimaurë. I never did get your name…?”
Raeven ignored the implied question. She sat up, struggling against her numerous injuries. She felt nauseous, but no worse than she had in the past. Old scars decorated her whole body, but, as long as nothing was broken or lost, she wasn’t concerned.
“Please, my lady, I know you are strong and you don’t entirely trust us, but you need your rest.”
Raeven’s things had been laid out by the bed. Still dressed in only the robe, she strapped her scimitar and machete to her waist and picked up her bow and quiver, leaving the broadsword.
“Please,” Elros quivered, “we are no threat to you, I promise.”
Raeven glared at the elvish priest, her eyes ablaze.
---
Following the day’s tumultuous events, the camp was reassuringly calm. Not a single nocturnal animal existed on the tundra, making the nights noticeably quiet in comparison to the southerly regions.
Four men sat on guard around the camp’s large fire, drinking hot wine and sharing opinions on all that had happened. It was clear to everyone now that the Polo family was lost, but this wasn’t a time for grieving. That would come when finally they reached Arrunden.
Not one of the guards was aware of the eyes watching them from the edges of the camp. Nor of the four assassins creeping up behind them on all fours, or even of the knives simultaneously drawn across each of their throats.
Five more assassins emerged from the shadows and, with the four, stealthily entered a carriage each. Their feet fell with expert silence on the old wood of the carriage floors. Their breathing was steady and their movements slow and measured as they drew their knives. Only a shrill cry from one of them broke the silence.
More screams followed as the entire camp was awakened. The assassins darted from their respective carriages, confused, but experienced enough to know when to flee.
Two more fell in quick succession with an arrow each in the chest as soon as they were outside. The remaining six drew their swords and faced the woman standing stolid in the firelight.
Raeven slung her bow across her back and drew her scimitar and machete. She stood bare-foot in the snow; her robe stained with blood; her long white hair covering her face. She looked to the assassins like some demon sent for them from the underworld. They ran.
For a moment, the silence returned. The startled travellers began to relax, but Raeven remained on edge. She sensed someone else nearby, readying himself for an attack.
Suddenly a large, hulking figure burst from the shadows with surprising speed and swung his large sword with a savage roar. Raeven managed to get her blades up in time, but the force of the strike was enough to shatter them both and throw her through the side of her carriage.
The ogre’s bulk filled the camp. Eight feet tall and almost the same again wide. “Where is he?!” he roared. “Where is your…?!”
The ogre let out a sharp yell as powerful jaws clamped around his calf. He wrapped his large hand around the tiger’s neck and writhed him away. He brought the tiger close - holding him as anyone else would hold a belligerent cat - and sniffed.
“The pet!” the ogre yelled triumphantly. “Where is you master, pet? Perhaps he will come for your corpse.” The ogre reached way back with his sword and swung.
Nothing happened. Confused, he looked at his sword only to find it missing. He looked down at the ground where it lay by his feet, still clutched in his severed hand.
The woman he’d struck stood a few feet away, leaning on a sword that seemed far too big for her slender frame.
The ogre sniffed again. “You,” he said, tossing aside the tiger and drawing an axe. “You killed my goblins!”
He raised the axe high and brought it down at Raeven with a roar. Raeven swept her sword up through the axe, cleaving the head, and, in one fluid movement, swung around and thrust the long blade through the ogre’s chest.
“They killed my husband,” she snarled.
She leapt onto the protruding sword, drew two arrows and shot the ogre through the eyes. The hulking giant slumped to his back, extinguishing the fire and Raeven rolled off him and to her feet.
With what little life remained, the ogre reached to the broadsword and broke it off in his chest before his arm fell, lifeless and his last breath left his gaping mouth.
Raeven stared at the ogre for a long time, then drew an arrow and aimed into the shadows. A moment later, the blind man emerged, dragging one of the assassins behind him, injured and bloody.
“He has a lot to tell you,” the blind man said, shoving the assassin to the ground.
Save Water. Drink Beer.
10:44, 25-Jul-2007
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I love this song:
Amras Calafalas
03:31, 24-Jul-2007
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As stories progress, it gets harder and harder to come up with names for characters, especially in a fantasy piece, where not all of the names are going to have western origins.
Which is where the Elvish Name Generator comes in handy :D
Yes, I know it's cheating, but when you've got a dozen main characters and a supporting cast of over a hundred, the imagination gets drawn a little thin.
Michael Brockbanks - Amras Calafalas
Adam Brockbanks - Elros Calafalas
Michael Adam - Amras Vardamir
Adam Michael - Elros Elensar (my favourite)
Michael Adam Brockbanks - Amrod Calafalas
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.7 *EDITED*
09:37, 23-Jul-2007
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Okay, this time there are only 2 parts to follow...I think...(a little extra needed adding to the end).
Times were changing on the border lands to the northern continent. Roaming hordes had often been a problem in the shadow of the Katta mountains; preying on unwary caravans heading north. Because such journeys were few and far between, the bounty from a single attack cold be vast, but few were hardy enough to journey beyond the range, leading to conflict between the bandit hordes. It was this conflict that led the governor of Oxvale - one of the towns straddling the northern trail - to petition the mayor of Verden to send aid.
A week later, two legions of vanguard arrived in the town, with more troops on their way. The routing of the hordes had been brutal and swift; the survivors forced across the border.
Soon, those few who could cope with the harsh climate actually welcomed the change. There was little competition for plunder and, with fewer travellers being hit, less risk of bringing back the troops. Living was hard, but the awards, to many, were worth it.
However, there was a shadow cast over the hordes. The stories were rare - viewed by many as nothing more than fancy - but a sense of unease nevertheless permeated every band.
Raiding parties had been attacked, with entire groups slaughtered. At first it was thought assassins must have been sent to finish the job started in the south, but a survivor of one of the attacks swore to seeing a ghost; a lone figure in white, aided by a huge, feral beast.
More stories followed. Bands claimed to have been stalked for miles by a great, white beast, or had seen a ghostly figure on the horizon, just watching them. Before long, every horde had its own theory and its own stories of the ghost of the tundra.
*
“It’s said he was once a great warrior, fighting in the days when the north was covered with lush fields and vast forests. He fought in countless battles against the vilest enemies and triumphed always. Then, one day, he simply gave up the life and disappeared into the forest to live out his life as a hunter. And now, his spirit roams the tundra, hunting those who spill blood for sport instead of survival.”
Lara Polo’s children stared at her, wide-eyed, as she recounted the legend. It had been around barely six years, yet seemed to all who heard it like one of the old tales passed on from ancient scribes.
“Is it true he can turn into a tiger?” asked Myleene, always the more inquisitive of the children. Her sister, Suranne, was content to just listen while she fed her canary.
“Sometimes, if he wants to get a closer look at his prey.”
“I’m more concerned by bandits than ghosts,” said Pietro Polo, scanning the dark horizon nervously.
“Hush, Pietro,” his wife said in an angry whisper. “You’ll frighten the children.”
“And your ghost stories won’t?”
“They’re just stories.”
“Yes, I know. Though if I’m honest, I’d feel better if the hordes really were being haunted. They’d be a lot less interested in us.”
Lara Polo smiled and hugged her husband’s arm. “Don’t worry. We’ll catch up with the caravan before dusk.”
Pietro hoped his wife was right. Just in case, he snapped the reigns and geed the horses on.
*
Raeven stroked a finger over a wound in one of the dead horses and sniffed the cold blood. It had been dead almost two hours; its throat hacked at clumsily with a short blade. The other had been all-but completely devoured; ripped apart as if by a pack of wild dogs.
The family had been killed quickly: Father with an arrow in the head; mother with one through the heart; children with their throats slit. Oddly efficient considering the rest of the carnage.
There were too many tracks trampling each other to discern anything other than the direction the horde had travelled following the attack, but a short way north up the trail, they became much clearer.
In all her years in the wilderness, Raeven had never seen tracks like them, but she recognised them instantly. Her father's voice came to her in a bitter memory, long since buried, but never truly forgotten.
“Goblins… Twelve, perhaps fifteen of them… Poor Aegin must have disturbed them.”
*
Dusk was falling over the tundra and the caravan had just set up camp. There was concern for the carriage that had fallen behind, but more so for the rest of the party. It was unusual for such a large group to be travelling north together, but a new mine had opened up, meaning new jobs for a number of families.
It was also seen as a good opportunity for a small band of priests to visit Arrunden; a town so rarely visited by any religious faction.
There were seven families in all, along with the eight priests, making over thirty travellers in all. Rich pickings for a troupe of over a dozen goblins, freshly fed and eager for a good score.
An arrow whistled into the camp and felled a priest. The travellers scattered in panic; some taking cover in their own carriages, protecting their own families, while others fled into the encroaching darkness.
The goblins were in no rush. They advanced slowly, salivating over their prey; laughing and jeering; their wicked sounds mingling with the sobbing pleas coming from the camp.
But, suddenly, they were all drowned out. A ferocious roar halted the goblins in their tracks and froze the blood in their veins. Those bringing up the rear screamed as they were ripped apart by a white tiger that tore them limb from limb.
The rest turned to defend themselves, only to be met with two sweeping blades, decapitating two of the goblins before they could even gasp in shock.
Very slowly, a small number of travellers crept from their hiding places. In the light of the campfire, and what sun was left over the horizon, they could see quite clearly what was happening, but none of them could believe it. Five goblins had already fallen. The rest were frantically defending themselves against the savage onslaught of a huge tiger and a thin, ghostly woman.
Blades clashed and shattered. The goblins snarled and stabbed and clawed and bit at their attackers, but nothing they could do would even slow the assault. One goblin managed to leap on the tiger and stab him in the shoulder, but the tiger was too busy mauling another of the horde to even notice.
In only a few minutes, every one of the goblin horde lay dead. The woman and the tiger stood in the centre of the carnage, their own blood mixing with that of their victims. The woman was breathing hard and snarling with every breath; shaking from the adrenaline. The tiger calmly leaned back and pulled the knife from his shoulder.
Silence fell across the camp, punctured only by feeble sobbing. Raeven’s breathing calmed and she dropped her scimitar and machete. She fell to her knees, staring at her hands. She hugged her chest and looked over the mass bloodshed around her, through tearful eyes.
“Aegin?” she said softly. “Aegin…? AEGIN!”
It Always Bugs Me When I Have to Pay Less for Something
04:10, 23-Jul-2007
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First, a quick correction: Just over a week ago, I made a post about Sony Computer Entertainment Europe's president David Reeves stating the 60GB model of the PS3 was not to be continued in Europe. This seemed odd at the time as the 60GB model is the only one available in Europe.
I've since read the article IGN took the quote from and it turns out he was talking about the US (IGN's mistake, not mine).
However, before anyone has the misconception that David Reeves isn't quite as stupid as we all thought: "...David Reeves has said that a European PlayStation 3 price cut - similar to the $100 drop announced in America - would 'annoy a lot of people'..."
Point of Interest:
06:03, 22-Jul-2007
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If you have a 50ft robot firing machine guns and launching rockets at two 40ft robots diving around John Woo style and returning fire, it is not necessary to go for an extreme close-up and shake the camera around to make the scene look exciting.
I know to most that would seem like common sense, but Michael Bay doesn't seem to be aware.
Yes, I've just seen Transformers and initial thoughts are, Hmmmm...
What could actually be seen of the action was great. Some brilliant ideas in there, and all of it featuring giant robots firing rockets and beating the hell out of each other (always good).
The special effects were fantastic. I'm still not entirely convinced by some of the designs, but everything looked good. Most importantly, the Transformers all looked tangible.
The biggest disappointment (aside from the dodgy filming of the action) was the characters. The main human characters were fine (though there was an army captain who was pretty damned cool, but not used nearly enough), with most of the attention being paid to the 'Spike' character (here called Sam). The major flaw was in not delving into the Transformers themselves enough. Bumbe Bee was the only one of them well represented. Optimus Prime wasn't bad (he's always been a touch overly-noble anyway), but the rest of them seemed to be an afterthought. In fact, at almost 2 and a half hours, I actually think it was too short! So much more could have been done with the Decepticons especially.
Oh, and the big climax to the final battle didn't make much sense...
All in all, not bad. Would've been much better with a different director. Hopefully Spielberg will do more than just produce the inevitable sequel.
Autobot - Electroblast
10:11, 21-Jul-2007
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In honour of Transformers previewing in the UK today, Twist just linked me to the Transformer's name generator.
Enter your first name and it will tell what faction you are and what your Transformer name is. I'm an Autobot - Electrostorm :D
(yeah, I know it's childish, but me not care :P)
A Little Friday Night Rock'n'Roll
07:35, 20-Jul-2007
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The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.6
05:50, 20-Jul-2007
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Just a short one, this one. I think there are two more parts to come after this (it keeps getting longer :rolleyes: )
The next morning, Raeven woke to find her tiger friend at the mouth of the cave. He waited for her to get dressed, then led her out into the forest, armed with her machete and the bow.
At length they came to a clearing, where a herd of reindeer grazed on the sparse foliage. Raeven crouched by a tree - only briefly wincing over her injured leg - as the tiger cautiously stalked the edges of the clearing. Slowly he crept closer and closer to the herd, moving only a few paces before casually laying down and closing his eyes.
The reindeer shifted nervously, but continued their grazing, a few of the elder animals keeping an eye on the tiger.
Minutes went by and nothing happened. The atmosphere around the herd seemed to calm again and even the more cautious elders went back to their grazing. The large stag didn’t stand a chance as the tiger’s claws tore into its back and his long, razor-sharp teeth ripped into its throat.
The rest of the herd panicked and scattered.
---
As the herd migrated to its winter pastures in the south, Raeven repeatedly watched her companion hunt. In heavy woodland, he would use the shadows to get right into the heart of a herd. In rocky areas, he would find a high vantage point and wait patiently for the prey to get within pouncing distance. When the snow lay thick, he could stealthily get right up close to a herd, camouflaged by his fur. On the edge of a ravine, he even managed to out-manoeuvre and corner a spry buck.
Once downed, the pair would drag the prey to their shelter where Raeven would skin it and carve it up. It was a struggle at first, but in relatively short time, she became quite adept at both.
In the evenings, Raeven practised with her bow and scimitar (she still carried the barbarian’s broadsword despite it being too heavy for her to wield). Without tutelage, it was some time before she became comfortable with the weapons, but, eventually, the day came when she could join her friend in the hunt. From then on, all the companions had to worry about was rival predators. Though, in the harsh northern continent, they were few and far between.
Not once did it occur to Raeven to return to the road to Arrunden in the hope of seeing another caravan. She’d found her home.
Another Decision Made
08:51, 19-Jul-2007
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Last week, I was less than pleased at the prospect of having to choose between Transformers and The Simpsons on the 27th.
Today I found out there are advanced screenings of Transformers showing everywhere this weekend :D
What is a Hero without a Villain?
08:40, 19-Jul-2007
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Last week, the Tory party announced that they were thinking of introducing tax breaks for married couples, should they win the next election (adding, "It's not a religious thing, honest!").
This came shortly after Gordon Brown suggested plans for a ‘Super Casino’ (whatever the hell that’s supposed to be), introduced by Blair, were to be ‘reviewed’ (i.e. scrapped).
Today, a Labour minister admitted to using cannabis when she was young. Half a dozen other Labour ministers immediately followed suit - all stating what a mistake it was and how they’d never be silly enough to do it now - coincidentally just as Brown announces he’s thinking of reclassifying cannabis as a class B drug (it’s currently class C).
Blair might have been a militant fuck-wit, but at least he wasn’t (quite) a smegging Republican! Politicians are among the least qualified people in the whole world (second only to religious leaders) to try to dictate morality.
That, or they’re all desperate for something to vilify now that they’ve realised the majority of the country didn’t fall for their recent (bullshit) terrorist rhetoric.
Oddly, despite the rise in overnight, drink-fuelled crime since the abolition of the compulsory closing time for pubs, licensing laws are not being reviewed (let's face it, it's far easier to attack a socially dubious drug than a socially accepted poison).
Where Are They Now?
12:44, 19-Jul-2007
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This week's guest; John Rambo:
When last we saw young John he was in a tank, playing chicken with a whopping great big helicopter in the dessert.
These days, his prey is slightly less grand (though, clearly, the same can't be said for his waistband):
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.5
05:02, 15-Jul-2007
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The tundra’s stark landscape looked beautiful set against the rich blue morning sky. For a moment, Raeven had forgotten about events of the previous day, but, turning from the dying fire, she looked straight into the wide eyes of the decapitated elf. The sun glinting off those big blue eyes - as well as his frozen expression of surprise - made him look almost alive.
Raeven closed her eyes and breathed in the crisp air. She sat up and gasped with fright.
The barbarian lay dead a few metres away, a huge white tiger gnawing on one of his arms. The tiger glanced up from its meal and caught Raeven’s eye. Raeven held her breath. She wanted to turn and run, but suddenly remembered back to one of the stories she’d heard on her travels, the crux of which being never run from a wild animal. While still, you’re a curiosity. Run and you’re prey.
Keeping her focus locked on the tiger’s, Raeven shifted onto all fours. The tiger opened its jaws, revealing threatening razor sharp teeth, but it didn’t roar or growl. It took a step forward and Raeven had to call on every ounce of will not to flinch. The tiger tilted its head to one side, then continued to move forward very slowly, almost as if it wanted a closer look at this odd human before it.
Raeven’s heart was pounding and she felt a tear fall from her eye. The tiger stalked closer and closer and she could smell the blood on its breath. She realised this was her end, at last.
And suddenly she wasn’t scared. The tiger’s eyes bore into her very soul and it felt fitting that this beautiful, yet ferocious beast should be the one to put her out of her misery. She sat cross-legged, closed her eyes and lowered her head. She knew that this is what she’d been looking for all this time. She wanted it all to end.
Raeven felt the tiger’s hot breath on her face; heard its powerful heartbeat; sensed its eyes still gazing at her.
For moment there was stillness. The tiger sniffed at Raeven’s hair, licked the tear from her cheek with its long, rough tongue, then went back to the barbarian to continue its feed.
A moment later Raeven opened her eyes. She looked at the tiger for a long time as it fed, wondering why she was still alive; why this huge beast had chosen to leave her with her pain. She stood and walked over to the tiger, expecting at any moment that would pounce on her and that would be it, as if it was playing a game with her, but never moved.
Raeven reached out her hand and stroked it’s thick, soft fur. She knelt by its side and laid her head against its muscular body, rising and falling with its breath; feeling its powerful heartbeat. She stroked its head and scratched behind its ear, as if she was petting a kitten.
The tiger turned from the barbarian again and affectionately nuzzled its head under Raeven’s chin. It purred contentedly, then lay down for a nap.
Lying across the tiger’s body, Raeven felt more comfortable than she ever remembered. For the fist time in since leaving home, she smiled.
*
The afternoon sun had passed over head when Raeven woke again. The tiger was gone and the fire had long since died. She felt cold and alone again and knew she had to move on. She searched the bodies of the three men, finding knives, coins, water bottles and a quiver of arrows. She stripped them bare and put on the trousers, shirts and wools of the elf and the young man. The barbarian’s clothing was far too big, but she could use his huge woollen tunic as a blanket.
Only after weighing herself down did the sharp pain remind her of her injured leg. The cold had preserved the wound quite well, but moving around had angered it again. She stoked up the remnants of the fire as best she could and placed the blades of two of the knives in it. She carefully stepped out of the trousers, bit down on the hilt of the young man’s machete and pressed the red-hot blades onto the entrance and exit wounds at once. Her scream rang out for miles across the tundra before she passed out.
*
A tongue lapping at her ear roused Raeven from her brief slumber. Her tiger friend had returned, and had brought with it the carcase of a young buck. Raeven smiled and gave the tiger an appreciative scratch behind the ear.
She dressed, re-stoked the fire and set about skinning the buck. She’d watched her father do this a hundred times, but it proved more difficult than it looked. But, after a lot of hacking, tearing and struggling, Raeven finally managed and had something she could suitably cut up and cook. The tiger, of course, took care of itself.
After a hearty meal, the tiger led Raeven to a nearby wood. The snow-capped trees were still green and offered some protection from the biting winds, but it wouldn’t be enough if she was to survive for any length of time.
Shortly, Raeven followed the tiger to a cave. It was large, but dry and not particularly deep. There were signs that it had been used before; possibly by the bandits. In the centre of the cave was a shallow fire pit, around which were the tattered remnants of fresh pelts.
Raeven watched the tiger move slowly to the back of the cave. It stopped and lay down with its head on its paws, facing a shadowy corner. There was a pile of bones almost hidden by the shadow. The remains of two animals: One slightly smaller than the tiger; the other only a cub…
This was why the tiger hadn’t struck. This was why he had seen fit to help the human. He sensed in her the same pain of loss and the emptiness that followed.
Raeven knelt by her friend and gently lay a hand on his back.
The tiger lifted his head and laid it in Raeven’s lap.
More Halo News
10:39, 14-Jul-2007
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From IGN:
"Halo fanatics still bummed over the implosion of the planned feature film based on Microsoft's blockbuster game series were treated to a little pick-me-up earlier this week. At their E3 press conference, Microsoft announced a series of Halo short films from Neill Blomkamp, the director who was set to helm the big-screen adaptation until it fell apart. The gritty, intensely action-packed shorts will have effects by Peter Jackson's WETA Workshop, who also had been involved with the movie's development.
Microsoft says these pieces will give a unique vision into the people, places, weapons and legends of Halo. They'll be released as a series throughout the summer, with the final installment timed to coincide with the launch of Halo 3 for Xbox 360."
There's even a trailer :D
Accepting Defeat?
11:35, 14-Jul-2007
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Following their US price-cut announcement - and subsiquent 'Fuck You' to Europe and Oz - Sony have now confirmed that they're phasing out the 60GB model in the US in favour of the 80GB.
Oddly, IGN also said, "GamesIndustry.biz received confirmation from David Reeves, president of Sony Computer Entertainment Europe, that the 60GB model will not be continued in Europe."
In their 'Fuck You' announcement, Sony "...confirmed that there are currently no plans to bring the...80GB model PS3...to PAL territories," and the 20GB has already been discontinued, so does this mean Sony are giving up completely on trying to sell the PS3 in Europe?
The Decision Made Even Easier
09:23, 13-Jul-2007
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I get the feeling Sony are about to get boned good and proper by Microsoft in much the same way Sony are boning PAL consumers.
From IGN:
After Sony's announcement earlier in the week that the PlayStation 3 would be dropping US $100 in price in North American to $499, PAL gamers have eagerly been awaiting their own announcement. After all, the PS3 is 425 pounds/599 euros in Europe and AU $999 in Australia, comparatively much higher than the PS3's former US $599 price point in North America.
Sadly, however, it's not to be.
Nope, PAL territories get a 'Starter Pack' instead of a price drop, which will see our consoles bundled in with two Sixaxis controllers and two first party games - most likely Resistance: Fall of Man and MotorStorm.
Sony Computer Entertainment Europe also confirmed that there are currently no plans to bring the freshly announced 80GB model PS3 (which will be going on sale in North American in August) to PAL territories.
Sadly, however, it's not to be.
Nope, PAL territories get a 'Starter Pack' instead of a price drop, which will see our consoles bundled in with two Sixaxis controllers and two first party games - most likely Resistance: Fall of Man and MotorStorm.
Sony Computer Entertainment Europe also confirmed that there are currently no plans to bring the freshly announced 80GB model PS3 (which will be going on sale in North American in August) to PAL territories.
From the Blog of Twist
07:49, 13-Jul-2007
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I can see this one spreading quickly :D
Leave a blog comment with your name ONLY (real name or blog name, doesn't matter).
Once you do that, this is what I'll do for you...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jelly to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. (if possible!)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. If you do this you MUST post this on yours. You MUST. It is written.
Also be sure to come BACK and check out what I wrote in response for you.
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.4
06:43, 13-Jul-2007
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It was dusk when Raeven opened her eyes again. She knew she was hurt, but she was too cold to feel any pain, except for a dull ache in the back of her head. She rose carefully and made sure she could stand upright before she moved. The deep powder combined with her injured leg made it difficult to get back up the hill, but in time she made it back to what was left of the carriage.
Four bodies lay around the torched carriage, all burnt beyond recognition. What hadn’t been taken by the attackers was left strewn around the sight. Clothes, cases, scraps of food. The horses were gone, leaving only patches of blood where they’d fallen.
Raeven found a few smouldering embers left in the wreckage. She smashed one of the empty cases on the ground and used the leather and splintered wood to make a fire, before gathering up what useful clothing she could find and wrapping up as best she could. Finally she curled up next to the fire and went to sleep, seemingly oblivious to the weight of the carnage around her.
*
“Someone owes me a ruby.”
Raeven awoke to cackling. She opened her eyes to a young, but leathery face, grinning at her.
“Nah, still reckon she’s dead. Look at her.”
A pristine elfish face replaced the leathery young man, emerald eyes sparkling menacingly, like the shimmering blade of the scimitar on his belt.
“I think you’re right. She looks worse than those horses.”
A rough hand with thick fingers grabbed Raeven’s hair and pulled her up onto her knees, turning her to face the owner. His face was is in worse condition than the young man’s; cracked, scarred and broken with age; mostly covered by a thick, grey beard.
“Don’t look too perturbed, does she,” he said in a deep, harsh voice befitting his appearance.
“I’m sure we could perturb her,” said the elf.
“I don’t care how perturbed she is,” said the young man. “I think she looks tasty.”
The rough man let go of her hair and stood to his full, enormous height. He looked like a barbarian from one of the stories Raeven had hear on her travels: Huge, hard men who cared for little besides meat, mead and a good fight. The young man stood by his side, almost as tall, but hunched, and not nearly as broad. All the same, there was an air of strength about him, as if the environment of the tundra had shaped him over time. The longbow over his shoulder told Raeven he must have been the one who shot her. Otherwise he carried only an average sized machete, contrasting the huge broadsword carried by the barbarian.
“Tasty indeed,” said the elf, now stood right behind where Raeven knelt. “But I think she’d make a better whore than a meal.”
The young man grinned again and nodded excitedly, while the barbarian stared down at Raeven curiously. “There’s something wrong this one.”
“Legs. Head. Tits.” The young man shrugged. “Everything a whore needs, surely.”
The elf’s hand graced her cheek and he spoke soothingly into her ear. “Whatever’s wrong with her, I’m sure I could make it right.”
It all happened so quickly - so unexpectedly - not one of the men had time to react. Raeven tore the arrow from her leg and thrust it into the elf’s eye. She drew his scimitar, turned on her heal and swept it through the young man’s throat before thrusting it into the Barbarian‘s gut. Both the elf and the young man fell to the floor; one squealing, the other gargling his last.
The barbarian laughed. “Very impressive,” he said casually, then struck Raeven hard across the cheek with the back of his hand. When she turned back to him, however, the huge, hulking barbarian froze under her dead stare. He opened his mouth to speak, but the scimitar was dragged from his gut and plunged into his expansive chest, cutting off his voice. He fell to his knees with a deep thud and slumped to his side.
The elf raged as he gingerly got to his feet. “I’ll kill you, whore!” he screamed. “I’ll skin you, gut you, eat you, then I'll find your family and…”
Raeven was still for a few long moments, with only the snap of the fire for company. Slowly she raised a shaking hand and stared at her blood-stained palm. A tear broke on her palm…followed by another…then another. She stepped over the headless corpse of the elf and curled up next to the fire, sobbing quietly.
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.3
07:54, 12-Jul-2007
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The priests of Mettaryn never questioned Raeven’s joining them. Somehow they knew they wouldn’t get an answer. Besides which, it was common for those trying to find their place in the world to join them on their journey. Some joined the brethren, while others merely found a new place to settle. It was impossible to tell which Raeven would be.
For months she travelled with the monastery. From town to town she’d listen to their sermons, or would wander off to hear the stories of other travellers or sermons of other faiths. No one bothered her; no one questioned her; most didn’t even notice she was there. Just a shadow amidst the crowd, silent and somehow empty.
In time, Raeven left the Mettaryn caravan. She gave the head priestess a sombre nod and left without a word. She began to join up with other travellers, hitching a ride on any carriage leaving at the right time. No one complained. She didn’t eat much, said nothing and seemed content to watch the world go by or listen to whatever tales anyone felt like telling. She never gave any indication of whether or not she enjoyed the stories, was remotely interested or even understood, but for most, it was comforting just to have someone there to talk to (or at).
*
The Brodin family were heading north. Gill and Cally Brodin were hoping to settle in the town of Arrunden where Gill and his son, Colvin, could find work in the nearby diamond mines. He knew it would be hard work and for little pay in rough conditions, but if he ever wanted to own one of the prosperous mines, he’d have to get his foot in the door.
They’d picked up the strange young woman, with the tired eyes and the greying hair, in one of the towns straddling the great trail through the Katta mountain range that formed the border of the northern continent. She’d joined them in a tavern one night while their driver rambled through yet another story of survival out on the desolate tundra. The Brodin family were quickly getting bored of the stories, but the woman seemed transfixed.
The next day the family didn’t even notice Raeven sitting in the corner of their carriage until they were well on their way.
“Um, hello,” Cally said cheerfully. “I’m Cally Brodin and this is my husband Gill and our son Colvin.” Raeven stared silently out of the window. “Um, do you have a name?”
With no response, Cally turned to her husband and shrugged. Gill responded in kind and the rest of the day was spent in bemused and somewhat uncomfortable silence.
After a couple of days it was almost as if the silent stranger wasn’t even there. The family Brodin dressed, ate breakfast and went to their carriage. Raeven was already inside, as if she hadn’t even moved. Cally and Gill interrupted their conversation to wish her good morning, then got straight back to it. Later, they played a card game with their son, ate lunch and discussed their plans for when they reached Arrunden. Raeven’s presence drifted off into memory.
They were making good time on the trail. It was autumn and the coach driver knew the weather on the tundra was due to turn. When it did, the trail would quickly be buried in the heavy snows and the pace would slow to a crawl.
Sure enough, a week later the air became bitter and the snow began to fall. The driver assured the family Brodin it was nothing to worry about. Their pace up until that point had been good and as long as they kept it up, they would be in Arrunden in a week, before the worst of the weather came.
That morning, everyone was up bright and early and the carriage was under way shortly after day-break. The Brodins finished breakfast on the go, then rested, knowing they’d need as much as they could get until they reached their destination. Raeven was too fascinated by the view to sleep. Breshi was set in a natural basin and hadn’t seen snow centuries, and most of the other towns and villages she’d visited had enjoyed the best of the spring and summer (though heavy rains were common along the coast). The gentle snowfall and white blanket covering the land to the horizon was a new and beautiful sight.
Raeven was just letting her mind drift out over the tundra when the carriage came to a sudden stop and an arrow splintered the door beside her. The driver screamed and the family woke with a start. The horses were heard to be in great distress, but were abruptly silenced. Whooping and screaming was heard all around and the Brodins fell out of the carriage in panic before it fell on its side.
Raeven opened her eyes, shocked and a little dazed. Whatever was happening outside sounded horrific, but she knew she couldn’t stay where she was. If she was discovered she’d be trapped.
Carefully, she clambered out of the carriage in time to see young Colvin Brodin cut down by an arrow as he fled. Raeven ran off in the opposite direction, daring not to look back. She’d barely made it two-hundred yards when a sharp pain pierced her thigh and she stumbled forward, rolling awkwardly down a steep embankment.
As darkness closed around her eyes, she heard voices from above.
“Yeah, that got her.”
“You reckon? You only hit her leg.”
“Bollocks. Kidney shot was that. Besides, nasty spill, that was.”
“A ruby says she’s still kickin’.”
“You’re on!”
“A-ha. And which of ya gets to go tumblin’ after her to find out, eh?”
“…”
Decision Made
09:57, 11-Jul-2007
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After much uming and ahing over past months, the decision as to which way I go come the time for upgrading to next-gen has been made, thanks to this:
Bugger, seems to be something wrong with embedding right now. Try this: http://uk.media.xbox360.ign.com/medi...49366.html
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.2 (take 2)
06:03, 10-Jul-2007
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Okay, so I've took another swing at it and I'm happier with the results, though the last paragraph could do with some fine-tuning.
Just as the whole town had been out in celebration for the joyous occasion of Aegin and Raeven’s wedding, so it was in mourning over Aegin’s passing. A procession was held through the Grey forest the next night as Aegin’s body was carried from the remains of his home to the town pyre. For almost an hour there was absolute silence except for the crack of flame.
When it was over, the township offered their collective condolences to the families before splitting off into groups heading for taverns or houses to drown their sorrows.
Throughout it all, Raeven’s gaze never left the ground. She didn’t speak, she didn’t weep, she didn’t acknowledge a single condolence. It was as if there was nothing left, behind those tired grey-blue eyes.
*
Months passed and normalcy slowly returned to the town. A local architect lent his services to the Underwings to rebuild the farm with the help of the Lovills and a few other families. The Underwings still hadn’t decided whether or not they would return to the farm, but the rebuild was more of a symbolic gesture of moving on from their tragedy. It was important, not only for them, but for the whole town, that life continued.
However, a dark cloud still hung over the Lovills’ estate. Raeven hadn’t left her room since the funeral. She barely ate, never spoke and spent day and night staring out of her window towards the farm. Her eyes were heavy, her skin was drawn and her hair was greying rapidly. She’d become a ghost; empty and lost. Her family had tried time and again raise her spirits or engage her in the affairs of town, but there was nothing in return. Not until one fateful day…
---
Caravans were a common sight in Breshi - nearby mountains filtered traffic from both the metropolis of Verden in the north and the port of Hightide in the west - but a travelling monastery was something new. Priests from the church of Mettaryn, goddess of good fortune, were travelling throughout the eastern continent, spreading their word.
The priests’ arrival in Breshi caused quite a stir, unaccustomed as the region was to religious visitors. One of the Lovills’ housemaids was clearly excited about the arrival and was giddily discussing the event with Raeven’s elder sister, Rani. She talked about their elaborate robes, trimmed with gold, and their gypsy-like carriages, decorated with effigies of the goddess and depictions of her triumphs in ancient and all-but forgotten wars.
Of course, Raeven wasn’t interested in any of that. To her, the conversation was nothing more than background noise. That is until the housemaid’s joy turned to regret.
“It’s such a pity they can’t stay longer. Once they’re finished with their sermons, they’re off. Before tomorrow’s nightfall, they reckon.”
An unusual thought entered Raeven’s head; one that she’d contemplated months before, immediately after the funeral, but had soon abandoned for lack of means. And suddenly the means were at hand.
---
The following afternoon, Raeven received her lunch as always. Rani was surprised to find her sister on her feet, staring out of the open window. She placed the tray on the small table by Raeven’s chair and hesitated a moment before speaking.
“Raeven…are you alright?”
Raeven turned to her sister with the shadow of a smile on her pale lips. She gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek, then turned back to the window without a word.
Rani was shaking when she left her sister’s room. That one simple gesture was enough to bring tears of joy to her eyes and send her racing to find her mother.
Minutes later, mother and daughter knocked lightly on Raeven’s door and cautiously entered. The room was empty; the meal untouched. For a moment they were still, at once disbelieving, but fully comprehending. Then they wrapped their arms around each other and wept.
Another Tough Decision
09:55, 9-Jul-2007
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Towards the end of last month, I was torn: Do I see Die Hard 4.0 or Transformers first? It wasn't easy trying to decide between the live-action re-imagining of my favourite of childhood and the third sequel to my favourite movie of all time, but, as it tunred out, the decision wasn't mine to make as Transformers isn't hitting our shores 'til the 27th.
On the brightside, this meant that I had some time to save some pennies and not bankrupt myself by going to the cinema twice in the same week.
However, I've just been reminded that the 27th also sees the release of this:
Why are British film distributors so fucking moronic...?
Yippee-ki-yaaaaaaaaaay... and so on...
10:02, 8-Jul-2007
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Twisty posted this on her blog earlier tonight, but I loved it so much, I just had to pinch it :D
NO! SLEEP! TILL BEDTIME!!
12:41, 7-Jul-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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The Beaty Boys' No Sleep Till Brooklyn was just on TV, and it reminded me of the little-remembered Morris Minor & the Majors:
Stolen from Elentari
09:12, 5-Jul-2007
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IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
Here's how it works.
1. Open your library (iTunes, iPod, Media Player, Winamp, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For each question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool
(NB: Before I start, knowing what I have on my 'puter, I know this is either going to be really cool, really lame or really bizarre)
Opening Credit
Jailhouse Rock - The Blues Brothers
Waking Up
Growing on Me - The Darkness
First Day At The School
Holding my Own - The Darkness
Falling In Love
Epicentre - Manic Street Preachers
Fight Song
Without You - Nilsson (if only this had come one later)
Breaking Up
S.Y.M.M. - Manic Street Preachers
Prom
Miss Europa Disco Dancer - Manic Street Preachers (seriously, I've got almost 4,000 songs in this list!)
Life
Torture Me - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Mental Breakdown
Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol
Driving
Hate This & I'll Love You - Muse
Flashback
Trenches - InMe
Wedding
Excusez Moi Mon Cherie - The Blues Brothers
Birth Of Child
B Movie Boxcar Blues - The Blues Brothers (shuffle on Media Player sucks)
Death Scene
The Memory Remains - Metallica
Funeral Song
Star Wars Cantina - Mark Jonathan Davis ( :laugh: )
End Credit
Endless Vacation - The Ramones
Well, I thought it went well
12:45, 5-Jul-2007
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I started today by going to the gym. I should really go to the gym more regularly. Once a week isn't enough, especially when I have to work as hard as I can just keep myself up at 11st (I don't exercise, I become scrawny(er))!
After lunch, I went out and got some writing done. Not much, but enough to kill some time until 4:30 when it was time to visit Newcastle College and find out about their Higher Education Access Course (each course is worth a set number of points and three successful courses amount to university entry :D). The college looks great, the application's a doddle and the courses offer everything I want (I'm aiming to do English Literature & Language and Psychology).
I then took a handful of PS2 games I don't play anymore into a Game store and walked out with an Xbox and 3 games (Halo 2 - oh yes), then did some more writing.
I closed out my day by going to see Die Hard 4.0. Big plot, big explosions, big set-pieces, Bruce Willis on top form, humorous sidekick, decent bad guy, Maggie Q and Mary Elizabeth Winstead looking hot and even an appearence from Kevin Smith. In the grand scheme of things, I'd rank it higher than 2 and right behind With a Vengeance. The first remains my favourite movie of all time.
All in all, a pretty good day :)
Voices of a Distant Star
07:01, 3-Jul-2007
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Voices of a Distant Star is a short anime about a young pilot joining an interstellar war and struggling to stay in contact with her friend back on Earth as she gets further and further from home.
I've looked at this DVD a few times, but was always put off buying it, despite its attractive visuals, interesting premise and oodles of awards, because the film itself is only half an hour long.
However, today I had the opportunity to finally see it and I have to say it is one the most moving and impressive films (anime or otherwise) I've ever seen. The background plot is epic, the animation is perfect - ranging from traditional, hand-drawn simplicity to impressive CG work as and when the scene calls for it - the action is exciting and the central plot is heart rending.
It's as short as it is because of how the story's told. It could possibly have been made longer by detailing more about the war the whole thing's set against, but that (as well as anything else it might've been fleshed out with) would only have detracted from the central story.
I still don't think the DVD's worth more than £10 (if that), but if you get the chance, watch it.
The Saga Continues
08:50, 2-Jul-2007
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I first heard this a couple of years ago (as I'm sure many of you did), but until now, I've never seen the video...
This is what I was actually looking for (which I know isn't by Weird Al, despite many thinking it is):
Also falsly attributed to Weird Al:
This one, however, is unmistakable:
Bit of a Slip
11:12, 1-Jul-2007
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Any of my compatriots happen to catch the series finale of Doctor Who last night? Is it just me, or was there a major inconsistancy near the end involving Captain Jack?
*possible spoilers to follow*
"The more things change, the more they stay the same..."
10:08, 1-Jul-2007
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For the past month, Gordon Brown has been harping on about change - change in policy; change in direction; change in how government works in this country - under his new leadership. Whether or not anything does actually change remains to be seen, but one thing certainly hasn't.
Brown has just given his first interview, with the BBC. Obviously the main focus of discussion was the recent terrorist attacks in this country, but a few other issues were raised and glossed over with a pledge to discuss such things in due time.
Alas, despite all his promises of change, within five minutes I realised nothing had. The majority of policy discussion focused on many of the same issues Blair discussed and failed to deal with in his time - social order; security; listening to and involving the public; improving the health service, etc. - with any direct questions ignored with a bunch of noncommittal rhetoric from Blair's past scripts.
The only difference I can see so far is Brown states things a little more sternly than Blair did; reluctant to grin like an idiot when posed a tough question.
Granted, given events of the past couple of days, it's difficult to glean a true picture of Brown's premiership, but hope is thin...
A Fight Close to Everyone's Heart
12:59, 30-Jun-2007
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Plus...
Twocked from Tom
03:55, 29-Jun-2007
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Of all of these tests that I've done, this is by far the most interesting and accurate.
You are an Experiencer
Your inquisitive nature, imagination, and hands-on practicality make you an EXPERIENCER.
Although you have an active imagination, you also concern yourself with the functional elements of things.
You are willing to experiment to find things that work the most efficiently.
Getting stuck in certain habits is boring to you—you'd rather find new experiences.
Accordingly, experiences are more important to you than objects—you'd rather spend your money and energy on events and adventures than on material things.
You like to contemplate a lot of options before making a decision, and you're willing and able to consider a lot of different angles to problems.
You're open to suggestions, and often rely on others to assess the merit of those suggestions.
You have an ability to see the big picture—not just how things are, but how they could be—in a variety of situations.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.
If you want to be different:
Have faith that your imagination and practicality will complement each other, and lead to good decisions on your part.
Take the initiative in seeking things out—don't wait for them to come to you.
how you relate to others
You are Considerate
You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.
You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.
You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.
Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.
Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.
Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.
You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.
Your close friends know you as a good listener.
If you want to be different:
Because other people would benefit immensely from your understanding and insight, you should try to be more outgoing in social situations, even when they make you uncomfortable. Others will want to hear what you have to say!
My personalDNA Report
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.2
11:52, 29-Jun-2007
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Just as the whole village had been joyous over the marriage of Aegin Underwing and Raeven Lovill, it was equally sombre at Aegin’s passing. Breshi was a peaceful region. There hadn’t been such a shocking event since the great wars of centuries past. Funerals were traditionally celebratory in Breshi; revelling in the life of the deceased rather than mourning their passing, but there would be no celebration for Aegin. The pain was simply too deep.
Support and condolences were offered to the Underwings and the Lovills, and most especially to the widowed Raeven Underwing, but Raeven gave no reaction in return. She never spoke a word, nor returned a hug or even met the eye of anyone. She was empty; lost; drained by insurmountable pain. It was torture for her family to witness, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to care.
---
Months passed and the village slowly returned to the old routines. The Underwings began work on rebuilding their farm with the help of the Lovills and a number of other local families. The camaraderie even began to bring some joy back to the families; all but Raeven. Day and night she stayed in her room on the Lovill estate, staring out of her window towards the forest and her old home. She ate little, barely moved and never spoke. She had become little more than a ghost.
One day, on the eve of the spring solstice, a caravan passed through the village. They were priests from the church of Mettaryn, goddess of luck. From her room, Raeven overheard her mother and sister talking about the caravan and a strange thought entered her head. She rose from her chair, gathered some things, blew a kiss towards her farm and climbed out of the window. It wouldn’t be ‘til supper time that evening that her family would discover she had gone, by which time the caravan had moved on.
---
The priests of Mettaryn never questioned Raeven’s travelling with them, nor would they have gotten an answer if they’d asked. Clearly the young woman was lost and looking for a place to be and they were content to provide that place until she decided to move on.
Raeven travelled with the caravan for a whole year. Sometimes she would listen to their sermons and tales of their travels; sometimes she would wander off into the towns and villages they visited, listening to stories of other travellers. She became fascinated with the lives of other people, enjoying the distraction from her own life, if only for a short time. She heard epic tales of adventure in far off lands as well simple stories of humble successes. She listened to the preaching of countless faiths and ancient legends.
In time she left the Mettaryn caravan and joined others, not caring where she was going. Simply content to be going somewhere new. Eventually she hitched a ride in a carriage heading north, past the great peaks of the Wyvern mountain range, bordering the northern continent. The Bodrun family were travelling to the town of Arrunden where Gannon Bodrun was hoping to find work for himself and his son in the nearby diamond mines. They never questioned why the strangely quiet young woman had joined them. There was plenty of room in the large carriage and they saw no reason to question or deny her, though, after two weeks’ travel, her silence was becoming somewhat unsettling.
They were a day’s travel beyond the Wyvern range. It was autumn over the northern continent and temperatures were steadily dropping. Snow already covered the land as far as the eye could see, but going was good as long as the road stayed relatively clear.
On an unusually fine day, the carriage was making good time. The driver was pushing the horses, hoping to cover as much distance as possible before the weather turned. The Bodrun family were eating lunch while Raeven slept. They’d have woken her and offered her some food, but she rarely ate as it was and looked far too peaceful to disturb.
Suddenly the carriage jolted and the horses were heard neighing in distress. There was a lot of commotion outside and a moment later the carriage overturned. Gannon quickly helped his family clamber out of the carriage, then grabbed Raeven, awake but confused, and urged her out also.
One of the horses was dead and the other thrashed about wildly on the ground. The driver was nowhere in sight. One of the wheels had broken off the carriage and arrows were imbedded everywhere.
Four men appeared from behind some rocks lining the road, shrieking and brandishing knives and swords. Raeven and the family Broden scattered. Raeven heard screaming behind her, but dared not look. She ran as fast and as hard as she could, but, just when she thought she’d escaped, she felt a sharp pain in her leg and stumbled. The ground beneath her gave way and she fell down a deep crevasse. Through her daze, Raeven heard voices from above.
“Ooh, nasty tumble was that.”
“Still alive, I reckons.”
“You reckons? A ruby says not.”
“You’re on.”
“Yeah? And which of you’s gonna go down there and check…?”
Raeven only heard the rest as a distant whisper as darkness filled her eyes.
The Ballad of Raeven Underwing - Pt.1
10:10, 28-Jun-2007
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There's a character in my fantasy story called Rain en-Talath. Pixie might have to correct me on this (seeing as - I shit you not - she speaks the language), but I believe 'en talath' is evlish for 'of the tundra' and, a while back, I came up with a story behind the name involving one of Rain's ancestors (my mind wandered while I was in the shower).
Here it be (part one of it, at least):
In the old Grey forest at the foot of Mt. Breshi on the eastern continent, the Underwings had lived for many generations, rearing birds on their small farm to sell to the surrounding villages. Messengers, scouts, miner birds or even simply as domestic pets; the Underwings were famous for their ability to raise their live-stock for any required purpose.
Aegin Underwing was to be the tenth generation of his family to inherit the farm. His entire childhood he’d looked forward to the day he would be asked to carry on the family business and, on his 16th birthday, his mother, Willow, pledged to him the deeds on the eve of his wedding.
Aegin’s bride-to-be was the daughter of Sallis Lovill, a local huntsman who had provided steady business for the Underwings, ordering both game and scout birds, often in entire flocks. But his daughter, Raeven, wasn’t interested in hunting. She was only interested in Aegin. From the first time her father had taken her to the farm she and Aegin had been friends, and it was only a matter of weeks before they were much, much more.
Aegin and Raeven were married on the eve of the spring solstice, bringing out the whole town in celebration. Bunting was put up throughout the streets and forest; businesses were closed; the service was open to all and the reception would go on for two whole days. The union of two such distinguished families was an event to behold in the Breshi region.
Of course, once the celebration was over, routine returned to the town and all was as it had been for centuries.
---
It was the morning of Aegin’s twentieth birthday. Raeven had big plans for her husband, the first of which being a very special breakfast, prepared fresh and presented to him the moment he awoke.
Raeven set the clock early, knowing full well Aegin always slept through the first chimes. He stirred, as ever he did, but a few soothing words and he was soon fast asleep again.
It was well before dawn when Raeven ventured out into the forest, but foraging by torchlight proved more difficult than she had first thought. She knew the local woods intimately, but everything looked so different at this hour. By the time her basket was filled, the sun had broken on the horizon and Raeven realised she was more than a mile from the farm. She’d have to hurry. She hitched up her skirt and dropped and ran.
---
Raeven had gone less than half a mile when the scent hit. She may not have been interested in her father’s attempts at teaching her they ways of a huntsman, but her senses were every bit as keen, nonetheless. Her heart caught in her throat. She dropped her basket and ran as fast as she could through the dense brush.
But, by the time she reached the farmhouse, it was already reduced to a burnt-out frame. She searched the rubble frantically, calling her husband’s name at the top of her lungs until finally she found him.
---
Sallis Lovill grimly surveyed the scene. “Goblins,” he said flatly. “Twelve, perhaps fifteen of them. Looks like they came to feed on the birds. Poor Aegin must have disturbed them.”
Raeven didn’t hear a word. She knelt in the dirt with her husband in her arms, gently sobbing; rocking him back and forth. Her Aegin was dead. Any cause or reason was meaningless.
Colossal
05:48, 28-Jun-2007
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A long time ago, on a humble little system called Playstation 2 there was a game called Ico - a puzzle/platform/adventure game in which you took the role of a young boy guiding a weird girl through an enormous fortress, while fighting off annoying shadowy dudes. It was innovative, tasking, rewarding, addictive and beautiful to look at (to put it simply, it's now 6 years old and still looks better than all but a select few games that have come since).
Four years later, a sequel was released by the name of Shadow of the Colossus - a similar style and atmosphere, but from a very different angle.
Armed with only a sword, a bow and your trusty steed, you ride around a vast landscape, tracking down and killing colossi. Simple? Not quite...
The first of the sixteen colossi you face is huge. And I mean huge. Halfway up its back you need to take a break from climbing so you can make it to its head (you can only grip for so long)! Through the course of the game, you will face 3 smaller (but much harder) colossi, but for the most part, they just keep getting bigger. The fifteenth is very similar in design to the first, only three times larger and a damn sight more difficult to take down. The sixteenth makes the fifteenth look like an insect. And it's impossible to describe just how epic every single battle is, suffice to say I could only do one at a time before I had to save it and turn off the machine to take a breather.
However, the game isn't just about big-ass fights. To get to each one, you must ride through a vast and beautiful landscape with vistas that make you want to get off your horse and just stare for a little while. Half of your time in the game is spent riding, which may sound off-putting, but is a joy when you're sent further and further afield. Desserts, geysers, lush greenery, deep valleys, lost cities, expansive lakes, caves, caverns and dizzying, labyrinthine ravines: It all makes you wish you had a camera.
Obviously the game won't appeal to everyone. The action is heavy and intense, but still takes a lot of thought, patience and forward planning and not everyone will appreciate having to ride for fifteen minutes just to get to your next fight. Plus the controls can be a little clunky and the camera mostly has a mind of its own. Nevertheless, the game is gobsmackingly brilliant and I urge everyone to give it a shot.
Hitting those High Notes
02:26, 26-Jun-2007
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In the pantheon of great male vocalists, there can be only one king (or Queen, if you will); the late, great Freddy Mercury. There wasn't a note he couldn't hit or genre he couldn't cover. He could be soft and gentle to put over a beautiful ballad, or he could scream his lungs out with the best of the metal heads.
Sadly, these days, great singers aren't revered like they used to be. The only way any of them can even get noticed it seems is by appearing on some TV 'talent' show, and even then, they're usually beaten out by some baby-faced, tone-deaf numpty with all the range and power of a member of Westlife (Ray Quinn, you know who I'm talking about).
Of course, that's not to say there aren't great singers around. As long as we have the likes of Matt Bellamy and Thom York, there's still hope, and with acts like Guillemots, Fratellis and Hoosiers all showing some admirable dexterity in their lead singers, Gareth Gates, Simon Webb and every member of Take That (past and present) may yet be laughed back to the karaoke nights from whence they came.
In honour of which:
Stick to the Script
11:47, 25-Jun-2007
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I've made fleeting attempts at this before, but I'm currently having a serious stab at adapting my first novel into a script. Whenever I write anything, I picture it in my head as if it's a film and, as a result, much of my writing seems to lend itself to the form. Here's a quick comparrison between the original text and the adaptation:
Original
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…
...and the whole of New York City was daubed in the usual festive regalia. Every building, from the humblest drug store to the tallest skyscraper, was covered in enough tinsel to decorate a national park and enough flashing lights to confuse commercial aircraft. The streets were buried beneath two feet of snow. Excited children dragged their weary parents through the deep, white blanket in the hope of finding yet another Santa’s Grotto. Pimps and prostitutes were gleefully counting their Christmas bonuses from their regular clients. Drunks and bums were huddled around burning oil barrels, hastily swigging their ‘seasonal scotch’. “The Boys of the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay, and the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day.”
Though Sergeant Sean Powell definitely did not feel like singing. He’d been careful about banking his vacation time, holding back two whole weeks in which to enjoy the holiday season. This was to be his last shift and he’d envisaged spending it in the warmth of the precinct, staring at the clock and counting down the seconds, like a kid at the end of the school year.
Manhattan’s 19th precinct encompassed over two hundred thousand people. Statistically more than 1% of those was a criminal. With only an hour left on his shift, Sean had convinced himself three thousand crooks had taken the night off. Then the call came in about a disturbance at 1071 Fifth Avenue.
“The Guggenheim?” Sean said, disbelieving.
The desk sergeant shrugged. “That’s what the lady said. ‘Two guys beating the hell out of each other outside’. I’m trying to raise the guard now.”
Sean sighed and put on his hat. “Alright, I’ll go look. But if this is another pair of drunks waltzing in the street, I’m leaving them to it and heading home!”
---
Five minutes later, Sean was across the street from the museum, lazily glancing out of the frosted windows of his squad car for any signs of the fight. Other than a young couple buying coffee from a vendor, the street was dead.
“Copy that, Sean,” the desk sergeant’s voice said through the radio. “But I still can’t get security. Check in with them first, then get yourself home.
“And happy holidays!”
“Yeah,” Sean replied, “you too, Steph.”
He clipped the radio to his belt and looked back out at the dark, snow-covered, cold-looking street. “I think I’ll talk to that vendor first.”
The vendor’s name was Larry. Sean garnered that and a “Nah, ain’t seen nothing tonight, officer,” before heading quickly for the museum’s entrance.
The doors were locked and the lights were off inside. Sean unclipped his radio and was about to report as much to Steph when a body suddenly burst through the doors and barrelled into him, knocking the air from his lungs and all sense from his head.
Script
Night - Exterior: A snow covered street, dimly illuminated by sparse street-lighting. Lamps line both sides of the street, but few seem to be working. On one side, Central Park offers a beautiful festive scene, amber tree-lighting making the edges of the deep shadows glow. On the other stands the unusual shape of the Guggenheim museum, not a single light coming from within the building.
Flashing red and blue light is suddenly cast over the street. A police squad car pulls up opposite the museum. Steam is wiped from one of the windows and a face is pressed up against the glass, the officer’s eyes looking the building up and down. After a moment he sighs and picks up his radio.
Sean Powell:
Dispatch, this is ten-William-six. Steph, this place is quiet as a grave. Are you sure this was the address.
Dispatcher:
1071 Fifth Avenue. That’s what the lady said, Sean.
Powell:
And you do realise that’s the Guggenheim, right?
Dispatcher:
Hey, I can only send you where they tell me. Is there no sign at all?
Powell looks around once more just to make sure.
Powell:
I got a vendor down the street with a couple of customers, but that’s it.
Dispatcher:
Copy that, Sean. Check things out at your end, just to be safe, and I’ll try the guards again.
Powell:
Okay, I’ll take a look, but it looks like there’s no-one home.
Powell hooks his radio to his jacket and steps out of the car, shuddering as the cold air hits him. He breathes a couple of times into his gloved hands and makes his way down to the street vendor, serving a young couple coffee and roast chestnuts.
The vendor smiles and nods to the couple, then turns to Powell.
Vendor:
And what can I do for you, officer?
Powell:
Just coffee, thanks.
The vendor nods and fills a polystyrene cup.
Powell:
I don’t suppose you’ve anything strange around here tonight?
Vendor:
Strange how?
Here you go.
The vendor hands Powell his coffee.
Powell:
Thanks.
Y’know, any kind of disturbance? Raised voices? Fighting? Anything like that?
The vendor thinks for a moment, shrugs and shakes his head.
Vendor:
Sorry, officer, it’s been quiet all night. Is there something wrong?
Powell sips his coffee and sighs with satisfaction.
Powell:
I guess not.
Merry Christmas.
Powell hands the vendor five-dollars and waves the change.
Vendor:
You too officer.
Powell takes a few more quick sips of his hot coffee as he makes his way to the museum. As he approaches the entrance, he raises the dispatcher on his radio.
Powell:
Ten-William-six to dispatch.
Dispatcher:
Go ahead Sean.
Powell:
Any luck with those guards, Steph?
Dispatcher:
Nope. I think you were right. Looks like no-one’s home. You got anything?
Powell pears through the museum’s entrance at the darkness inside.
Powell:
Peace and quiet. Twenty-bucks says someone got spooked by a couple of bums waltzing down the street again.
Dispatcher:
Maybe. My money’s still on ‘crank call’.
Powell smiles, tiredly.
Powell:
I’ll take that bet. See if you can get the lady back on the phone. I’m gonna…
A body flies through the museum’s entrance, knocking Powell out cold. It skids to a halt in the middle of the street and is immediately followed by a man leaping towards it.
Dispatcher:
Sean…? I didn’t catch that last part… Sean…?
Bounce along to this
11:13, 24-Jun-2007
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With Glastonbury coming to close for yet another year, I thought I'd share a highlight for me from this year's festival (use the stand alone player, as there seems to be a problem with the embedded one):
Rodrigo y Gabriela
This is the first time I've seen their thrash-metal roots really shine through :D
By the way, can anyone tell me what song they've got the crowd singing near the start?
Hanging 10 in Manhattan
10:21, 23-Jun-2007
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I enojoyed the Fantastic Four. Sure it was camp and Tim Story isn't the most accomplished director in Hollywood, but it was faithful (at least as far as the Four were concerned), had some groovy special effects, some great action set-pieces and Jessica Alba both in and out of a spandex.
As many might predict, the sequel isn't quite as good. Still some great action, still some nice special effects, the Silver Sufer is done very well (great casting choice for the voice) and Jessica Alba is still hot as hell (despite not really suiting bleached hair and blue contacts). The all-powerful Galactus is also handled very well (considering how bad it could've been).
The main problem with the film, however (other than pushing the cheese factor a little too far), was the climactic battle. There was never a real sense that the end of the world was nigh. Tim Story isn't a great director of action and struggles with something so large scale. The final confrontation was great, but it was the stuff surrounding it that was lacking (plus there's quite a severe and blatent continuity error towards the end - see if you can spot it).
Next comes the BIG decision: With them being released on the same day, do I see Die Hard 4.0 (the UK title (let's face it, Live Free or Die Hard sucks)) first, or Transformers...?
Varin - Ch.1
06:27, 20-Jun-2007
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I thought I'd posted this before, but apparently not (can't find it, at least):
The town of Peakview glistened in the dawn sun. The night’s storm had washed the cobbled streets clean, giving the street cleaners a much-appreciated morning off. The greengrocer put out his fruit and vegetables while bakers and butchers opened their doors, releasing the inviting scent of their produce into the morning air. Children crowded the streets with their parents left behind in their doorways, waving them on their way to the school-house before setting off for their daily earnings, or to prepare for the coming festivities.
Rising above it all, Trayal Peak; a snow-capped mountain named for the mythical dragon lord who was said to have ruled over the region long before the human settlers arrived. Legend told of a great battle fought between the mightiest clans of the species resulting in the leaders of both armies falling on this very mountain range. Few believed in the legend anymore, but the Festival of the Dragon War was a joyous celebration none were willing to let go of.
High up on the peak, two small figures, wrapped in heavy wools and thick cloaks, huddled in the shade of an outcrop until a vicious blast of frozen air passed them by. In time one turned to the other and nodded, and the two companions darted from the outcrop and headed further on down the narrow trail at speed.
The shorter and more slender of the two thrust a grapple into the cliff-face, veered off the trail and danced over the jagged rocks and sizable drops that made the route almost impassable, trailing a thin line of rope behind him.
The larger of the two skidded to a halt and took hold of the rope. He watched as his companion made it easily to the next path before following slowly and with utmost care. On reaching his companion’s side, he gave the rope a firm tug and reeled in the grapple.
“The watcher?” asked the slower companion.
His nimble friend looked towards the next peak in the range, some two miles to the east. “Asleep,” he replied simply.
“Good. Then on we go.”
“He looks very warm and cosy.”
“Don’t start, Varin. How was I supposed to know it would be this cold up here?”
“Basic physics, Marcus,” Varin said, still looking longingly at the guard sleeping comfortably at his post on the easterly mountain. “If you had told me we would be scaling the highest peak in the realm, I would have told Cal’Unne to plant his most precious shard in his most precious crevasse.”
Marcus sighed. “Look, the palace is only another three-hundred or-so metres down. The longer we stand here arguing, the closer we get to frostbite. So, shall we?”
Varin turned to Marcus, slightly annoyed that the bandanna he wore to protect his nose from the cold was hiding his expression.
“After you,” he said, gesturing on down the trail, adding to himself, Perhaps we shall get lucky, be caught and thrown into a toasty little dungeon.
A short time later, the two companions stood on the southernmost spire of the palace. Varin stared over the edge, less interested in the palace itself than the clouds below.
“You are certain this will work? That window looks closed and heavy to me.”
“It opens inwards. Would you have some faith? How many times have we practiced this?”
“How many times did we practice the last one? ‘Flawless’ you said.”
“It was flawless.”
“It almost killed me!”
“Aha! That’s the operative word isn’t it - ‘almost’.”
“Marcus, I broke my arm.”
“Details, Varin. We pulled it off… Okay, you pulled it off. But this will be better, I promise. I’m older and, more importantly, wiser now. You seem to be forgetting I was only nine years old last time.”
“It was eight months ago!”
“Exactly. I promise you, Varin, I have left nothing to chance this time…
“Besides, if we don’t do it, we don’t eat.”
“Fine. But if you missed anything, you will be the one doing the jump next time!”
Before Marcus could utter a word of protestation, Varin slammed the grapple into the stone of the spire and vaulted over the edge.
*
Silence seemed to echo through the expansive halls of Trayal Palace. Bethany Woodstock enjoyed listening to the silence, so dense as to feel almost tangible. Her body moved only with her measured breaths, the rest content to laze against the wall by one of the long, elaborate tapestries decorating the hall.
The tapestries were the only real colour in the stone and wood hall. Each depicted a different scene in the history of Peakview. For such a small town it had an extensive history. Most, like the battle between the dragons, remembered only as fanciful legend, but some too fantastic in truth to be disjointed by fancy.
Bethany had worked many guard posts, but this was by far her favourite. The palace was so inaccessible even the most hardened, marauding tribe of barbarians were willing to pass up the rumoured riches held within its walls in favour of a few petty food-thefts in the village to see them good as they charged over the range.
Both the palace and the village below were for those far more content with existing rather than actual living. In the two years Bethany had guarded the palace’s south wing, nothing so much as a breaking window had led to her doing any actual work.
Hence, much to her embarrassment, she screamed when she heard the smashing glass.
*
Marcus winced at the sound of the breaking glass.
“Silent,” he grumbled. “All he has to do is be silent! Here I am, stuck out in the cold and he’s down there causing a ruckus and ruining a perfectly calculated plan!”
With a sigh and a disappointed shake of his head, Marcus turned to the large, heavily bolted door into the spire. “These things are always so cumbersome.” He removed his gloves, breathed a few warming breaths onto his fingertips and rubbed his hands together.
*
“‘I have left nothing to chance this time…’” Varin moaned as he brushed broken glass from his cloak. Next time, Marcus, you won’t have to jump!
Behind a door to Varin’s side, footsteps came quickly. He looked around at the wide corridor for a place to hide, but there was nothing between him and the doors at either end, both of which too far to get to in time.
The door flew open and Bethany dashed through brandishing her sword. She quickly glanced left and right, but found nothing but the broken windowpane. She stared at the empty window for a few moments, wondering what could have caused it to break. She had heard of wayward birds flying into windows if they were blown off course and disorientated by a strong wind, but where was its body? Perhaps it survived and merely flew back out of the window.
Bethany shrugged. “Whatever it was, I’m not cleaning it up.” The guard sheathed her sword and walked back through the door.
The instant before it was fully closed, Varin dropped from the top of it. He pressed his ear to the door to listen for fading footsteps. Instead, the wood splintered an inch from his nose and three-feet of sharp steal appeared before him. The door was pushed open wide and Varin found himself pinned between it and the wall.
Bethany peeked around the door and smiled at Varin. “Hello there, little one. Can I help you?”
“Um, no. Thank you. I was just…looking for the privy. If you’ll excuse me…”
Before the guard could respond, Varin ducked beneath her blade and slid out from behind the door. Bethany withdrew her sword from the wood and pointed the tip to the shadow beneath the hood.
“Nimble little hobbit, aren’t you,” she said.
“You have no idea,” Varin replied. He leaned back, drawing the guard into lunging forwards, twisted to one side and sprang up onto the blade, weighing it down into the stone floor.
Bethany was dragged to her knees and looked up in astonishment at the small, slender figure, balancing on the edge of her sword. Varin drew back his hood and lowered the bandanna, revealing long, white hair, framing a gentle, child’s face, enormous brown eyes and pointed ears.
Smiling softly, he said, “And please do not call me a hobbit. Note the proportionate feet.”
With that, the young elf skipped off the blade and swept through the door, slamming it closed and barring it from his side.
Bethany dragged her sword from the floor, sliced through the door and followed at a pace.
*
The door into the spire slammed shut and Marcus shivered. He was only halfway through picking the lock when the wind rose and the temperature dropped. His hands were numb.
After a few minutes, when he felt the ice around his lungs thaw, he crept down the spiral stairs. At the bottom of the staircase was another locked door, but without the cold to hinder him, Marcus made short work of picking the lock.
He slipped his picks back into his cloak and peered into the corridor. The only sign of Varin was the broken glass. Otherwise there was silence.
Suddenly he heard raised voices and footsteps heading his way at speed. He ducked back through the door and closed it just enough so he could still peek through a slim crack.
---
Two more guards had joined the chase. Capturing the young elf was like trying to catch a startled chicken. His natural speed and agility coupled with his small frame meant there wasn’t a corner or pincer he couldn’t slip out of, diving through legs, dancing along walls, sliding under tables and chairs when the chase passed through a dining room.
But Varin was getting anxious. If he ever hoped to escape the palace, he would first have to lose his pursuers. And there was the matter of the shard.
Eventually, Varin managed to guide the pursuit back to the corridor where the whole thing had began. He grabbed a shard of glass from the floor and leapt through the window.
The three guards were barely able to stop themselves following him out. They watched on, astonished as the elf ran down the palace’s outer wall, the shard scraping along the stone acting as the only thing stopping him leaving the wall and plummeting thousands of feet to his death. He quickly reached another window a few floors down and scrambled inside. The guards could only look at each other in bewilderment.
Varin stood perfectly still on the solid floor for a moment, unable to breathe. He looked at the shard of glass in his hand, then out of the window and down at the town far, far below.
“That was incredibly stupid,” he told himself carefully. “Do not do it again.”
The young elf blinked his large eyes sharply and took in his surroundings, absently slipping the shard of glass into a pocket in his cloak. He was in what appeared to be another dining room, with a long table in the centre surrounded by two-dozen high-backed chairs. He’d entered through the room’s only window and made a firm decision to leave by the door at the opposite end of the table.
*
Marcus had watched with equal astonishment to the guards when his friend leapt through the window. When the guards left with no small sense of trepidation to continue their pursuit, Marcus emerged from his hiding place and looked through the window. Varin had often shown some incredible feats of agility, but that was something else!
But the boy-thief didn’t dwell on his friend’s abilities long. There was money to be made!
Go on, ask me...
03:30, 20-Jun-2007
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Found this on Engie's blog and now it's my turn.
Ask me a question and I will answer it, honestly and truthfully.
It can be about absolutely anything you like. The only restriction is your own imagination. The only catch is that, once you've asked, you must then open yourself up in this same manner to be asked.
I can't guarantee my answers will be insightful or interesting, but I'll try...
His Dark Materials
02:13, 20-Jun-2007
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I finally took delivery of my copy of the His Dark Materials trilogy today and am already 3 and a half chapters in.
Over the years, I've heard bits and pieces about the books and have been curious to check them out and see what all the fuss was about, but I've never actually read the synopsis of any of them or found anything out about the plot or characters, hence, when I first saw the trailer for The Golden Compass I had no idea it was the film version of the first of the trilogy (in the UK, the book's called Northern Lights) until it was pointed out by Twist.
And so, I'm finding the story a touch confusing to begin with. It seems to be set in an alternative mid/late 19th century (possibly early 20th), mostly goverened by some kind of successor to the Catholic church, where certain people are accompanied by 'daemons' of various (and varying) forms and theology has a central role in study.
Less than 4 chapters in and there are already several plot threads running, as well as undercurrent of political and theological intrigue and a building premise of a special little girl destined to go on an epic adventure.
It's tiring, but damn good fun so far... :D
Something Special from a TV Talent Show
08:14, 18-Jun-2007
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Yes, I realise that sounds ridiculous, but Jeeps just linked the first of these on Pixie's page and I had to see more...
Mobile phone salesman trying his hand at opera:
Owning the semis:
Stepping it up for the final:
Better, Stronger, Faster (and a lot less depressing)
10:20, 17-Jun-2007
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Michelle Ryan used to be in Eastenders; a dull, depressing, never-ending british soap-opera made up of thin, repetitive plots, dreary sets and terminally miserable characters.
It was therefore something of a surprise to see her as the star of this:
Work
08:52, 15-Jun-2007
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I've been unemployed for 3 months now :( Obviously, it stinks. I'm broke, I'm bored, I'm depressed, I'm broke, I've got a cold (which has nothing to do with anything, but it's pissing me off) and I'm broke.
I also live in Sunderland, which doesn't help. Unless you're a graduate (which I'm not), it's difficult to find anything in this region that isn't call-centre or customer services based. I've done call-centre work. It sucks.
And so, I was quite happy to stay on the phone for half and hour yesterday, going through an interview; the last question of which was along the lines of "Give a specific example of helping a customer beyond company requirements?" I couldn't give one. The reason I couldn't give one is, when dealing with customers at my last job, procedures were still being worked over by the higher-ups, so we had to use our own initiative, often going way beyond the sketchy procedures in place. The agent on the other end of the line decided not to put forward my application as I couldn't give a specific example.
In other words, if I'd done it once and could tell her about it, fine, but because I'd done it so often I couldn't give an example, I was deemed unsuitable :confused:
On a lighter note, I've got a face-to-face interview on Monday morning. Hopefully he's not also an idiot...
Redesigned - Take 2 (the MCR version)
01:53, 12-Jun-2007
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Okay, following on from my previous attempt and using a little advice from the ever-helpful Pixie, I took another swing at the logo. For those of you who don't own the album (buy it; buy it now), the above is from the inlay of My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade, scanned, trimmed and given a bit of text (which may or may not yet change...).
I then decided it looked a little out of place against the all-black background, so have used a cut of said album's cover art.
I'm relatively pleased :D
Incidently, I'm looking at this design on a widescreen monitor and the little band-leader dude in the bottom left of the background is placed just right. How does he look on a regular monitor?
*EDIT*
I've uploaded a public version of this design with a slightly edited logo.
Redesigned
10:55, 12-Jun-2007
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Using jelene's 'Graffiti' design as a template, I've gone for something a bit simpler this time out. The logo needs some work, but I'm otherwise happy with it for now...:)
Dracula Assaults Precinct 13
05:13, 9-Jun-2007
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Also of interest; I Am Legend.
6 Years in the Making
10:15, 9-Jun-2007
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This thing is hipnotic and gets strangely intense for the last minute...
Shoot 'em Up
11:59, 6-Jun-2007
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It stars Paul Giamatti, Clive Owen, Monica Bellucci and a truck-load of guns. If you need more than that, movies probably aren't your thing:
Tomb Raider: Anniversary
08:21, 4-Jun-2007
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Almost forgot about this...
My major worry when this game was first announced was that it would merely be a homage to the original; taking key moments of the game and jazzing them up. I'm pleased to report that's not the case. Anniversary not only matches the scale of the original Tomb Raider, but often surpasses it and of course has tonnes of unlockables to add to the replay value. In an age of games barely lasting 10 hours, TRA is EPIC in the truest sense of the word.
Gameplay: Occsaionally frustrating but, with Legend's control set-up and the original's puzzles scaled up to the nth degree, it's fun nonetheless and highly addictive. The controls could be a little more responsive and yes, the camera can be a bitch (but is fully controlable).
Graphics: Not nearly as bad as other reviewers are trying to make out. Only Square Enix would be disappointed with the quality of TRA's graphics. Yes, we are seeing better these days, but considering the system and scale of the game, I have no complaints. Smooth, fluid animations and heaps of detail and atmosphere with only the occasional hiccup. The enviroments range from tight and claustrophobic to ENORMOUS!
Sound: Atmosphere is key. When the music kicks in, your heart stops because you know you're about to be accosted by something that either wants to pummel or eat you. The rest of the time, all you've got for company is Lara's footsteps and the distant growl of menacing beasties. Keeley Hawes once again sounds hot :D
Edit:
I've completed it!
Okay, so I still need to find some relics and artefacts and do the time trials, but I've finished the story. In total I think it's taken me about 15 hours. Some of the later levels are shorter than in the original, but the boss battles are harder and the story takes an interesting turn that ads some depth :D
In the grand scheme of things, I have to say Tomb Raider 2 remains my favourite (it took the huge inovation of the original and made it better)., but Anniversary can sit proudly in 2nd place.
I Am...
09:50, 3-Jun-2007
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(I'm not really, but I like this ;))
Lara Croft
03:01, 1-Jun-2007
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Today sees the release Tomb Raider: Anniversary; Crystal Dynamics' large-scale remake of the original Tomb Raider. Naturally, being a fan of the original, as well as CD's Legend (the enginefrom which has been used to make the newbie), I scraped some pennies together and grabbed myself a copy. A review will follow.
In the mean time, a few pics of the femme herself:
Free statuette received with the game (crazy eyes!)
![ZClarkson[4]](http://farm1.static.flickr.com/224/524900851_bcd74f8e9f.jpg)
Lucy Clarkson: Official Lara model during the 'Larazade' ad campaign
![ZAdebibe[2]](http://farm1.static.flickr.com/240/524900849_87ffc98703.jpg)
Karima Adebibe: The current 'official' Lara model (my favourite :D)
Angelina Jolie: (how could I forget?!)
A Bit of Rammstein
11:28, 31-May-2007
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With a bit more Advent Children:
Rayne - Ch.1
11:11, 31-May-2007
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This is the first full chapter of 'What I Started Last Week...':
What the hell is wrong with me? Two weeks now I’ve been in this slump, struggling to drag myself out of bed in the morning; struggling to get myself to sleep at night. If it wasn’t for scotch and cigarettes I doubt I’d sleep at all. Unless I can pull some cash together soon, I have this horrible feeling I’m going to find out.
But no, that’s not the problem. I’ve been short of cash before and didn’t feel like this. They say genii are prone to depression. I never understood it, myself. It’s one of the few things in this world I’ve ever struggled to understand. A teacher once introduced me to sociological complexity and was amazed at how quickly I not only understood it, but broke it down to its most basic forms as if all she was explaining was why two plus two equals four. Apparently such theories were usually beyond high-school students.
Not that understanding the high level theories did me any good when it came to exams. I’ve never had any problem understanding theories, but ask me to remember who formed them and when and you might as well ask me to sing Stairway to Heaven in Spanish, backwards.
What’s the good of being a genius if you can’t pass a simple exam?
Mathematics, on the other hand, was a doddle. Show me a bunch of numbers and a few choice symbols and I’ll get you an answer with minimal time and fuss.
Physics, even easier. Maths with pictures! I’m the only person I know who understood A Brief History of Time on my first try.
It’s a shame really that I never had any interest in being either a mathematician or a physicist. If I did, I might not find myself sat in the corner of a darkened room, dragging on the cigarette in my shaky hand, unable to take my eyes off the corpse sprawled over my bed.
Again, not the cause of my slump, but possibly a product of it. That’s something the shrink will have to decide.
Flashing blue lights flood the room after what seems like hours of waiting, though the cigarette I lit right after calling tells me it’s only been a few minutes. The dispatched officers knock once before entering, weapons in hand, moving cautiously through my flat.
“The bedroom,” I call out and immediately a sergeant pokes his head through the door.
“Alright, Rayne?” he says as if we’ve just bumped into each other on the street.
“Peachy. Didn’t interrupt your night, did I Ambrose?”
“He owes me twenty quid!” another officer calls from my kitchen.
I cock an eyebrow. “You do know what will happen if your boss catches you gambling on duty?”
Ambrose gives a beleaguered nod. “He's sound asleep, as usual.
“So, what’s the story here?” he says indicating towards the body.
I shrug. “I woke up and there he was raking through my drawers.”
“So you stabbed him?”
“The knife’s his. He was rather insistent on me having it, but I had to forcibly decline.”
“So we’ll not find your prints on it, or find one missing from your rack?”
I finish off my cigarette and shake my head.
“Fair enough,” says Ambrose. I’m not sure if he genuinely accepts my story or if he just wants to get out of there. “I’m still going to have to take you down to the station to make an official statement.”
“Yeah. Thought you might.”
I yawn as I stand and stretch, twisting my neck left and right and rubbing my face.
“You always sleep fully clothed?”
I nod towards the table behind him and he finds my pyjama pants already sealed up in a zip bag. “I hate those plastic overalls you lot give out.”
As we walk towards my front door, there are three other officers in my flat, casually sweeping the place as if merely wanting to look like they’re doing something. I only recognise one of them; Sgt. Colin Lesley.
“Bloody hell, Rayne, you look like shit.”
“It’s 3am and I’ve just woken up and killed someone who doesn’t look old enough to drive. How do you expect me to look?” Lesley uncomfortably clears his throat and averts his eyes.
“Come on, Aaron,” Ambrose says as he leads to my front door.
*
The next two hours pass dreamily by as I recite the same statement three times for three different detectives, all investigating a spate of burglaries in the area. There seemed to be no connection between the victims and descriptions of the perpetrators differed greatly, but the modus operandi remained the same: Between 2am and 3am; in and out through an open window; not a single print, hair or fibre left at the scene; just enough taken to be carried by one person.
Until now no one had confronted the burglar. Considering how mine reacted, that’s probably for the best.
The door to the interrogation room opens and yet another detective enters, sipping coffee and carrying a case-file.
“Wow, they even dragged the boss out of bed for this?”
Regional Commander Bernhard throws the file down on the desk and takes a seat opposite me. “No rest for the wicked, right Aaron?”
“We’re not wicked, Johnny, we’re just bitter old men.”
“You’re thirty-two.”
“Yes, well, right now I feel old.”
“Hmm,” Bernhard says with a nod. “You want a drink before we get back into this?”
“Thank you, no. I’ve tasted the coffee in this place, remember?”
“You get used to it after a few years.”
“I never did.”
“No. But then, you weren’t exactly here long enough, were you?”
“It wasn’t the fault of the beverages, if that’s what you’re implying.”
Bernhard almost laughs. He really is tired, I think. He leans back in his chair with a deep sigh, looking me dead in the eye. “So, you gonna fill in the blanks for me?”
“Blanks?”
He leans forward and opens the file. “‘I woke up and saw the burglar. He lunged at me, brandishing a knife. I parried and the blade ended up in his chest.’”
“Pretty concise, if you ask me.”
“Aha… A seventeen year-old kid lunges at you with a knife and you almost break his wrist plunging the thing into his chest.”
I clear my throat and lean forward on the table, folding my arms in front of me. “What are you trying to say, John?”
John reflects my pose and makes an extra effort to speak as clearly as possible. “The last time someone attacked you with a knife, you took it off him and put it back in his pocket before you beat him unconscious.”
“You think I overreacted?”
He takes a deep breath and turns his eyes down to the table. “I think there isn’t a court in the land that will see this as anything more than self-defence…but they don’t know you like I do, Aaron.”
I nod. “Yes, I nearly broke his wrist. I twisted his arm as far as I could and still he wouldn’t let go of the knife. I tried to force his arm up for a little extra leverage and at the same time, he dropped his weight on me.”
“Then why didn’t you just say that?”
“I never used to have to explain myself to you, John.”
“You never worried me like this before, Aaron. Just tell me; you did try to disarm him didn’t you? You did everything you could not to kill him?”
I look Commander Bernhard dead in the eye again and try to give an automatic response, but the words won’t come. I honestly don’t know.
Bernhard closes his eyes and stretches his neck left and right. “Go home, Aaron. Do what you have to do to sleep until tomorrow morning and we’ll see if you can give me a straight answer then.”
*
Dawn has broken by the time I get out of the station. I light a cigarette and take my phone out of my pocket.
“Juliet?”
“Romeo?” the voice at the other end replies sleepily.
I manage to crack a smile. “Sorry, he’s probably still sleeping.”
“So was I,” Juliet says through a yawn. “What time is it?”
“It’s about dawn-ish. Listen, I need you to do a press check for me?”
“At dawn-ish?”
“Have breakfast first, then meet me at the office.”
“Yeah, yeah. What am I checking for?”
“There’s been a bunch of burglaries recently. I want to know if there’s an official line yet.”
“Fine, I’ll have a look.”
“Thanks. Oh, and Juliet?”
“What?”
“Who’s this Romeo?”
“Piss off, Aaron.”
“Yes boss,” I say with a grin and Juliet hangs up without a reply.
I take a long draw on my cigarette and exhale slowly into the cool, morning air. I already know it’s going to be a long day.
The Crow
05:00, 30-May-2007
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Curiosity got the better of me and I've finally gotten around to seeing the last two Crow sequels.
I love the first movie; it is way up there in my top 10 of all time. Not only is it a beautiful and heart-wrenching story with a bitterly tragic history, but it oozes atmosphere from every cell, is perfectly directed and features the best performance of Brandon Lee's tragically short career, as well as probably the best performance of the ever-reliable Michael Wincot.
City of Angels was a piece of shit. A cheap cash-in with a bunch of stupid ideas, a muggy atmosphere and a laughable ending. Even the presence of Ian Dury and Iggy Pop couldn't give it any gravitas.
So, what it was that made someone decide there was life in the series yet, I don't know. Although they obviously didn't have enough faith to put any money into it. Salvation actually has a couple of high points. Eric Mabius is pretty good in the lead role (at least when he's acting manic - he's a lot less convincing when trying to be sentimental) and using scarring instead of make-up for the image was a nice idea. However, the thin budget leaves the whole thing looking like a TV movie, Kirsten Dunst is rubbish, there is no atmosphere whatsoever and the standard of directing would have even Uwe Boll thinking This guy's an amateur...
And so, it was with some trepidation that I watched Wicked Payer. Reviews have been quite mixed. Some were baffled by David Boreanaz's performance; others said he was the only good thing in it. Some thought Edward Furlong was dull and lifeless (no pun intended) in the lead role; others said he was moody and played it well. The atmosphere doesn't fit with the movie being set in the dessert, or the dessert setting is an interesting change and breathes new life into proceedings.
Basically, whatever one person thought was a flaw in the movie, someone else saw as a plus.
Personally, with the exception of the poorly shot action, superfluous characters and patchy editing, I was pleasantly surprised by it. The bad guys are anything but two-dimensional - at times they seem genuinely disturbed by what they're doing - and Boreanaz pulls off a convincing schizophrenic performance. Edward Furlong was good in the lead role; avoiding the now cliched now I'm manic; now I'm sad; now I'm manic; now I'm sad; now I'm hopeful; now I'm manic type performance in favour of being completely enraged and trying to control it, while often being lost and confused.
If not for the flat action, Wicked Prayer could well have been a worthy successor to the original. As it stands, it's actually not bad and is, by some distance, the best of the three sequels.
"Six Chicks With Picks"
10:34, 28-May-2007
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I saw The Descent about 2 years ago when it first came out at the cinema. At the time I enjoyed it, but brushed it off as being a cheap and cheerful popcorn muncher with a few fun scares.
I've just finished watching it again and can't help feeling like I didn't give it the praise it deserves. Yes, it's cheap, but only in the sense that it was done on a very tight budget and within a very tight schedule (took 7 weeks to make). Despite restrictions, there are some great set-pieces, some elaborate special effects (often involving blood spurting from various places it's not supposed to), heaps of atmosphere and plenty of scares; both in a quick, easy and often predictable *BOO* sense and in a hairs standing on end, eerie cold feeling creeping up the back of your spine sense.
The stars are all relative unknowns, but are in fact damn fine actresses and pull off that rare thing in a horror movie; a cast of characters you’re not just following in anticipation of their imminent and joyously gory demise. They have personalities! They kick some arse! They even develop!! They don’t just run a-shriekin’ in the usual fashion ‘til their throats are inevitably ripped out!
And, not to fret, gents, that doesn‘t mean they’re unattractive (e.g. Natalie Mendoza - mmmmm))!
Shall be revisiting Dog Soldiers (also by Neil Marshall (responsible for the above)) shortly… :D
*SPOILER ALERT IN THE BELOW COMMENTS!!*
Reviews
10:20, 27-May-2007
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Firstly, yesterday I took delivery of Funeral for a Friend's new album Tales Don't Tell Themselves:
Much like Hours before it, Tales... lacks a truly anthemic, stand out track like Escape Artists Never Die from Casually Dressed and in Deep Conversation (gotta love these titles):
However, much like Hours, Tales... is an overall stronger album, with more of a Metal vibe than its predecessor. Still distinctly emo, but less so than before (besides which, the Welsh seem to do it better than the Americans anyway).
Secondly, last night I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Although I enjoyed Dead Man's Chest, I wasn't really expecting much as, for all said sequel's high points, it was a bit overblown and laboured compared to the original.
If anything, At World's End is even more overblown (and often silly), but it's been pulled off far more cleanly. Orlando Bloom isn't quite as dull and cheesy as last time, Johnny Depp seems to have found that balance between anarchic, ridiculous and crafty, Geoffrey Rush makes a welcome return as Barbossa and seems to be challenging Depp for scene-chewing rights and Keira Knightley shows a lot more flesh and kicks a lot more arse - a pretty sweet combination, I think you'll all agree.
The action is well choreographed, the climatic battle is spectacular and Keith Richards turns in a solid and surprisingly under-stated performance as Jack Sparrow's father (which has been on the cards since Depp stated after the first film that Richards was the inspiration for his performance).
On the down side, it's a bit long (almost 3 hours) and Chow Yun Fat was under used. Otherwise, great film and better than the second :D
What I Started Last Week...
05:11, 25-May-2007
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I've just realised it's been a while since I posted anything of my own... Well, it's been a week, but in that week I've posted a lot of other crap, so here's some of the thing I kinda started writing last week before digressing into the rant. I have in mind some kind of noir-ish thriller, but I don't have a plot or setting yet, so we'll just have to see where it goes...
What the hell is wrong with me? Two weeks now I’ve been in this slump, struggling to drag myself out of bed in the morning; struggling to get myself to sleep at night. If it wasn’t for scotch and cigarettes I doubt I’d sleep at all. Unless I can pull some cash together soon, I have this horrible feeling I’m going to find out.
But no, that’s not the problem. I’ve been short of cash before and didn’t feel like this. They say genii are prone to depression. I never understood it, myself. It’s one of the few things in this world I’ve ever struggled to understand. A teacher once introduced me to sociological complexity and was amazed at how quickly I not only understood it, but broke it down to its most basic forms as if all she was explaining was why two plus two equals four. Of course, sociological complexity is standard at university. What really baffled her was the fact I’d just started college.
Not that understanding the high level stuff did me any good when it came to the exams. I’ve never had any problem understanding theories, but ask me to memorise and recite something and you might as well ask me to sing Stairway to Heaven in Spanish, backwards.
What’s the good of being a genius if you can’t pass a simple exam?
Mathematics, on the other hand, was a doddle. Show me a bunch of numbers and a few choice symbols and I’ll get you an answer with minimal time and fuss.
Physics, even easier. Maths with pictures! I’m the only person I know who understood A Brief History of Time on my first try.
It’s a shame really that I never had any interest in being either a mathematician or a physicist. If I did, I might not find myself sat in the corner of a darkened room, dragging on the cigarette in my shaky hand, unable to take my eyes off the corpse sprawled over my bed.
Again, not the cause of my slump, but possibly a product of it. That’s something the shrink will have to decide.
Flashing blue lights flood the room after what seems like hours of waiting, though the cigarette I lit right after calling tells me it’s only been a few minutes. The dispatched officers knock once before entering, weapons in hand, moving cautiously through my flat.
“The bedroom,” I call out and immediately a sergeant pokes his head through the door.
“Alright, Rayne?” he says as if we’ve just bumped into each other on the street.
“Peachy. Didn’t interrupt your night, did I Ambrose?”
“He owes me twenty quid!” another officer calls from my kitchen.
I cock an eyebrow. “You do know what will happen if your boss catches you gambling on duty?”
Ambrose gives a beleaguered nod. “I owe him twenty quid as well.
“So, what’s the story here?” he says indicating towards the body.
I shrug. “I woke up and there he was raking through my drawers.”
“So you stabbed him?”
“The knife’s his. He was rather insistent on me having it, but I had to forcibly decline.”
“So we’ll not find your prints on it, or find one missing from your wrack?”
I finish off my cigarette and shake my head.
“Fair enough,” says Ambrose. I’m not sure if he genuinely accepts my story or if he just wants to get out of there. “I’m still going to have to take you down to the station to make an official statement.”
“Yeah. Thought you might.”
I yawn as I stand and stretch, twisting my neck left and right and rubbing my face.
“You always sleep fully clothed?”
I nod towards the table behind him and he finds my pyjama pants already sealed up in a zip bag. “I hate those plastic overalls you lot give out.”
Felt the Need for Some Weird Al
04:58, 25-May-2007
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For All You Calvin & Hobbs Fans...
12:29, 24-May-2007
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(I know there are one or two of you around...)
Umm... Whoa...!
09:31, 23-May-2007
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Trailer #2
11:44, 22-May-2007
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Short and Simple
08:18, 19-May-2007
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Another nicked from Nysak:
I was born…
In the winter of 1980, the day before New Year's Eve
My mother…
Liked to keep things simple. Few friends, but well liked. Died of cancer 2 years ago.
My father…
Was an electrician, first for a coal mine ('til they were all closed down), then for a dock ('til they were all closed down :rolleyes: ). Now retired.
I am…
Missing something. I know I'll not be right 'til it's rectified one way or the other, but at least I know how to rectify it...
My childhood could be described as…
Fuzzy. I only remember it in patches.
During my teenage years I…
Things started going wrong, culminating in all going very cold.
At one point in my life…
I warmed up again :D
At my age now…
Little has changed since the above, bt I am now aware of who I am.
Never have I ever…
Been totally happy with anything I've written.
If I could go back in time…
I'd have been then who I am now.
I hate…
Undue arogance (a certain amount is often a necessity).
I love…
My family, my friends...
When I thought about children…
One day, perhaps.
Growing up…
I'm still working on it...
Marriage was something…
I saw, and still see, as pointless. If two people really do love each other, the last thing they need is a piece of paper to seal the deal. If people want to do in the presence of their god, that's fine for them.
My main goal in life is…
I have a list of them. I know what the main one is, but I'm remaining ambiguous on that for now.
I would marry…
If I saw the point, and had that certain someone to do it with.
I would divorce…
If ever I bothered with the rest and something drastically changed.
If today was my last day alive…
I'd spend it with the people I love, kicking back, having a scotch and reminiscing.
I thought that…
I'd be happy by now.
I have learned…
People are easy to work out, but difficult to keep tabs on.
I wish…
I knew then what know now.
I hope…
There's still time.
This survey…
Harder than it looks. The shorter the questions, the more you have to think about the answers.
Then I Saw Her Face...
07:10, 19-May-2007
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...but am I a believer? (see what I did there? :D) Twocked from Nysak
-Do you believe in a higher authority/power?
I'm a believe in the possibility of a higher power, but not one in control of everything or anything.
-If so, are you an member in one of the many organized religions?
I was raised a Catholic (baptism, comunion, confession, the whole shebang), which in turn made me an atheist.
-If so, do you practice regularly?
I didn't when I was, and do even less so now.
-If so, which organized religion are you a member of?
Anyone who follows an organised religion in this day and age is a simpleton
-Do you believe in relative or absolute morality?
Relative.
-What country do you live in?
UK
-Should religion and government be kept separate?
By some distance.
-What is your position on evolution?
Currently somewhere between chimp and morlock...
-Are you in favor of abortion (voluntary termination up to 22 weeks, 24 with medical referral)?
Only for the right reasons; not wanting a kid not being one of them (that's what adoption's for).
-Should the state be allowed to discriminate based on gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, other?
No. The 'State' (i.e. politicians) have less right to rights than anyone.
-Do you believe intelligent design should be taught in schools?
Is that a fancy term for creationism? If so, then no. We evolved. We know we evolved. There is evidence we evolved. Creationism, like most religious thoeries, was born out of a basic lack of knowledge.
-Do you believe civic or military service should be required?
No, but I do believe it should be paid for by those who don't partake, just as long as what's paid for is delivered.
-Do you support the death penalty?
No. Not because people don't deserve it, but because no one is qualified to make that decision. No judge is infallible. Many are bloody useless.
-Do you support the legalization of marijuana?
Yes. Of course abusing it is bad for both mental and physical health, but the risk is less than that of cigarettes and alcohol and marijuana has genuine benefits.
-Do you support affirmative action?
No. Like most idealistic campaigns, it was implimented long before anyone figured out how to do it properly.
-Do you support euthanasia?
Yes, in the right circumstances. Pro-life is a flawed term. Most pro-lifers are in fact anti-death, which is completely diferent.
-Do you support cloning?
Again, in the right circumstances. I don't support the cloning of a full person, but I don't see anything wrong cloning parts as needed.
-Do you support embryonic stem cell research?
Yes.
-Do you believe in global warming?
Yes, but I believe there's more to it than both sides want to reveal.
-Do you support gun control?
There isn't a person alive suitable to own a gun. Responsibility is only part of the problem.
-Do you support nationalized health care?
Yes, though it's kinda bizarre that only the Cubans have ever actually pulled it off.
-Do you support wall building to discourage illegal immigration?
No. Border patrols can't stop people climbing fences; they're kidding themselves if they think forcing imigrants to cary ladders is going to make it any easier. Better to use the money to come up with something sensible.
-Do you support term limits?
No. If someone's good at a job, they should be allowed to carry on doing it. Term limits only have use if the people are stupid enough to re-elect a witless, warmongering, iliterate, fundermentalist guppy. Oh wait...
-Do you support campaign finance limits?
Only in countries where elections can be won with the best ad campaign, as backwards as that country would have to be.
-Do you support welfare?
"As a support for those that need it YES, as a way to live NO" - agreed.
-Where do you consider yourself on the political spectrum typically (Left, Centrist, Right)?
Depends on the issue. My attitude is left of centre to many issues, but right of centre to others.
Robot Chicken
03:07, 19-May-2007
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As far as I'm aware, we don't get Cartoon Network [adult swim] in the UK - certainly not on regular TV or Freeview - so I can only hope and prey that the Star Wars special hits YouTube soon after it's aired, as I can see it being rather good... :D
Crisis Core
11:26, 19-May-2007
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Final Fantasy VII remians to this day one of my favourite games of all time; easily my favourite of the series.
Seeing this makes me somewhat giddy :D
Woof
10:37, 18-May-2007
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Ladies and gentlemen, the great Bruce Campbell...
Friday Night Shenanigans
07:36, 18-May-2007
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What the hell is wrong with me? Two weeks now I’ve been in this slump. This was supposed to be an exciting new time: New ventures; new experiences; new direction. Instead, it’s Friday night, I’m listening to Moby, drinking a Bud and having a good whine at myself for being in a slump for two weeks…
I got to the gym today. I suppose that’s something. My stamina’s gone to hell again, but it’s reassuring to know my fitness level has stayed pretty strong.
Moby: Love Should (Hotel - Disc 1)
Of course, I know what’s wrong with me. It’s the same thing that’s been wrong with me for the past…Jesus…seven years.
It’s not easy having a problem you can see a solution to, but knowing that solution is far out of reach. On the one hand I should take solace in the fact I still feel some semblance of hope. Then again, I’ve long since realised that isn’t nearly enough.
Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? (Play)
Heh - how apt.
I came in here to do some writing. I thought of a single statement coming from one of the lead characters of one of the many stories I haven’t gotten ‘round to writing:
“What’s wrong with being content? I like being content. Why would I want to go and spoil that by striving to be happy? No one’s happy in this day and age. People are too busy working towards an ideal they’ll never realise or simply trying to survive.”
Cheerful character, ain’t he (actually he is, he just has a tendency to be a little sullen at times)?
Instead, here I am writing this. Believe it or not, this too started as a possible intro to something new; something I’ve been thinking about trying my hand at for a while. Who knows, it still might. Not that I’ll ever finish it at this rate.
In This World (18)
I’d toyed with the idea of going out tonight. Perhaps going to the city centre and having a drink in now unfamiliar surroundings. If I’m honest, I’m still contemplating, though I doubt I have the impetus.
I’ll probably just post this, grab another Bud and go watch some American sitcom (I’ve already seen ‘today’s’ Daily Show online).
18 (18) Beautiful piece of music…
Good Old Fashioned Rock 'n' Roll
10:36, 17-May-2007
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Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!
09:05, 15-May-2007
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Untitled (so far)
03:34, 14-May-2007
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I've been putting a couple of ideas together regarding Engie's challenge (bet you thought I'd forgotten about it). I kinda know where it's going, but in the mean time, here's the intro:
"Today marks the fifth anniversary of the launch of the Far-Seer 3 - the world’s first fully automated space platform - and with it, a fresh pledge from President Reagan that the United States is not in a position to grant Far-Seer the independence she demands.
“Said the president, ‘We currently know too little about the true nature of Far-Seer’s intelligence and the consequences of granting independence to agree to any such proposals’.
“The statement generated an angry response from Human Rights groups who have rallied behind Far-Seer’s cause. The groups claim that, given Far-Seer’s obvious sentience, to hold her to her current position of servitude is ‘tantamount to slavery’. The White House refused further comment.
“We’ll have more after this…”
The NEW De Lorean Ascent: Now capable of free-hover over ONE-HUNDRED METRES! De Lorean: Flying you higher…
“The Surgeon General today announced another eight hundred known cases of what is now being dubbed the ‘Houdini Gene’. Until two months ago, the phenomenon appeared to be restricted to a handful of cases scattered across the globe but, with this recent announcement, along with the most recent figures received from Europe and Asia, the count now stands at over one hundred thousand young people between the ages of twelve and eighteen, leading many to suggest we are in fact seeing the next stage of human evolution.
“For the most up-to-date figures, check your teletext, page 818.”
Interviewed by McSpanky (at last)
09:50, 13-May-2007
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(aka Twist)
1. How, when, and why did you decide that writing was something you wanted to take seriously?
Not until I was halfway though my first novel. I've been coming up with ideas since my early teens, but only started writing consistantly when I got a 'puter for my 23rd birthday. I'd been writing for about 5 months and had done over 50,000 words before it occur to me that I actually enjoyed doing it and should take it more seriously. It took another 2 months to completely rewrite that first half, then another 6(ish) months to finish the 1st full draft.
2. If money and time weren't an issue, which city in the world would you visit and why?
New York. I've always had some kind of fascination with it and have always wanted to go there. I'm not entirely sure when or why the fascination started, but it was strong enough for me to set my first novel there (despite never having seen the place).
Fortunately it looks like this might well be the year :D
3. How long have you been blogging, and what made you come to EFX2?
I think I started early 2005 on Blogger. I'd never been too good at keeping a diary, but I enjoyed blogging at first. Then it just petered out.
It was Pixie who bullied me into starting one on Efx2.
4. If you could make one wish that would come true, what would it be? (No wishing for more wishes)
I'd wish for simple common sense to be more prevalent in the world. There are so many problems that could so easily be solved if people would just step back and think for moment.
5. What do you feel is the greatest thing you have achieved in your life so far?
Becoming aware of who I am.
Hurrah for Harry!
11:18, 12-May-2007
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I didn't mean to, but I somehow ended up watching Eurovision tonight. I turned it on just in time to see Ireland entering the same song they have for the past decade (ever since they got sick of winning it) and happily saw all the very best of the rest of the freaks who enter it.
There was the French lot who looked like the Smiths on happy pills, a Swedish glam rock outfit who reminded me of T-Rex, but who Twist more appropriately compared to Hegwig and the Angry Inch, a Bulgarian woman singing like she was sat on a washing machine hitting the spin cycle, a bunch of Romanians trying to incorporate every language in the competition (my favourites) and Timmy Mallet disguised as a glitter ball (Twist again).
The UK entry was from a group called Scootch - a failed Steps rip-off from a few years back who were seemingly brought out of retirment to demonstrate just how bad British music can be.
The voting was the usual political nonesense, but I say it's worth it for the spectacle! In the end, the whole thing was won by the Serbian entry: A 'woman' who looked like Harry Potter after a spell had gone awry.
Rain
08:22, 9-May-2007
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Tied in with this:
Animals scattered and small trees fell as Wall thundered through the forest. Not once did the orc dare glance over his shoulder. It was enough that he could feel his pursuer gaining on him. With every step he anticipated a hand clutching his arm or blade piercing his spine.
Wall’s heart sank when he reached the ravine. This was it. He could jump, laying his life in the hands of the fates, or could make his stand. Fearful though he was, Wall was an orc nevertheless, and there was little in this world more dangerous than a cornered orc. He found an old tree with particularly thick roots and rived the largest he could find from the earth. He held his makeshift club behind him, ready to swing, and he waited…
*
They had made camp in a small clearing, surrounded by dense woodland. They tied up the horses, made a fire and sat, swigging ale and lauding over the day’s bounty.
Wall and Grit had had more profitable days, but this one had been no less satisfying, despite their meagre haul. The odd human with the white streaks in his dark hair was skilled and unusually strong for one of his stature, and the two thieves took great pride in besting him. His sword was strange, but basic and his boots and robe were nothing special, but it would all bring a respectable price.
The orcs were laughing and singing and heavily into their merriment when a rock struck Grit on the side of the head. The pair looked at the rock, then to the deep shadows of the wood. The white-haired human appeared suddenly, collided hard with Grit and was gone again before either orc could react.
Wall watched his friend struggle to keep his balance, then fall backwards into the fire. Grit screamed and rolled around frantically, trying to put out the flames.
Wall reached for his club, but found it missing. He scanned the campsite confused. Grit hurriedly got back to his feet and readied himself for another assault.
For a long time all was silent but for the crackle of the fire.
The orcs breathed a cautious sigh of relief, accented by a loud thud. Grit slumped to the ground, unconscious. Wall looked around frantically, but saw and heard nothing. It took only a second to make the decision to run.
*
Wall’s breathing had shallowed. Silence had descended on him once more and he’d lost track of how long he’d stood in readiness. He couldn’t see more than a few feet into the woods and his eyes were beginning to play tricks on him. The slightest movement in the shadows filled him with dread. It was more than he could stand.
Wall cast his club aside and chose to take his chances in the ravine.
*
Grit opened his eyes to a black sky punctured by coloured spots. It took him a few moments to focus. He then sat bolt upright in shock as the memory filtered in.
“Glad to have you back with us.”
Grit turned sharply to see the white-haired human casually putting on his boots. He’d already retrieved his sword.
“Where is Wall?” Grit asked, expecting the worst.
The human shrugged. “He ran off right after you fell asleep.”
“Who is you?”
“I is Rain,” the human answered with a mocking smile. “And I is not pleased you stole from me.”
“Is what Grit does,” the orc protested, feebly. “Grit and Wall is thieves.”
“Grit and Wall is not very good thieves.” Rain drew his sword and walked slowly towards the orc with a wicked twinkle in his eye. “Grit and Wall should find a new career before Grit and Wall steal from someone less forgiving than Rain.”
Grit’s eyes crossed as the point of the sword touched his nose. All he could do was nod, carefully.
"Now, if Grit would be so kind as to privde me with food and ale, I will be on my way."
The orc adopted his friendliest grin. "Grit have fine clubs if Rain would like?"
"Thank you, no," Rain said, glancing over his shoulder, "but you could untether that fine-looking unicorn for me."
Spider-Man 3
10:22, 8-May-2007
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Seeing as there are going to be so many reviews of this coming, I figured I might as well get this out of the way before I go into my weekend.
A little history to start with. I've never read a Spider-Man comic in my life, but I do know my stuff, to a degree. This is due to a mix of the cartoon and the helpful people at IGN. So I know the symiote didn't originally land in a meteorite, I know Eddie Brock was supposed to be HUGE (having done some extreme bulcking-up in the hope of exacting revenge) and I know Gwen Stacey was a bigger character than she's made out to be.
However, I'm not going to get into a geek-like rant about the lack of faithfulness to the source. Let's face it, continuity has never been an exact science in the comic book world. The Venom story arc of Ultimate Spider-Man, for example, bears no resemblance whatsoever to any other version.
What I am less than pleased about is the misplaced focus of the movie. So much time is spent on the relationships of the central 3 (Peter Parker, Harry Osborn and Mary-Jane Watson) that the other, far more interesting arcs feel rushed; especially Venom, who is one of the best and richest bad-guys in comic-bookdom.
Gwen Stacey and her police-chief daddy have been relegated to simple plot-devices, Peter Parker's turned into a bit of a dick (before he bonds with the symbiote) and Mary-Jane is soooo dull and far removed from source I was kinda wishing she'd either plummet to a messy demise or just bugger off in a strop and take her actig career to Hollywood where she belongs.
And yet, the problems I had with the movie are actually quite minor (well, not the rushed Venom arc - that was criminal - but the rest are kinda petty). The special effects are spectacular. Once again, the CGI models have improved on the previous entry and are more convincing than ever (not that anyone will actually be convinced, but they're certainly less jarring).
Topher Grace, despite his lack of development time and bulk, plays Brock perfectly and Thomas Haden Church does a great job with Flint Marko/Sandman; probably the most well-developed character in the entire movie.
Harry Osborn's transformation is also handled well, though his schizo changes could've been paced a little better. I personally thought James Franco came out on top of the 3 leads.
The action is astounding. The fight between Spidey and Doc Ock on the train is a hard thing to top, but it is at least matched in this. The final confrontation was bigger than anything I imagined and I admire the way the trailers were put together so as to almost play it down.
Surprisingly, despite the dark nature of the story, there are also some big laugh-out-loud moments too. Bruce Campbell pops up again (this time as French Maître d’), Tobey Maguire enjoys a hilarious strut through the streets and the big dance number (yes, dance number) had me doubled-up.
At almost two and a half hours, it's a shame the film feels so rushed and it is probably the weakest of the trilogy, but that says more about the standard of the prequels than it does about this as it is still a great film!
*additional*
Having tried out - and been thoroughly unimpressed by - the Spidey 3 games (both current and next gen), I've just popped over to IGN to see what they thought. They're even less enthused by the PS2 version than I was and the highest rating goes to the next gen iterations that get nothing more than 'passable' :rolleyes:
Gimme 2 Minutes...
09:11, 2-May-2007
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Saw Next today.
Nicolas Cage can see two minutes into the future, but is hiding his gift from the world by pretending to be a cheap, Vegas magician.
Then, shock! Horror! The US is under terrorist threat!!
And so, Julianne Moore dresses up as a fed again, bent on getting Cage to use his gift for the good of the nation
The plot isn't bad, the action is great and Jessica Biel is smokin' as always, but a lot of the special effects are pretty cheap, neither Moore or Cage look like they can really be bothered to put any effort in and the bad guys are so generic they come across as survivors of John McClane who've banded together for the sake of blowing something up. I recommend it as a rental.
Speaking of lacklustre, I also had a chance to play Spider-Man 3 today on both 360 and PS2. The next gen version looks beautiful. Each and every building, vehicle and Central Park tree is oozing detail and realism and the human spider himself is animated to look as near-identical to the CGI model in the first movie as you can get. Obviously the PS2 version doesn't look as good, but Spider-Man is certainly animated better than he was in the 2nd game and the city is bigger.
However, the control set-up for both versions is rubbish. Neither comes anywhere near to being as fluid as Spider-Man 2. Web-swinging is sluggish and fighting is a pain in the arse.
It's great that the map is bigger, the random missions are slightly better and there's a new upgrade system, but to sacrifice the thing that was most special about number 2 is criminal. I completed 2 years ago and still go back to it now again simply because travelling around the map is so much fun. I was really looking forward to number 3, but now I think I'll wait 'til I upgrade. In the mean time, I'm going to revisit Ultimate Spider-Man, which was also disappointing, but it's a lot cheaper and a little more fun.
Hopefully the movie itself is put together a lot better (I've little doubt)...
Bristol Bound
10:51, 2-May-2007
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Twist: Don't you go soon? I'm excited for you! *bounce bounce bounce*
That's right; I actually have plans for this coming weekend!
Okay, so I'm probably not alone there, but when you consider the last time I did anything with friends was when I went to Iceland a month and a half ago, it's kinda special for me to actually be doing something.
A friend of mine - who I haven't seen since some time last year - lives down in Gloucestershire and I'm going to visit. I'll be flying in to Bristol on Friday morning. I haven't seen much of the south west, so we're planning to do a little city hopping (Bristol, Birmingham, Bath). We're also going to see Spider-Man 3 on Saturday night! :D
*does a little jig as Spidey theme plays in head*
I'll be back with more details, and possibly a review, on Tuesday (won't be getting home 'til Monday night)...
Jamie T - Sheila
11:29, 29-Apr-2007
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I just saw this video for the first time. I was busy chatting, so only watched it out of the corner of my and thought the image of Bob Hoskins wandering by the Thames, rapping with a bunch of flowers in hand was pretty silly one...
Wasn't 'til the end of the video that I realised it wasn't silly at all. The lyrics are pretty potent too...
Going Next Gen
04:21, 28-Apr-2007
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The decision will one day have to be made: PS3 or 360?
Of course, the over-riding question is, is the more advanced technology of the PS3 worth the price-tag? Right now the answer is 'No', but in a year's time, when finally I do make the change, who's to say?
However, the decision isn't quite that simple. 360 has Gears of War. PS3 has Heavenly Sword. 360 has Halo 3. PS3 has Final Fantasy XIII. Both Sony and Microsoft have their exclusive licenses. Both Sony and Microsoft are working tirelessly to improve their systems. As a result, and regardless of the price-tag, I find myself swaying this way and that every time I see a new trailer.
Today, I'm leaning towards PS3. This is why (I hope you've got a decent connection):
Drawn Together
10:09, 26-Apr-2007
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This used to be shown on some obscure satellite channel here in the UK, meaning I only once got a chance to see it.
Now they're showing it on TMF (the freeview answer to MTV) :D
Memory Trouble
08:26, 26-Apr-2007
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How to Play Guitar...WELL
04:43, 25-Apr-2007
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By the way, can someone please tell me how this woman doesn't break her knuckles?
Anatomy of a Fight Scene
11:54, 24-Apr-2007
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I hate writing fightscenes.
Although I have a number of stories on the go, in a few different genres, there are two I'm focused on more than the others. One is a fantasy novel about a group of warriors bringing together a nation to face off against a megalomaniacal sorcerer, and the other is a horror/thriller about a vampire getting caught up in a brutal sibling feud.
Each has a heavy action element, but because of their respective genres, each has its advantages and disadvntages in regards to the action.
Starting with the fantasy: Being a rip-roaring, decade-spanning tale of epic proportions, the bulk of the fighting occurs in grand battle scenes starring a huge cast of thousands of extras seeing who can hack their enemy into the thinnest strips. When writing such a scene, it's important to think about each side's strategy; i.e. what units are placed where and for what purpose. It would be kinda silly having one side's cavalry charging headlong through their own infantry with arrows raining down on them from their own archers, so planning is important.
However, once the planning is done, the writing of the scene is relatively simple. Cavalry can cut a swathe through the enemy's defences, infantry can meet in a tidal wave of blood and screams and archers can pick away at the flanks to huddle the enemy, or thin out awaiting troops. The point being, there's no need to go into too much detail and the scene can be played out with quite sweeping descriptions.
For example:
Cal’Unne’s men stormed into the town with a triumphant howl, but were immediately met by Grarner and his troops coming the other way. The armies clashed ferociously like the swirling winds in the impassable southern oceans. Grarner himself cleaved his way through man after man; feeding his great axe’s insatiable thirst for enemy blood.
Unpractised though Grarner’s men were, they were by no means unseasoned. Even with the power of their leader at their back, Cal’Unne’s army could not stand up to the untiring Peakview guard.
Even the townspeople, locked up safe in their homes, refused to stay out of the fight, hurling whatever they could lay their hands on out of windows and from rooftops; furniture, cutlery, even spoiled food rained down on the invading army. It wasn’t long before they were being chased from the town and out onto the range, where the local force had an even greater advantage.
On the other hand, the horror/thriller: Because of its modern setting and cast of individual characters with individual goals and no grand armies to back them up, the action predominantly centres around only two or three characters at a time. Whereas such fights don't require much forward planning, once the fight is joined, it's a struggle to keep things flowing and make the scene exciting.
The easiest way of writing such a scene is to have your characters face each other, charge each other and exchange a series of blows (in more-or-less those words) until one wins out. Though this avoids the risk of a drawn-out and patchy scene, it's also very dull and anti-climactic if the fight has been brewing for some time.
The other way is to go into detail about who threw what, when and how hard. This allows you to build an exciting and epic scene, but can very easily become overly technical and stilted (i.e. A did this and B did this and A responded with this and B threw in a couple of these...and so on).
An example of the latter (that needs some work):
Gabriel flew backwards into the opposite wall. He span aside as a foot followed him out and went through the wall. Raymond quickly emerged and blocked a punch. He ducked and charged.
Gabriel threw himself back onto the bar, kicking Raymond in the face as he did so. He sprang to his feet and readied himself. Raymond grabbed Steve’s bench, throwing him to the floor, and swung it for Gabriel’s legs.
Gabriel flipped sideways over the bench and managed to block a return swing with his leg, smashing the bench on the bar. He jumped, catching Raymond with another kick to the face, took a sliver of broken wood and threw it at Raymond’s chest.
Raymond dodged the stake, darted onto the bar and charged Gabriel through the window. They hit the snowy pavement hard, but Raymond was immediately back to his feet, dragging Gabriel with him. He turned on his heel and threw Gabriel into one of the cars in the parking lot.
My biggest problem is reigning in my imagination. I find these scenes all too easy to choreograph in my head, and so struggle to resist the desire to make them as grand, elaborate and unwritable as possible.
Making Light
02:08, 18-Apr-2007
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Watching the Daily Show last night, I was particularly curious to see how the gunning-down of 32 people by one crazed, fuck-witted nut-job would be handled. I knew they'd be loath to make jokes about it, but it is a satirical news show, and so the incident could not be ignored.
As usual, Jon Stewart shone:
Every Silver Lining has a Cloud
05:22, 17-Apr-2007
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Following Peter Jackson's falling out with New Line, he's been banned from directing the Hobbit. This may, initially, seem like bad news, but it has led to Sam Raimi's name being put forward to take over. Personally I think it's a brilliant move! As good a director as Peter Jackson is, he's shown with both the Lord of the Rings and wth King Kong that he's a little too prone to over-sentimentallity. I think Raimi's style would lend itself perfectly to the Hobbit, especially where Gandalf and the dwarves are concerned.
Unfortunately, if Raimi was to make the Hobbit, it would mean he'd more than likely have to pass on Spider-Man 4 :( Sony have stated Spider-Man 4 is being made, with or without Raimi, and here's where I take issue.
As good as Jackson is, there are a few directors (not many) who could possibly pull off the Hobbit (Ridley Scott, anyone?). However, I struggle to see who else could pull-off Spider-Man (perhaps John Carpenter...).
Me
11:24, 16-Apr-2007
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Having realised there really isn't a proper picture of me on here, I decided to have a go at taking one:
Final Wave (beginning)
03:19, 16-Apr-2007
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Following on from Twist's challenge, I've had an idea for expanding it into a full-scale novel:
“Unidentified craft, this is the scout ship Vantage requesting acknowledgement. Please respond…”
Silence.
“Unidentified craft, this Commander Jena Hu of the Sol scout ship Vantage requesting a response…?”
Silence.
Jena Hu thudded the back of her helmet against her headrest in frustration. The flight out had taken several hours and she already felt as though she’d spent as long hailing the alien vessel.
“E.T., this Phileas Fogg of the hot-air balloon Vantage, if I don’t get a response by the time I count to three, I’m going home for a slap-up meal and a bottle of scotch. One…
“Two…
“Three…
“Right, that’s it. Mission Command, this is scout ship Vantage. I’m afraid there’s no one home, General. Over.”
As Jena awaited the response from mission command, she set her return coordinates and made her pre-jump checks.
“Acknowledged, Vantage. This is Mission Command. You may set your trajectory and come on home. Over.”
“Way ahead of you, General. See you in a few. Out.”
Jena took one last look out of the cockpit at the huge, sleek ship. It was twice the size of the largest skyscrapers on Earth. Ominously dark, without a single visible window or light-source, but elegantly designed, as if its engineers were interested in more than pure functionality.
“Well, you’re someone else’s problem now,” Jena said as she powered up the jump engines of her comparatively meagre ship.
“Alien vessel Vantage, please wait!”
Jena’s heartbeat caught in her throat. Slowly she turned to the alien ship. “Um… Hello…?”
*
There was pandemonium aboard the dreadnaught Vanguard. The entire crew were frantically darting from system to system, entering codes, tweaking controls and banging dead control panels with their fists. First Gunner Armiel Caol-Tae hit his head against his headrest in frustration.
“Gunner, report.” Armiel swivelled his chair around to face his captain. His shimmering eyes were blank and his hair fell flat as he threw up his hands. The captain sighed. “Seventeen jumps and nothing. We finally encounter an apparently sentient species and we have complete system outage!”
“That’s not entirely true, captain,” Armiel said as he carefully made subtle adjustments to one of his control panels. A baffling series of murmurs and stammers filtered through the ship’s communicator system. “We have voice.”
“That’s wonderful,” the captain replied sardonically. “Do you understand any of it?”
“Working on the translators now, captain,” came a distant voice from somewhere inside an open terminal.
As adjustments were made, sporadic words began to filter through. “Unidentified…Sol…Vantage…”
There was a sigh and a soft thud, then a moment of silence. “E.T…balloon Vantage…count to three, I’m going home for a slap-up meal and a bottle of scotch. One…”
“We’ve got it, captain!” said a jubilant voice from within the console.
“At last! Can we broadcast?”
“Almost there, captain,” Armiel said, frantically making adjustments.
“They’re leaving, Gunner.”
“I see that captain.”
“Well, you’re someone else’s problem now,” the alien said as the engines of their small ship powered up.
“Alien vessel Vantage, please wait!”
There was a moment‘s silence from the alien ship before, “Um… Hello…?”
Armiel sighed with relief. “Yes. Hello. Greetings to Vantage vessel. Apologies also. Translator trouble. Um…”
“Gunner.” Armiel turned to his captain and she lowered her hands in a calming gesture.”
He took a deep breath. “Apologies Vantage. This is Gunner Armiel Caol-Tae of the Ommin dreadnaught Vanguard.”
Addams Family Values
09:05, 15-Apr-2007
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It's just been shown on Film4 and it has been many a year since I last saw it. I'd forgotten how many great lines are in it, the majority of which coming from Christina Ricci as Wednesday. For example:
Young Girl: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.
Hippy Nanny: Now children, as your new nanny, I know you're all concerned about the environment. So today, we are going to learn how to prevent forest fires!
Wednesday: (lights a match) Prevent them?
Big Nanny: Now children, I've had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question: Where is that baby?
Wednesday: Which part?
Chirpy Nanny: (holding a polly puppet) Hello children, I'm polly the puppet. What should we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
Wednesday: (holding up a devil puppet) Hello Polly, I'll clean my room. In exchange for your immortal soul!
Wednesday: I don't want to be in the pageant.
Gary: Don't you want me to realize my vision?
Wednesday: Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, or the Aristotelian unities.
(as an Indian, ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play)
Wednesday: Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h'ors d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
Final Wave
03:34, 14-Apr-2007
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From Twist's challenge:
The still waters of Victoria Harbour were brought eerily to life by the burning skies above Hong Kong. It was the last of the great cities to fall and, if not so tragic, she’d have sworn it was the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen.
Her whole body quivered, not at the destruction she now witnessed, but at the consequences she knew they would each have to face.
“What have we done?” Her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper; her throat dry from the overwhelming emotion wracking her body.
Her lover’s arms wrapped tightly around her slight frame and he spoke so softly to her she could have felt at peace, if only she could close her eyes. “We cannot be held accountable for the prejudices of our people.”
She lifted her head from his chest and looked into his shimmering, steely-blue eyes. “No, but we must pay the price for it.”
He said nothing and just stared into her dark almond eyes, so vibrant and full of wonder compared to those of his own species. In fact, compared to any he’d seen throughout his travels and his innumerable encounters with the innumerable species of the galaxy.
In only two centuries he’d ridden the crest of a thousand stars and visited hundreds of planets. He’d formed pacts with kings, studied alongside minds of infinite wisdom, watched a solar system die and a new one born. And yet, nothing he’d experienced could compare to those stunning almond eyes. They at once encapsulated beauty, passion, wisdom, love…and deep sorrow.
She ran her hand gently through his long white hair, which reacted to her touch by darkening ever so slightly. His breath shuddered as the sensation coursed through his body.
His cool breath on her lips was pure ecstasy and his powerful heartbeat filled her chest.
They kissed deeply and, if only for that brief moment, it was all over. The death; the destruction…the war. It was as if none of it had ever happened.
But all too soon, the grim reality pierced both of their hearts as their lips parted for the final time.
He would ask her to go with him if he thought for a moment she would betray her people. She would ask him to stay if she thought he could abandon his duty.
Instead, all they could do was gaze into each other’s eyes as the transport beam took him and carried him up to his ship, still and silent on the edge of the atmosphere.
She couldn’t turn away from the dreadnaught, not even when she answered her communicator.
“Commander? They’re primed and ready.”
“Fire,” she said without a moment’s hesitation.
Behind her, three enormous cannon barrels - as large as the skyscrapers of old - rose from the depths of the harbour and locked onto the alien dreadnaught.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she closed her eyes.
But the cannons did not fire, instead erupting in a ball of white flame that swept over the island like a tidal wave.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he opened his eyes.
For a moment he couldn’t take his finger from the trigger, until his captain’s voice was raised.
“Gunner?”
“Yes ma’am…
“Attention all ships. Final wave in three…
“Two…
“One…”
Creativity (continued)
12:35, 14-Apr-2007
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Okay, so following on from my less-than-successful plea for challenges, I've finally gotten a third from our very own Twist:
3. Twist: "Future... say, 50 years. forbidden love, between two different races (assuming, alien/human), the story of torn emotions as they're forced to part forever."
4. Engie: "Setting: Alternate 1980's - where personal aircraft are the norm (instead of/as well as cars). There is a functioning orbital space-station, which has recently declared autonomy and demanding to be a sovereign state.
Genre: fantasy (you though I was going to say sci-f, given the setting, didn't you!)
Premise: Young people discover that they have latent mental powers, reminiscent of sorcerers of lore. With study and practice, they can develop these powers. These powers cannot directly affect technology (electrical devices) and electro-magnetic fields interfere with their abilities."
Just 1 to go...
Red Line
12:09, 13-Apr-2007
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Yes, it looks predictable. Yes, it looks derivitive. Yes, it looks highly unoriginal.
And yes, it looks pretty damned cool :D
Incidently, Firefly/Serenity fans might be interested to know Nathan Fillion is staring in a new series starting the 15th in the US called Drive, which seems to be closely related to the above.
Tragedy at the Grindhouse
11:06, 13-Apr-2007
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Following on from Ogre's review of Grindhouse, Dante posted a comment about distributors considering splitting the movie on its UK release. I had heard the same rumour regarding a select few international releases, but didn't think distributors would be stupid enough to do the same in the UK.
Today, however, I read that, not only are those spinless, cock-sucking, clueless, money-grubbing arseholes at the Weinstein company considering splitting the film, they're also considering postponing the release 'til September!!
To the Weinstein Company: Don't be such f*@#ing morons! Just because a select few brain-dead cinema-goers in the US didn't get it, that's no reason to punish UK audiences by pissing on the whole concept of the movie!!
*grr*arrg*fume*
The Fine Art of Communication (and my struggles there with)
01:09, 11-Apr-2007
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I can’t remember the last time I had a brief phone conversation with a friend. Last night I spoke with a certain someone for the first time and we talked for almost an hour. A couple of nights ago, I spoke to someone else for almost two hours!
Strangely, the reason for this is that I hate using the phone.
I’m not a talker. I never have been. In text, I can ramble on for hours about anything and everything, but as soon as I have to open my mouth to speak, I clam up. And so I avoid using the phone as much as I can, the result being, when I do call friends, or when friends call me, they tend to have a lot to say, and I’m more than happy to listen.
Even when in person, I’ve never been too good at starting or carrying a conversation. I do find it much easier in a one-on-one situation, but in a group, it’s rare I’ll say anything at all. The advantage is, by not saying anything, I can take in the entire conversation and twist it anyway I want when I finally do say something.
It has also led to me flooring a entire table of people with laughter because what I’ve said has tied together the entire conversation in a one silly, but bizarrely pertinent line.
Despite the advantages, however, I do wish I could be more confident on the phone. As mentioned in a previous post, my closest friend geographically is over 4 hours away, so you’d think I’d be all to eager to be using the phone as often as possible, but I get so nervous that I’ll have absolutely nothing to say, or be spending my whole time having to repeat myself (my accent isn’t the easiest to follow) that I tend to resort to a text or email.
My biggest worry is that my friends might not understand this and think I’m purposefully being distant or aloof, when in reality, I often want nothing more than to simply be able to talk.
Live Free
09:10, 10-Apr-2007
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or...
I is giddy (even though we're not getting it 'til more than a week after the US - goddamned thoughtless, useless, ball-less, insipid British distributors!) :D
From The Dubliners to Metallica
12:50, 10-Apr-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
A quick lesson in how cover versions should be done:
The Dubliners' Whiskey in the Jar
Thin Lizzy's version of The Dubliners' Whiskey in the Jar
Metallica's rendition of Thin Lizzy's version of The Dubliners' Whiskey in the Jar (Warning: some strong, but blurred content)
NB: Whiskey in the Jar is a traditional Irish folk song, so even the Dubliners' version isn't actually the original.
Sweet Sorrow
10:14, 8-Apr-2007
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A while back I posted a Daily Show video of Jon Stewart's speech following the 9/11 attacks. It's a beautiful speech and makes anything spewed out by any politician or celebrity at the time seem like an insult.
Comedy Central had the speech pulled from YouTube for copyright infringement. This wouldn't have been so bad if they'd bothered to put it on their own site with the 1,000+ other Daily Show clips they've uploaded, but they didn't, and so I went on a trawl through the net, trying to find another source. Sadly, I kept coming back to that same, no-longer-available clip from YouTube.
For no real reason I can think of, I deceided to have another go tonight. I found this.
Sci-Fi Thingy
04:06, 8-Apr-2007
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This chapter follows on from the prologue I posted a while back:
1. January 23rd 2020
“Think of it like walking on a train. The train itself is travelling at two-hundred miles-per-hour, but if you walk from the back to the front - from the outside, at least - you’re technically moving faster than the train. The same applies here, only the ‘train’ is a beam of light and ‘you’ are the LS Capsule.”
“Okay, Dr Shaver, but that still doesn’t explain what you want with me.”
“Oh. Well we’ve discovered an unexpected phenomenon we’re calling time contraction. You see, it has long been theorised that as an object approaches the speed of light, it experiences slower time - time dilation - meaning that anyone aboard the craft would experience mere minutes, while decades - centuries even - could pass on the outside. What we didn’t realise is what happens when you break the light-barrier. To put it simply, the time dilation peaks and is thrown into reverse, so much so it effectively becomes time contraction. So, say a crew was to travel to Alpha Centauri, they would arrive in the system only a few years after leaving ours, but they would, in fact, be about ten years older. And there-in lies our problem, Dr Buxton.”
“Ah! The penny drops. You’re interested in my stasis research.”
“Precisely. The idea is, the ship enters ‘light space’, the crew go into stasis to be awakened shortly before they arrive, the ship exits ‘light space’. No-one loses any time at all - or, at least, no more than say a few weeks. However long the logistics people decide the crew need to prepare for arrival.”
“Assuming I can get it to work.”
“Assuming you can get it to work, yes.”
“And assuming I qualify for my grant.”
“Grant? Dr Buxton, I don’t think you understand. We don’t want the results of your research. We want you. Whatever you need will be provided for and you will be substantially rewarded for your services. You will, of course, be expected to oversee initial testing and final operation, but the last thing you need worry about is a piffling grant.”
“So, you’re funding every… Wait. ‘Oversee final operation’?”
“The week following the fourth successful, consecutive test, you, me and a ten-strong crew are going to Alpha Centauri…
“Dr Buxton…?
“Dr Buxton…?”
*
January 31st
Sharon Buxton still bore the bruise on the back of her head she’d sustained from her initial interview with Dr Leonard Shaver. What she’d failed to tell the young doctor prior to their meeting was the only thing she really needed the grant for was to put the finishing touches to her prototype, which, she had no doubt whatsoever, would easily pass initial testing and, more than likely, be the unit installed for the LS-C-9’s long journey. If what he’d said was true, that would mean it would be less than two years, before she’d be among the first people in the whole solar-system to visit another solar-system! If she fainted at the mere suggestion of going, Sharon shuddered to think what her reaction would be when they actually got there.
Sharon Buxton was still studying to become a medical engineer. Her thesis had initially involved advanced mobile quarantine units for deployment in areas affected by viral breakout and/or hazardous chemical spillage. One idea had involved the use of cryogenic preservation, but the technology was still in its infancy and so she began to develop a more advanced form of preservation. What she finally came up with was a simple mixture of common gasses and chemicals that, if handled correctly, could effectively contain a patient in absolute stasis.
Using her guinea-pig, Borishnicov, as a…well, guinea-pig, Sharon constructed a small chamber that would deliver and regulate the gas, monitor the status of the ‘patient’ and automatically revive the patient after a pre-set time. The first short-term tests had proved successful and it wasn’t long before Borishnicov was left wondering why, every time he went to sleep, he’d wake up in a new season.
The first test of the first full-scale version of the stasis pod was scheduled for the 1st of February, to end on Valentine’s Day. If the test was successful, the second would be conducted two days later and would last a month, then six months, then a whole year.
The atmosphere throughout the Global Association for Galactic Exploration headquarters hadn’t been as tense since the first manned test of the LS Drive. The legal department alone had had to employ a departmental aroma-therapist to keep its staff from cracking under the stress.
Dr Buxton wasn’t worried. She’d seen her stasis pod work many times and was confident in her design. The ‘official’ tests were a mere formality as far as she was concerned.
Similarly, Dr Shaver was terminally calm. But then, he’d long since done his bit. Twenty-six years old and he was now in charge of overseeing a team of engineers and physicists, the majority of whom had had twice his experience before he was potty-trained. Yet still they looked up to him with a well placed sense of awe. His twenty-seventh birthday was still two weeks away and already his intellect made the rest of his department look like university freshers. He had an almost autonomous way of solving problems. After everything had been tried and the most complex and deeply devised solutions had been abandoned, Leonard would immediately come up with something so ingenious, yet so simple, well regarded physicist were known to leave the profession, sell their Star Trek memorabilia and open DIY stores.
Sharon and Leonard sat in the large, silent basement of the GAGE building, supping beer and staring at the stasis pod.
“I’d expected more,” Leonard said.
“What more do you want?” Sharon asked. “A box, two gas tanks and a timer switch. It’s all it needs.”
“Yeah, I know. I just…”
“You just what?”
“I just thought it would be a bit more…spacey.”
“Leonard, you invented an aluminium tube that can propel a ship beyond the speed of light! You’re the last person who can complain about aesthetics over functionality.”
“Fair point. But you must admit, it looks a little bit cramped.”
“Who cares? You’re in and out the thing long before claustrophobia can set in.”
“I know. I know. I’m just being pedantic.” Leonard downed the dregs of his bottle and opened another. “Still, a lick of paint wouldn’t go amiss.”
“I’ve already told you, it’s not going to be black!”
*
February 1st
The day of testing arrived, and signs were bad from the offset. The prep crew arrived in the hanger at five a.m. only to be ejected by a pair of badly hungover scientists hurling empty beer bottles at them while complaining about the racket. When the hanger was finally cleared and the pod prepped, everything was already an hour behind schedule. When Dr Shaver was finally roused at the break of noon he argued the test was to last two weeks; “What difference is a couple of hours going to make?”
“Dr Shaver, all of these tests must go exactly to plan, otherwise the whole schedule will be put back, funding will run dry and no-one will be going to Alpha Centauri.”
“Don’t talk such arse!” Leonard replied croakily to the finance director. “If we’re delayed, it will cost your lot a few hundred thousand, but you and I both know the publicity surrounding this is worth incomprehensible millions.
“Now, Mr…?”
“Rose. Farnsworth Rose.”
Leonard assumed that anyone else in his position would gleefully pick up on the finance director’s name and make some kind of derogatory comment, but he’d long-since learnt his own name wasn’t exactly butch and so let it go. “Mr. Rose. Kindly piss off and leave me to my nausea.”
Farnsworth Rose opened his mouth to respond, but was rendered speechless.
By the stasis pod, Sharon Buxton was already checking gauges, reviewing notes and looking pleased with herself.
“All good?” Leonard asked, not yet feeling up to full sentences.
“All by the numbers,” Sharon replied perkily. “Now we play the waiting game.”
Leonard nodded. “Good. Then I’m going to go and play it in bed. Excuse me.”
Boo-Hoo
01:23, 8-Apr-2007
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Another month; another 100 Greatest Something-or-other from Channel 4. Tonight it was the 100 Greatest Tearjerkers.
Of course, the usual suspects were in there - Bambi, Kramer vs. Kramer, Beaches, the Champ, et al - with the usual bizarre choice. For example, there was no sign of Million Dollar Baby, but Vanessa Feltz's mental breakdown on Big Brother was in there!
There were deserved classics, such as Cassablanca, Gone With the Wind and Gazza at Italia '90, as well as some shocking positioning, such as Titanic and Field of Dreams making it into the top 10.
E.T. won. Don't get it myself...
My own personal weak spot was at number 11. I realise this probably isn't the most macho thing to admit, but the ending of Forest Gump - when he's talking to Jenny under the tree - gets me every time. As soon as he says, "I miss you Jenny," I'm wiping my eyes on my t-shirt and reaching for the nearest copy of Guns'n'Ammo to make myself feel manly again.
And by the way (and before anyone else says it), yes, the most tearjerking thing about the whole show was the fact it's Saturday night and that was the best option available to me.
Stardust
03:33, 5-Apr-2007
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There are no words...
It Matters Not Who Won or Lost
02:14, 5-Apr-2007
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I’ve never seen the game played as well as the Iranians just have. Their handling of the hostage crisis was a master class in propaganda. They got the hostages to say they were in the wrong, they made the British government look impotent and they made themselves look forgiving and merciful. Not that there are many people across the globe who'll fall for it.
In the coming days, the British government are likely to call this a coup for diplomacy, but I don’t think diplomacy could’ve taken a heavier blow than losing the moral high-ground to a fundamentalist fuck-wit like Ahmadinejad.
Of course, I’m-a-dinner-jacket did nothing for his own image by admonishing the idea of a woman being sent to sea, when she should be at home looking after the kids. Who’d have thought such a backward hick could become leader of a world power?
Oh, wait… :rolleyes:
First Reactions
08:22, 5-Apr-2007
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Pinched from Twist:
1. Beer: Mmmm
2. Anorexic: Eat!
3. Relationships: I've heard of them...
4. Your Last Ex: See above
5. Power Rangers: The original Pink Ranger was hot!
6. Pot: How much?
7. The President: All politicians are pricks
8. Cars: Love my car.
9. Gas Prices: Dunno. Dad pays the gas bill
10. Halloween: Wish we could do it right in this country
11. Bon Jovi: I was a fan when I was a kid
12. Ice Cube: Not as good as Ice-T
13. MySpace: Full of freaks
14. Worst fear: Missing my chance
15. Marriage: One step at a time
16. Paris Hilton: Ugly, thick and nauseating
17. Brunettes: Yes please :D
18. Redheads: Or them
19: Politics: Apathy is settling for the best of a bad bunch
20: Pass the time: PSP
21. One night stands: Chance would be a fine thing (ok, I seem to be in something of a desperate mood this morning)
22: Cell Phone: Mobile
23: Pixie Stix: Does she? I found her quite smooth and not so sticky.
24: Vanilla Ice cream: Prefer Mint Choc-chip
25: Port a Potties: Shouldn't that be hyphenated?
26: High school: Waste of my teen years
27. Pajamas: Only the bottoms
28. Wood: Took care of that first thing
29. Wet Socks: A hazard of drunkeness
30. Alcohol: Tasty
31. The word you HATE: 'Necessarily' - I alwasy struggle with that one
32. Your best friend: Far away
33. Money: Lacking
34. Heartache: Very tired of it
35. Love: Yes
36. Time: An abstract concept
37. Divorce: Shouldn't have been married in the first place
City of Lost Children
09:50, 4-Apr-2007
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I first happened across this movie years ago when it was part of some World Cinema thingy on TV. I missed the first 10 minutes, but I was hooked on the look of the whole thing, the imagination behind it and monumental talent of the very young lead, Judith Vittet.
It was another couple of years before I found the movie on VHS (I hadn't at the time latched on to the DVD revolution) and finally got to watch the whole thing. It didn't make much more sense, but it was no less impressive.
The film is set in a nameless French port city, inhabited primarily by orphans and freaks. The little brother of a circus strong man - One (played by Ron Pearlman, speaking French and sporting a ginger wig) - is kidnapped to be sold to some freaky scientist who lives out on an oil-rig with a group of clones, his drawfish bride and a disembodied brain.
The scientist is attempting to invade children's dreams so he can steal their youth, but, because he frightens them so much, they keep waking up.
One enlists the help of Miette (Vittet); an orphan and thief for 'The Octopus' (a pair of siamese twins) who knows how to find his little brother.
The movie is a mental mis-mash of characters and ideas that, for the majority of the film, seem quite random, but somehow it all seems to come together in the end. In the mean time, it's so easy to get lost in the bizarre fantasy and just sit back and enjoy the typically beautiful French cinematographical (I've used that word before, but I'm still not sure if it actually is a word) style.
Ron Pearlman manages to maintain his usual standard, despite acting in a foreign language, the surrounding characters are wonderfully weird and played to perfection and the whole movie is held togather by a 9 year-old girl who acts everyone else off the screen.
Unfortunately I can't find the French version on region 2 DVD (I've seen a region 1, but I don't have a multi-region DVD player (or disk)). Even the recent re-release only had the commentary in French :rolleyes: I've never seen the dubbed version and it might be fine, but I'm a purist, and there's something about the French language that adds to the mood of such a film.
*EDIT* I've just had a look on Play and it seems it's getting another re-release on the 23rd of this month - French language version (I love life's little coincidences) :D
Returned Goods
11:29, 4-Apr-2007
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From Ogre's challenge:
Thinking back, the signs had always been there. From the little things like happening across a randomly discarded apple when he was feeling hungry, to the day the wounded fight-jet plummeted towards his village and bizarrely exploded forty-feet before it crashed, raining down harmless debris.
There was the time when the tank broke down just before running over his dog, and when the occupying soldier turned on his squad before they could start burning down the houses.
He’d never questioned any of these things. And he’d never assumed they had anything to do with him.
But now, staring up at the bomb hovering a metre above his head, it was all so clear. He remembered thinking, when hungry, of his parents’ apple tree that had been cut down shortly after the initial invasion. He remembered wishing the crashing plane had been blown up rather than shot down. He remembered willing the tank to stop and silently preying for someone to save his home from the soldiers. He’d done it all.
As the bomber flew overhead and released its payload, he’d watched the bomb fall. He didn’t panic. He didn’t run. He simply told it to stop.
He looked around at the terrified villagers, peering out from whatever cover they could find; their tired eyes and tear-stained cheeks. They’d been through so much. Family and friends captured or murdered. Their homes pillaged or destroyed. Their lives ruined.
His once beautiful village, surrounded by pastures and farmland and dense woods, was now little more than a broken down haven at the heart of a barren wasteland.
He again turned to the bomb. So much bigger than he was. So much more significant to the those who had sent it; those who’d invaded and destroyed his land, his family.
He closed his eyes and mouthed a silent prayer. The bomb pivoted and silently shot through the air and disappeared over the western horizon.
They’d retaliate, of course. More bombs would come. More troops. But that was fine. He’d simply send them away too.
What Goes Around
03:17, 3-Apr-2007
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From Pixie's challenge:
Diary of Ernst Richthofen. September 5th 1940
My heart aches for what we have unleashed. The Führer has ordered relentless raids on British targets to be carried out in retaliation for their attack on Berlin. My squadron cheered at the announcement, thirsty for revenge, blinded by propaganda.
The wireless sang of victory and told stories of the our heroic deeds in enemy skies. Of our iron will and steely nerves as we destroyed important industrial targets on the banks of the Thames with pin-point accuracy.
Of course, I doubt the newscasters are aware of what really happened. I even wonder if Reichmarschall Göring was brave enough to inform the Führer himself of our failure…
Failure…
I know we followed the charts. I know we were over our designated target! So how? How did our bombs land in the city?
Walter says we must have been off. Perhaps we got our calculations wrong. Perhaps we got our charts confused.
I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe because I know it’s not true. We hit exactly what we were told to hit.
The British were right to retaliate, and now, innocent people are going to pay the price.
Diary of Andrew Reed. September 10th 1940
It has gotten to the point where I struggle to remember a time before the bombing. It has been only a few days since it began, and yet it seems as though we have been sleeping in this shelter for months.
It wasn’t so bad on the first couple of nights. The children even treat it as some kind of game, racing to the garden when the siren sounded; the winner taking top bunk. But after three nights of relentless bombing, there seemed little point in going back to the house.
It doesn’t help that the wind hasn’t stopped howling since we came down here. James, of course, is full of mischief. I had to tell him off last night for telling his sister there were ghosts waiting just outside the door, daring her to poke her head out. Poor Jenny didn’t sleep a wink after that.
Neither did I, for that matter.
September 11th
Another sleepless night. It seems I’m having to change my bed-clothes daily, saturated as they are.
The dream has been the same every night; a family huddled together as their home burns down around them. I scream for them to get out. I reach desperately, begging the little girl to take my hand so that I might pull her to safety. But she looks at me in horror, recognising me as the monster that has killed her family; sentenced her to death.
Walter has been having similar dreams. I can’t say which of us is taking it worse. When I awoke last night, Walter was huddled on his bed, jabbering incomprehensibly. I worry for our sanity and wonder how long it will be before I find myself in a similar state.
September 12th
Last night’s raid was a bad one. I’d swear they must have been on target with every shot.
Once the raid was over, I had to get some air. Marie thought it best she stay in the shelter with the children, despite James’s protests. She was right. The sky was red, as if the clouds themselves were on fire.
But worse still, our humble little house… I knew the bombs were landing nearby, but not this close. Almost the whole street has been reduced to rubble.
At that moment, I cursed my gammy leg for keeping me away from the fight.
Marie slapped me and told me not to be so silly. I think it was all she could do not burst into tears in front of the children.
September 13th
Walter and I have been moved. I can’t say I’m disappointed. The beds in the infirmary aren’t as comfortable as at the barracks, but I feel better for escaping the looks we were getting from the rest of the squadron.
My dreams haunt me still, but even the light of day can no longer give me solace. The images are as clear when my eyes are open as when they are closed.
Walter is now under permanent sedation, yet still he moans…
I’ve been playing that night over and over in my head. We were on target. I dropped exactly where the captain told me to drop, and he was exactly where Walter told him to be.
It has me wondering if there’s a reason Walter is in a worse state than I. And if there’s a reason we are the only two affected by what we’ve done. I dropped the payload, but it was Walter who sent us to those coordinates.
He must’ve known…
September 13th
Cabin fever; that’s all it is. We’ve been stuck in this sardine tin too long. It’s starting to get to me.
The constant winds and relentless bombardment don’t help. Between the howling, the explosions and poor Jenny’s crying, it’s no wonder I’m hearing things.
I do wish I hadn’t snapped at her like I did. It would be easy to put it down to fear and frustration, but that’s no excuse. I’m the head of the household; I should be strong.
But how am I supposed to be strong when I can’t even trust my own senses?
September 14th
I heard them talking this morning. Talking about Walter. Talking about what he did. They think he was sleeping. They think he panicked. They think the pressure got too much for him.
They’re wrong. Walter wasn’t sleeping. Walter wasn’t panicked. Walter knew exactly what he was doing. I’m sure of that now. There’s no other explanation for it. We were exactly where he said we should be, and I dropped my bombs exactly where he told the captain they should be dropped.
I heard him squealing last night. Squealing as if he’d just been run through. I can’t deny the feeling of satisfaction I got from the squeal.
They must have sedated him again. He’s been quiet all day.
I’ve been confined to my room for the time being. I don’t mind. I know they’re just worried I’ll end up as bad as him. But that’s not going to happen. It’s clear now. It was his fault, not mine.
I feel better now.
September 14th
How many times can they keep coming back to the same spot? Don’t they know they’re bombing nothing but rubble?
Heinkel after Heinkel flying over head. It’s enough to drive a man to madness.
Strangely, Jenny seems to have calmed down. She and James were even playing a game earlier. They’d captured one of the Nazi pilots and were tormenting him. Such imaginations.
I wish my own mind was as resilient as hers. Last night was the worst so far. I’m almost positive I heard laughter outside of the shelter; dry, vindictive laughter. Maybe some poor lost soul, wandering around in the carnage, unable to cope any longer.
Then there was the scream…
September 15th
Things have taken an interesting turn. It seems Walter got out of his room the other night, found himself a butcher knife in the kitchen, went back to bed and stabbed himself.
Understandably, the doctors are taking even greater interest in me now. They’ve been asking about what happened that night. About who I thought was to blame and what should be done to them.
Well, they didn’t directly ask what should be done, but I could tell what they were hinting at.
They then decided I should be secured to my bed, for my own good. Again, understandable I suppose, but then how would I write in my diary. I was disappointed when they said they weren’t concerned about that, so I protested more strongly. They saw it my way in the end.
Indeed, I must have made an impression on them. They even allowed me visitors.
September 16th
I’ve got to get out of here. I’m going out of my mind! Last night was the worst yet. I distinctly heard laughter and screaming outside the shelter. At least…
No, it must have been outside… Marie and the children were sleeping soundly, so it must have been outside.
The children too are beginning to worry me. That game of theirs has taken on quite a sinister twist. It’s not healthy for young minds to be thinking in such a way. Jenny was crying. James said it was because someone had come in the middle of the night and murdered their captive Nazi. I told him to stop being silly, but Jenny insisted it was true.
Then, this morning, they were laughing and playing their game again. I assumed their Nazi hadn’t been murdered after all, but Jenny said they’d found the murderer and now it was his turn to be interrogated.
When will this bombing end?
September 16th
I don’t like my visitors. They’re mean and say bad things about me. They keep telling me it was my fault what happened to Walter. How dare they!
Worse still, they blame me for bombing them! That’s ridiculous! Walter told me where to drop the payload. It was Walter’s fault. Walter killed himself. Everything is fair now.
But they won’t have that. They insist. They torment me with their accusations and I grow weary of their smug, childish faces.
They’re coming back tonight. Coming back to taunt me again. Coming back to persist with their accusations. How dare they!
I’ll prove my innocence. I’ll show them the knife he used. They’ll go away once I’ve shown them the knife he used.
Luckily someone hid it beneath my pillow. I’ll show them it when they arrive. I’ll prove my innocence and then they’ll go away once I’ve shown them the knife he used.
Luckily someone hid it beneath my pillow.
September 17th
Thank God!
Just after midnight, the bombing ceased at last. Not a moment too soon.
The children were singing last night, and dancing around in circles. It would have been a pleasant sight if not for what they were singing… I almost felt sorry for their imaginary airman.
Then there was the screaming again. I’ve never heard anything like it. Wild and frantic; bordering on hysterical laughter.
But then it stopped. And almost immediately after, so did the bombing. I’ve never known it so peaceful. Marie and the children slept soundly after that, and this morning we all woke up together and left the shelter.
The sun is beautiful today, and surprisingly warm for this time of year. Our house is gone, but flowers are already starting to bloom in the rubble. And the rest of the street isn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be.
I find myself wondering how long this peace will last, but the children assured me I needn’t worry.
“They’re gone now,” they said. “We’ve sent them away and they won’t be coming back.”
I don’t want to know what they mean. I’ll just take their word for it.
MCArmy
10:54, 3-Apr-2007
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Last night, My Chemical Romance played a gig for Radio1 and from the opening of I'm Not Okay (I Promise) to the closing of Famous Last Words, it rocked pretty hard.
Midway through the gig, Gerrard took a pause to listen to one of the chants coming from the audience:
"MCArmy, what is your profession?! HU-HU-HU!!"
Last to get the reference must pay a penance.
"Hey Babbit!!"
01:07, 2-Apr-2007
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Given Pixie's challenge, I thought I'd take a gander at what Wikipedia had to say about the 40s. Under 'Entertainers', I spotted Abbott and Costello and figured I check the link for any reference to their feline equivalent and the source of my monika.
I found out the cartoon was called 'A Tale of Two Kitties', it was indeed the very first Tweety-Pie cartoon and the Abbott character of the piece was in fact named 'Babbit' :rolleyes:
Should I now change my monika, my email address, and my username for countless sites?
No. That would just be silly. And besides, whatever Wikipedia says, I still say it sounds like 'Bebbet'.
Judge for yourself: http://www.archive.org/details/Taleo...TwoKitties
Beware the Stag Do
11:52, 2-Apr-2007
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A bizarre video to a brilliant song:
Creativity
10:59, 2-Apr-2007
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In the vein of Challenge Twisty, I've been thinking of of my own set of tasks I could set myself in an attempt to get the creative juices flowing again.
A few years ago I did a creative writing course at college and found I had a knack for adapting my style of writing to different genres. I didn't create anything particularly inspiring, but it was a kick in the arse to get to work on my own stuff and I remember it being possibly my most productive period.
And so I ask you, the public, for help. Seeing as I don't have a great many subscribers/regular visitors, I'll limit this to 5, but I'd like you to set a genre and a subject matter, and I'll have a go at writing a piece of fiction based on that.
1. Pixie: "1940's setting; supernatural/paranormal"
2. Ogre: "A boy in a modern war-torn country discovers he has fantastic, functionally-omnipotent telekenetic powers"
Hell and Back
03:31, 1-Apr-2007
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With Grindhouse in the can and Miller's script finished, shooting for Sin City 2 is set to begin shortly. Robert Rodriguez dropped a little more good news to IGN by saying the 3rd movie could be made straight after.
However, this is where things get a bit iffy. Rodriguez states that Sin City 3 will be based on Hell and Back. Having read all of the Sin City books, this bothers me because it is, in my opinion, the weakest of the series. It has all the hall-marks of a Sin City story, but it isn't nearly as fun as the rest of the series. Personally I'd have prefered them to go with Family Values.
Rodriguez also says that he wants Johnny Depp to play the lead; Wallace. This makes me even more nervous. For the record, I think Johnny Depp is the best and most versitile actor in Hollywood - no one else out there could pull off Ichabod Crane, Hunter S. Thompson and Captain Jack Sparrow - but Wallace is a big, gruff, ex-marine/Navy Seal type dude who spends the majority of the story pummelling bad guys into custard. I really don't see how Depp could fill that role.
Then again, I would never in a million years have put sweet, innocent, big-eyed and child-like Elijah Wood in the role of psycho ninja canibal Kevin, so maybe I should trust Rodriguez's judgment.
InMe - Otherside
07:44, 31-Mar-2007
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I came across InMe a few years ago. My first instinct upon seeing them was Great, another Busted. :rolleyes:
Then the lead singer opened his mouth...
This is my favourite track, set to a video made from one of my favourite movies :D
And there's more...
05:19, 31-Mar-2007
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Grindhouse (trailer 2)
02:06, 31-Mar-2007
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Oh my yes:
28 Weeks Later
10:35, 31-Mar-2007
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Although I enjoyed 28 Days Later, I wasn't as struck with it as the critics were. There have been British apocalyptic dramas before - usually confined to TV - and though this was on a larger scale, it followed pretty much the same formula.
As interesting as this looks...
...it again looks pretty predictable (basically Resident Evil with decent acting). Maybe I'll wait 'til it's on DVD.
My First Time
12:21, 30-Mar-2007
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A freind sent me this, this morning:
It was my first time ever
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.*
*Her skin so soft*
*Her legs so fine*
*I ran my fingers*
*Down her spine.*
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
*I felt no shame*
All at once
The white stuff came.
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...
Trains to Brazil
09:44, 29-Mar-2007
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Mark Thomas
08:25, 29-Mar-2007
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Mark Thomas is a comedian, but not just any comedian. His material is made up entirely of him seeing something wrong with the world and actively setting out to do something about it.
He currently has a series on BBC Radio 4 (click on 'listen to the latest edition')and the most recent episode is absolute genius.
More from TF: The Movie
02:10, 28-Mar-2007
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These two just popped up on IGN:
Meet Megatron
12:11, 26-Mar-2007
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He might look crap, but at least he's going to sound good. Latest buzz says he'll be voiced by Hugo Weaving :D
Vrooooom
11:49, 26-Mar-2007
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This is the latest video from Snow Patrol, for the track Open Your Eyes.
The video is footage from a 70s movie called C'était un rendez-vous by Claude Lelouch; an 8 minute film of a stunt driver, speeding around the streets of Paris early one morning.
New Digs (2)
04:50, 24-Mar-2007
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As you may have noticed, this place has something of a refurbishment. This is thanks to the beautiful and talented Miss Twist.
Greatly appreciate it, chuck ;)
Frustrated
12:05, 23-Mar-2007
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One of the biggest problems I've found with being unemployed is my mind tends to wander. Then again, my mind often tends to wander anyway when I'm work, but in a very different way.
At work, whether solving problems or stuck with something mundane, my mind will go off on flights of fancy, desperately looking for an outlet for my overactive imagination. These aren't strong creative times for me because these flights of fancy tend to be random, occasionally extreme and more often than not useless in the kind of writing I do.
On the other hand, when not working, my mind focuses more on my past and present and what is wrong with both. This in turn leads to depression, regret and frustration.
Today my mind has been on sex. Of course, I'm a 26 year-old male so my mind is rarely on anything else, but I'm talking my sexual history, or lack there of. You see, I can count on one finger the number of sexual partners I've had; and even that lasted all of a single weekend and wasn't hugely successful. My mental, emotional and physical states were all over the place at the time and if not for her patience, understanding and perseverance, it probably wouldn't have happened at all.
In some ways I wish it hadn't. I wish we'd have waited. I wish I'd had the time to get used to being with someone in that capacity: The physical closeness and intamacy; the comfort of lying with someone in my arms; starting the day with a passionate kiss and ending it in a loving embrace. These are all things I'd never experianced; things I haven't had since.
And there's nothing I can do about it. I have no social life because I'm unemployed and my closest friend geographically is over 4 hours away. Even when I was employed and had some semblance of a social life, there was little I could do with it. It's easy to be chatty, witty and erudite in this kind of format (I might even give it a try soon), but in the real world I'm shy, clumsy and easily tongue-tied.
I'm constantly looking at myself and thinking Get over yourself!
I just wish it was that easy.
Day Watch
10:53, 23-Mar-2007
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I've been waiting a long time for this...
300
08:00, 22-Mar-2007
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Little needs to be said other than even the closing credits are cool!
All go see and enjoy :D
First Day of Spring
11:15, 20-Mar-2007
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As mentioned earlier, today is officially the first day of spring.
If that's so, then this is the most beautiful spring night I've ever witnessed:
At World's End
05:36, 20-Mar-2007
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This looks very overblown, but really rather fun :D
(unfortunately, Yahoo have nabbed this exclusively, so unless you've got a high-end connection speed, I'd play it at 300kb/s).
Weather With You
10:49, 20-Mar-2007
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As many of you know, it was St. Paddy's day this last weekend and, to celebrate, a few friends and I went to Iceland...yes, Iceland.
We arrived to snow. Lots and lots and lots of snow. I like snow :) Sights like this...
From our afternoon of horsey riding
...make me feel all warm and cosy.
We arrived early evening on the first day, so there wasn't much to do besides wander into town, get our barrings and have a meal. The hotel was a 10 minute walk from town, but we still managed to make it last almost an hour. It's been years since any of us have had the opportunity for a good snowball fight, and we weren't about to pass this one up.
Reykjavik as viewed from my hotel room
Close-up of the church on the horizon
Cemetery on the way into town
The next day we decided to go out and actually do something. After much uming and ahing we opted for a horse ride. I should point out that the last time I was on a horse was 20 years ago, the saddle wasn't on right and I ended up falling on my head, so after surviving 5 minutes, I was already pretty pleased with myself. The ride was a gentle one around some mountains (see above), though took an iffy turn when we got caught in a hail storm, but overall it was a good experience (especially as I didn't fall off).
On St. Paddy's day we planned to do what the locals do: Buy alcohol from a shop, get merry in the comfort of the hotel room, then go some time after 11 so as not to bankrupt ourselves by buying more than two rounds.
During the day we hired a 4x4 (surprisingly inexpensive, all things considered) and visited some points of interest, which included a bunch of geysers and an impressive waterfall:
In the evening, we all gathered in one room and set about playing the Pyramid game. A simple enough concept: Five rows of cards decending from 5 to 1; guess higher or lower; guess wrong and you have to drink (how much depends on what row you're on) and start back from the beginning trying to remember the sequence while getting increasingly drunk.
So successful was the game, one of our party was unconscious before 10 and the rest of us forgot to go out :rolleyes:
Sunday was understandably quiet. I spent the morning sat in bed, drinking coffee, eating cinnamon rolls and watching TV (the Icelandics watch a lot of American TV, some of which I've never seen but is actually pretty good (anyone else heard of a show called Psyche? enjoyed that muchly)). We went out for lunch, back to the hotel for R&R and then out again to sample "The World's Best Fish & Chips". They weren't, but they weren't bad, and were very filling.
I have never experienced cold like it in my entire life! The skies were clear on Sunday, the wind was up and my ears were numb before we'd walked five feet. Still, some things are worth seeing on a clear night:
Our flight was 9am yesterday, so we had to be up very early and I didn't get home 'til after 10, so today is being spent recouperating.
By the way, did you know today is officially the first day of spring? Imagine my suprise to wake up this morning to this:
It's a GODDAMNED Arms Race
10:06, 14-Mar-2007
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Reykjavik
12:31, 13-Mar-2007
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It seemed like this holiday had been on the cards for ages, then, this morning, my dad asks me if I've any washing to go in and I say, immediately, 'Nah, it can wait.' It then occurs to me that tomorrow I'm travelling down to Surrey to stay overnight with friends 'til we all hop over to Heathrow and fly off to Iceland on Thursday morning!
One of my friends was keen on us all getting away somewhere for St. Paddy's Day. I gues Ireland would have been a bit too obvious. Then again, it's only one letter out...
Clichéd, Kitch and Corny
09:42, 12-Mar-2007
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All words I'd use to describe Ghost Rider. And yet, I actually enjoyed it... I'm not entirely sure why. The bad-guys were crap, the special effects were, at best, iffy, the script was appalling and the only appealing thing about Eva Mendes's character was the constant appearance of her cleavage.
On the other hand it didn't seem like it was trying to take itself too seriously. Nicholas Cage delivered every line with a knowing wink, Ghost Rider itself had an appealling lack of nobility (I actually thought it fit when he flipped the bird to the cops - sorry Dante) and, let's face it, the bike looks cooooool.
And Eva Mendes's cleavage...oh yes... :D
Pathfinder
08:09, 9-Mar-2007
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Yet another movie I've never heard of, but looks rather appealing:
Final Battle
07:44, 9-Mar-2007
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This isn't so much an excerpt from the fantasy novel I'm writing as a trailer of sorts:
Beneath grey clouds a sword tumbles through the air, whistling as it cuts the wind. The anticipation of the two armies rises as the blade falls. Every man and woman of the amassed forces is silent. Their breath held; their hearts pounding. Those who don’t tremble are already resigned to whatever fate awaits them.
Rain catches the eye of one of the enemy and sees he is about to break early. He sighs and closes his eyes. “I hate it when they do this.”
***
“So what brings you this far south?”
“Someone stole my sword.”
The princess laughed and shook her head. “That’s quite a distance to travel for a sword.”
“I love this sword,” Rain said, gripping the hilt a little tighter. “It’s been in my family a long time.”
“So I hear. It’s quite a lineage you have.”
Rain opened his eyes and turned to the attractive young woman mocking him with regal arrogance. He could see she didn’t mean it, but breading is a hard thing to let go of. Still, he could also see she had a good spirit.
Not to mention, he thought, she’s one hell of a shot.
***
Princess Samitra too sees the man about to run. Her hand instinctively reaches to her quiver and she slowly releases her breath.
Suddenly he moves. Rain shakes his head as he rocks back on his heals, forward on his toes and ducks low, breaking into a sprint. The two men charge towards the sword with astounding speed, while all others hold back as tradition dictates, until the blade finally pierces the snow-covered ground.
As the hundred-strong army scream and surge forward, Samitra draws her bow and drops to one knee. She waits for just the right moment, and releases the arrow.
***
“I’m proud of it,” Rain said. “It might not be as regal as yours, but it’s part of who I am.”
He found her smile infective. Her smooth, unblemished, ebony skin glistened with ocean spray and her deep brown eyes shone in the moonlight with child-like wonderment. He found himself wondering if she was truly ready for what was ahead.
“And what about you, princess? What brings you on our little journey?”
Samitra’s smile fell and she looked out over the endless ocean. “I have been imprisoned in the palace my whole life. Bound by procedure and tradition and innumerable rules.” When she turned back to Rain he was taken aback by what he saw: Tired wisdom and deep longing. “You might think me privileged, huntsman, but I have always envied the likes of you and Marcus and Varrin; living full lives without boundaries… I’m not afraid of dying, as long as I can experience some life before I do.”
Rain smiled and Samitra couldn’t help but do the same. “You think me silly, don’t you?”
He shook his head. “Not really. Though I wouldn’t worry, princess. People like you do not die before people like me.”
***
The hand of the lead runner is only inches from the hilt of the sword when the arrow pierces his palm. He yelps and rears in shock.
Rain draws his sword from the ground and decapitates the man without breaking his stride. He leaps high into the air, clearing the forward line of the enemy force and skewering an axe-man in the second line. There is a cry and spurt of blood and already Cal’Unne’s forces are down two men, but battle is joined and soon the numbers are falling on either side.
***
“My lord, their numbers grow daily. I fear this will not be the walk-over you envisaged.”
Morpal watched his master carefully as the old sorcerer paced his throne room. Cal’Unne did not suffer weakness in his men, but he was wise enough to know the difference between cowardice and pragmatism.
“You believe they can win, Morpal?”
“Yes, my lord, I do.”
Cal’Unne nodded slowly. “But that cannot be allowed, do you understand?”
“I understand, my lord. I shall lead the charge myself.”
***
A great, iridescent broadsword sweeps cleanly through three soldiers, giving none a chance to defend themselves. Another mighty swing cleaves another and floors a fifth who managed to get his blade in the way.
The fallen soldier’s arm goes completely numb and the air is knocked from his lungs. Through swirling vision he sees the great sword falling towards him, but suddenly it stops, braced against a solid steel and gold quarterstaff, wedged into the ground. Both weapons rise and as the soldier’s vision clears, he sees the large bulk of the half-man; half-orc standing toe-to-toe with the slight figure of a young elf.
“It is not like you to go after the small game, Morpal,” says the elf.
“And you, Varrin. Since when were you the warring type?”
***
“I don‘t see what the big deal is. So Cal’Unne’s got the gem. He’s been ruling his little corner of the globe for decades. Who cares if it’s a little easier for him now?”
“The deal, Marcus, is that Cal’Unne is a megalomaniacal psychopath. Now that he has the Karak Star, he’ll use it to spread his empire. If we do not stop him now, we may never.”
Marcus laughed at his friend’s noble words. “You’re a thief, Varrin. What do you care who rules the empire? We’ll still be lifting from the same breed of aristocrat.”
“With Cal’Unne in charge, Marcus, there will be no aristocracy. There will be him and there will be those who serve him.”
“…Well, when you put it like that…”
***
It is far too late to turn back. All around him men and women fall as others scream in triumph. Still Marcus plans his escape. He has no intention of fleeing, but it is in his nature, nonetheless. He’s a thief, and a thief always has an escape plan.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees a break in the line - the princess and her archers have done a good job keeping the army’s flanks clear should things turn against them - but out of the corner of his other eye he sees Varrin, duelling with Cal’Unne’s enormous chief guard.
An assassin approaches Varrin’s back; dagger drawn. Marcus dashes towards his friend, picking a knife from the belt of an enemy soldier as he goes. He hurls the knife into the assassins leg and pounces on him, driving his claw into the assassin’s chest.
***
Shalandra raised an eyebrow at the tri-bladed claw protruding from Marcus’s sleeve.
“What?”
“That’s your weapon?”
“Yes. You like it?”
“It’s terrifying.”
Marcus grinned. “Thank you. I designed it myself. It’s actually supposed to be a grappling hook.” He jammed the claw into the nearest wall and withdrew his hand, revealing a fine wire. “See? Though I admit, it has other uses.
“Want to try?”
Shalandra smiled politely and shook her head. “No, thank you. I’ll stick with my sword, if it’s all the same to you.”
“Suit yourself.”
***
Shalandra carefully unsheathes her sword as she enters the throne room. At the opposite end, Cal’Unne watches over the battle through a huge, arched window.
“How goes it?”
“Neither side will yield,” he says. “They will fight to the last man.”
“Did you expect any less, father?”
Cal’Unne turns and smiles at his once-beloved daughter. “No. Nor did I expect you would let this day pass. I do not want to kill you, Shalandra.”
“Then you will die, father.”
Cal’Unne bows. He joins his hands and they are engulfed in a bright, green flame. He parts them to reveal his great sword; the blade cresting like the plume of a mushroom cloud four feet from its jewel-encrusted hilt.
Father and daughter make ready.
Each draws a single breath.
And then they charge.
***
“I don’t want you to face him alone. Not again.”
Shalandra pulled away from his slight, but strong arms and turned to look into his large, beautiful eyes.
“I will not face him alone, Varrin.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I know what you mean…but they’ll need you. They’ll need your power.”
“I can’t win this battle for them, Shalandra. Any victory has to be their own.”
“I know, I know. But you can help. Do you think I want you to go into battle? I want you with me… I want us to face him together… But they need you more.”
Varrin wanted to argue further; to tell her the army was strong and Samitra would lead them well and there was no one in Cal’Unne’s charge that could best Marcus or Rain. But they would be empty words. Shalandra was right, and the only thing left for him to do was to hold her this night; to show her the love and tenderness they would both need to carry them through the brutality of the impending battle.
***
Morpal’s jaw cracks against the swipe of Varrin’s staff. He snarls and replies with a brutal hack, too slow to hit the nimble elf. Morpal can feel himself become enraged. His orcish half is clouding his mind. He struggles to concentrate and his wild swinging is doing nothing but giving Varrin time to dodge and counter.
And with every counter, his frustration rises.
Soon Morpal is thrusting at his own men. The elf is everywhere; embodying everyone on the battle field. Morpal cannot distinguish a single man; not until the quarterstaff is smashed across the back of his skull.
He falls to his hands and knees and looks up to see Varrin looking down at him, breathing heavily. He may have had the upper hand, but the constant moving has taken its toll.
Morpal uses the moment to focus his mind. Varrin takes a deep breath and brings his staff ‘round hard to deliver the final blow. Morpal waits for just the right moment to parry and strike…
But the moment doesn’t come. Varrin stops and suddenly turns to the palace. Morpal doesn’t waste time wondering what has the elf distracted. He takes up his sword and goes for Varrin’s neck, but Varrin disappears in a flash of light.
On the outskirts of the battle he appears again. “Sorry, Morpal,” he yells over the carnage, “but some things are more important.” And again he is gone.
Morpal is enraged once more! He begins furiously hacking at all around him, roaring with every strike, slaying friend and foe indiscriminately.
A deafening crash of steal. Morpal’s fury is momentarily replaced with surprise as one of his enemy slides backwards several metres from a blow, but manages to keep his footing.
“Impressive,” Morpal says with a smile, clarity quickly returning. “Even the elf could not stand up to that blow.”
“The elf is not a swordsman,” Rain says as he shakes the numbness from his arm.
“Indeed. You must be the hunter.”
“And you must be the hybrid.”
***
Samitra’s heart was torn. She knew what was to come and what must be done, but overhearing Varrin and Shalandra made her realise the true cost of the battle. These two loved each other dearly and there was every chance this was to be their last night together.
And what of Rain? ‘People like you do not die before people like me.’ She found herself hoping beyond anything that he was wrong. The thought of having to see him die made her feel cold; empty.
Of course there was hope. There was no point in fighting if there wasn’t hope. Maybe Shalandra could defeat her father. And maybe Varrin could help the army be victorious. And maybe Rain…
***
Samitra’s heart is torn. On the battlefield Rain and Morpal bow to each other and prepare to strike. She has seen what each is capable of, but Morpal’s power goes beyond his skill.
At the same time, she knows Shalandra is in trouble. Varrin would not have left the battle otherwise. And if Shalandra cannot defeat her father then Varrin will surely fall as well.
One of Cal’Unnes soldiers advances on Rain’s back and Samitra’s decision is made. She fires off her final arrow and heads for the palace without looking back…
Another from Pixie
02:16, 9-Mar-2007
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YOUR REAL NAME: Michael Adam Brockbanks
YOUR GANGSTA NAME (1st 4 letters plus izzle): Michizzle
YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Black Tiger
YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street): Adam Greenbank
YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom's maiden name): Nks Mi Gib (yeeaah...that works...)
YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): Red Whiskey
YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom's maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad's middle name + 1st letter of a sibling's first name + last letter of your Mom's middle name): Iodijy (dad doesn't have a middle name)
YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa's first name + Jones): Adam Jones
YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Goldie (sister's goldfish when she was a kid)
YOUR AMERICAN IDOL NAME (fav car and sea food) Mercedes Salmon
NAME OF YOUR DREAM BAND (name of computer + printer): Advent Epson
MOVIE STAR NAME (sibling's middle name + mother-in-law's maiden name): Sibling doesn't have middle name and I don't have a mother-in-law
YOUR ALTER EGO NAME (name of one your childhood pets + popular brand of clothes when you were young): Goldie Kappa
YOUR LAWYER NAME (fav actor's last name + fav hard liquor): Favourite actor's a difficult one... Jackson Jameson
YOUR HIP HOP NAME (fav candy + fruit): Galaxy Banana
Heavenly Sword
06:08, 8-Mar-2007
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Ive said previously (perhaps not on my own blog, but certainly somewhere) that I'm averse to getting a PS3, predominantly because us Europeans are getting screwed over at every turn by Sony. We're getting the rough end of the deal on price, technology and even availability, and all because Sony tried to be too clever with the technology.
I'm therefore looking to Microsoft when the time comes for me to upgrade. Despit their slow start, the software for the 360 has really picked up in the past 6 months and with Halo 3 on the way, why look elsewhere?
Well...this is why:
The Movie Club
05:21, 8-Mar-2007
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On the blog of a certain Ogre a few of us have been having a discussion about setting up an efx2 movie club.
What's your favourite movie? What's your least favourite? What movies have surprised/disappointed you most? Could you not care less? And, if not, why have you read on this far? Who else would be interested? How would we run it? Should this post be on the blog of someone with a few more subscribers?
Any and all ideas welcome :D
Spider-Man by Aerosmith
12:21, 8-Mar-2007
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Pilfered from Pixie
12:27, 7-Mar-2007
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1. Can you cook?
I do a mean pot-noodle and occasionally stretch to a steak with mash and lashings of gravy, but for the most part, no.
2. Childhood dream?
To be a vet, that was until I saw an episode of All Creatures Great and Small featuring a pregnant cow and the insuing procedure. Put me off a little.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
To be able to cook. Or play the piano. Or do Parkour!
4. Favourite place?
I have fondest memories of Sheffield, but this question will remain properly unanswered 'til I visit New York and find out once and for all...
5. Favourite vegetable?
The potato - the only veg I eat.
6. What was the last book you read?
X: Farnham's Legend. Can't remember the last book I finished... :rolleyes:
7. What zodiac sign are you?
Capricorn.
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
Want my birth symbol tattooed on my shoulder, but not right now, no.
9. Worst habit?
I get too easily frustrated with people. Sometimes it's justified; often it's not.
10. Do we know each other outside of Myspace?
I should hope so. We don't know each inside of Myspace.
11. What is your favourite sport?
Though it's still awaiting officiality, I'd have to say parkour.
12. Negative or optimistic attitude?
I'm a pesimist at heart.
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Try not to stare anywhere other than your eyes.
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
My mam died two years ago.
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
Hmm, which to choose...? I'm photophobic. I love the winter and hate the summer. I've an obsession with New York, despite having never been. I don't consider myself particularly intelligent, but keep getting told I am; once by a complete stranger after watching me deal with his friend who spent 2 minutes babbling at me about God. I was raised a Catholic and always went to Catholic schools, which is the main reason I'm now an athiest. I find female characters much easier to write than male. I'm terrified of public speaking, but really enjoy karaoke. My four closest friends live at the opposite end of the country. I lose weight if I don't go to the gym.
Um...that'll do for now...
16. Do you have any pets?
No.
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
NO!
18. What time is it where you are now?
12:29pm
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
Neither.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I'd have straight hair.
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
I'd probably dress up as your conscience, but spend most of my time cheering you on :D
22. What colour eyes do you have?
Blue. They wear quite a rich blue when I was a kid, but they've gotten quite pale over the past few years.
23. Ever been arrested?
Nope, though have been done for speeding.
24. What is your favourite drink?
Coffee/Southern Comfort Reserve (depending on the time of day). Although I have become quite partial to Jameson's Irish whiskey...
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
Pay off debts and move south.
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
Juicey fruit.
27. What 's your favourite place to hang at?
I concur with tree branch.
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in possibilities.
Another World
08:15, 5-Mar-2007
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This post is specifically targeted at Ogre, but I imagine there are a few more classics lovers out there who might well be interested.
Regarding: "... It reminds me of Out of This World... Damnit.. I need to find that game and beat it!"
In this country, the aforementioned game was known as 'Another World'. Today, while browsing an entertainment superstore with an acronymed name, I came across the 15th Aniversary Edition, recently released for PC!
And I'm not talking an iffy remake unrecognisable from the original; no-no-no. This is the original (though slightly less pixellated and with a couple of new backgrounds).
Curious, I had a gander on Amazon.com to see if our American brethren were being thus lavished. Alas, no, though I did come across this...
Parting Ways (Part 3)
01:22, 5-Mar-2007
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Ways have parted...
Next
02:04, 3-Mar-2007
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Just came across this...
Melike what me see :D
Extinct
05:05, 28-Feb-2007
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The first was fun; the second was crap; the third...?
Okay, so it seems they've now abandoned the games altogether, but at least it looks big.
How to Save a Life
10:50, 27-Feb-2007
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I love this song:
Beautiful lyrics too.
Parting Ways (part 2)
01:41, 27-Feb-2007
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I did it. First thing this morning I told my boss I was handing in my notice. expected one of two reactions. Either he'd sigh, hold his hands up and say, 'Fine, if that's how you feel...' and so on, or he'd say, in a huff, 'There's the door'.
I didn't expect him to react as if I'd just told his puppy was dead.
He asked me to give him a week to speak with HR and try to fix things. Whatever the outcome, it's nice to know it will be so easy to say I'm gone, if that's what it comes to...
13 Years Gone
07:10, 26-Feb-2007
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Today marks 13 years since the death of Bill Hicks. And so:
Interestingly, today also marks 26 years since I was adopted...
Parting Ways
05:19, 26-Feb-2007
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It's been a while coming, but the final nail has been struck and I've decided it's time to move on.
Things at work have been steadily going down hill for the past few months now. Procedural changes were promised, but fell through. Others were instigated without discussion and have proved nothing more than a new hinderance. The boss is increasingly showing himself to be a petty hypocrite. Everyone is demoralised, and everytime it looks like something's about to come into play to lift things up, a dozen other cock-ups from the top weigh down on everyone else.
The final straw came last week. It's that time of year when bonuses are dished out and anything that's going to be adjusted is adjusted. A couple of weeks ago I - along with a few others from my department - was given an opportunity to change departments the insentive being a new and impressive-sounding bonus scheme. As it turns out, it wasn't worth it and I opted to return to my old department. What I didn't realise was, by changing departments, I forfeited a certain benefit that was, at the time, only sparingly explained. By moving back it seems I've forfeited all benefits. So my options, as presented to me by the head-honcho today, are thus; move back to the department I was moved to before and take up the iffy bonus scheme again, or stay where I am get nothing.
I think I'll go for option number 3...
Parkour
03:47, 25-Feb-2007
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Yup, I love this stuff. So here's some more...
(Pixie, try not to get too excited...)
A Plea!
02:12, 24-Feb-2007
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Back in October, when I first started this blog and, at the same time, discovered the joy of YouTube, I came across a certain clip from one of my favourite TV shows right now, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The clip was recorded right after the 9/11 attacks and is of Stewart commenting on the event. It was, in my opinion, the most impressive and stirring speach made at the time, primerily because of Stewart's honesty, wit and integrity weighed against the complete lack there-of of anyone else doing similar at the time.
The clip has subsiquently been deleted from YouTube :(
If anyone can find it again (I've looked and come up short), please point me in the right direction?
Thanks :D
*EDIT*
Having had a good look around, I've found a few places that had and referred to the clip, but all were of the one from YouTube. I noticed this when I clicked on one of them:
This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Comedy Central
Some people have no sense of humour :(
Heroes in a Half-Shell
10:57, 24-Feb-2007
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These two have been around for a while, but I got a text from Pixie today having just heard that the movie was on its way. So, just in case there's anyone else out there who wasn't aware...
...and...
Evolution
09:12, 22-Feb-2007
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Bill Hicks once said that the next thing to go as we take another step up the evolutionary ladder would be a single vertebrae.
Why?
Because that's all that's in the way of the DIY blowjob.
Hmm...
Personally, as a man, I've never understood this great desire men have to be able to blow themselves. Sure, there's pleasure to be had in it, but think about it. Seriously, think about it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and picture it.
Picture yourself sat on the floor, pants 'round your ankles, already rigid with anticipation, arching over to put your own hard-on in your mouth...
And if that isn't quite enough to put you off, think about the peak of your fun...
Thank you, but I think I'll keep that one extra vertebrae and settle for the occassional visit to Mrs. Hand and her five lovely daughters.
The Simmmpsooonnnnsss
06:24, 22-Feb-2007
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Despite being one of the greatest and, deservedly, most popular TV shows of all time, The Simpsons has, in the past couple of years, become a little stale.
Yes, I said it, stale. The humour and plots have become laboured and each character has become cliched. What once would have been hilarious, is now very predictable and the stuff that isn't predictable is just plain stupid, and rarely in a funny way.
However, none of that will stop me seeing this:
Apologies for the Bad Language
09:45, 20-Feb-2007
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...but I'd just like to say, "...cock-juggling thunder cunt!"
I love Blade. The first was superb; the second a little cheesy, but mightily cool; the third, cheesier and not quite as cool, but still great and with one of the best lines in cinematic history - above - as uttered by Mr. Ryan Reynolds.
Hot Fuzz - The Movie
11:43, 19-Feb-2007
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As I said to pixie-chick the second I left the cinema, see it. See it now. I don't care if you're tucked up in bed, downloading porn or even at work. Get up & get dressed. Take a couple of hours out from being a perv. Quit and find new employment in the morning. Just see it!
And if it's not yet out in your neck of the woods, I'm sure there are other ways of getting hold of a copy.*
...Why are you still here...?
*Bebbet, Bebet2k, Bebbet_2k and any subsiduaries and employees thereof do not condone the purchasing of illegally pirated movies for either private or public display (shareware - it's cheeper ;))
I can't help but notice you are still here...
Hot Fuzz - The Director's Cut
09:26, 16-Feb-2007
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...of the trailer, that is.
And that's another director's cut of the trailer, not Edgar Wright's. But then, when that other director is Robert Rodriguez, who's gonna argue.
See it here.
Yes, Robert freakin' Rodriguez!
From IGN.com...
"For his forthcoming action/comedy Hot Fuzz, director Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead) admits to IGN he received a little musical assistance from an unlikely source: Grindhouse: Planet Terror director Robert Rodriguez.
"He contributed two cues for my movie," reveals Wright. "And I returned the favor by directing a little on his movie."
One of the unforseen after-effects of making Shaun of the Dead, says Wright, was it enabled him to meet, work with, and even become friends with some of his movie-making idols.
"It's one of the most amazing things. Shaun somehow allowed me to connect. I never thought I'd one day be able to work with, or even in some cases say I'm friends with Peter Jackson, George Romero, Sam Raimi, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriquez."
Wright says Rodriguez' musical contributions to Hot Fuzz consist of two action cues, in addition to scoring the movie's "director's cut" trailer. Hot Fuzz also features an original "action theme" composition from one of their favorite bands: The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion.
"Essentially [Rodriquez] did the trailer for me, and I directed a trailer for him. It was a couple of days of work on [Grindhouse: Planet Terror]. So we sort of traded movies for a couple of days, and made some contributions to each other's films. Wait until you see [Planet Terror]. I've seen some of it and I'm utterly floored. I can't wait to see when it all comes together.""
Lemon Demon
05:58, 13-Feb-2007
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I first came across Lemon Demon when the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny appeared on Newgrounds' front page.
I suggest going to Newgrounds to check these out in better quality, but for those of you who can't be bothered, these are my favourites...
Could this be...
11:35, 3-Feb-2007
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...the greatest movie trailer in the history of movies?
Probably not, but it certainly made me smile :D
Me...
06:05, 1-Feb-2007
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While I'm uploading, I figured I might as well reveal a pic of myself too...
Okay, so it was taken a little while ago, but you get the idea ;)
And here he is!
05:59, 1-Feb-2007
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Those of you who care have probably seen this already, but I wanted to post it anyway...
For those who don't know, this is, of course, the great Optimus Prime :D
Not as easy as it looks
05:20, 29-Jan-2007
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From the blog of CoffeeDreams:
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following…They must be REAL places, names, things…NOTHING made up! If you can’t think of anything, skip it.
1. Famous Athlete: Michael Johnson
2. 4 letter word: Mile
3. Street name: Mary Street (bound to be one somewhere)
4. Color: Mauve
5. Gifts/presents: Monogrammed slippers
6. Vehicles: Moon Buggy
7. Tropical Locations: Micronesia (had to google that one)
8. College Majors: Microbiology
9. Dairy Products: Milk (easy :) )
10. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Magnets for fridges
11. Boy Name: Michael (easier :D )
12. Girl Name: Michelle
13. Movie Titles: Mummy, the
14. Alcohol: Meths
15. Occupations: Mechanic
17. Celebrities: Mr. T (pitty the fool)
18. Magazines: Maxim
20. Pro Sports Teams: Manchester City
21. Something found in a kitchen: Microwave
22. Reason for being late: Midget stole my briefcase
23. Something You Throw Away: Mouldy bread
24 Things You Shout: MUDDY FUNKSTER!
25. Cartoon Character: Mighty Mouse
Banlieue 13
07:54, 27-Jan-2007
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Aka "District 13" - a french action movie inspired by parkour. This little tidbit is the tip of the iceberg:
Think 'Ong-Bak' caked in French style and starring a pair even more insane than Tony Jaa.
Jimmy Page Eat Your Heart Out
10:47, 22-Jan-2007
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
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I first saw these two on some late night, world music programme on TV. I never forgot their genius, though I did immediately forget their names :rolleyes: And so it was a thrill to see a clip of them on the blog of HazyCosmicJive, pulling off a more-than-impressive rendition of Stairway to Heaven.
Subsiquently I've manged to find the first thing I ever saw of them:
Fate
05:42, 22-Jan-2007
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Last week at work I was chatting via email to someone in one of our other offices and happened to send her the little poem I wrote while bored (see below) and today she asked if she could see more of my poetry, so I had a trawl through some of my old work and came across something I'd completely forgotten about.
At the time, I was loving Edgar Allen Po's 'The Raven' and had a go at writing something in a similar vein (albeit shorter). The result, I think, is touch psychotic:
Sat upon my bed, forlorn
Scribing of things come and gone
From solemn dusk through early dawn
While mist encroaches on me
I remember all that brought me here
To this place, centre of my fear
Forces my brow to crease and eye to tear
My heart spurs me on to flee
But ‘tis my punishment to be here sat
My uncontrolled rage that sealed at last
A fate, a curse of my past
Nevermore to let me sleep
I snapped and all control was lost
I slapped her and over table tossed
I punched and kicked ‘til she was dust
Decaying there before me
And in this hell myself I find
To this bed I’m now confined
To trace in blood words from my mind
Never again to be free
And the mist rises higher , passes through my lips
And graces my shivering fingertips
Filling my soul ‘til it is finally ripped
And all I once was, taken from me
In this padded cell I am left to rot
A single barred window and piss-stained cot
All that was me now shattered and lost
Gone with my once beloved Sophie
I'm now wondering what the hell was wrong with me at the time (I don't even know anyone called Sophie)...
Braving the Weather
01:25, 18-Jan-2007
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An email was just sent around our company:
"Due to extremely high and dangerous winds in and around Canary Wharf, employees are advised to go out unless absolutely necessary..."
In other words, unless you're an essential employee, they want you to take your chances :rolleyes:
Out of Proportion
06:34, 17-Jan-2007
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There has been much furore in the press today over aparent racism in this years 'Celebrity' Big Brother.
Of course, having an IQ theat doesn't drop into double figures, I avoid the programme, so don't know what's gone on and why such a big deal is being made of it, but one headline I saw today pretty much summed it up for me:
10,000 Complain About the 'Racists' of Big Brother
Okay, so 10,000 might sound like a lot of people, but when you consider the show is watched by millions (bizarrely), that figure is put into perspective.
It reminds me of Janet Jackson's 'Wardrobe Malfunction' at the Superbowl. Something in the region of 200,000 people complained about that one. Something in the region of 100,000,000 people watched it. That means 99.8% of viewers either didn't see it (let's face it, the half-time show really is only there for a toilet/beer break) or didn't care.
And someone deemed it worthy of a Federal case!
Similarly, a memeber of the our great British parliament wants this Big Brother thing discussed in Westminster.
It's Big fucking Brother, you twonk!
Sleepily
06:36, 11-Jan-2007
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Was bored beyond belief at work today. A rhyme started to form in my head it took the best part of a minute to write...
"I've been stolen from my revelry
Trapped in this monotony
The boredom now is killing me
I type away so sleepily
My work of poor quality
Will lead to someone sacking me
And wasting time with poetry
Really isn't going to help much"
THINK!
10:45, 11-Jan-2007
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In the UK government funded ads are shown on a daily basis designed to scare drivers into slowing down and being more careful. Of course, these being government funded ads, they're very one-sided and full of crap.
One shows a car in slow motion breaking. The caption says, "If this vehicle was travelling at 30mph, it would have stopped here..." The car carries on and hits a kid running into the road. What the ad fails to tell you is that the car would have had to have been travelling at at least 50 to take so long to stop, if it hadn't broke at all it would have passed to kid by before he'd even stepped into the road and if the government put as much effort into teaching the green cross code as they do into trying to scare drivers, the kid might not have dashed out into the road between two parked cars without looking in the first place.
Another shows a little girl, battered, broken and dead in the middle of the road. A voice over comes on saying, "If you hit me at 40mph, there's an 80% chance I'll die." The kid is then dragged to the side of the street, her broken limbs heal and wakes with a gasp. "Hit me at 30, and there's an 80% chance I'll live." At no point does a warning come on for the kids, "Don't wander out into the road in front of moving vehicles and there's a 99% chance you won't get hit at all."
We're warned not spook horses, but the riders aren't told not to ride two-abreast on public roads. We're told to be wary of overtaking motorcyclists, but the motorcyclists aren't warned not to try to overtake on a busy street when a car's indicating to turn.
The government's attitude towards road safety is so skewed, it's no wonder accidents are in fact on the rise, rather than dropping as a result of their efforts.
Not Quite Signing
08:41, 9-Jan-2007
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Pixie's post of the guy signing to 'Torn' reminded me of this:
It might not be quite as impressive, but you've got to give the guy an 'A' for effort!
Every day's a school day
05:16, 9-Jan-2007
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A few things everyone should know:
According to The History Channel, during the Victorian age, people would only change a baby's diaper every four days. Whew whee!
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500s: These are interesting...
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were beginning to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs--thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs". There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had the slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes a stew had the food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old?"
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for about the next 400 years, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper-crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait to see if they woke up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, about 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring!
Educate someone...Share these facts with a friend
Advice for Racists...
10:25, 8-Jan-2007
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If the Ku-Klux-Klan were to actually get up off their bloated, inbred arses, find themselves a terrorist training camp and have themselves a mass-lynching, I'd be there with my bed sheets full of holes, cheering the witless numpties on their merry way!
Similarly, of course, if one of these terrorist cells was to happen upon a Klan ralley and go dancing through in a tuxedo full of C4, I'd be wishing them all the best with their virgins, while setting up the camera and getting the marshmallows ready.
Why can't the racists of the world take just 5 minutes to sit back and think, Okay, who can we slaughter that won't make us look like a pack of 11-fingered, webbed-toed fundamentalist psychos, yet still satisfy our need to kill those of a different shade from us...?, they could be a genuine force for good in this world.
There's an idea for the next series of Big Brother: A house full of various fundamentalists. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen. The cupboards are stocked, the beds are made, there are knives in the drawers, one or two guns scattered about the place and if anyone did happen to smuggle explosives into the house, that's all rosy. Enjoy yourselves and someone will be in in a few hours with a mop."
Who knows, maybe one day... Until then, we'll just have to be satisfied with pummelling one Nazi into custard at a time (let's face it, it is a giggle).
Hot Fuzz
08:35, 8-Jan-2007
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First Spaced.
Then Shaun of the Dead.
Now this :D
Just a little more...
*YAWN*
02:14, 8-Jan-2007
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After a long and busy New Year with very little sleep, and going straight back to work on my return home, I was looking for ward to some much-needed sleep over the weekend.
Friday night I went shopping, spending a bunch of vouchers I got for my birthday and chatting for a good long while with a close friend, and didn't get home 'til after 10. I then played my newly purchased GTA: Liberty City Stories on my PSP for a couple of hours.
Saturday night I watched my also newly purchased Alien Quadrilogy box-set 'til 4:30 in the morning.
Sunday, after getting up at 11am, I was visiting a cousin 'til 10:30 and went to bed just after midnight.
I'm a bit sleepy now. Wonder if my boss would notice if I put my head down for a couple of hours...
Lifted from JustJess...
11:39, 5-Jan-2007
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Though I'm not sure I was the target audiance for this one...
1. Do you currently have your period?
Over here they're called 'fullstops'
2. Describe your bra:
Dang, knew I forgot something when I went out today...
3. Do you wear thongs, g-strings or regular underwear?:
Regular underwear. No man should wear either of the other two, ever
4. Do you worry about the size of your boobs?:
I'll leave worrying about them 'til I'm nearing my fifties
5. Are you the typical girl who's addicted to gossip?:
Nope, and I apparently don't know any 'typical girls'
6. What's your favorite girly magazine?:
Probably FHM. Lots of nice girlies in there :D
7. Does size really matter when it comes to guys?:
I have friends of varying heights, so I'd have to say no
8. Would you kill for chocolate on your period?:
No. I like to keep my keyboard clean if at all possible.
9. Do you get PMS really bad?:
I don't get PMS at all. Seriously, what's it all about?
10. Jeans or skirts?:
Jeans
11. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable just because it looks good?:
Nope
12. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
I can't think of anything I've ever spent all day/night doing...
13. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?:
Yes. That bit in Titanic when the guy falls, hits the propeller and goes spinning off into the distance. I haven't laughed so hard in my life!
14. Would you leave the house without makeup on?:
If I had to. Hell, if I had to, I'd leave the house without a hat.
15. What's the biggest turn on about guys?:
When they introduce me to hot chicks
16. What about the biggest turn off?:
When they then get off with said hot chicks
17. Do you consider making out "unladylike"?:
Nope. All for woman's lib, me ;)
18. On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping?:
When I'm broke, it's a 1. When I've got cash it can range anywhere from 4 to 10
19. Are you a girly-girl, tomboy, or in the middle?:
I'd have no qualms about being in the middle of a girly-girl and a tomboy
20. Do you think lipgloss is the best?:
Frankly, I don't think it even makes the top 10
21. Do you HAVE to have a boyfriend at all times?:
Nope
22. Do you freak out if you have a zit?:
Nope. I just let my beard grow a bit
23. Do you obsess over your looks?:
I've come to terms with (and, in fact, now embrace) the fact that I'm not the prettiest posy in the bunch
24. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?:
Barely 5 minutes, though I do enjoy a long, hot shower
25. Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants out because it's comfortable?:
What kind of hobo wears pYjama pants out?
26. Accessories make the outfit; true or false:
False. Burtons made my sweater and Emporio my jeans
27. Are you a sucker for skater guys?
I often have an overwhelming desire to spark them out if that's what you mean...
28. Tampons, pads, or the cup?:
A cup. Though sometimes I get all fancy and use a glass. If I can't be bothered, I'll just drink straight from the bottle
29. Is pink truely the best color in the entire universe?
That's like asking 'Is tree bark truly the best in-lay for your briefs?'
30. Lip gloss = a must?:
Nope
31. What's your bra size?:
I'd struggle to fill an A cup
32. Do you "slut dance" at dances?:
I try to avoid dancing altogether, but when I'm pissed and do pluck up the nerve, I have no idea what it would be described as...
33. Bikini, one-piece, tankini or... three-piece?
What the hell is the third piece...? Also; 'tankini'?
34. Do you take the chance on Halloween to dress like a whore?:
Why not? I'm game
35. Ever dressed like a whore to impress a guy?:
I did dress in a suit for a job interview once. Does that count?
36. In terms of bases, how far have you gone with a guy?
Is a friendly peck even a base?
37. Did you lie for question 36 to make yourself look good?
Nope. I gave my answer in the form of a question to make myself look like I was on Jeopardy
38. Gold or silver?:
What medals do British athletes fail to get so much as a sniff of at the Olympics?
39. The guy that you like/love/whatever, what does his name begin with?:
'J' for his name is Jesus (and if anyone believes that, you need help)
40. Tight pants on guys; hot or gay?:
I'd imagine they'd be both hot and gay
41. Do you dress up too much for holidays?:
The last one I went on, I ran out of clothes, so you can put me down as a no
42. Do you like wearing dresses?:
I can honestly say I've never had the opportunity
43. Do you write alot of mushy love poems?:
I wrote one, once, but death played a heavy factor and it ended in suicide, so I guess it wasn't all that mushy... Then again, Romeo & Juliet...
44. Do you consider yourself to be fashionable?:
I have my moments, scattered amidst long bouts of no
45. Last but not least... on a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you?:
Gay guys confuse me. But then, in the same way, so do straight women... Straight guys and gay women, I get
Grindhouse
05:37, 4-Jan-2007
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There is a lot to look forward to in cinemas this year - Spider-Man 3, Transformers, Die Hard 4, et al - but they frankly pale into insignificance against...
And no, it's not a joke ;)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
03:26, 4-Jan-2007
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Everybody good?
Sobered up?
Back to the grind with renewed vigour?
If so, damn you! I'm still pretty shattered after the New Year festivities, but back at work and a little swamped :( Fortunately, 'twas a good ol' New Year that put me in this state, so can't complain.
The trip to the Black Forest was fun. Not all went quite to plan, but a good time was had over all.
I got to my friends' flat in Surrey at around 10:30pm on the 28th only to be told we were waking at 2am to get the coach. Not a good start, but I'm fine with early mornings so no great dread.
On the other hand, the 2 hour coach ride to Dover and the 8 hour coach ride to our hotel were not fun! We got there, had a shower, a bite to eat and good drink before an early(ish) night.
The holiday consisted of a couple of coach trips, all of which were pretty uneventful. It was, in fact, the hotel itself that made it worthwhile.
The 2nd night was the 30th - my birthday! My friends gave me my pressies (a new pair of shades, a book of Indian love poems a 'party in a box' and sweeties), then we had dinner and moved down to the bar for karaoke night.
Now, I enjoy singing and enjoy singing along to a multitude of different things. I have quite a big voice and think I can hold a note relatively well. However, I have never sung in front of people, so when one of my friends dragged me up to join her in a rendition of Endless Love, I was a mite nervous (and not just because I only know the chorus). She then decided we all had to sing a song on our lonesome *eek*
I opted for My Way, partly because it's been murdered by a multitude of karaokiers since the birth of karaoke and no-one would notice, and partly because I know the words. Thus, resigned to my fate, I belted it out with gusto...
And received riotous applause and a surprising amount of compliments in return. Boosted by praise (and a substantial amount of German beer) I later had a go at Bon Jovi's Bed of Roses, Robbie Williams's Angels and quite a few others that were chosen for me, but I didn't know the words to. Regardless, it was fun :)
The following night was New Year. After another uneventful coach trip - the highlight of which was trying mulled (sp) wine for the first time - we were told that, because of the main dining room being full with two other coach parties, ours was being shifted into the bar for the meal. This proved to be a good thing. Although cramped, by way of apology it seemed, we were served with more food than anyone could handle, quickly and without question. We then had the tables removed as soon as the meal was finished and had a big ol' knees up. About an hour into the party, a bunch of us went up to the main room to see what was happening there. The answer was nothing. The place was dead, with no atmosphere, everyone looking bored and a piss-poor organist doing his utmost to lift spirits. So down in the bar we stayed 'til the hour arrived and it was time for the fireworks.
In this fine country of England - and possibly the rest of the UK - fireworks displays tend to happen with a barrier and 200 yards of field between the spectators and the group of highly trained pyrotechnicians hired to light the fuses. Imagine our surprise when we all crowded the street outside the hotel while the staff dragged out a trolley full of rockets and bangers and proceeded to launch them not 15 feet from where we stood!
After getting to bed well after 3, my friends and I decided to skip the next day's trip. I managed to be up for breakfast at 11. Another was up just before 12 and the final 2 left it ‘til after 1. We kept ourselves slovenly for the rest of the day, ‘til it was time for dinner, followed by more karaoke.
I got a request to do Bed of Roses again! :D
As a side note, I was looking forward to vast vistas of flawless snow covering the impressive forests all the way to the horizon. Imagine my disappointment to be told the area was enjoying its mildest winter since records began, resulting in no snow.
By way of contrast, a friend of mine was dragged away on a skiing holiday in France by her sister. My friend hates, the cold, hates snow and hates skiing, and yet.
She sent me a text saying it wasn't too cold, the snow was beautiful and she was having a blast (though hadn't, thus far, ventured onto the slopes).
Damn her... :(
Merry Christmas, one and all!!
09:32, 24-Dec-2006
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Seeing as it's been a while, and 'tis the season for catching up, I thought now would be as good a time as any to make up for my lack of blogging over the past month (or two...).
It's been an eventful few weeks - at least, it's been an eventful few weeks for someone who spends th majority of their time either relaxing after a long day at work and taking the opportunity of a weekend to do sod-all, or going to the pictures.
At the start of the month, a couple of friends put on a Christmas lunch. Okay, I say 'a couple of friends'. Really one did the majority of the putting on, while her boyfriend entertained the guests (he drank beer with us). It's not that he can't cook (he once did a mean curry), it's just that he knows - and merrily embraces - his place. I took the train down. I know there are people out there who'd gag at the idea of a 5 hour train journey, but I personally enjoyed it. The last few times I've visited them, I drove, which isn't a bad journey, until you reach the M25 - it would be quicker and less stressfull to park in a lay-by and walk the rest of the way - so getting to sit and write and listen to music for a few uninterupted hours was great. A bit hectic getting from King's Cross to Surrey, but nothing major.
We spent the weekend eating, drinking, playing games and watching DVDs (fortunately, the Harry Potter collection stayed hidden).
The journey back was even easier than the journey down (for a start I knew what I was doing). I even had the enviable joy of securing a table seat by the window with all the space and comfort that brings when not surrounded by a nightmare family (there's always one, but thankfully they must've been in another carriage).
A week later we did it again, though this time closer to home. A quick drive down to Middlesbrough to see an old uni friend, another meal and a lot more drinking.
N.B. When making a cocktail, stick with fruit juice as a mixer. 3 shots of gin and half a bottle of fruit-flavoured alcoholic beverage might sound like a good idea, but when you can feel the alcohol soaking through the lining of your throat and making a b-line directly for your brain, it's not something you want to try in any great volume.
We has about 2/3 glasses each (it's one or the other; I can't remember which).
The next morning I woke up, fully clothed, sat in the exact position on the couch I'd been in when we started watching The Hills Have Eyes the night before (except my head was lolled over the back of the seat). To my right was some unfinished alcohol (which I chose not to drink). To my left was one of my friends - also fully clothed - agog and comatose with a quilt draped over her.
It wasn't until I went to the bathroom that realised a hole had been burned into the crotch of my pants!
The subsiquent week at work has been mostly dull, but interspersed with Christmas shopping and making sure the PSP I got off eBay for Christmas is working fine.
It is :)
I'm happy :D
I'm going to get an early night so I can have a proper go on it tomorrow (my dad made me box it up and put it away for Christmas).
Got a short week at work coming up. We're back Wednesday, then technically finish on Friday, but I've used up my last holiday of the year as I'm off to the Black Forest in Germany to enjoy a white birthday and New Year with friends and beer and possibly strudel.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Try this.
12:38, 23-Dec-2006
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Type miserable failure into Google.
Go on, you know you want to...
Here we go again
07:02, 22-Dec-2006
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...and how happy I am :D
A Charlie Brown Christmas...
08:26, 12-Dec-2006
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...as performed by the cast of Scrubs (needs the volume turned right up).
Typical :(
02:57, 27-Nov-2006
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My first holiday since August beginning 16:30 exactly on Tuesday afternoon and I've managed to catch a cold for the first time since such time I can't remeber!
I'm overdosing on food, water and very hot coffee in an attempt to kill the virus deader than a dead thing. So far I'm just about managing to keep the fecker at bay.
And I almost forgot my friend's birthday! :rolleyes:
A Master at Work
01:16, 25-Nov-2006
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Ladies and Gentlemen, the late, great Bill Hicks:
Happier Now
01:57, 21-Nov-2006
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I've been in one of those moods all day.
Well, if I'm honest, all week.
In fact, I think it started Sunday before last (so about 10 days now)...possibly sooner...
Anyway, the point is, I've been feeling off for a while now. A lot of it has to do with work, but I know that's not the whole story. I've been lonely, a touch depressed, massively unmotivated and a great wad of frustrated.
The problem is, I'm stuck. For whatever reason (and there are one or two), my situation is what it is, and shall be still for the foreseeable future. Until I figure out how to improve it, I'll be stuck in my rut, but until I pull myself out of my rut, I'll struggle to figure out anything....
However, it's Christmas soon, which will be followed by a holiday, which will include my birthday, as well a grand ol' piss-up for New year, so I know I should be jolly in the season 'tis to be.
This in mind, I'm using the last of my holidays/vacation time to have a short week next week and a five day weekend :D Hopefully I can use the time to gain some perspective and focus and gym time (I'll try, really I will) and sleep.
The following week I'm on a jaunt down to Surrey to see friends for another long weekend (four days, this time), and then there's only a week and a half 'til we're off for Christmas!!
And I've just found out we've all get to get dressed up at work on the 4th - boys as fairies and girls as elves.
Oh goody...
Edit:
It's just occurred to me; due to being let out early on our last day, the holidays I've got booked, the bank holiday after Christmas and then New Year, this is my last full week this year, and it's already Tuesday night!!
Hurt (original)
06:21, 16-Nov-2006
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Nine Inch Nails...
Hurt
08:32, 15-Nov-2006
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Johnny Cash...
Mercy
03:36, 14-Nov-2006
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It falls on me to tell the tail. My experiences across the millennia have given me a unique perspective among my brethren, a perspective I could gladly live without, but one that is nonetheless mine to bear.
The origins of this story go right back to before the beginning, but those origins have been told a thousand times in a thousand different ways - a few of them actually true - so, instead, I shall start as these kind of tales often do; with love.
1.
Unrequited their entire lives, only death could finally bring them together. Paradise was their home; their existence, as it was for the infinite others around them, but that particular paradise was nothing to the one they found lying in each others arms.
Mary breathed deep her husband’s rich, pure fragrance as the first light of morning was cast over them. He still slept soundly, each slow breath cooling his bride with a gentle, spring breeze. Mary stroked his dark chest and rubbed her cheek against his soft, black beard. He stirred and lazily ran his fingers through her long, sleek hair.
“Were your dreams pleasant, my love?” Mary asked, looking deep into her husband’s bleary eyes.
“Almost as pleasant as waking to your beautiful face,” He replied in a whisper. “Though it is spoiled somewhat by the intrusion.”
A melodious, elegant voice fell from the clouds above the slumbering couple, with a courteous tone of mild embarrassment. “Forgive me, my Lord, but the council requires your presence.”
“Oh? It must be serious if you are reverting to titles.”
Mary sighed. “All of the council’s meetings have become serious lately. I wonder if they would not be happier elsewhere.”
“You are welcome to attend, of course, my lady.”
“Thank you, Gabriel, but I fear I have heard it all before.”
“As have I,” Mary’s husband added. “Gabriel, you can let my Father know, I shall not be in attendance.”
The voice sounded disapproving, but knew better than to argue. “I understand, my Lord, however it is not your Father that has sent for you. He is otherwise engaged.”
The couple both chuckled at the irony of Gabriel’s statement, but refrained from comment.
“Very well. But you had best let them know to begin without me. I am in no rush to hear more of their complaining.”
“Yes, my Lord,” the voice said, and was gone.
“The price one must pay for being the prince of men,” Mary said.
“Yes,” Jesus replied. “And I thought I was done with bearing crosses.”
*
Mercy stared blankly at her feet, dangling in the vast gulf between plains. Her mind had eternally been awash with the conflicts of men. The pains she was powerless to ease. The struggles she longed to end. Rarely did she wish for the voices to end - they were a part of what she was and she would never change that, however difficult it became - but her heart often ached for those simple glimpses of peace that had become increasingly rare.
“That is not what I mean, and You know it,” she said, barely masking her frustration. “You know very well the cause of my ‘mood’, as You put it. You’re just avoiding the subject…
“Oh really. Then why aren’t You discussing it with council…?
“I have nothing to discuss. I am not the one being debated over…
“Yes, yes, but it is the source of what troubles me. And not just me…
“It is not like that, and please stop with the faux righteous indignation. It never was very becoming of You. Besides, for what it’s worth, I agree. We no longer have the purpose that we once had. You think I don’t feel abandoned? But that is no reason to abandon them. All you ever asked of them was faith and now you have none to return…?
“Then what about hope…?
“Well…?
“Father…?”
*
The Fall of Lucifer
03:29, 14-Nov-2006
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While out and about the other day, I came across a book in the horror section of Waterstone's called 'The Fall of Lucifer'. Intrigued, I gave it a glimpse and immediately had to buy it on the strength of the set-up alone.
As the title might suggest, the story surrounds Lucifer's fall from grace, focusing on the relationship between him and his brothers, Gabriel and Michael, and how all comes to pass.
It intrigued me predominantly as I'm writing something in a similar vein, though telling a very different story. A snippet shall follow...
Kicking it Old Skool
02:39, 11-Nov-2006
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In this country it was the Megadrive, in the US it was the Genesis, but what's in a name?
This is for all those with fond memories of the best of the 16 bitters (apologies to any Nintendo fanboys).
SEGA
I found it one day while browsing for an old favourite :D
Prologue
01:27, 10-Nov-2006
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Struggling once again with the novel that was supposed to be my main focus, my mind's been drifting to other stories I have in the wings, predominantly to a little sci-fi tale I came up with earlier this year. I'm not entirely sure how the story's going to play out, or even what the main plot is (I know the basic thread, but that's it), but I'm enjoying developing the characters and playing around with a slightly different style to what I'm used to...
Sheffield, UK - 10th May 2012
9:06 am
The laws of physics prohibited it; they always had. There were no ifs or buts about it. And yet, in the parking lot of Sheffield University’s Hicks building, nineteen-year-old physics student Leonard Shaver, using a few LEDs, the contents of two fireworks of illegal proportions, one solar panel and the particle accelerator he’d put together for a high-school physics project - as well as some well placed calculations - made a deck of cards appear one hundred from his demonstration table one nanosecond after the device he’d designed to carry them was activated. His fellow students gasped, his lecturer wept with pride, his brother collected a £20 note from his disgruntled room-mate, the surrounding crowd applauded the spectacle and three noted physicists had to be taken away in ambulances and given counselling.
Leonard simply said, “See? Speed of light. Told ya it was a piece of piss.”
Nevada, US - September 2nd 2012
7:30 am
In a carefully selected patch of the Mojave desert, retired Aerospace engineer Molly Rumford loaded Pookie and Mo - twin Vietnamese pot-belly pigs - into an egg-shaped capsule strapped to a 2x1 metre aluminium cylinder embossed with the words ‘LS Drive’, held in a simple scaffold framework, and signalled to her husband to hit the ignition. Less than a second later, the capsule was seen bouncing across the arid landscape fifty miles away. Pookie and Mo were quickly retrieved, baffled, shaken, but unharmed.
Unfortunately, a thin strip of vegetation between the launcher and the capsule’s final destination was not so lucky.
The International Space Station - 2nd of January 2014
12:00 pm (GMT)
Lt. Calvin Molino clambered into the LS Five - a large but snug capsule strapped to a relatively overly-simple-looking cylindrical engine - and crossed himself while reciting a silent prayer. His apprehension at the journey he was about to undertake was bad enough without the rising excitement in the voice of the mission controller as she neared the end of the countdown. Calvin’s right index finger shook violently as he held it over the small red switch that he was assured was about to change the destiny of mankind.
A short time later, Lt. Molino was listening to a confusing conversation about a ‘semi-successful’ run, some slight miscalculations, the existence of a brand-new asteroid belt and the moon now looking like a doughnut.
“Um… Change of plan, Calvin. We’re cancelling the return run… Err, hold tight and there’ll be a rescue squad out to you in a few hours.”
Midterms!!
11:50, 7-Nov-2006
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Yes, 'tis that time again! Well, I say 'again'. This is the first time I've even been aware of midterms. Usually, of course, there'd be about as much attention paid to them in the US as there is in the UK, but this year things are different, predominantly because, if all goes well, George Bush will be effectively stripped of power, unable to do a thing without the Democrat's say-so. 'scuse me while I snigger...
Anyway, even with such a pleasant prospect ahead, I usually wouldn't give a soaring shag. However, thanks to More4, I'm now a Daily Show fan - describe by Danny Devito, Jerry Seinfeld and even Sir Anthony Hopkins as the smartest show on television.
In case you're still unaware of the Daily Show:
Tonight, the Daily Show joins with the Colbert Report...
...for an hour-long special, and tomorrow, at 8:30pm (GMT), More4 will be showing the whole thing :D
I ran over a llama because that's how I roll
10:14, 6-Nov-2006
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i like this...
Pick the month you were born:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbour
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a Ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy
Pick the colour of shirt you are wearing:
White----------because I'm cool like that
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Pink------------because I'm a homosexual.
Red------------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I hate myself.
Purple---------because I'm myself
Grey----------because I was drunk
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other-------because I'm a ninja.
None--------because I cant control myself
GAH...so bored!!
01:51, 2-Nov-2006
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Not really much else to say other than that...
My lunch break's coming to an end and all I've managed to do over the past hour is browse the net and eat a large, chocolate muffin. And as soon as 2 o'clock roles around, I'll have even less to do :rolleyes:
The End (for now)
01:31, 1-Nov-2006
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I've decided to give this a rest for a while. I knew it still needed work, but posting it here is bringing up all the faults and distracting me from writing the rest. I've made the mistake before of going back and trying to tweak stuff as I go, but I keep losing the feel and the flow and of the story.
This is my third overall attempt - not including the dozen-or-so edits/drafts - and I want it to be the last (or, at the very least, penultimate - not including the dozen-or-so edits/drafts).
That said, I might post the occasional snippet...
Kinda like being stoned, without the iffy smell
11:28, 30-Oct-2006
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It was pay day last week, and to celebrate I bought myself a Jim Henson box-set. Labyrinth (a classic), Dark Crystal (one of my favourite movies of all time) and Mirrormask.
I'm not entirely sure how describe Mirrormask. It was written by Neil Gaimen, so anyone with even a passing awareness of his work should be able to guess it isn't exactly straight forward and predictable. It involves a young girl, eager to run away from the circus and lead a normal life. For about 10/15 minutes, that's pretty much it and it's only the performances of Rob Brydon and star Stephanie Leonidas who keep it interesting.
A flash of emotional drama later and suddenly the whole thing's turned on its head, which is pretty much how you're left feeling two minutes into the surreallity. Glossy CG backgrounds with bizarrely masked, bizarrely behaved support, weird and wonderful creature and set design and a whole host of voices, instantly recognisable, yet almost impossible to place because of the setting.
From then on, the whole plot is a wild flight of fancy as Helena (Leonidas) interacts with an ever-increasing cast of ever-more freaky extras.
The ending's a little flat and kinda predictable, but it's a hell of a lot of fun getting there. Just don't watch it while under the influence of alcohol - or any other state-altering substance for that matter. Your brain would be battered for a week.
Did you know...?
01:48, 27-Oct-2006
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I've seen this doing the rounds, and since I've nothing better to do during my lunch hour...
1. When I was eight years old I was hit by a car and almost bit my tongue clean off (12 stiches).
2. To celebrate the 1 year aniversary of being hit by a car, I fell off a cliff and broke my wrist.
3. Up to the age of 16, I couldn't stand coffee - the smell alone made me gag. I've just finished off my 5th cup of the day.
4. I'm photophobic (which does not mean I have an irrational fear of cameras).
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Paper-boy
2. Administrator/driver
3. Customer service agent in a call centre
4. Writer (it might not be a living, but it's a job ;p)
Four movies I could watch over and over again:
1. Die Hard
2. The Crow
3. Brotherhood of the Wolf
4. Belville Rendevous (sp)
Four places I have lived:
1. Sunderland
2. Sheffield
3. A different house in Sheffield
4. Sunderland again (I had to come back after university)
Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Futurama
2. Blackadder
3. Firefly
4. Father of the Pride
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Sydney
2. Florida
3. Munich
4. London
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Cheese & tomato pizza
2. Medium-rare steak
3. Chicken
4. Pumpkin seeds (trust me)
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Manhattan, in my own, cosy, west-facing apartment, in a rocking-chair out on the terrace, drinking a fine whiskey and watching the sunset with a certain someone
2. A cabin on a snowy mountain with friends, preparing for Christmas
3. China, absorbing the culture
4. On the rooftop of above-mentioned apartment, with friends, drinking Southern Comfort Reserve and playing some Texas Hold'em
A short time later...
08:33, 23-Oct-2006
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I'm not a fan of emo, at least, not as it now stands. As a genre, it's relatively recent, having been born of an increasingly common trend in punk/grunge acts to centre their writing around relationships, good and bad, and belting out tunes with a touch more passion. Unfortunately, the term has now come represent whiney, insipid children with guitars trying to make out they've lived a life and suffered throughout puberty in a way no-one else has.
Grow up.
And so it annoys me when the term is dropped on the likes of Yellowcard, Taking Back Sunday and Brand New who actually put some thought, imagination and genuine emotion into what they do.
My Chemical Romance are another such act. Comparing them to the current crop of emo acts is like trying to compare whiskey to lemonade.
Okay, so I'm Not Okay (I Promise) was very emo-esque, but it in terms of the genre, it was massively above par.
Happily, after The Black Parade, critics will be hard pushed to describe them in such terms any more. The band's love of deep, dark themes and Gerard Way's flare for the dramatic with his lyrics and vocals are all still present, but they've been so much more adventuerous, inventive and confident than with their previous two offerings that, at times, it's difficult to think of them as the same act who produced The Ghost of You. Every single track has its own individual sound and feel, ranging from 'The End', which sounds like the melody was borrowed from Bowie's '5 Years', to 'I Don't Love You', with a feel of Aerosmith's 'Fallen Angels' and closing with a hidden/bonus track which lends more to WWII cockney ditties than post-hardcore punk, if not in lyrical content (A celebrated man amongst the gurnies, They can fix me proper with a bit of luck, The doctors and the nurses they adore me so, But it's really quite alarming, 'cause I'm such an awful fuuuuuuuuck...), then certainly in humour and jauntiness.
The most surprising thing about the album is how much fun there is to be had - with jaunty melodies and bouncy vocals and all out, head-slamming, metal riffs - when the over all theme is about dying of terminal illness. It's as if the theme was chosen, not to depress or be commented on, but simply as a device to show just how good the band are. Ray Toro, for example, is the type of guitarist we haven't heard of since the 70s (with the possible exception of Justin Hawkins), and you almost have to feel sorry for the abuse suffered by Bob Bryer's drum kit.
Hmm... okay, rambled on slightly longer than intended on this little review. Basically, the album is a work of musical genius from beginning to end and is by far and away the best thing I've listened to all year
The Black Parade
04:55, 23-Oct-2006
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The waiting is over and my copy of My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade arrived today :D
It's only mid-way through track 2 and already it's a work of genius! A full report will follow, though if it continues with this momentum I might just have to listen a few more times and sit here giddy for a while...
A Nice Sunday?
11:29, 22-Oct-2006
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"oldmanlincoln: Hello. I hope you have a nice Sunday."
*Pshaw* I thought. No such thing.
I hate Sunday. The day bores the living piss out of me. To me, the weekend begins Friday morning and ends Sunday morning. Yes, Friday is spent mostly at work, but that time at work is spent with the joyful (even if sub-conscious) thought that this is it. The end of the week is nigh! Whereas Sunday is spent thinking, Bugger; work tomorrow...
This Sunday morning started with *Owww*. Yesterday afternoon, completely at random, my left thumb started to hurt. Come the evening it was stiff and painful. This morning it hurt like hell and I couldn't flex it at all. Now, I can move it, but it hurts like hell.
When I was 10 I fell off a cliff and broke my wrist. 20/25ft into a heep of rocks. After a night in a daze and a morning crying, wracked in pain, I was fine. I had a chalk on my wrist and my arm ached, but I could function perfectly well.
Today, with a bit of a sore thumb, everything has been a chore; from lifting a cup of coffee, to buttoning my trousers. Even typing this post is making me wince.
My day otherwise continued as normal - I ate, I drank coffee, I struggled between going to the gym and doing some shopping (and eventually ended up doing neither and watching Godzilla instead) - until 7 when I forced myself to call a friend.
I have to force myself to call friends. I hate using the phone. I've never been comfortable with it. Email is so much easier for me. But my friend is a busy girl (and easily distracted) and finds the phone a lot more convenient, so I gave it a shot.
I should also explain at ths point that I have four friends, all of which living at the other end of the country right now, so it's not like I can pop 'round for a visit.
Anyway, after an hour and a half of joyful catching up, we bid each other goodnight and I felt a lot happier in the wold.
And half an hour later, Torchwood started.
As I understand it, Dr. Who is making a splash across the Atlantic right now, but for those who don't know, 'tis a once huge, family orientated, Saturday evening sc-fi show that went off the air for 10 years (the less said about the attempted TV-movie revival a few years back the better) and came back in a huge way last year. Torchwood is a spin-off from the 2nd series of the new run, starring a character from the latter half of the first series.
What I was expecting was a cultish, cheerful, brit version of the X-Files, with a slightly grander scope (plot wise). What I saw was something that simply could not be further removed from its source. As I said, Dr. Who is family orientated. Sometimes creepy, but never particularly scary. Sometimes tense, but never violent. Sometimes quite grim, but never going all out. No blood, no bad language, no violent deaths, no sex, and stories spanning an infinite imagining of time and space.
Torchwood, on the other hand, has it all. Blood, bad language, violent death and sex, all taking place in Cardiff (in Wales, for those who are wondering). Two episodes in and we've seen someone having their neck ripped open by an alien, someone putting a gun under their chin and blowing the top of their head off, a 19 year-old girl being possessed by a sex-crazed alien gas, one of the *ahem* hottest lesbian snogs I've seen in a long time and an exploding rat.
No, not a particularly eventful day, but pretty good for a Sunday.
Ring of Nibelungs
04:20, 22-Oct-2006
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Anyone heard of this? I hadn't 'til about 5 minutes ago. Looks none too shabby...
In case of an emergency, panic!
06:03, 19-Oct-2006
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Today was the company's annual test of its emergency office down near Leeds. Should the Sunderland office ever be crippled for whatever reason, we have to make sure the company can run as normal.
The simple answer is, it can't...
After a crampt and uneventful 2 hour coach journey (I don't know why the back-up office isn't closer; maybe one of their emergency scenarios featured an atomic bomb) we arrived at the office to be told straight away that one of our three major systems - that itself holds half of the company's accounts - wasn't set up. Immediately my boss and I cast each other a sardonic smirk and roll of the eyes :rolleyes:
On the plus side, it meant that half of our work was already done for us. A long list of checks could be marked fail before we'd even begun :) It also meant we arrived home almost an hour early :D
Tomorrow is fancy-dress day. Any ideas (bearing in mind it's too late to costume shop)...?
Visa
05:56, 17-Oct-2006
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I got a new Visa card today! :D
Okay, so that's not exactly big, 'WOW!!' type news, but the fact that it looks like my logo (without the wording) makes me happy :)
(Yes, it has been that slow a day...)
Mixed Emotions
08:23, 15-Oct-2006
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I'm tense.
I'll not go into why I'm tense, suffice to say, today had been a boring one (it's Sunday; what else would it be) right up until a phone-call a little over a hour ago. The pleasure of talking to a friend I all-too rarely get to talk to was marred by the matters discussed, but that's not for this blog.
The point is, tense as I am, I also have a smile on my face, due to this little headline: My Chemical Romance shoots to top of charts :D
To find out why, simply take a gander at this...
Your Health
11:49, 14-Oct-2006
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And a poem...of sorts...
Sat here in a smoky bar
In the twilight of another day
The whiskey in this muggy jar
Keeps on calling out my name
“Another, barman, please?” I ask
‘fore I down my drink in one
I see his brow furrow as he fills my glass
“But I’ll polish off more ‘fore I’m done…”
I raise my glass to toast your health
The barman’s, his cat’s and that of the day
Then I swallow one more and slam my glass down
And feel my aching head sway
Night time comes and darkness falls
Twilight lost out to the moon
“One for the road,” to the barman I cry
“It shall be my bedtime soon”
So I drink and I belch and I stand and I sway
And I slur “I don’t feel quite right”
But I know all will be well when I see your smile
And hold you close to me tonight
But then outside the bar to the clear night I stare
The stars are on the move, I think…
And suddenly morning seeps in and my head seems to scream
“Oh bugger! Another night in the clink”
And so homeward bound, haggard and fuzzy
I feel almost in need of a hearse
And I pass by that same bar and imagine your frown
And hope there’s change for Dutch courage in my purse…
Competition
11:12, 14-Oct-2006
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Something a little more cheerful...
Competition. I hate competition. All that gnawing, scrapping and gouging of the eyes. As if I’m not ugly enough…
Okay, truth be told I’m not without my charm. Many a practised glance has had me between many a silken sheet of many an appreciative… Why must one be so careful with wording nowadays? Let’s face it, they were sluts. And yes, fine, the appreciation wasn’t solely on their part. But I digress.
Tonight’s prize; a slender, 5’7” Hispanic cutie with lips so full and eyes so brown as to raise her so far above the level of mere attractiveness I’d give up my baby blues as long as she was the last thing they were to witness.
“I bid eight!” my first challenger says in thunderous voice and grin stretched as far as his confidence can pull it.
He’s bigger than me, and a damn-sight hairier - even his knuckles have fur - but that could well be to my advantage. And so, “I’ll go ten,” I say, each syllable exuding certainty.
He scoffs! Cheeky bastard.
“Twelve!”
You can count that high? my mind quips for my own amusement. I struggle with the notion of fourteen, but fold. No reason to peak this early.
“Then twelve it is,” our beguiling host announces to the room.
And there it is. That quiver. That near-insignificant twitch in the lower-left eyelid. As the glasses are laid out and the amber fluid strokes their brims, he’s shown for the first time what they mean by the ‘drowning dozen’. He’s getting squiffy just looking at them.
A first-timer. Who’d have thunk?
We pass the eighth without flounder. So too go nine and ten. Each of us steady in our resolve.
I gaze into his eyes and he into mine. And then he sees it; that which he never expected to see in the eyes of this pasty brat - scrawny of frame and floppy of hair. I enjoy this!
Don’t get me wrong. I do indeed hate competition, but I love my drink. And in the remaining four glasses between us on the tiny table is my tipple of choice.
Without realising it, the bile is lovingly stroking his tonsils and plucking at his forest of nasal hair. I’ll grant him this; at least he had the good form to turn away from the table. Must feel sorry for the ill-fated spectator though.
Subsequent contenders fade in similar fashion - some a little less elegantly than others.
Just the two of us left now, having each seen off four others; two of whom could bare just the one more. I made thirty once, and was only blind for a week and a half, but neither of us look up for those dizzying heights tonight - certainly not if we’re to appreciate the vision of perfection regarding us both with what looks more like curiosity than admiration.
I draw a slow, deep breath through my nostrils and hold until I’m quite sure the exhalation won‘t be followed by anything else, then lay my faith in the lap of gods to guide the shot-glass directly to my lips. A moment to brace myself and I open my eyes to a balanced room. A little fuzzy at the edges, but at least no-one has a twin. His turn.
A similar routine leads him to a steady outcome. A Veteran. Testicles!
I’m haunted by an image of my pasty skin framed in glistening yellow - smatterings of carrot I don’t remember eating - while in a cosy, candlelit apartment above come yelps and grunts and cries of ‘Si! Si! Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!’
Suddenly he tips to one side like a redwood slow to figure out what the buzzing sound was.
Victory! I’d jump for joy if I thought my bowels could to keep up.
She stands and approaches with a sway to those well formed hips more sobering than Kenco’s entire reserve.
“What you desire is yours for the taking,” she purrs.
My mind swells with possibilities. “I could murder a kebab.”
Coma
03:13, 14-Oct-2006
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I've trying to get into writing mode all week. I haven't really written anything since last Friday, and that asn't much. It's been good starting this blog because it has given me some form of outlet, but the imagination hasn't been ticking over like it ought.
There was a time a couple of years ago when I couldn't stop coming up with stuff. Little ideas turning into little stories in a matter of minutes. One time, I opened up a fresh page on the writers' forum I was a member of, opened my mind a little and let my fingers type whatever I thought of. 15 minutes later, I'd written this:
I was troubled by it at first. Anyone would be. I'd never known the world to be so silent, so dark. As if all had suddenly come to a dead stop; a stillness so encompassing as to even halt the light.
Air sat in my lungs waiting to be exhaled. Blood fills my veins yet refuses to flow. Thoughts that had for so long coursed through my mind, slept peacefully, quietly.
I tried to look around, but there was simply nothing to see, not so much as the shape of an object hiding in the darkness.
Where am I? What is this place? How did I get here? Even these questions were lost as soon as they were asked.
"We hoped in time there would be something."
Who said that?! Said what…? Was something said…?
Silence again. And now warmth. So much warmth. Like being tucked into bed by a doting parent. A kiss on the forehead - soft as if in fear of halting the passage to sleep.
"It's been so long... Too long."
So sad that voice. So full of regret, of pain. But how could pain be felt here? There's nothing to hurt, nothing to wound, no cause for sadness...
"We'd held so much hope."
... or for tears. Do not weep.
But I recognise that weeping! I've heard it before. A long time ago. When I first arrived here...wherever here is.
I'm lying down. I feel it now. Not just that! I can feel my heart beating! Feel the air in my lungs! Hear the thoughts in my head...
"You are absolutely sure this is what you want?"
...Even hear that voice.
"Yes...we're sure."
And that one! I recognise that one! My mother. Why does she sound so sad? Is something wrong? But I can hear again! And I can feel... After so long I can feel.
"Goodbye... My darling son."
'Goodbye'? Why goodbye? Where are you going, mum? Where have the sounds gone? The voices? The thoughts?
All's still again. What was all that? Where am I now?
I try to look around, but there was simply nothing to see, not so much as the shape of an object hiding in the darkness.
Air sits in my lungs waiting to be exhaled. Blood fills my veins, yet refuses to flow. Thoughts that had for so long coursed through my mind, sleep peacefully, quietly.
I've never known the world to be so silent, so dark. As if all has suddenly come to a dead stop; a stillness so encompassing as to even halt the light...
Hey BEBBET!!
11:20, 14-Oct-2006
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I love the old Warner Bros cartoons - Disney can keep Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck (though I was a fan of Goofy in the early days) - and watched them quite religiously back in the days when we had the Cartoon Network.
One that always stuck with me was a very old Tweety-Pie cartoon; so old, in fact, it was before he had his yellow feathers. It stuck for two reasons: One, Tweety-Pie was a lot more vindictive in his early days - "Aww, the poor puddy-tat. He fall down and go BOOM!!" *followed by maniacal grin* - and two, I really enjoyed the pair of cats doing a parody of Abbot and Costello, with the little tubby cat constantly referring to his taller, skinny partner as Bebbet - "Hey BEBBET!!"
So it baffled me a little when PartlyDivine posted this in reply to a comment I made on TheDietCokeofEvil's blog, regarding the fine subject of boobs:
"Bebbet.
With a name like that, I'll eat my hat if you are NOT a connoisseur."
Does my chosen monika hold some kind of meaning I'm unaware of?
Art of the Saber
05:38, 13-Oct-2006
.. Posted in Movie Stuffs
.. Link
If only George Lucas had these two working on Phantom Menace:
From ifilm; "Music by Denez Prigent and a monologue extracted from an authentic Civil War love letter written in 1861..."
Westworld meets Kill Bill
05:29, 13-Oct-2006
.. Posted in Music Stuffs
.. Link
By some distance, my favourite album of the year so far is Blackholes & Revelations by the ever-supreme Muse. This is my favourite song from said album, with a stonking video to go along with it :D
The Price of Good Health
08:27, 12-Oct-2006
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Despite a rather forceful voice in my head telling me I couldn't be bothered, I managed to drag myself to the gym after work. After a stint on the treadmill and some work with the weights, I like to do a few rounds in the boxing arena. Being the budding (though still amateur) martial artist that I am, the socks and shoes come of and I work some kicking into the routine.
I now have two blisters on my left foot; one on the end of my big toe, which is no big deal, and one right on the ball of my foot, which stings like mad. I'll be doing some hopping tomorrow.
300
06:25, 12-Oct-2006
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From reading the first few pages of The Hard Goodbye, I've been a Frank Miller fan. Sin City was my favourite movie of last year and I cannot wait for the sequel.
Until then...
A lot of shouting, posing and melodrama, but I see this being rather spectacular :D
Join the March (mk2)
06:02, 10-Oct-2006
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Only just occurred to me to look for this on YouTube (Edit: After the 300 trailer above, I've found I prefer ifilm's embedding method, though YouTube still has the best variety)...
My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade
I suggest checking out the lyrics too, not only because their brilliantly put together, but also because this song is a hell of a lot fun to sing along to!
NB: The below aren't wholy accurate, but I like the scroller thingy :)
Paying Tribute
12:52, 10-Oct-2006
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While perusing efx2, I came across a blogger with a mutual love of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart (ogre_jehosephatt). The show only hit the UK with the arrival of the digital chanel More 4, so it's only relatively recently that I've been watching, but in that short time I've become a huge fan of the show and of Stewart himself.
Last night I was browsing YouTube for old clips and came across something I found deeply moving: Stewart's reaction to the 9/11 attacks. Seeing as the Daily Show is a satirical (sp) look at the day's news, it was very strange to see Stewart deliver a serious and poignant address. Most significantly, to me at least, was how his natural wit still showed through with an occassional wry comment - mostly aimed at such speeches, and at his own inability to hold it together - in between moments of breaking down in tears.
The clip might not be as signifcant if you're not familiar with the show, the man or his work, but it is still worth a look, if only to see a genuine reaction, rather than the usual political rhetoric we're subjected to by the media.
Robin Hood
07:57, 7-Oct-2006
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Yet another re-imagining has hit the BBC. Anyone else see it? What did you think?
Personally, I think the cast all play their parts very well, the story set-up is original for the legend and the settings are suitably dark and of their time.
Sadly, I also think the direction is shoddy - the use of quick cuts and pointless slow-mo look desperate - and the sound effects seem to have been lifted straight out of Power Rangers.
The Glory of Opera
04:05, 7-Oct-2006
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While out doing a little shopping yesterday, I came across a gem - Jerry Springer: The Opera, on DVD for just £3.99 ($7.46).
This thing caused such a major furore when it hit the stage it was depressing to think I wouldn't get to see it (desperately lacking the funds as I was to head to london and secure tickets for a sold-out, West End show). Then, in spite of thousands of complaints from thousands of small-minded, thick-skulled, puritanical, fundermentalist nut-jobs (99.9% of whom hadn't even seen it - ever heard the term 'Judge not, lest ye be judged'? I think it might actually be somewhere in that little book you claim to hold so dear...), the BBC chose to show it on TV! And not on one of their dodgy digital chanels with lower figures than a grade 2 maths test.
Alas, I almost forgot about it and missed the first half-hour, but what I did see was inspired.
Now, I'm not a fan of Opera. I'm always impressed by the performers and I wouldn't mind witnessing the epic Ring Cycle just once (though it would have to be over the course of a week), but it's just not my cup of tea. However, the main appeal of Jerry Springer: The Opera is that it is, indeed, Opera. Hearing the words 'Inbread, three-nippled, cousin-fucker' sung by a chorus of the most elegant and powerful, classically trained voices in the world is a spectacle within itself, and you can't help but love the Ku Klux Klan's joyful dance routine at getting their big Jerry Springer moment ('Dip us in chocolate, And throw us to the lesbians').
The comic timing is perfect, the performances from all are flawless (David Soul's portrayal of Springer is so good you often forget it's not actually him) and the writing from Stewart Lee and Richard Thomas is intelligent, brave, sometimes daft, sometimes poignant, but always ingenius.
Brotherly Love
01:10, 7-Oct-2006
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So, as I said, I'm an aspiring writer. The below is a short I wrote tied to my first novel; essentially an important moment in the history of one of my characters (important to the character, not necessarily the story).
Warning: Some may find this a little grim...
I feel strangely grateful of the sodden ground: the thick mud covering many of the wounds of each beleaguered corpse; soaking the blood deep down. I am neither drawn by the scent nor tempted by the sight. I think nothing of feeding from the carrion of my brother’s assault.
Why would they not listen? Why did it have to go so far?
‘Whore of Satan! Bitch of the devil!’ they screamed and screamed at me. Why? What did I do to them?
Perhaps Gabriel was right. Perhaps we are not to coexist. “We are so much greater than they could ever imagine becoming.”
No. I refuse to believe that. If only he could see them as I do. If only he could see their weakness and their mortality are the very things that make them great. Feeble as they may be, they are at once capable of atrocities of which even my brother could not conceive, and acts of such beautiful self-sacrifice as to make their god weep.
If only I had had the chance to explain this to them.
“You honestly believe it will make a difference?”
“It may, or it may not. But you must let me try!”
The heartbeat in which he came to his decision seemed to stretch to a lifetime. He looked down at me knelt in the dirt before him. In his eyes his compassion for me shone. But beyond that, deep within his soul, I could see nothing but contempt.
I tried to stop him. I cried his name, begged him to stop.
But he refused. His contempt served to fuel his bloodlust. One by one he struck them down: swift; meticulous; brutal. Each scream, each cry and plea of mercy only enraged him further.
The last of them fell as the first cry still shook the village.
“Please! Please Gabriel!”
My voice was lost to him now. I have heard my brother refer to them as cattle, and as such he slaughtered entire families. He was to be satiated and I was to be cursed with the vision of so much life simply stripped away.
It has been a year since I came into my power, and yet, at this moment I feel weaker than ever before in my short life.
“Tell me Josephine, would they have so wept for you?”
You could never understand, Gabriel. I see that now.
And in this moment my heart is torn asunder for I know, one day I shall be forced to destroy my own brother.
The Life & Times of Me (part 1)
12:59, 6-Oct-2006
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(Currently at work, so writing this in stages…)
Without going into too much detail about the early years (much of which is a blur anyway), I was born, I grew up, I was schooled through the Catholic School system (primarily responsible for me being an atheist (with occasional inklings of humanism)), became an emotional recluse at 15, university at 18, emotional breakdown at 19, closer than I’ve ever been to being a healthy, well-rounded individual at 25.
Though I never realised it at the time, I had something of a gift for English at an early age. My spelling and grammar were (and, muchly, still are) lacking, but my application of the language was solid, I enjoyed playing with structure and my reading age was a good few years ahead. Unfortunately, because of my iffy mental state at the time, it took until I was 22 before I realised I could actually put it to some use.
I’d always enjoyed coming with stories, but it wasn’t until I received a laptop for my 22nd birthday that I started taking it seriously. Within 6 months I was halfway through my first novel, and by the following February, it was done (the first draft, anyway).
Pinched from the aforementioned Pixie's blog
06:51, 5-Oct-2006
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Being a newbie around here, this is unlikely to get much of a response, but I've done it, so I might as well carry it on:
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Do you have a crush on me?
4. Would you kiss me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
12. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
Testing; one, two...
06:00, 5-Oct-2006
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Greetings all.
It's never easy writing an opening blog post. It requires introspection; self-examination; careful decisions on how much to reveal; avoidence of rambling. Sadly I tend to find myself wanting of all these things, so forgive me if my introduction is somewhat disjointed.
The Basics: My name's Michael. I'm 25. I come from, and currently reside in, the once fine city of Sunderland in the UK's north east.
I work for a branch of Citigroup (the largest financial company in the world, so I'm told), though aspire to be a writer.
I'm 5'10"; 11st (or 154lbs if you prefer). Blue of eye, dark of hair and palid of complection (not a big fan of the sun, but more about that later).
Oh, and I was introduced to this place by a friend, known to many of you as WelshPixie.
There is more, and I will get around to it shortly, but for now, the Simpsons is on.
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